5 Topics NOT to Talk about on the First Date.

In response to 5 Topics to talk about on the first date, here are some topics to avoid talking about on the first date due to some of my experiences of awkward, uncomfortable first dates.

1. Exes

Unless you just got divorced or broke up with an ex which is important to know so you're not someone's rebound, then it's best not to talk about exes. If you're praising an ex or even complaining about an ex then you're not over them. Hell, sometimes a person doesn't even bring up their ex but still isn't over them. We figure that your ex didn't work out one way or another so we don't need to hear about it. Only times it's ok to bring up an ex is if it's a neutral statement. For example, me and a girl I'm seeing talked about mixed drinks. I brought up screwdrivers and she said her ex would always drink them. Things like that are fine.

2. Sexual Past, Sex Life or Lack of

If you think talking about exes is a bad idea, then why would you talk about past sexual encounters. I've had some uncomfortable dates where one girl would start talking about her sexual resume, how many guys she's slept with, how she slept with her ex 2 days prior, how she fucked 2 guys with the same name as the busboy as he passed by, etc and talk about too much information. I didn't even ask her. Personally, I don't ask girls those questions and I don't want to know at any point. I just figure the girl has had sexual partners before me and I leave it at that. I wasn't in her past prior to us meeting and vice versa. Only things that matter is that she doesn't have an std, kids, doesn't cheat and that she's with me now. I don't wanna think about times she had sex with other people. No benefit to it. Even talking about lack of sex is weird. It's not like when I have sex with a girl, I'm gonna be like oh thank you I had a dry spell for X amount of months or even say you're the 2nd girl I've gotten with this month. If you are gonna talk about that, at least wait.

Another girl brought up how she had an abortion then somehow mentioned how she got caught by a train on her way to take a pregnancy test and had her period once the train stopped. I'm 100% pro choice, but only reason I wanna hear about your abortion decision is if I'm the reason you're getting one.

3. Family Problems

I had a very strict and abusive father going up but I've lived on my own for awhile and talking about it would just come off as whiny. Sharing that kinda info is too much for a first date.

4. Personal Issues

Anything that sounds negative, dark, and personal is better not told until after you get to know them.

5. Future, Relationship Status, Marriage, Future Kids

It's one thing to say I'm eventually looking for a relationship or saying I"m just seeing what's out there then seeing what comes from it, but if you talk about getting exclusive, married, or having kids then don't expect a 2nd date. I'll admit there have been occasions where I got attached and infatuated early on, but didn't act on it. After all, it was still the first date and you don't know a person and if they're good for you till you really get to know them.

5 Topics NOT to Talk about on the First Date.
8 5

Most Helpful Girl

  • "Only things that matter is that she doesn't have an std, kids, doesn't cheat and that she's with me now."
    That's a very healthy mindset and I'm glad that there are still guys out there who don't see a girl's sexual history as a threat or something. I understand maybe wanting on the same experience level as your partner, but what I don't understand is trying to make people feel bad about not matching your level. Or going out of your way to exclude good people just because they've slept with like 4 more people than you, since your ego can't take it.
    Good take, I agree with all the points made. Nothing is more awkward than to have a date go on and on about how much they hate someone, how troubled they are and the problems they have in their social/family life etc. Those are the sort of heavy details that are best saved for later, when you actually know each other much better and you feel like you can genuinely support one another. Dates are supposed to be fun and relaxing, not awkward and uncomfortable.

    • Regardless of experience, communication is more important than anything. I've slept with a girl who is very experienced and has been around but just laid there. Sex is different with each person and it could feel awkward each first time you do it with someone new. Most women I've slept with asked if I had a condom and that I was clean, which was fair. The only girl who asked me about how many girls I've slept with was the crazy one who went through her whole sexual history. Which she basically straight up volunteered

    • When I'm about to sleep with a girl, I just need to know if she's clean, on the pill, etc. Asking who or how many guys she's slept with would just make me uncomfortable and not something I'd benefit from knowing.

    • And yeah I agree, shaming someone for their experience or lack of is bad too.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I am good with 1 through 4. However, 5 is a "depends".
    If both partners are thoughtful, verbal and articulate, this can come up in that long preliminary interview over drinks and finger foods as a "some day". I think it serves as an important time and money saver.

    • Well yeah saying someday is one thing but saying I wanna have kids with you, marry you, or I love you on a first date is too much.

    • Deal breaker.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Very great points and your so right. I think the ex thing is a big no, no. And sexual history with how many sex factors is a big no, no, no as well.

  • Honestly I get your point but, in my experience, if there's real chemistry a lot of these topics can come up without issue. Me and my current boyfriend talked about exes on our first date and tragedies from our past on the first date, it didn't bother either of us because the chemistry was great and the conversation flowed.

    However I do agree that if you aren't feeling that mutual chemistry/comfort it's better to avoid these subjects.

    • I see what you're saying. I just think some of these topics are best saved for later on even if there's chemistry.

    • Like when that girl told me about how she had an abortion then randomly told me how she got caught by a train on her her way to take a pregnancy test then had her period was too much info and weird.

    • AGREED!

  • Spot on!

  • I think 1 just depends on how you frame it. You don' t have to go in detail about it, but mentioning you want a serious relationship would clear up a lot of things. like your intention of what you want out of the relationship so there aren't any misunderstands. I don't mind if girls talk to me about kids and what not. As long as they aren't clingy and talking about us getting married. lol

    • Yep that's exactly what I mean

  • Yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes. . . plus religion and politics! :)

    • Good point

  • This could also be "What to do when you don't like your date".

    • lol, true

  • Good stuff. 💟

    • Thanks

    • Judging from some of your posts, I think we see eye to eye on the discussion of sexual pasts. I'm just trying to figure out what's going through a girl or guy's head when they start to spill shit about their sexual past, especially as early as a first date.

    • There's never any upside to it but I've met guys who think they are impressing me by talking about their past "conquests"

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  • Don't forget politics. Never talk about politics on a first date

    • Only way it's ok is if you both have the same views

    • I know that's biased, but still very true

  • It depends...
    The first date should be pretty casual with no great expectations.
    But if you like them a lot, you might want to delve into deeper things that might eliminate them before you start falling for them.
    I'd talked about their ideas on kids right away. You might encounter a deal breaker here early and it's best to get it out of the way.

    • Well it's one thing to get their opinion on kids or share yours. I should have rephrased it, but what I'm talking about is saying I wanna have kids with you or naming future kids, marry you, I love you, etc. Those are different things then saying you'd like to have kids someday or are looking for a relationship.

  • What about not having kids? I know for sure that I don't want kids. That's a deal breaker for some people. I've talked about this with some childfree people and they said if they would specifically state that they dont want kids. The only reason is because like I said, it's a deal breaker for some people. I just want to let them know because I don't want to waste my time or theirs. If possible I'll let them know before the date or any arrangements are made. I'm not going to get mad either. My decision to not have kids was a decision I made and I'm not going to get mad at someone for making a different decision.

    • Yeah that makes sense. I should have rephrased that. What I really meant to say was the talk about having kids together. Even talking about moving in together would be weird.

    • Definitely. Talking about moving in together so soon would be weird.

    • Yeah anything that sounds serious, even if it's just becoming exclusive is too soon. I'll admit there have been rare occurrences where I got infatuated and caught feelings early on where I was blown away by a girl but even then I knew not say or do anything to act on them as I didn't wanna scare them away.

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  • interesting

  • So true. A while ago, I went on a date with one guy who talked about his exes. He didn't seem to be over his ex and I didn't want to be one of the many so I stopped going out with him.

    • Yeah he was most likely on the rebound. Best to avoid

    • Most certainly. He was a very flirtatious kind of person too.

    • It's okay to be flirtatious, but there's a point when it's too much.

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  • I agree with everything except for number 5. You can talk about those stuff. Often times it gives you good insight on what this person wants in a future relationship, because if you're on a date with them, chances are you could be apart of their near future.

  • I talk about all of those. 😔

  • What's wrong with saying "I'm a virgin" ?

    • Too much info. Same as telling someone you sleep around

  • Damn... That would explain a lot.

    • Explain a lot about them or a lot of info?

    • It would explain why most of my 1st dates don't last.

    • do you share these topics?

  • I think its better to lay out some potential dealbreakers out there, to know if they really are..
    Aa for sexual history, i think most men, and women want someone with a low count.
    Guys are dumb enough to brag about it, thinking it will impress , but girls are secretive about this. Id advice no guy to ask her directly. Act very open minded about it, and encourage her to share prior exoeriences, good and bad. Thats the best way to find out.

    • I prefer not to hear period, regardless of count.

    • If you want a long term relationship, with a loyal woman, its better to take that into consideration.

    • I see what you're saying. Maybe I'm just different, I just don't like to hear about times a girl had sex with other people. And it's not out of jealous or possessiveness, I just let the past stay in the past.

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  • #5 is dumb.

    i don't want to waste time and money on a second date if she doesn't have the same future relationship goals as me.

    ie, why continue with a 2nd date if i want kids and she doesn't?

    why would a girl want a 2nd date if she wants a LTR and he just wants to hookup?

    • I think you need to reread what I said. It's one thing to say I am looking for a relationship or eventually I want to have kids but to say I wanna have kids with you or I wanna marry you, or even saying I love you on a first date will scare them away.

    • Gotcha, but who actually says, "I wanna marry you!" on the first date? creepy

  • Yeah, best not to speculate on what your children would look like on a first date...

    • Yeah especially since it's the first date, you don't know a person until you really get to know them.

  • i agree, but at the same time i think it encourages people to be too in their head by thinking of good and bad topics. if it comes up naturally anything can work !

    • I see what you're saying, but there was no reason for those women to talk about past abortions, pregnancy tests, and their sexual past. Same goes for guys too. Not to be a hypocrite. I once had a rare occurrence where I hooked up with two girls in the same night in college. I would never talk about that on the first date or ever.

    • "and it helped me realize that, you know, women are people. i mean i always knew but that experience really had it sink in and now i just look at every woman like what is she about what's her experiences, her opinions on things. I don't know... I know it sounds kind of corny." ^^^^----is how i would play that.

    • Yes, women are people too. I'm just saying some info is best reserved till later.

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