Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Do Players Actually Need To Be Bad?

Not just the standard player, but like serial cheaters, emotionally abusive people...I've been wondering lately, if these people are like addicts. I've talked to these people before a lot. Not the cheaters but the other 2. I think that these people aren't just charismatic. I thought talking to them was fun honestly, since they made things so interesting.

A lot of these people, know how to make you want to talk with them. And be around them. Or even do things for them. They can be really enticing, so even though they had a lack of respect, tried blaming things on me and were manipulative, never took responsibility...like lots of people, I stayed friends anyway. I'm still friends with some now. It's hard to let go, because even when they're mean...you just feel like you need them.

Do Players Actually Need To Be Bad?

So...it can be hard. They insult you or betray you, and you still want them. And they'll say they want you. I could never figure out, how these people always stayed the same. Like why don't they give in more? They always put them first. They always do whatever they want to. Why didn't they feel guilty? Or change? Why didn't they give in like how I did for them? Not pretend to change lie short term, but really change? Everyone changes over time, or you feel so emotional or bad about something, you make a different decision. But people like this, won't do that.

So it occurred to me, that one reason people like this don't change is because they can't. they could if they really want to, but they won't. But it's not just because they're selfish, it's because they have to be that way.

I think being selfish is how they cope. Like how addicts cope. They actually need to function that way. Like a real legit need. As much as I need to keep being with them, they really truly need to keep being selfish. I thought it was fun, arguing with them...a lot of those people are endearing too, since they can act like little kids and look really vulnerable. So I thought all I had to do was not take them srsly, and it would stop. I thought since they were so emo, they felt like how I did towards them, and just didn't want to express it. But now I feel like they can't stop.

How they act, is how they are. So they have to always be this way. Like a knee jerk reaction. So they won't ever truly change or stop, because they really don't want to, or even might not know how to live differently. I thought they were just toddlers at the core, but I think these people know exactly who they are. So no matter how much I want a better connection, or for them to be more fair...they just need not to be. They can't. Like no matter how emotional they get, it won't matter. I think how they act is how they handle things, so they'll never let go.

It wasn't about fixing the boundaries I had with them. It wasn't about me or our relationship. It was just all about them. So, even though I'm still friends, I don't take it so srsly anymore. How they act has nothing to do with me. And change isn't even a thought for me anymore, not real change. Why would they change? Things work for them, people still need them, so why would they ever change...so I don't wish for that so much anymore. I just talk to them, but don't trust them at all or rely on them anymore.

0 2

Most Helpful Girl

  • No, I don't think being a player is inherently bad. I mean.. the only way in which having slept with/dated more people than the average individual may be 'bad' would be by breaking social (largely influenced by religious) norms where premarital sex is also wrong, leaving you essentially having slept with only one person throughout your entire life, and very often also having dated just one.

    People who are emotionally abusive/cheaters are in no way by default players. I've been with as well as seen friends be with guys who were abusive af, ended up cheating in the end, but had only ever been in 1-2 couple year long relationships. People who have those traits and happen to be players are just not as stealth about their game as people who are in relationships, as obviously teh latter are smart enough to keep their behaviours under wraps enough so that they can have their cake and eat it too.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Players or lets say the ones that get the chance to fool around with pretty women or any women for that matter. Will almost always be the slightly risky good looking type

    There is a specific reason for that

    --> when a girl is willing to keep things casual sexy, which happens very often (more than we think) she almost always will be looking for the type of guys she wants sexually... not relationshipy

    Sexually her turns on are very different from a relationship type of guy and most often the sexual guy will be the risk taker handsome arrogant type that is willing to light up her fire within

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

5 9

  • According to me these people are fun to hang out with, and very charismatic. But to my experience, they are emotionally unstable.

  • The guys I know that are real players, are not bad boys. They just are smooth and charming, and just sweet talk a girl right out of their cloths and onto their dicks.

    I don't know what they have that women find so irresistible, but they talk the same lame bs as other guys. But it works for them, when it does not for most guys.

  • Being 'bad' isn't directly connected to being a player.

  • It seems like you're assuming some kind of Catholic pure evil exists, apart from all the people who became bad for some identifiable reason. I don't believe in that: having an identifiable reason doesn't mean it's not bad and not having an identifiable reason just means you haven't found the reason yet.

  • I've met guys that i would go homo for (no homo) and they've fucked 60+ women
    So no, you just have to be attractive and spit game

  • It's called manipulation - Girls want a bad boy and women want a man. There's a difference between treating women like dirt versus not letting them walk all over you.

  • No, a player doesn't have to be "bad". I know some genuine kind and good dudes, that get plenty of female action!

    The key is to take charge in and out of the bedroom. Be the leader.

    However, the skillset to attract women does corrupt many men into being slaves to their own lust, throwing away morality in pursuit of sexual play.

  • I think a male who knows how to do it better is that asshole hidden behind a gentleman
    When i say asshole i dont mean the literal asshole/idiot male but the one who passes his normal boundaries when he is with me

  • It's a matter of motive and how these people handle the power they have.

    Most of the time, yes, these traits end up being abused for the player's gain alone and so it creates chaos and suffering.

    But I also think that the magnetism you describe can be used to benefit a relationship if applied with enough calculation and care for the parties involved.

    This is obviously a much rarer occurrence, but I found that the relationships where this does exist are usually the most productive and healthy.

    • You've seen a healthy relationship with a player?

    • I was in it.

    • ... You were the player?

    • Show All

  • it's all about looks

  • Do women need to talk about "players" every 15 minutes? I think a physicist could conclude that women will combust if they don't discuss players or stretch marks on this site at least once every 15-20 minutes.

  • we don't have to be bad but we just behave that way because we can!

  • being bad has nothing to do with being a player

  • so are you trying to rationalise your perverse standards with men and your constant crawling back to them.. ?

Home >  Sexual Relationships  > Do Players Actually Need To Be Bad?