Sexual Relationships
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Why I Will Break Up With You If You Don't Have Sex With Me

To paraphrase a common question from the girls: "Will you break up with a girl if she doesn't have sex with you?"

Short answer: Yes. And, in fact, many guys will.

Now, there are two ways to handle this. The first is to fall back on the "Well, if he doesn't respect my feelings, then he doesn't really love me" cliche. The other is to look deeper into why he wants to have sex.

Let get this out of the way right off the bat. There are a lot of guys who want to have sex with girls because they like having sex. They don't really care about things like "feelings" and "love", but much rather focus on the sensation between the legs. These guys... well, you're better off without them. Yes, they'll call you a stuck-up b*tch, or spread rumors about you in school, but only because they're pissed you didn't magically come to climax at the thought of their penises. Good riddance. Move on.

There is another class of guys out there. I consider myself in that class. I, too, would have broken up with you for not having sex with me. But here's why... for me, sex is an integral part of a deep relationship. It represents trust and intimacy like nothing else. If we are connected on a level that allows us to make love (either romantic or naughty), we are at a level like no one else. Sex represents that connection to me. Sex is a must in a relationship.

If you choose not to have sex with me, I respect that choice. I understand your position. I will continue to love you - as a friend. But the relationship will end, because your level of trust and intimacy are not in sync with mine. Am I willing to wait for you? Yes. But not forever. Not until marriage.

As a woman, you deserve a man who understands sex the way you do and shares your beliefs. I as a man deserve the same. So, we must break up... so that we can both find what we're looking for.
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Marriage, is nothing but a legal contract, that states from henceforth you and your spouse are hereby legally responsible / entrusted with each other by the state for tax, insurance, and health care purposes. I do not need a piece of paper telling me I want to spend the rest of my life with someone, I will just feel it and stick to it.

    • EXACTLY! marriage is only an option when it isn't. By that i mean it's only an option when you KNOW you can stay together without that piece of paper.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Marriage is an integral part of a deep relationship for some too, and they don't consider sex with someone who is not their husband to be that deep connection. Why should a girl give u everything when there is no lasting commitment and u could leave to find the next best thing in a week's or two. Even better if u impregnate her too.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • When first reading the title I thought you were going to be an asshole about why you would. I was wrong you have good reasons

  • I respect your opinion and appreciate the way you put it, I don't agree that it is a matter of trust. I personally believe that sex is a commitment that should be only with someone you can spend your life with. I also believe that if you can make it to marriage with someone that you don't have the added chemical bonding that comes with sex, you are more likely to have a lifetime commitment. Again, I can appreciate your honesty, but respectfully disagree that it is a difference in amount of trust

  • It's a great article, and obviously intentionally short, because there are so many issues to discuss. But the main issue that it flirts with, but doesn't tackle, is what sex "is" to guys (who are not just interested in "just sex"). It's a symbolic pure romantic exchange of "sex" for "sex," and "intimacy" for "intimacy." That's what makes it beautiful. A quid pro quo is what makes sex cheap. And if that's what the girl wants, and a guy wants a relationship, he has to reject and say goodbye.

  • Also, what about feeling like a prostitute patron? I have a low sex drive, and long-term sex is not that important, but initial sex is. I don't think guys (with any sex drive) like feeling like they've "earned" sex by paying for it, waiting for it, or in "exchange" for love. No sex unless (or until) is no different from prostitution. It's quid pro quo. If guys wanted that, they'd withhold paying for dates, love, marriage, and a relationship, until they got sex.

  • If you're not comfortable (and don't trust me enough) to open up physically and be sexually intimate, then how on earth are you comfortable (and trust me enough) to open up emotionally and be emotionally intimate. Therefore, who am I in a "relationship" with, and what kind of "relationship" do we have? How is our relationship different than an ordinary friendship? More importantly, we're building this "relationship" on a false foundation, not based on trust or who you really are.

  • thegirlandtherobot clearly still has her V card over there. "Sex with someone you know and love is pretty much the same as sex with a randomer." Actually you couldn't be further from the truth, Ms. Cindy Lu Who. Sex with someone you love and respect is much more passionate and sensual that with a stranger. You both will take the time to figure each other out and satisfy each others' needs... Random sex, on the other hand, is just two people getting off with each other however possible.

  • If a man would break up with me for not sleeping with him, as if I've denied him of something he's entitled to, then he would be instantly decreasing his worth to me.

  • If sex is such a solid repersentation of trust and intimacy, why do so many of them cheat? Now, I'm not trying to decant the OP's stance on the matter, and I'm aware that plenty of women cheat too. But I'm really just curious. I hear so many times that mean cheat, because they are biologically programed to spread their seed and because it does not release the love bonding chemicals in men that it does for woman, thus "sex is just sex" from a male's point of view. Care to elaborate on the two?

  • What about a girl that is a virgin and wants to sleep with you? She just needs a little time before she feels comfortable. Whats the longest you be willing to wait knowing she will have sex with you when feels ready.

    • I'm not OP, but i can answer for myself. Generally i'd say 4-5 months wait without any hinting whatsoever. After that we think she's stalling, and doesn't see us as "the one". But if she's talking about it, kinda slowly testing the waters (hinting she want it, talking about the topic of sex, makes out, etc) it's possible to wait anything between 6 to 12 months i'd say (realistically). Don't do it before 3 months (OP's first category won't bother go that long without getting their dick wet). So to repeat, talking and acting like you want to do it in the future, but wants to take things slowly, test the waters, and be sure it's right... i'd say 6-12 months depending on the guy. Be adviced though, he'll probably take initiative to 1up it at times, for example by letting makeouts get a little more heated than usually, being a little naughty... so you need to prepare to know when to stop, and you need to assert some confidence, or else you risk being too submissive.

    • The pushing and taking initiative isn't that he wants to exploit you, it'ss simply that he too is testing the waters, pushin the limits to see if it's ok. At least personally i got a strong mental block against doing something against the girl's will, so when pushing the limits i'm doing it because i want it to progress naturally and not stall. But i've ranted for too long. 6-12 months if you show you want him. And be prepared for him pushing limits and testing waters. He's just trying to ensure progression, so he won't get mad if you tell him to slow down (just don't stall things for too long, that's a bad idea and might make him feel like you don't think he's the one)

  • Yeah, I'm with you. I had one relationship where I waited 4 months because she was a virgin but we talked about it and it finally happened.

    The girls getting pissed at this guy need to recognize one major fundamental difference in guys' feelings from girls' feelings: Girls associate intimacy with simply being together and talking, and guys associate intimacy with sex. It's that simple. It's just part of who we are naturally.

  • Very good points. :) I was just curious on your views on those things. Thanks :)

  • ...fully trust someone when you start dating them. That takes time and the person proofing that they can be trusted. So would you say that a person should have sex right off the bat? Or should wait a little while into the relationship?(not till married of course. lol) Also back to the traumatized thing. What if some one in her past used her (or many people for that manner) and it caused her to have trust issues? What then? (these are just my thought as I was reading all the comments and are meant for pure conversation, nothing more lol)

  • I'm just curious on your view on something. Yanninia mentioned being terrified of having sex/that kind of intimacy... but my question is, what if she was traumatized in the past from actions of others that makes it hard for her to be that close to a person? What is your view on that? Also, your reply to nerdygurl86 intrigues me. You are talking about trust and that having sex/making love to you would be the proof that she has trust in you. But trust takes time to built. You do not suddenly...

  • What if Its the guy who's rarely in the mood ?

  • And here I was thinking sex was just naughty fun. Oh well, hope the celibacy thing works out.

  • How long would you wait?

  • I totally agree with you!

  • It does not feel well especially if you do really care about this person. But as @inamorata has said in her response. If a guy is looking to marry a girl who is "pure" then they should be trying to manage the same thing and not go out and have sex with some girl every chance they get. I hate the double standards. If I were to act like a promiscuous man, I would be labeled some pretty bad words, but nothing is said about promiscuous guys. Shame.

  • As a young women, I do agree but disagree with some of the points that were made. For instance, I know in my case, it is very difficult to distinguish between the guys who actually is using you as a hit it and quit it, and who actually wants to be with you. I am a bit hasty about having sex so soon into a relationship because of the fear of being humped and dumped. I do understand how a guy could get the feeling of not being wanted sexually.

  • For a premed psych major, you are amazing lacking in your understanding of psychology.

    You are right that actions speak louder than words. However, that same reflection can be applied to the celibate partner. They elevate their celibacy above the relationship or their partners feelings as well. If my partner and I don't have the same opinion on sex, the most basic thing in species existance, then it's probably a bad idea to remain in that relationship.

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