The Value of My V Card

Apologies for the title, I don't actually specify the value of my virginity in this take, instead I'm talking about my experiences and how I've justified it.

Now, let's get right into this.

Disclaimers can get annoying, so I'll try to keep this short: This is written from my own personal perspective and is based upon my own values and beliefs. I don't expect everyone to agree, but I would like for you to be respectful of this, as I will be of you.

Ahh, the age old topic of virginity. It's brought up here on G@G so frequently that I'm surprised it doesn't have its own topic (along with a few other popular questions about boob size and dick size).

The Value of My V Card

I was raised in a household with fairly conservitive parents (who do have their liberal moments, mind you) but when it came to virginity, it was always instilled in me to:

a) only have sex with someone you love and care about deeply

b) it was implied that it should only happen within a relationship

c) only do what you're comfortable with

d) and always use a condom

I thought this was fair, and I didn't have any qualms against these terms.

However, recently I'd been questioning the importance of sex and the value I placed on my virginity. I came to a few conclusions, one of these being that I'd never seen it as something particularly special, and that I didn't really understand how it could be special. I also knew that while I respected my parent's views, ultimately it was a personal choice that was up to me to decide for. This also brought up another key topic for me to give some thought to, about whether I choose to subscribe to my parents values or not, which is something I'm only beginning to explore.

In prep for this take, and also as a way of trying to better understand why other people do or don't place value on virginity, I asked a question about it.

Check it out here: Why is/isn't virginity so important to you?

Even though I'd been giving this some thought (as I tend to do with most things, I'm an overthinker) I didn't think it was really relevant to me, there were no boys on 'the tune', I wasn't dating anyone, let alone even interested in someone (in my own country, may I add).

But things have changed recently for me, (hence why I'm writing this, duh) so don't give up yet, here's the actual story of what went down, not that the details are relevant, but it gives you an honest picture as to what happened.

What Went Down

Myself and 6 other school mates had been invited to the 18th Birthday party of a mutual friend who goes to another school. None of us knew anyone else at the party, so for the first hour or so, we stood in an awkward circle as we took in our surroundings. Eventually, we started to talk to a few other party goers, and after I had had a few ciders, I was in full swing. [By that, I mean I was back to being bubbly and loud, and that I had shaken off that little bit of social anxiety].

I started talking and having 'good banter' with a really awesome guy, we spend an hour or so having light conversation with other people and then eventually just us two, until he asked me if I wanted to see the downstairs of the house, as he's the best mate of the guy holding the party. Eventually we moved to a bedroom, all the important questions were asked and he was a gentleman, but I'll leave it at that because I don't kiss and tell.

My quick mental checklist I did looked something like this:

* do I feel comfortable with him?

* do I believe he will be respectful and a gentleman about it all?

* do I have a form of contraception? (condom, the pill etc)

* and lastly but most importantly, do I want to do this?

One thing I will mention, neither of us were dead sober, we were a tad tipsy, but I don't believe it really had much of an impact on the circumstances, and it wouldn't have changed either of our decisions.

I did do a really good job at becoming '*that* girl who lost her virginity to some guy at a party', lmao.

The Value of My V Card

The Aftermath

The biggest concern for me, in the 48h after it, was that my friends would judge me, and that news would spread at my own school of what had happened.

However my friends were, and are still extremely supportive and have gone above and beyond expecatations, so no complaints there at all. They're the only ones that know what happened and I trust them, so I do not believe it will become common knowledge at school.

Do I regret it?

I've had people ask me this a few times, in fact this was one of the major concerns from some of my closer friends. Ultimately at this stage, I don't regret it though, because it wasn't an unpleasant experience, and I am still the same person, it hasn't changed me. One act does not define me as a person, nor will I let it.

What have I learnt?

It's still relatively taboo in the sense that some people still find it a very big deal, and obviously this won't change, nor do I expect it to, but next time, I'd like to be more cautious of the when and where, because in all honesty, a party full of nosy teenagers, half of whom have no idea about sex themselves, was not the ideal location for me.

It's also important to distinguish the difference between losing my virginity, and having casual sex. While I don't regret my previous choice, I don't know if casual sex is for me, simply because I don't want to take the risk of STI's or developing an emotions for someone as a result, and I believe it can be more fun to explore and try new things with someone I know well and feel extremely comfortable and safe with.

The most important thing, at least in my mind, is that I didn't give into peer pressure of any sort, I was 100% comfortable with what I was doing at the time, and I think that's also what a few people in my life are struggling to accept right now. In their words, they didn't think 'I was capable of doing this sort of thing'. But people can think and say what they like, and if this is the consequence of my actions, then so be it.

Anyways, this is mostly my thoughts put into writing, but hopefully I sort of got my point or POV across and it made sense.

My attitude to this topic may very well be too blaze for some, but I am honestly interested in what all of you think, as long as it's kept respectful. Thanks for reading!

10 6

Most Helpful Girl

  • sounds like you and I are quite alike in this respect.
    I was raised similarly. In a Catholic household/Catholic elementary, and though it was never directly addressed, there were quite often implications that I should not have sex until after marriage. No contraceptives were to be used, etc.. With side-comments being made by my mom quite often about family friends who wore white to their wedding though lived with their spouse before marriage so really.. that 'defeats the purpose', yadda yadda yadda.

    I also, by proxy, held such beliefs for the longest time. Deciding I'd even wait till I got married up until I was about 20-21. When I came to see that such a notion is quite ridiculous. That just because someone decides to be sexually active (or express an innate desire that is the driving force behind the survival of the human race), doesn't mean they are by default a 'slut'. Nor does saving one's 'virginity' make them by default any more pure. These were all ideas put into society's minds to oppress women and for the longest time, make them and everyone else think that we didn't even have a sex drive. That we were put on earth to please our men sexually, raise children, and feed our family.

    The more I researched, the less I liked the ideas behind it. Which doesn't mean that I had to suck everyone's dick or anything of that sort. In the end, I've decided that whether or not I'm a virgin is nobody's business but my own (and I suppose my boyfriend's so that we're familiar with intimate things like that for the sake of knowing how sexually compatible we are and such).
    If someone doesn't want to be with/associate with me because I've been with another guy (my ex and my current boyfriend)...

    Well. I wouldn't want to be with someone who puts so much value in the history of my lady parts anyway. So we end up on the same page anyway. :)

    • This makes complete sense, I agree with you :)

Most Helpful Guy

  • Congrats and welcome to the club😜 This was an interesting read, I was swept back to my high school days, haha. But yeah, the most important thing is that you were comfortable with what happened and the circumstances, etc.

    To be honest, I always thought virginity was overrated. That's not to say there's nothing special about your first time, it's obviously a big step in anyone's life, but I think a lot of people lose sight of the fact that this is just the first of probably THOUSANDS of times you're going to have sex in your life. So, I mean, let's not overthink it, haha. That said, I still definitely remember my first time, 2+ decades later, and it's a pleasant memory, but that's all it is.

    I think some people really build it up as this monumental occasion, and some of course have religious and/or moral values tied to it, want to wait til marriage, etc, and if that's what their deal is, I won't knock it. But i feel like some people are waiting for this totally perfect moment and person and circumstance that just won't be attained, so they miss opportunities or set themselves up for a let-down.

    I think you went about it the right way. Its 100% about you and not what other people think, and you made a decision you were comfortable and at peace with. Maybe you see this dude again, maybe it's just a one-off, but either way, that's not going to be bells ringing and birds singing, it's just sex, people do it every day. It'd be like walking everywhere because a Toyota Camry isn't good enough and you won't drive til you can afford that Aston-Martin😂 Manage your expectations, haha.

    But hey, congrats, glad it was a positive experience for you, and now is when the fun really starts😜👍

    • Thank you ahaha, totally agree with what you've said and I'm glad this took you back to the day :P It really was no biggie at all, which is something my virgin friends just don't seem to get either.

    • Yeah it's so funny how we build it up and then it's like "ok, that was great and all, but the world is still spinning afterwards"🙄 In honor of these throwback feels, I'm going to dress like I did in high school today...
      66.media.tumblr.com/...j6aq8FR1qakh43o4_r1_250.gif
      67.media.tumblr.com/...hi4GpFj1qakh43o1_r1_250.gif

    • so true, and omg those gifs... lmao

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What Girls & Guys Said

13 39
  • https://images-cdn.9gag.com/photo/aDodzpw_700b.jpg

    Sorry, but I felt it was appropriate.

    • lmaooo

    • Also, there was a documentary yesterday about the evolution of religion. Has anyone ever thought about the roots behind why "virgins" may have been desirable? What would happen to a woman who has sex with no condoms or birth control? How would she look like 8 pregnancies later? Predating even Christianity and justifications of "morality," a "virgin" was basically "a woman who had never been a mom yet." These were the Victoria's Secret models of the day. So much so that it truly was a "sacrifice" to kill a virgin. What a shame to take that non-MILF out of the sexual population. So much so that religious texts promised men 72 of these non-MILF hot young fertile skin and tits in tact models. People have to think a bit more about the historical evolution of certain beliefs.

  • Great mytake honey! It's really admirable that you're able to so eloquently put your experience into words.
    Mine was very similar, but with a boyfriend I had been with for a few months. Nothing special but no regrets 😊

    Also, I saw you're from Aus as well. So many (well all really) of my friends had the same opinion on losing their virginity as this. That while it should have some guidelines but nothing like waiting for marriage etc. I wonder if it's a cultural difference here, as opposed to Arab countries or the American Bible Belt 🤔

    • Thank you very much :) Yeah I believe it may well be a cultural difference actually!

    • I know some seriously filthy girls from the bible belt. (I'm not from that part of the country... I'm from California) Like... Whenever I've met a woman who writes dirtier stories than my own, it's virtually guaranteed she's Southern and was raised churchy and repressed. Luci is from the state where the apocalypse will happen a half-hour behind the rest of the world. 😂😂

    • @redeyemindtricks hahahaha not a lie

  • I also lost it at a party :D

    • good for you! All in all was it an okay experience?

    • Mixed. Some good things happened, some bad. But overall, it was necessary for my life.

  • If a girl gets fucked and dumped, she lose much of her value for the next guy, because used goods are nowhere as good as first hand, in most cases.

  • Lol, you sure broke all the rules of the house then :D

  • Well I was raised in a household which holds more conservative views about this thing. They believe that one should have sex only after marriage.

    I don't agree with them though.
    I do value my virginity in a sense that I want my first time with special someone, as sex is an integral part of our life and the way we have our first time may affect the sex life in future.

    So, it's good that you were comfortable with whole thing. Most importantly, you don't regret it. ☺

    Good for you☺

    • Thank you! :) means a lot. And I value hearing your opinion as well, so thanks!

  • To each their own I suppose. I would never judge any one, girl or guy, for having casual sex.

    None the less I'd have to be 100% honest and say that if I were to find out they partook in it, I'd be less inclined to date them. No ill will, just a preference.

    • Fair enough, that's valid.

    • (If she's a great person and you are attracted to her) Would you prefer her to keep it a secret from you? (If she had casual sex before)

    • @YourFutureEx I wouldn't want to be with someone who keeps secrets from me. Better to live knowing the bitter truth, than be in a fantasy.

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  • You're a very self-aware girl and obviously very smart. I'm glad your first time wasn't a bad experience and that it gives you something to go on for how you do things in the future. I like how you were in control of the situation and didn't just give in to some guy who wanted it when you didn't. You're still the same person you were before it happened and instead of "losing" something (the so-called "V-card") you gained your sexual debut. I know that's kind of corny but that's a positive way to look at it. You sound very responsible when it comes to having sex.

    • Thank you, I really appreciate this, positive feedback like yours makes my day! Not corny at all, it makes complete and total sense.

  • I've never thought that doing it with someone you just met or the one night affair is very tasteful personally. But then again I got my card stamped at 14 so who am I to talk lol.

    At the end of the day though, nobody got hurt (it didn't hurt right?) and you have experienced it. Honestly going forward, no guy worth his salt will give a toss about you losing it or not, if anything you can weed out the weird virgin hunters.

    • So true.

  • I am glad that you enjoyed yourself and at least went about this decision responsibly. Granted, it is not a decision that I agree with. But you went about it logically and responsibly, and that is honorable in itself. You are a good girl. Very pretty too I might add. I hope that my first time is with someone like you. I am of the opinion that virginity is valuable not because sex is low or dirty, but because sex is good and holy. And that the totality of its goodness can only be actualized within the context of a loving marriage. Nevertheless, I am happy for you.

    • Thank you :)

  • Great take!!! I'm glad that you had a fun experience and enjoyed yourself. That's all that matters. But I don't think I would be able to share that intimate moment with someone I have only known for few hours. I want my first time to be with my husband. I want my parent's, family's and church's blessings, love and approval.

    • Thank you! And that's completely valid, and cheers for respecting my views as well :)

  • I don't get the point of naming this "The Value of My V Card" when obviously it had no value to you. You fucked a random dude at a party when you had only known him for a couple of hours. And now you're basically writing all of this to justify what you did.

    I really don't understand the logic with you saying "It's also important to distinguish the difference between losing my virginity, and having casual sex. "

    There literally isn't any difference, you had casual sex. That's what it was, not only that but I'd say that you being a virgin makes it worse compared to people who do it after they are more experienced.

    It's your life and of course you are allowed to do what you want with it, I just find your logic kinda weird.

    • Alright. I disagree with you but each to their own.

    • He is kind of right regarding the title lol. You can't exactly talk about the value of something when you just threw it away.

    • @Phoenix98 Sorry I didn't specify what part I didn't agree with, I do think the title of my take doesn't make much sense lol

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  • I think you handled it fine, he was very lucky, and I wonder if you'll see him again?

    I didn't read the comment yet!

    • Thanks, and yeah.

  • That sounds quite similar to a lot of people's story - You had a mental checklist and ticked off which is a good thing - We probably all had ideas of waiting for the scenario that you described in earlier part of take but it is probably very surprising how many are sidetracked like yourself but with your checklist you were mature about it - Once you are physically/emotionally careful and mature about it, nobody can have many complaints about it - Some may have different values about it but that is their concern, not yours.

    • Thank you, this means a lot to me.

  • I'm still trying to figure out what the value of it was, as stated in your title?

    • Yeah, oops, title doesn't really fit :P

    • are you married?

    • @IceCubedude yes yes she is. They eloped right after they had sex.

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  • iam sorry to say that the world has reached a new low, just wow

    • How so?

    • we live in a world where losing your virginity be it a guy or a girl at 16 is something that makes people proud, while waiting for your twenties or marriage is looked down upon and thought of as retarded even if the person is extremely skilled, attractive and smart. they want everyone to know and want compliments, in your case you lost it at a party half drunk to a dude who was just there to get laid and it didn't even take him a lot of effort to do so , few sweet words and an empty room were more than enough to stick his penis in you, and to add to it you seem pretty proud about it sharing your "war" stories with us, if this is not a good enough reason, well then we have reached a low so low nothing is considered low anymore.

    • I'm neither proud nor ashamed.

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  • Virginity is just a religious thing from back when sex was a wifely duty. We know better now and no one with any sense will judge you for having sex.

  • I really liked the take and can relate to a lot of the points.
    my environment is much more conservative though but it s good that you had a mind of your own and were conscious and responsible of the consequences of your act. totally acted like a mature adult and took things up to their value.
    I agree in a way that sometimes you should branch out and experience things yourself to have a say in it and be responsible of your own acts in the end cs that s how you grow right?
    now I ve been in similar situations several times but I just couldn t get comfortable to the point of having sex with the dude or whatso haha so until then.
    but like you I don t think my virginity defines me

    • Thank you <3 this means a lot. Good on you!

    • haha wlc and tx ^^

  • Good , you got introduces to sexual pleasure. But I think you broke some of your own rules. Is this the same boy you were dating. That shy type boy who was shivering with fear and spilled wine on your dress?

    • nah...

    • So from today , you are not officially a virgin. Do you agree?

    • teag

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  • It varies from person to person some view virginity as just a word nothing important, some view it as something really important. Doesn't make you a good or bad person for keeping it or losing it.

    For me virginity itself isn't all that important but the state/meaning behind it, I choose to keep mine because to get rid of it would be a betrayal of myself. Because I hold onto it according to my morals and values ( and religion ) and those are the center point of who I am as a person.

    It is what defines me in a world of people who are all the same, who conform. And to get rid of it would be to destroy everything I stand for. And in a world were everyone is pretty much a cookie cutter copy of everyone else that is very important, also view it as weakness to give it up so easily.

    But I'm not going to judge you, you made a choice and hopefully you make the smart and responsible choices in the future, and if you going to have sex in the future again be smart and safe about it. I know of the dangers of it all to well.

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