The Dating Dilemma - Sex, Dating & Lies (True Story)

Introduction:

This is such a crazy story, and I am not really sure where to begin. Well, let's start with the basics. My name is Eric (this is a pen name I am using for now to conceal my real identity further), and I am 26. When people look at my life, they say I have it all. I was the first one in my family to finish college, I used to model a bit for local magazines (nothing major and nothing well known), I work for a big corporation as a developer, I write books during my spare time, I have a condo (buying a house next year) and I drive a muscle car.

Basically, a lot of my family members have not done so well in life. I have cousins who didn't finish school, I have family members who had kids early and never got the chance to go to college, and all that I have accomplished in my life has been an inspiration to my family and those around me. Basically, I feel I have been blessed in life and I was looking forward to the future.

However, despite my accomplishments, I always had trouble attracting women. This is where my story begins.

My Issues with Women:

The Dating Dilemma - Sex, Dating & Lies (True Story)

I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a cheater. I'm not a liar (well, now I am, and you'll find out why as you keep reading). Despite everything that I have gone through in life, I could never attract a woman for the life of me. In regards to dating, I tried it all:

-I tried meeting women at events
-I tried meeting women during my time volunteering
-I tried meeting women through online dating
-I tried meeting women at bars and clubs
-I tried meeting women at bookstores

No matter what I did, I would usually get 1 date with women and they would never want to see me again. This was always how it was for me. When I would ask women why they would never want to see me again, they would simply reply with, "you're a great guy and you're fun... but you're just not my type and I didn't feel any romantic attachments for you during the date." That was the standard line women would use on me.

This used to get to me so much. All my friends, even the nerdiest and dorkiest of my friends, didn't have trouble with women. I had friends getting girlfriends, I had friends getting engaged and I had friends constantly getting laid left and right. I just didn't understand why I had so much trouble meeting a good woman that would accept me.

When I turned 24... I had enough. Here I was, age 24, and I never kissed a girl or had sex. I always had to hear stories of my friends getting laid or hear stories about my friends and their dating lives going great. It seemed like they had all the luck. Adding insult to injury, my older brother (who is 35) moved back to town after a 10 year absence in my life (he was living in another state and rarely visited). When he came back into my life, everytime I wanted to hang out with him, he was always meeting up with a different woman and getting laid. I just didn't understand how he could get laid so easily.

During that year, something snapped in me... and I just started going out more, talking to women and then things started to change for me and my dating life improved.

Sex, Sex and more Sex!

The Dating Dilemma - Sex, Dating & Lies (True Story)

At age 25, I started going out more. I just stopped caring about relationships or finding "the one," because I didn't believe that was in my cards. So, I started going to strip clubs and meeting strippers. Low and behold... strippers liked me a lot. They thought that I was charming, sweet, had a certain innocence to me and they always told me that I was extremely good looking. I would wait until closing, and then I would talk to a stripper of my choice and take her home for sex.

During my course at strip clubs, I only had sex with 3 strippers, and it felt great! I finally lost my virginity and sex was a new experience for me and I wanted more.

I eventually created a Tinder account, and I hooked up with 2 women I met through Tinder. Things were going great. I was having sex, my personal life was great and I STD free. At this time, I had sex with 5 different women this year. When I had sex with all these women, I was very cautious and wore a condom each time, and I got STD testing between each partner. However, in October of 2016, my life changed when I met Steph.

Steph:

The Dating Dilemma - Sex, Dating & Lies (True Story)

I actually met Steph on Tinder. She was the slim, sexy woman and she had amazing curves. We started talking for a bit and she disclosed to me that she really wanted to hook up and that's why she came to Tinder. She was cute, seemed interesting and wanted sex... so, why not?

The next day, I went to her apartment. We talked for maybe 10 minutes and then we got down to business. To be honest... sex with Steph was probably the best sex I had in my entire life. She was aggressive, she was all over the place and she was really horny and kept telling me that she hasn't had sex is months. It was perfect.

After we had sex, we took a shower for 20 minutes and we were just talking and making out. One odd thing about the shower experience was that she kept grabbing my penis and rubbing it across her thighs and in between her thighs... but I didn't think much of it. I thought that she wanted more and like the feeling.

After we had sex, I felt really good about Steph. I wanted to get to know her more and keep doing this. We talked for a few more days after we had sex, but as we kept talking, she started to become more and more avoidant and would stop answering my texts. 5 days later, she wouldn't reply to me at all. Because of my rotten luck with women, I never saved their number on my phone. If a girl stopped talking to me, I would just erase her text thread, thus deleting the conversation and the number.

One Month Later:

The Dating Dilemma - Sex, Dating & Lies (True Story)

It was now November, and my birthday was a week away. I was about to be 26. I was still on Tinder, but I haven't hooked up with anyone since Steph. Well, that was about to change. I was preparing to hook up with another girl on Tinder, but I wanted to get an STD test before I hooked up with her.

I went down to the clinic and got the standard panel STD test (checks for all STDs). I wasn't worried at all, and I felt great. Before the results came it, the girl stopped talking to me, so the hook up wasn't going to happen. A few days later my test results came in. And I was happily looking over the results:

HIV - Negative
Hep (A-C) - Negative
-Gonorrhea- Negative
-Chlamydia - Negative
-Syphilis - Negative
-HSV1 (Herpes 1) - Negative
-HSV2 (Herpes 2) - POSITIVE

My smile then turned into a frown and read it over again to make sure I wasn't seeing things. Sure enough, I tested positive for Herpes 2, which is GENITAL HERPES. I replayed every single sexual situation in my mind. I was careful. I used condoms. I got tested each and every time and I came back negative each time. Then I remembered Steph. Even though I used a condom with her as well... I remember she kept strangely rubbing my penis against her skin. I then started to wonder if she had herpes and didn't tell me and infected me on purpose. Regardless... I was now positive for Herpes.

My whole life shattered for a month. My sex life was over. I would never had kids. I would never meet a woman who would accept me for having this virus. I was mad. My older brother gets laid once a week, and he is STD free. My cousin has 6 kids with 6 different woman and he is STD free. My best friend has sex with a lot of different women (he recently stopped after I told him about my herpes) and he even disclosed to me that he never wears a condom and only got chlamydia once. I have all these people around me having sex and not being safe about it, and they don't get anything or get STDs that are curable. I mess around with a couple of women and I get an incurable STD. I was just devastated. A day later, after receiving the news from the test, I started breaking out in my genital area.

Lynn:

The Dating Dilemma - Sex, Dating & Lies (True Story)

In January, 2 months after learning about my herpes, I cut off all contact with women. I stopped dating, I stopped going out and mostly kept to myself. I became a hermit and started reading up on herpes and how to get rid of it. During this period, I read up on a treatment that could potentially put the herpes into remission or eradicate it from the body all together. I decided to start the treatment, but it was 500 per session, and I had to do 10 sessions.

Anyway... After I finished my first session, I went to the bookstore to read and just think, and that is where I met Lynn. Lynn and I talked a bit and we really hit it off. We started going out with each other, started talking more, and things really took off between us.

Meeting Lynn was adding insult to injury for me. The whole reason I got absorbed into this hookup culture is because I felt like I was unlovable and I thought there was no one out there for me. Then, out of no where, after getting herpes, I meet the most perfect woman.

The Lies:

The Dating Dilemma - Sex, Dating & Lies (True Story)

I've been going out with Lynn for 3 months now. After our dates, we always go back to her place. When we got back to her place, she always wants to make out with me. When we make out, she gets really into it and starts peeling her clothes off. She then tells me to take off my clothes too and tries to stick her hands down my pants. Of course, I always stop her, and I always tell her that we shouldn't have sex yet and we need to wait.

With genital herpes, I can make out with Lynn and do sexual things with her, but I can't take off my pants, I can't get completely naked with her, she can't touch my genitals... none of that or she will get infected.

Lynn is at the point in our relationship where she wants to have sex. She is basically begging me for it and keeps hinting at it... but she told me she respects my decision to wait. But I am not sure how long I can make her wait.

I am not on any medication for my genital herpes. I know when people read this, they will say, "it can't be cured and you're stuck with it for life". Sure, you are stuck with it for life with that mentality. I did a lot of research and I found out there is a "cure". As I stated early on, I am getting treatment that costs $500 dollars per session, and I have been doing this when I can since Janurary. As a result of this treatment... my genital herpes has become less frequent, less itchy, I no longer breakout and it seems to be going away. I have only gotten 4 sessions, and I need to do at least 10.

The whole reason I am making Lynn wait and not telling her that I have herpes is because I am holding onto the hope that if I can do more sessions... my herpes will go away completely and we can have sex. I will not have sex with her while I am still infected, and I am afraid to tell her that I have herpes because I don't want her to leave me.

I don't know... a part of me feels like I am being selfish... and another part of me feels like I should just let her go and find someone else. Who could accept a man who has an STD, especially herpes? I can't keep making her wait for me.I finally met a girl that I connect with one a deeper level, a girl that I go on dates with and a girl that I always have great conversations with and we can't stay away from each other. However, I find a woman like this AFTER getting an STD.

The funny thing is... that last night... she told me that I am the most perfect man she has ever met. She told me that I am kind, funny, passionate, driven, that I respect her and that I treat her better than any man has ever treated her. Then she told me that she loved me, and that broke my heart. :(

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Most Helpful Girl

  • She loves you just tell her.. also talk to a Dr. there are times that you are far less likely to give someone else herpes. I'd respect a guy that made me wait and didn't want to expose me to that, that would be hot and I'd help him do research to find the best times for us to do it. I believe right before an outbreak and during is when you should withhold... keep a calender like women do for their period and find your cycle & do anything when your feeling itchy or feel anything coming on... talk to a Dr.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Tell Lynn. Tell Lynn now. Explain that you are super attracted to her and care for her a lot and are not taking a chance of giving her this.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Cool story bro.

    Standard testing doesn't including HSV2 because it is SO common and many people can carry it without ever having an outbreak. Most doctors will not order a test for herpes unless you are showing the signs.

    • *doesn't include

    • You're talking about Herpes Simplex type one the cold sores on the lips that everybody has herpes simplex type 2 have to ask for

  • You should tell her about it and say that's the only reason we haven't had sex yet. Then it sounds like she loves you no matter what, she would most likely stay with you. You can have her get tested along with you, so that way you both know what other std you have if any. Maybe she has the Hsv2 virus as well. But that's very slim.

  • Thanks for taking your time to write and share your story. I don't know what to say :'(

  • I'm really sorry that happened to you, you really didn't deserved that.
    I hhope the sessions will work.
    You know what, send her the link from this Text. Explain it all to her and she will understand it. She really seems to Love you and you deserve to be Loved.
    Tell her and you both can work on it together.
    I wish you all the best and hopefully it will be cured.

  • ... Ouch. I just feel so sad for you right now..

  • You have to tell Lynn, because if the guilt doesn't eat you up, the possibility that you're not really cured and just in remission and she could get it from you will kill you.
    Also typically people don't appreciate it when someone they love hides a mega secret from them. Like she loves you dude, that means it's serious enough to fess up. Tell her everything and she should get it. Maybe leave out the stripper part... but be like I gave up on love started carefully hooking up and I got duped. Then I met you and blah blah blah you fill in the gaps there.

  • This is why I dislike having friends and dating. =_="

    • And that's why your account deactivate

  • I thought Herpes was only contagious while one was in the midst of an outbreak? That after a year or so, outbreaks become much less frequent and you can get back to your sex life unless you see signs of bad things?

    • You're correct. Sort of. Even if outbreaks aren't present, you are still contagious. It's called viral shedding. Even if there's no visible outbreaks on your skin, the virus can still be active. People don't know when viral shedding can occur, so it still makes it risky to have sex.

    • I did not know that. Thanks. It looks like the chances of catching it this way are small, but you happened to be one of the unlucky ones. I am sorry this happened.

      www.webmd.com/.../genital-herpes-silent-spread#1

      I would tell Lynn you are infected. I would tell her right away. The longer you wait, the more it is going to hurt both of you. She is going to feel mislead already. She deserves to know, and then the two of you can proceed with a knowledgeable and careful sex life, which is totally possible.

      If not, I have heard of dating services for people who are infected, which I am sure you are aware of.

  • Eric, look up the work that is being done on the use of the dark pigment (anthocyanin) from elderberry fruit as a possible cure for herpes and even HIV.
    Elderberry extract prevents viral reproduction, by docking with the receptors on the virus particles, which prevents the infecting new cells.
    After decades of use as a cold and influenza treatment, if dawned on someone that it had a good prospect as a herpes and HIV cure.

  • I have no words to express. You are my kind of unlucky person. I have this unluckiness in both career and finding a girl departments. I don't even get casual sex. No girls at all. Even though I don't have any idea to go for such kind of casual sex. I have heard enough stories to avoid such occurrences. I'm so sorry about your situation.

    How many sessions you've left? If it's not long way to go. Go for it and girl can wait a little bit longer. After that take a full test again. May be double checking apart few weeks will be a good idea. Then you can go on with her.

    But if it's not going well, and if it won't make any progress in near future don't make her keeping high hopes. Truly, it's not worth it breaking her heart. Don't do it. It's so bad.

    Be sure to double check before encounter with her sexually.

  • And there ya go... lesson learned. Maybe it will dissuade a few here. [shrug]
    Probly not...

    And yeah, come clean with the new girl. It's ultimately up to her to decide, but you owe her the truth.

  • Just a word about your family and friends who are supposedly having unprotected sex with different women- they need to stop. These women are also having sex with different men, and sooner or later everyone is going to get an STD.

  • Ok that broke my heart after reading this...

  • Use Zovirax or any acyclovir containing cream as it suppresses , but unfortunately does not kill the herpes virus responsible. It works against all herpes virus types , inc Zoster ( chicken pox ) & also quite effective against the genital wart virus too.

  • Sad. I wonder what the woman will say. They'll probably avoid this post like the plague.

  • You can't keep her in the dark on this dude.

  • Goddammit, thats so unfair.
    Id still tell her tough. She deserves to know, come on,, she will understand

  • Your story has touched me deeply... I am at the state where I am 'unloveable'... However, readin this, it gives me hope. :)

    The herpes thing though... You need to tell Lynn... Like yesterday. It is NOT fair. If she really loves you, she will stay with you.

  • That's why i don't date

  • This literally made me tear up. I'm sorry you had to go through this and thank you for sharing your emotions and thoughts through this.

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