I have been on Girls Ask Guys for a while; from the beginning I noted several questions asking if guys like a particular look; this body type, that hair color, etc. I have on occasion answered some of them. However the questions that bother me the most are the women who think they are not attractive, which generally correlates to her size. Many women believe that if she does not fit a size zero (supermodel size) she has a problem.
Today, as I was catching up on things online, I read a blog post about a woman who was starting a new exercise and diet routine. Although not unusual what struck me was her comments about the change of seasons, now that it was spring/summer she didn't need her body fat to keep warm. I would like to point out that she is quite tall, although I am unsure of her exact height; she's taller than the average woman (5'4”) by several inches.
She also listed her stats:
Weight: 152 lbs
Bust: 37 inches
Waist: 28 inches
Hips: 40 inches
As I was reading her post and looking at her picture, my mind is reeling at the thought that this woman thinks she is anything but stunning. Definitely not fat by any means. It hit me like a ton of bricks, that if someone as attractive as her thought negatively about her appearance/size; what is everyone else going through?
"UK’s Fabulous Mag recently revealed that straight men, when asked to pick their ideal body size, picked a size 10!"
To ALL the women reading this and please listen to the message! You are all gorgeous and amazing beings. As a man, I marvel at your beauty and cannot find anything else in this world that compares to essence of a woman. Stop trying to force yourself into the mold that the media is bombarding you with. For decades the media has been brainwashing the women into believing the only sexy archetypes are those you see in the media. What I find the saddest are the articles I continuously read about the alterations women have endured to fit into this unrealistic plastic mold.
It is a lie, which has been perpetuated. You do NOT HAVE to be a ‘supermodel’ to be attractive to men. You do NOT HAVE to be any one thing in particular; men find all kinds of women attractive. Yes, I really do mean ALL kinds. Some men like petite women, while others more voluptuous women. Some like tall women with long legs; it is an endless array of possibilities with regards to personal preference. Each straight man has his idea about who and what is beautiful. As trite as it sounds: beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder.
But here is a fact I want every woman reading this to pay very close attention to:
The UK’s Fabulous Mag recently conducted a “Fabulous Body Survey" revealing that straight men when asked to pick their ideal body size picked size 10 (size 12 in the UK). While women picked size 6 (size 8 in the UK). (Source: https://boinkology.com/2008/07/22/gentlemen-prefer-a-size-12/)
This is a difference of 4 sizes. Assuming women are trying to be a size they believe men want them to be, and if the magazine’s survey is accurate, it proves women are being told (by media) what men think, but it is far from the reality. In my opinion there is a slant in what media suggests is the epitome of beauty versus the average man’s preference. Women do not have to starve themselves to be beautiful; they just need to except that media is in the business of selling an idea, which is not realistic for most body types. Upon research, you will find the proof, that media is bias towards the idea of beauty.
If you search online for Big Beautiful Woman (BBW), you will find a huge variety of websites. Men seem to flock to sites dedicated too larger than average women. It does not take much effort to realize a large quantity of sites exist because the Internet interest is governed by supply and demand. Additionally, you will also notice dating sites specifically designed for plus sized women and the men that are looking for beautifully bold women to spend their time with.
I have three points I would like to expand on:
1) There is NO ONE body type that will appeal to all men. Men's taste in women is the same as their taste in food. Personally, I am very fond of Hawaiian pizza with pineapple on it. There are a lot of people who think pineapple doesn't belong on a pizza. But Hawaiian pizza exists. Every guy is different, however if you try to appeal to every male on the planet you are going to fail. Target yourself to the right market and you will see just how valued you are.
2) The media is projecting this image of this female body image to sell a product (fashion, cosmetics, and life style). Media is trying to market limited ideas because it is currently trendy and it makes their job easier. In the long run it is not about what men find attractive or beautiful, it is in essence a marketing ploy to get your money.
3) It seems a negative connotation to use certain words: chubby, voluptuous, curvy, and plump. You go around and see people using these terms interchangeably with one another as well as the word 'fat'. I have seen it several times: a woman who is a not a size 0 - 4 (which is below average) being called fat by some moronic male or stuck up female. Chubby, voluptuous, curvy, and plump are not fat. These words are not intended to mean the same thing. Stop thinking that being chubby, voluptuous, curvy, and/or plump is a bad thing.
For those not aware, the word voluptuous refers to: indulgence in luxury, pleasure, and sensuous enjoyment: “a voluptuous life” or the gratification of the senses as in “voluptuous pleasure” or more commonly: sensuous enjoyment or sensual pleasure "voluptuous desires".
Throughout the ages men have loved women with curves; namely the hourglass or pear shaped body types. Other men love a woman who is chubby and find it cute and sexy. This misuse of these words has given women the perception that they are unattractive because they are not skinny. We call women fat, despite being healthy; which is an inaccuracy in perception. Women are as diverse as the rainbow and trying to subject people into two categories is simply unfair. It is impossible, and yet media suggests that women are either skinny or fat. Regardless, attractiveness is subjective anyway. Much like the word tall; if you're only 5' tall then anyone over 5'6” could be considered tall. However the reverse suggests something else; someone who is 6' tall would perceive someone 5'6” as short. In this manner, the same concept is going to apply to weight.
Body size and the correlation to beauty is subjective and a matter of opinion. In the end the thing that matters most is being healthy. Unless you are obese or anorexic (read unhealthy) you do not have a problem. A healthy woman is an attractive woman. And you can be perfectly healthy without being a size 0 - 4. In fact, some research suggests that women who are curvier live longer. So that would suggest that curvy women are healthier than those who fit the current trend. This, by no means, should suggest that you couldn’t be healthy and be a size 0 - 4.
- If you try to appeal to every male on the planet you are going to fail
- Commercial beauty is a marketing ploy to get your money
- Throughout the ages men have loved women with curves
- The woman who demonstrated confidence is going to get the attention
- In the end the thing that matters most is being healthy
Both genders need to understand that it isn't all about how you look, as much as your confidence level. If you put two women into the same room: one woman is happy and confident in her skin; while the other is the quiet wall flower in the corner, looking down at her feet and not making any attempt to converse, it is evident the woman who demonstrated confidence is going to get the attention.
In general our problems stem from listening to everyone else's opinions and using those opinions to measure ourselves and as a result our self worth. In earnest we should never really rely on anyone else's opinion, it is our own perceptions that matter most. We in effect let other people judgments define who we are or who we are not. We see this media projected image of the 'ideal person' and let it destroy self-esteem. As soon as we lose self-esteem we begin to feel we are not attractive and thus are not worthy of finding someone. When we as humans dwell on negative thoughts; the worse we feel, making it harder to overcome our internal dialogue. Amazing women begin to let these feelings overcome their rational minds leading them to drastic efforts to physically change themselves or hurt themselves.
I cannot stress this enough; it is impossible that any woman will be the epitome of beauty to all men. Though it may look like men only like one kind of women; this is an untrue statement, designed to distract from the truth. I may be only one male, but I speak from experiences growing up. In my adolescence I would often watch TV shows with a friend of mine, never once did we seem to agree on who was the more attractive woman. As individuals we had two completely different opinions on our concept of attractive features.
All this rambling, does not mean the guy you have been crushing on is going to find you attractive. However, just because a few guys do not find you attractive, does not imply that you are not beautiful. It just means you have not found the right guy. Any guy who does not like you for who you are is not a guy who is worthy of your time or emotional investment. While it may be discouraging to search uneventfully you have to remember that when you find the right guy he is going to love you for the person you are. You cannot give up after a few guys; you have to put on a brave face, get out there, and keep you eyes peeled for the one that knows your real worth.
Over a man's lifetime he will likely appreciate a wide spectrum of different types of women, but will stay with the one with whom he shares an emotional connection and that woman may even turn out to be far apart from his personal physical preference. In terms of connection, while it may be a woman's smile that makes a man weak in the knees, her touch which sends an electric jolt through his body, and seconds may turn into hours as a man gets lost in a woman's gaze, in the end these all pale in comparison to one thing: a woman's personality. A woman's personality truly defines who she is more than anything else, and is the key factor in chemistry between two people.
"Do not let negative experiences control your beliefs or allow your happiness to depend on someone else's opinion of you. "
One caution, before you go out there into the wild: you have to be happy with yourself. This goes back to the confidence issue I brought up before. But it is also a matter of making sure you are taking care of yourself and loving who you are. Do not let negative experiences control your beliefs or allow your happiness to depend on someone else's opinion of you. You have to realize you are the most amazing you out there because no one else is you.
I have spent most of this article talking about a woman's size, but to be thorough; men like blondes, brunettes, redheads, and all other hair colors. Men like women with short hair, with long hair, in ponytails, with curly hair, with straight hair. Men like women with small breasts, with big breasts, with huge breasts, with tiny breasts. Men like tall women and small women. I don't want to type forever; the point being: straight men like WOMEN! All types! All looks! Most men will want a variety of women, and generally do NOT want all women to be the same. All men have different preferences to which type of woman they find attractive. Yes, some men are pigs, morons, and jerks when it comes to how they treat a woman they don't find attractive. However not all men out there fit into one category either. If you are patient and brave enough, you will find men that find women to be the most amazing creatures on earth.
So women... hopefully, some of you will dust yourselves off, stand up and mentally break the mold you are being forced to believe. Instead be yourself: the perfect, wonderful, amazing YOU!
I want to thank my proof reader for helping me with this article.
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