Not just the standard player, but like serial cheaters, emotionally abusive people...I've been wondering lately, if these people are like addicts. I've talked to these people before a lot. Not the cheaters but the other 2. I think that these people aren't just charismatic. I thought talking to them was fun honestly, since they made things so interesting.
A lot of these people, know how to make you want to talk with them. And be around them. Or even do things for them. They can be really enticing, so even though they had a lack of respect, tried blaming things on me and were manipulative, never took responsibility...like lots of people, I stayed friends anyway. I'm still friends with some now. It's hard to let go, because even when they're mean...you just feel like you need them.
So...it can be hard. They insult you or betray you, and you still want them. And they'll say they want you. I could never figure out, how these people always stayed the same. Like why don't they give in more? They always put them first. They always do whatever they want to. Why didn't they feel guilty? Or change? Why didn't they give in like how I did for them? Not pretend to change lie short term, but really change? Everyone changes over time, or you feel so emotional or bad about something, you make a different decision. But people like this, won't do that.
So it occurred to me, that one reason people like this don't change is because they can't. they could if they really want to, but they won't. But it's not just because they're selfish, it's because they have to be that way.
I think being selfish is how they cope. Like how addicts cope. They actually need to function that way. Like a real legit need. As much as I need to keep being with them, they really truly need to keep being selfish. I thought it was fun, arguing with them...a lot of those people are endearing too, since they can act like little kids and look really vulnerable. So I thought all I had to do was not take them srsly, and it would stop. I thought since they were so emo, they felt like how I did towards them, and just didn't want to express it. But now I feel like they can't stop.
How they act, is how they are. So they have to always be this way. Like a knee jerk reaction. So they won't ever truly change or stop, because they really don't want to, or even might not know how to live differently. I thought they were just toddlers at the core, but I think these people know exactly who they are. So no matter how much I want a better connection, or for them to be more fair...they just need not to be. They can't. Like no matter how emotional they get, it won't matter. I think how they act is how they handle things, so they'll never let go.
It wasn't about fixing the boundaries I had with them. It wasn't about me or our relationship. It was just all about them. So, even though I'm still friends, I don't take it so srsly anymore. How they act has nothing to do with me. And change isn't even a thought for me anymore, not real change. Why would they change? Things work for them, people still need them, so why would they ever change...so I don't wish for that so much anymore. I just talk to them, but don't trust them at all or rely on them anymore.
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