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Why Won't He Have Sex With Me? My Personal Story.

Why Won't He Have Sex With Me? My Personal Story.

I hear it a lot here, "my boyfriend isn't interested", or "why do I always seem to want sex but he doesn't" or "why does he masturbate when I'm right here?" I'm going to share my current struggle bout this to maybe shed some light.

Two weekends ago I was under a tun of stress, I was just lost my third job in 6 months. All three were not my fault the first was due to the company being forced to sell to another competitor and me being upper management was let go, the second was the owners loosing their lease and the company going under, and the last was the corporate split between two national companies and again me getting into the middle of the crossfire.

I had just accepted a position with a company that I did not want to work for, and I honestly didn't feel qualified for the position. But as I had already ran through all of my savings, and my credit cards and lines of credit are maxed, and I had bills coming I didn't feel that I had much choice.

Add to this that my company is about to launch a new product, it'a a revolutionary new sex toy that could potentially make millions, yet were still a few weeks off of launch. In fact as I write this I am still waiting for a few parts to arrive in, and until I have a working prototype I can't start pre-selling the items. Though I could REALLY use the money.

Does this give you an idea of the eminence amount of stress I was under?

Now my wife, who I love to death and back, starts initiating sex.....

I am not feeling romantic at all! I have a thousand things on my mind and sex just seems like another chore.... Ladies if you haven't figured this out yet, sex to guys is work, it's not a passive just lay back and relax kind of thing, there's a bunch of things involved including performance. Now under the kind of stress I was under I was actually kind of surprised that I even got an erection, and so I did my best..... honestly I did considering my mind was definitively NOT in this.

Then after I find her in the bathroom crying because the sex wasn't good.... as if I needed more stress over my sexual performance.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

So I ask you, I had no interest in sex, then felt bad because of how it went down. Would this give you inventive to have MORE sex?

I'm going to do a side by side comparison here:

Sex - Masturbation

Two or more people - Yourself

Feelings and emotional connect - Feels good little or no emotions

Performance is under scrutiny - If it doesn't work then oh well

Is my point clear?

__________________________________________________________________________________________

I understand that people have needs, that women also enjoy sex, and that sex can and should be mutually pleasurable. But things can be hard for the guy as well, libido for men is often tied to his stress level. It's not necessarily about your desirability, it's sometimes more about his desire. And him rejecting sex is often him not rejecting sex with YOU, but rather rejecting sex in general, and no masturbation and sex is not the same.

Hopefully this helps clear things up a little.

Oh and yes, my wife and I are better now. Things are somewhat back to normal (though if I could just launch this product things would be a lot better). Appreciate you all.

3 5

Most Helpful Guy

  • It happens. At least your wife initiates sex. Perhaps you should have a conversation about you stress levels and see if she can do "the heavy lifting" during sex so you can relax. Sex is great fro relieving stress IF you're not stressing about sex that is!!

Most Helpful Girl

  • The same reasons that girls don't. Your story is common.

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What Girls & Guys Said

6 4

  • The point is if you're watching porn and masturbating that adds equal stress and lowers testosterone. You're not going to want to have sex the way you want to. We women may not help if we don't understand what is happening with you, but as I always say, if you're neglecting your partner sexually by masturbating and watching porn, then the one at fault is either you or your spouse, maybe both depending on the situation. It's even worse when either of you is not rejecting each other for sex. There is simply no excuse for that. If you're not communicating and talking to your spouse about your concerns, worries and insecurities, you're just making things worse and somebody is going to feel some kind of resentment.

    • Your comments are very dependent on age. All guys watch porn and masturbate. Married or single. Sex every single day or very rarely. It won't matter if you have a spouse that will do anything you want any time you want (obviously that woman doesn't exist) but lets say she did. You would have to be male to understand. It also does not add to stress at all, in fact it helps reduce stress. The fact women rarely are willing to listen and truly understand is what adds a tremendous amount of stress. Immediately it becomes "Your not attracted to me..." or some variation. They don't hear it is us, they immediately make it about them. I don't see where it says the age of this posting person. If a guy is young (mid-twenties or younger), it really does not apply at all. At that age you can jack off and 10 min later you can go fuck your wife or girlfriend. When your older, it takes a lot longer in between.

    • @godfatherfan No. Not all guys watch porn or masturbate. It doesn't matter the age. When yoru living with the person, you have to respect them. This is about mentality and maturity. Not age. They twisting things up and it has 0 to do with attraction on that level. It's about what they want and feel they can get. Anybody who claims they want a relationship with me will know about those terms. Because I don't that. There is no excuse for masturbating and watching porn when you're married. But women especially learn that sex=nothing when unmarried, and take that same mentality in marriage, and it will eventually lead to divorce because they want to believe marriage isn't about sex. Again, when you're in a relationship you have to respect them or leave and don't be with them. I'm not conforming to the way of the world because they can't learn to control themselves. As I said, that is sexual abuse and neglect when you could be having sex with your spouse.

    • @btbc92 " There is no excuse for masturbating and watching porn when you're married. " The majority of wives will withhold sex at some point , post childbirth is understandable , but many do it out of spite , another potential problem is that most women have much lower libidos than their male partner , a combination of biology & sex negative social conditioning at work. However a man , if he has a partner with a decent sex drive , should learn how to really pleasure her too.

    • Show All

  • Well I think this guy thinks all women lay down, get pounded; not doing any work. I love sexy time with my significant other and trust if I want my orgasms, I gotta work for them too.

    • Yeah there is a lot of expectation of the man to perform... i get the impression getting the girl to your bed is the reward and you then have to deliver which is bs is she's doing nothing and having more fun.

    • @TheUsername27 women like sex a lot too, I think they're just too embarrassed to admit.

  • That guy is gay

  • This is more an occasional acute stress related issue though, as opposed to an ongoing one?

    • Yes, at least for me.

    • It's a useful insight for women who think men always want sex Into why a man might sometimes not want it. I think the bigger question for some people though is about the long term refusing from a partner.

    • I was just hoping to give some insight.

  • Naw, just let her drive the boat once in awhile. It'll be fine.
    And your little stressing thing is not the reason the rest of the guys are not wanting sex. You've run a bunch of concepts together here that don't fit.

  • Can relate to the stress part well , as well as tiredness , now I'm a FT working single dad , I'm focused on simply getting through each day & doing my best for my children , also live with chronic pain , mainly from old injuries from my British Army service. I regard my now quite low sex drive as a huge blessing , my situation will ensure permanent celibacy. Ladies , we are NOT all sex crazed monsters , despite having , on average , far higher sex drives than women.

    • It's amazing to me how many women seem to think that just because you don't want to have sex, that there must be something wrong with them.

    • Or they think..." He must be gay !! " It is partly the fault of sexually thirsty young guys inflating their egos & sexual importance as well as " media " BS propaganda !! Stress & tiredness will kill even a large , robust libido !!

    • Nah thst ain't it at all, I just look at my own libido and compare it to guys. There are days where I don't want any, and days where I want it often.

  • She cried because the sex wasn't good? Good God she must have very high expectations from you. That in itself would make sex stressful trying to live up to a certain expectation every single time. Nothing wrong with lazy sex on those types of days geez she needs to get a grip

  • At least you can get unemployment.

  • I won't have sex because i am waiting for marriage

  • common for everybody

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