Why Men Watch Porn

Many women are bothered by the fact that their man watches porn. Even though nearly every man does so, and does so regularly, some women have a problem with it or just don’t understand why men are compelled to watch it.

In order to understand, you have to know a little about human history, biology, and evolution. Just as women evolved traits and instincts that reinforced the role women play in having and raising children, so too did men. But the role men play in reproduction is very different from a woman’s. A woman can only have about one child per year (not counting twins and other multiple births), plus she and her child will be vulnerable and require care and protection for some period of time, and that was even more true before the era of modern medicine that began in the 1950s.
"Men desire variation- it assures diverse genetics."

Women also bond with and establish an emotional connection to the person they have sex with. For these reasons, women, where they had a choice, have always tried to find the best man they could to have sex with and to father their children, with strength, the ability to provide and to protect being major factors in who they chose.

Because a woman can only have one child per year, she looks for the best man she can find to have sex with that YEAR (at least).

Men work very differently. Biologically, a man’s job is to fertilize the woman’s egg with his sperm, and once that is completed, his job is done. A man can impregnate at least one woman per day, potentially, so his criteria for having sex is based on finding the best woman to have sex with that DAY. In addition, evolution and natural selection favored men who had sex with, and thus fathered children with, as many different women as possible, in particular women who were as different from him genetically as possible.

By having a large and varied genetic pool, he greatly increased the chances that at least SOME of his children would survive both illnesses and any recessive genetic conditions that might be in his family. Men who failed to father children with multiple women could have a disease or genetic abnormality take the lives of all of his children, and thus his genes would die out.

That’s Natural Selection at work!

This is why men developed the instinct and desire to have sex not only with many women, but with different TYPES of women; in other words, men desire VARIATION. It assures diverse genetics, collectively giving his children the best chance to survive.

As civilization developed, and rules and relationships were formalized and religion codified, most early religions allowed men to take multiple wives, though he was expected to provide and protect those that he took. As populations grew, and more fighting occurred from men looking to secure more wives, religion started to establish the concept of a single wife. If “god” allowed only one wife, the theory went, then men would be much less apt to start wars to acquire more, and to some degree, it worked.



But men’s desire for many and diverse women never went away, and brothels and prostitution were present in every group of humans of any notable size, from back before the beginnings of written history. With no birth control, pregnancies among prostitutes were common, and society created rules to protect “official wives” by preventing children born out of marriage from inheriting the man’s property, titles, or even his family name, ensuring the man’s primary focus was on his own family.

Eventually, society even formalized non-prostitute girlfriends as “mistresses”, and as the world recovered from the Dark Ages into the Renaissance and through the end of the 19th Century, mistresses were a common and even accepted part of society. Wives and legitimate children still retained all of the rights and privileges, and mistresses were of much lower stature in society, but the need for them was understood and accepted (though not always welcomed) universally.
"Porn allows a man to see women who look DIFFERENT from the woman he gets in bed with every night, and so his urge to go out and pursue other REAL women dissipates."
Fast-forward to today: most men in relationships, whether a marriage or a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, do NOT have mistresses or see prostitutes. Is that because men no longer feel compelled to have sex with numerous different women? Not at all; men still have those strong instinctual desires. But today, men have PORN, and the fantasies that they create in their heads based on viewing porn, that satisfy those urges to a great degree. Porn allows a man to see women who look DIFFERENT from the woman he gets in bed with every night, and so his urge to go out and pursue other REAL women dissipates.

This is a good time to address another issue women have with porn: assuming that the type of women your man looks at in porn is the type of women he wants to date/be with/marry. Women say “you can’t be attracted to ME, because those women you look at look nothing like me!”

That’s missing the point entirely: no matter what a man’s girl looks like, he’s driven to be sexually attracted to women who look different from her.

If she’s a tall, thin blonde with big breasts, he may look at tiny Asian women, or curvy Black women, or dark-haired Latina women, not because he isn’t attracted to his own girl, but simply because he desires VARIATION. It’s biological programming that he can’t control, just like women who get “baby fever” when all their friends start having children, or who panic when their “biological clock” starts ticking down.
Gogus olculeri

The thing to realize and understand is that porn greatly reduces the urge to ACTUALLY CHEAT. Instead of your man hitting on the girl at work, or going to bars alone to meet women, or chatting with girls on Facebook in order to meet and have sex with them to satisfy his urges for variation, he watches porn. And unlike those other alternatives, porn requires no personal interactions. Your man isn’t talking to the girls in porn, has never met those girls, and probably has no desire to.

He won’t develop an emotional connection with them and leave you, because he’s just using their images to satisfy his biological needs. Porn is cheap, convenient and the least dangerous option to the relationship.

If you take porn away, something would take its place; we’d be back to girlfriends, mistresses, and prostitutes, and I think most women would agree that porn is a far better solution than that.

For women who say “men should just focus on their girlfriend/wife and forget about other girls completely”, remember this is a biological instinct that is deeply programmed into most men. It would be like telling women “just don’t get attached when having sex” or “ignore your biological clock”. Most people simply can’t do those things, because the instincts and desires are innate; they’re an integral part of what and who we are. Even men would like to be able to turn those instincts off sometimes, as many women would find it convenient to turn their own instincts off on occasion, but it’s not possible.

The best we can do is acknowledge those instincts and deal with them in the way that causes the least amount of problems. To date, porn is the best solution for dealing with men’s desire for sexual variation, and if more women understood that, and understood what the alternatives were, they would feel very differently about porn.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • This should be called, "why men and women watch porn" - I do so for the same reasons! Haha.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Many women are fine with p*rn, and with their guy watching it, even if they don't themselves. And IMO that's good, and even better if you watch it together sometimes and talk about it, or use it for inspiration. I just wanted to make sure that the women who DO have a problem with it understood what it IS and what it is NOT.

    I think any man who doesn't appreciate his girl making an effort to enhance their lovelife is an idiot, but I think most men would and do appreciate it.

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Join the discussion

What Girls Said 82

  • So, in this case, it's okay for women to seek emotional fulfillment from other men because their primal nurturing instincts are still carried.
    When my boyfriend uses this scientific excuse for watching p*rn , I will go find a deep conversation or a romantic evening (no sex involved) because I require emotional variation.

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    • I see the point you're attempting but women don't seek emotional variation but rather emotional stability lol

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    • "shouldn't men seek sexual stability"
      We do, by staying with one partner/monogamous relationship. Do you not realize masturbating is not the same as having sex?

      If you want to make that point from your original statement that men shouldn't watch p*rn because you see it as a form of infidelity then women would also have to stop watching romantic movies as they connect more on an emotional level.

    • I believe it does. A friend once told me she stopped watching chick flicks, because she would only get jealous at the female protagonists because the male protagonists do so many romantic things for them and she compared her own relationship to theirs and become dissatisfied with her bf.

  • This all makes a lot of sense. I would like to be able to say humans are above basic instincts, but we all know that isn't true...we still retain the same instincts as animals -- reproduce to survive. I don't see a problem with a man (or woman) watching p*rn in his (or her) own private time, just as long as it doesn't conflict with the relationship. I would much rather my partner fantasize about other women from time to time than actually be having an affair with them. It's not a big deal to me.

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  • I think watching p*rn is a way for people (men and women) to see a particular fantasy played out, or just simply because their imagination isn't quite vivid enough. Masturbation is great, both for single people or for someone in a relationship. In fact, I think all women should do it. It gets you more in tune with your sexuality. P*rn is just an aide to put your brain into sex mode. Also, if men didn't rub one out on occasion, they wouldn't last 2 minutes in bed.

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  • umm watching p*rn should actually INCREASE his need to go outside the relationship. He will pressure her or at least want her to do the things he sees in p*rn. Sooner or later, it'll negatively affects the relationship. I'm guilty of watching it, but really it's not that satisfying and makes me feel like crap after.

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  • You put a lot of thought into why guys should watch p*rn. So, here is your challenge. Explain erectile dysfunction and correlate the effects of p*rn on this condition. I'm a medical professional so please be scientific using evedence base practice. I promise you guys will turn your computers, TV's, and cell phones off.

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    • Can you elaborate on that? Are you saying too much masturbation causes erectile dysfunction?

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    • @AustinMan Yeah sorry god my English is poor in those messages (worse than normal). She basically said stuff like ''as long as your still getting night/morning erections your penis is fine''... but I said i don't and when I stopped watching porn for 3 months they came back. She than began to say how after puberty men stop getting morning erections (which is completely bogus).

    • Oh and I should add when I relapsed after those successful 3 months the morning erections and every other kind dropped.

  • If she's fine with it them cool beans but in my opinion if it causes problems in your relationship or makes her feel insecure or uncomfortable then he would stop for just the sake of not wanting to make her feel like that... if you care about someone you would not want to be the cause of their pain... If p*rn was more important to my boyfriend then my feelings were then f*** him and on to the next... and p*rn has nothing to do with cheating.. that's just hilarious..

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  • It doesn't bother me when my hubby watches p0rn because we're usually watching it together. I like to call it our education positional reference, lol. I think it keeps the bedroom hot, when you watch a vid and then you emulate the scene or the position.

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  • wow this has opened my eyes quite a lot. I myself often found my partner viewing p*rn and got very upset, especially as it was always women with massive boobs which I dont have. I told him again and again to stop watching it as it made me feel sick to give myself to a man who was jacking off to stupid ugly sluts on the internet. But I guess I'd rather that than him actually cheating

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  • Men in general watch p*rn to find variety, but there is so much more to this. There is no one reason why *men* watch p*rn. There are reasons. Plural. Among them would also be quick tension release, relaxation ritual, habit, the visual appeal, the simple enjoyment etc. To blame evolution is an overly simplistic explanation, especially considering what the author neglected to take into account, that our evolution as a species includes pair bonding to insure the survival of children into adulthood.

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  • I think women could learn a thing or two from watching p*rn. And If you become a p*rn star in bed for him, it's gonna be difficult for him to look anywhere else.

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  • i told my boyfriend how him watching p*rn made me feel. I mean he'd wait til I'd go to sleep RIGHT BESIDE HIM and watch p*rn, download videos of the most worish people! But when my ex send a picture of his d*** I see he got mad then. So...This is all horsesh*t. P*rn is psychologically cheating. Cheating is bad. Get over it guys. Watching p*rn will always be in the wrong no matter what. After I told him, he gave me the attention he gave to p*rn. He stopped watching it alright. lol.

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  • Okay so...happens when a woman watches p*rn and a man gets mad about it? Because it has happened before. Men complain all the time, just not as much as women do, about their partner watching p*rn. Because it's quite disrespectful. I don't care if it an innate feeling or not. Just don't do it. If a man needs variety, how about telling person he's with he wants to try something new. and then do so if its not violating their relationship. People find all kinds of reasons to excuse men for watching

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  • I watch p*rn and masturbate, but only because my man doesn't give me enough (once a week and oh so goooood!) Thats why I desire it so much. Its a visual/senual experience with p*rn, but I don't have the desire to cheat. I do feel like I have though..

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  • I don't support the p*rn industry. I think that every person is unique and has so many capabilities to improve the society in which we live in and having sex as an occupation just shows how much some people lack dignity. P*rn warps a persons perceptionsand causes the viewer to look at women as sex objects which isn't right at all. Sure not all men are affected in that way, but paedolphiles certainly are. Plus, there are so manywomen with depression that resort to become p*rnstars and end up worse

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  • Men watch porn, women watch porn - we are horny.
    If he expects to do every thing like pornstars and look like them, he's stupid. Leave him.
    If she expects you to have a horse dick, leave her too.

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  • One of the silliest articles I've ever read...biology this, biology that, whatever. Women watch p*rn too. Who has the right to care about that? And all the "info" you put is highly outdated.

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  • Omg that's what your bitches **** is for! Release it in her not a towel or a tissue, toilet, hand ect. alternative to what f***in around? F***your chick I'm sure she' ll wabt it if you spend ad much time makein her feel hot as you do herkin it off to another chick. if f*** my nan ten times a day everyday if ge wasn't pissin me off watchin and getting off to someone else. Such kame excuses for

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  • i really dnt have a prob with my boyfriend watching p*rn, but I like it even more if were watching it together.

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  • I really just want your opinion on this. I personally consider porn cheating. There is no reason that men should be able to just "temporarily replace" their girlfriends or wives behind their back. If a girl from work was sending my boyfriend nudes that would 100% be cheating and I would be livid. Why is it any different just because he doesn't know her personally?

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    • "Why is it any different just because he doesn't know her personally?"

      Because it's just a fantasy - no different than women who read romance novels (a similarly sexual fantasy tool that tends to trigger women better than visual porn).

      You can't be sexually available for your man whenever he's horny, but you also shouldn't be threatened by some pixels on a screen either. It's perfectly okay for him to indulge in some fantasy on his own once in a while, and as long as he isn't choosing porn over you, then you have nothing to worry about.

      Pixels can't replace a real woman in his bed, anymore than the Food Network can replace actually eating. If he was on a diet, would he be "cheating" on it by watching Diners, Drive-In's & Dives?

    • Because the girl on the video isn't really interacting with your guy?
      Do you know why guys do it behind your back? Because we don't want arguments.
      If we don't receive long sermons on why we should not do it, I would happily share the porn I watched with my girlfriend. I would be like "hey hun, here's what I watched today. What do you think? Rate it from 1-5".

  • I agree with the comment below me. My boyfriend watched live cam p*rn and I asked him what would the different be if I was the girl on there and other guys saw my body. It wouldn't be an emotional connection just physical. Would he like that? No, he said he wouldn't- so why is it okay for him to see other women's naked bodies? What is the difference between him looking at naked bodies and me being naked or me looking at a guy's naked body? Double standard I think.

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    • @AmberChick @VALEN_tine_ANGEL People demonize p*rn stars because they are afraid of the unexplainable; i. e., that someone may enjoy acting on camera with their clothes off. The professionals in the industry have fun with it and don't have the same shame triggers that other people do, so the easiest way to explain it away is by vilifying them.

      Comparing watching to performing in it is an apples-and-oranges logical fallacy. Most p*rn is a one-way street. The audience is never identifiable to itself. Performing, however, runs up against those same triggers that would inevitably flow from friends, family, and possibly children when word got out. Compare guys going to a strip club and girls going to a Chippendales show, not going up on stage and making public what most people expect to be private in their relationships.

      The major difference is trust. It's the difference between looking out your window and seeing the chick next door undressing vs. standing in your own window nude.

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What Guys Said 60

  • Most guys would rather have sex with their girl than use p*rn, but sometimes you aren't available for each other. Girls masturbate too, you known, and for the same reasons. And not every guy has a girlfriend, nor every girl a boyfriend. You have to look at the bigger picture.

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  • But it isn't p*rn's JOB to teach you anything about real love. That's your PARENT's job, and putting the blame for all of that other stuff at p*rn's feet is a fallicy, and is ignoring the real problem: that so many parents are unwilling to be PARENTS, and that society tolerates that. That's the real problem, not p*rn.

    And virtually no one in pro p*rn is underage. That is something that is taken with HUGE seriousness, and has been since Traci Lords in the 80s.

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  • Of course both men and women have sex other than to have children, but our base motivations for our sexual behavior are based on reproduction. Remember that effective birth control is less than 100 years old (condoms) and from a practical point of view more like 60 years old. From an evolutionary point of view, that's an instant.

    When people used to have sex for fun, everyone understood that babies were likely to result sooner or later. Modern BC changed that.

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  • Of course, but the focus of the article is to help hetero women who are (or want to be) in a relationship with a man understand the reasons why most (!) men watch p*rn. No 3000 character article could cover every possibility - mine covers the majority, not the outliers.

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  • That's a completely different thing. It's okay for him to watch p*rn and masturbate when you aren't available to be with him, but NOT okay for him to choose it over you, when you are there wet and willing. That's usually a sign of depression or p*rn addiction, rather than "normal" p*rn usage.

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  • But professional p*rn is what we're discussing in this article, not young girls posting their own videos, or guys uploading secret vids of their girlfriends to the internet. That's a whole different subject.

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  • You're talking about two VERY different, unrelated things.

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  • No, you simply gave an example of an exception to the rule.

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  • I don't really agree with this. P*rn is simply my release when there is not willing girl around. I would have sex the same girl any day of the week over watching p*rn. When I'm truly attracted to and in love with a girl, I don't crave variety. All I want is her.

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  • For arguments about p*rn AND guys who cheat. There is no argument to explain why a person may be an Asshole. Some people are weak willed and will cheat, some people don't care and will cheat. Some people just cheat with no reason. Regardless of p*rn, substance, or anything else, they're cheaters and nothing says that's OK. If ya want a open relationship/polyamorous, be that way from the beginning. If not, keep it in your pants or break it off if you can't stay faithful. Nobody deserves it.

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  • Haha, whoa, just read all of that. Well yeah, it's pretty obvious if you think about it. I'm a single guy, so a lot of the time I end up with J.I.L.L. (if you don't know who Jill is it's what your left hand spells when you look at it...) so yeah; BUT when I've been in a relationship, Jill was "the freak that my girlfriend wasn't" meaning there were things I had urges to do that she wasn't comfortable with, and there was a girl doing those things online. So just be happy he's jerking not cheating.

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  • What a crock of shit. p*rn has been proven to create distance in relationships, to strengthen men's objectification of women, to render men unable to get erections or orgasms with real women. Bringing up biology is nothing but a sad excuse.

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  • "When will society get over this bass ackward bullsh*t that men are more visual than women and women like to f***"

    When will those political correctness-nutty anti-evolutionists stop pretending it's only society that makes men different from women, and biology has nothing to do with it.

    It's still easier for the average man to disconnect sex from emotions than it is for the average woman.

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  • Well thought out and consistent with my experience. I have links and a collection of images and clips I often refer to (and always look for others that suit my appetites) and have an excellent exclusive relationship from which I have no inclination to stray. I will say that she is pretty much "on demand" and rarely says no either to timing or menu.

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  • Own up to it: it's wrong, but you like doing it. It's in no way good for a relationship, but you like doing it. It's jerking off instead of fucking your girlfriend like you should want to, but you like doing it. At least if you manned up about it it wouldn't be so pathetic.

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  • OK. so if many women finally choose to be p*rn stars, why do so many people demonize them ? and why do men call them b I t c h e s ? if men think its OK to watch p o are and o graphy then why do they think their girlfriends or wives who show off their bodies in front of other men are considered cheaters ?

    if you think you are allowed to see other women's bodies, then why do you mind if other men see your girlfriend's or wife's body ? does payment or without payment make difference ?

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  • Men watch p*rn because they're curious about positions, insecure about their ability to attract a woman, untrusting that a woman will ever really commit, and do it when they believe they won't get in trouble. Natural selection has nothing to do with that.

    Unlike animals, promiscuity destroys human civilizations. It's a spiritual deficiency.

    As for torture p*rn? Primarily two things motivate that: 1) Being sick in the head or 2) having a morbid sense of curiosity.

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  • Good article, you do bring up many interesting points.

    Bring on the holodeck?

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  • Lol, this is the same author I saw say "It is IMPOSSIBLE to cut your hair short and become MORE attractive. IMPOSSIBLE." ignoring that other people have different tastes. Ignore this dumbass with his stupid "biology" arguments that are total BS. Society has a lot more to do with it than any biological cause.

    Different people, different tastes, different needs, different practices.

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  • Wow, this is a ridiculous amount of bullocks. Blaming male over-sexualized thinking on biological factors will never be correct. I wish I could provide the exact answer to "why", though - but seeing sex done visually from the outside and experiencing it cause arousal in a different way.

    I'm guessing it has something to do with the mirror-neurons, as seeing something done will still fire up the neurons responsible for it.

    Note, this might be biological, but NOT for the desire to screw many.

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