Why Men Watch Porn

Many women are bothered by the fact that their man watches porn. Even though nearly every man does so, and does so regularly, some women have a problem with it or just don’t understand why men are compelled to watch it.

In order to understand, you have to know a little about human history, biology, and evolution. Just as women evolved traits and instincts that reinforced the role women play in having and raising children, so too did men. But the role men play in reproduction is very different from a woman’s. A woman can only have about one child per year (not counting twins and other multiple births), plus she and her child will be vulnerable and require care and protection for some period of time, and that was even more true before the era of modern medicine that began in the 1950s.
"Men desire variation- it assures diverse genetics."

Women also bond with and establish an emotional connection to the person they have sex with. For these reasons, women, where they had a choice, have always tried to find the best man they could to have sex with and to father their children, with strength, the ability to provide and to protect being major factors in who they chose.

Because a woman can only have one child per year, she looks for the best man she can find to have sex with that YEAR (at least).

Men work very differently. Biologically, a man’s job is to fertilize the woman’s egg with his sperm, and once that is completed, his job is done. A man can impregnate at least one woman per day, potentially, so his criteria for having sex is based on finding the best woman to have sex with that DAY. In addition, evolution and natural selection favored men who had sex with, and thus fathered children with, as many different women as possible, in particular women who were as different from him genetically as possible.

By having a large and varied genetic pool, he greatly increased the chances that at least SOME of his children would survive both illnesses and any recessive genetic conditions that might be in his family. Men who failed to father children with multiple women could have a disease or genetic abnormality take the lives of all of his children, and thus his genes would die out.

That’s Natural Selection at work!

This is why men developed the instinct and desire to have sex not only with many women, but with different TYPES of women; in other words, men desire VARIATION. It assures diverse genetics, collectively giving his children the best chance to survive.

As civilization developed, and rules and relationships were formalized and religion codified, most early religions allowed men to take multiple wives, though he was expected to provide and protect those that he took. As populations grew, and more fighting occurred from men looking to secure more wives, religion started to establish the concept of a single wife. If “god” allowed only one wife, the theory went, then men would be much less apt to start wars to acquire more, and to some degree, it worked.



But men’s desire for many and diverse women never went away, and brothels and prostitution were present in every group of humans of any notable size, from back before the beginnings of written history. With no birth control, pregnancies among prostitutes were common, and society created rules to protect “official wives” by preventing children born out of marriage from inheriting the man’s property, titles, or even his family name, ensuring the man’s primary focus was on his own family.

Eventually, society even formalized non-prostitute girlfriends as “mistresses”, and as the world recovered from the Dark Ages into the Renaissance and through the end of the 19th Century, mistresses were a common and even accepted part of society. Wives and legitimate children still retained all of the rights and privileges, and mistresses were of much lower stature in society, but the need for them was understood and accepted (though not always welcomed) universally.
"Porn allows a man to see women who look DIFFERENT from the woman he gets in bed with every night, and so his urge to go out and pursue other REAL women dissipates."
Fast-forward to today: most men in relationships, whether a marriage or a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, do NOT have mistresses or see prostitutes. Is that because men no longer feel compelled to have sex with numerous different women? Not at all; men still have those strong instinctual desires. But today, men have PORN, and the fantasies that they create in their heads based on viewing porn, that satisfy those urges to a great degree. Porn allows a man to see women who look DIFFERENT from the woman he gets in bed with every night, and so his urge to go out and pursue other REAL women dissipates.

This is a good time to address another issue women have with porn: assuming that the type of women your man looks at in porn is the type of women he wants to date/be with/marry. Women say “you can’t be attracted to ME, because those women you look at look nothing like me!”

That’s missing the point entirely: no matter what a man’s girl looks like, he’s driven to be sexually attracted to women who look different from her.

If she’s a tall, thin blonde with big breasts, he may look at tiny Asian women, or curvy Black women, or dark-haired Latina women, not because he isn’t attracted to his own girl, but simply because he desires VARIATION. It’s biological programming that he can’t control, just like women who get “baby fever” when all their friends start having children, or who panic when their “biological clock” starts ticking down.
Gogus olculeri

The thing to realize and understand is that porn greatly reduces the urge to ACTUALLY CHEAT. Instead of your man hitting on the girl at work, or going to bars alone to meet women, or chatting with girls on Facebook in order to meet and have sex with them to satisfy his urges for variation, he watches porn. And unlike those other alternatives, porn requires no personal interactions. Your man isn’t talking to the girls in porn, has never met those girls, and probably has no desire to.

He won’t develop an emotional connection with them and leave you, because he’s just using their images to satisfy his biological needs. Porn is cheap, convenient and the least dangerous option to the relationship.

If you take porn away, something would take its place; we’d be back to girlfriends, mistresses, and prostitutes, and I think most women would agree that porn is a far better solution than that.

For women who say “men should just focus on their girlfriend/wife and forget about other girls completely”, remember this is a biological instinct that is deeply programmed into most men. It would be like telling women “just don’t get attached when having sex” or “ignore your biological clock”. Most people simply can’t do those things, because the instincts and desires are innate; they’re an integral part of what and who we are. Even men would like to be able to turn those instincts off sometimes, as many women would find it convenient to turn their own instincts off on occasion, but it’s not possible.

The best we can do is acknowledge those instincts and deal with them in the way that causes the least amount of problems. To date, porn is the best solution for dealing with men’s desire for sexual variation, and if more women understood that, and understood what the alternatives were, they would feel very differently about porn.
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What Girls Said 75

  • 2mo

    just kill me now.

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  • I feel like porn distorts a guys view on girls. Now i got a man who tells me his ex has a "fatter" pussy than me. I didn't even know wtf that meant. If porn didn't teach him that, I don't know what sicko did.

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  • So, in this case, it's okay for women to seek emotional fulfillment from other men because their primal nurturing instincts are still carried.
    When my boyfriend uses this scientific excuse for watching p*rn , I will go find a deep conversation or a romantic evening (no sex involved) because I require emotional variation.

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    • I see the point you're attempting but women don't seek emotional variation but rather emotional stability lol

    • Show All
    • "shouldn't men seek sexual stability"
      We do, by staying with one partner/monogamous relationship. Do you not realize masturbating is not the same as having sex?

      If you want to make that point from your original statement that men shouldn't watch p*rn because you see it as a form of infidelity then women would also have to stop watching romantic movies as they connect more on an emotional level.

    • I believe it does. A friend once told me she stopped watching chick flicks, because she would only get jealous at the female protagonists because the male protagonists do so many romantic things for them and she compared her own relationship to theirs and become dissatisfied with her bf.

  • I hate it if men use it as an excuse for watching p*rn to say that it is biological. Some women watch p*rn too, but the truth is p*rn are not good for the relationships, Im sure for it. p*rn is an addiction and it is evil, I dont believe that all men want quantity, this is crap if u want to cheat on your girl just say ur an ass**and not it is in ur nature!

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  • This should be called, "why men and women watch porn" - I do so for the same reasons! Haha.

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  • I know he does, and I don't mind. He also said he'd have a greater urge to cheat if it wasn't for p*rn . Is it an excuse or the truth? As long as he doesn't cheat on me, I don't fucking care.

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    • I feel quite sad for you, actually.

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    • I'm sorry, my comment sounded quite rude haha
      I get that. But I also wonder if P*rn gives a man the urge to cheat. Quite frankly, if I found out my man had any urge to cheat I would hook him up with someone else and leave him straight away. But that's just me and it's probably why I'll end up alone with thirty cats.
      Yet, I also understand that everyone's sexual relationships are different and most of the time, P*rn poses no problems.

    • @JessieAlizee It depends on the guy. I think if he's never had another girlfriend before, he will always wonder what it's like with other women, with or without p*rn . The same goes for women. It's natural to be curious. It doesn't mean all people strongly desire to fulfill their curiosity.
      I don't think p*rn makes people go out and cheat as much as watching the notebook makes you want to cheat on your bf emotionally to find someone who behaves like Noah.
      If the notebook or any other chick flick has such power over you, it's because you've been wanting to do it anyway even before. The same goes for p*rn . Imagine how you would react if your female friend explained to you she cheated because she watched too many chick flicks.

  • I watch p*rn and masturbate, but only because my man doesn't give me enough (once a week and oh so goooood!) Thats why I desire it so much. Its a visual/senual experience with p*rn, but I don't have the desire to cheat. I do feel like I have though..

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  • You put a lot of thought into why guys should watch p*rn. So, here is your challenge. Explain erectile dysfunction and correlate the effects of p*rn on this condition. I'm a medical professional so please be scientific using evedence base practice. I promise you guys will turn your computers, TV's, and cell phones off.

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    • Can you elaborate on that? Are you saying too much masturbation causes erectile dysfunction?

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    • @GreaseMonkey68 plus one to hater obliteration

    • @clark69
      Does that ED effect of porn also work on girls?

  • One of the silliest articles I've ever read...biology this, biology that, whatever. Women watch p*rn too. Who has the right to care about that? And all the "info" you put is highly outdated.

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  • Blah blah blah, how many times have I heard this theory. Just be straight, they watch it because they f***ing like it. So do girls, and believe me when I say I don't have the deep psychological desire to f*** a variety of men.

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  • This all makes a lot of sense. I would like to be able to say humans are above basic instincts, but we all know that isn't true...we still retain the same instincts as animals -- reproduce to survive. I don't see a problem with a man (or woman) watching p*rn in his (or her) own private time, just as long as it doesn't conflict with the relationship. I would much rather my partner fantasize about other women from time to time than actually be having an affair with them. It's not a big deal to me.

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  • Maybe men watch p*rn because they want to, the same reason some women do..

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  • I agree with the comment below me. My boyfriend watched live cam p*rn and I asked him what would the different be if I was the girl on there and other guys saw my body. It wouldn't be an emotional connection just physical. Would he like that? No, he said he wouldn't- so why is it okay for him to see other women's naked bodies? What is the difference between him looking at naked bodies and me being naked or me looking at a guy's naked body? Double standard I think.

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    • @AmberChick @VALEN_tine_ANGEL People demonize p*rn stars because they are afraid of the unexplainable; i. e., that someone may enjoy acting on camera with their clothes off. The professionals in the industry have fun with it and don't have the same shame triggers that other people do, so the easiest way to explain it away is by vilifying them.

      Comparing watching to performing in it is an apples-and-oranges logical fallacy. Most p*rn is a one-way street. The audience is never identifiable to itself. Performing, however, runs up against those same triggers that would inevitably flow from friends, family, and possibly children when word got out. Compare guys going to a strip club and girls going to a Chippendales show, not going up on stage and making public what most people expect to be private in their relationships.

      The major difference is trust. It's the difference between looking out your window and seeing the chick next door undressing vs. standing in your own window nude.

  • I'm a woman and I watch p*rn whenever I am in the mood to watch it. I even enjoy watching it with my boyfriend.

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  • I think watching p*rn is a way for people (men and women) to see a particular fantasy played out, or just simply because their imagination isn't quite vivid enough. Masturbation is great, both for single people or for someone in a relationship. In fact, I think all women should do it. It gets you more in tune with your sexuality. P*rn is just an aide to put your brain into sex mode. Also, if men didn't rub one out on occasion, they wouldn't last 2 minutes in bed.

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  • I'm a woman and I watch p*rn all the time lol. Maybe I'm an oddball but I totally understand why dudes like their p*rn. I'm bi so maybe that's a factor? Hmm

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  • umm watching p*rn should actually INCREASE his need to go outside the relationship. He will pressure her or at least want her to do the things he sees in p*rn. Sooner or later, it'll negatively affects the relationship. I'm guilty of watching it, but really it's not that satisfying and makes me feel like crap after.

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  • Omg that's what your bitches **** is for! Release it in her not a towel or a tissue, toilet, hand ect. alternative to what f***in around? F***your chick I'm sure she' ll wabt it if you spend ad much time makein her feel hot as you do herkin it off to another chick. if f*** my nan ten times a day everyday if ge wasn't pissin me off watchin and getting off to someone else. Such kame excuses for

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  • I am very attractive.I have blond hair,green eyes cute shape but my guy still gets off once in awhile on p*rn.go figure,what ever.

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  • If she's fine with it them cool beans but in my opinion if it causes problems in your relationship or makes her feel insecure or uncomfortable then he would stop for just the sake of not wanting to make her feel like that... if you care about someone you would not want to be the cause of their pain... If p*rn was more important to my boyfriend then my feelings were then f*** him and on to the next... and p*rn has nothing to do with cheating.. that's just hilarious..

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What Guys Said 58

  • We've heard this old, lame, tired treatise on men, p0rn, and s e x. We can try to make it like women are that selective and emotional, but the truth is that the real facts go against this. Women only care about meaningful s e x and emotional s e x when they want to care about it. Dude, don't you know there are more and more women going to male escorts and gigalos for s e x now? I could go on and on, but I don't have enough characters left. But just know your post is old and wishful.

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  • Rational thought will never surpass a woman's emotions. Just lie.

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  • Womeb don't do? LOL

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  • Wow, this is a ridiculous amount of bullocks. Blaming male over-sexualized thinking on biological factors will never be correct. I wish I could provide the exact answer to "why", though - but seeing sex done visually from the outside and experiencing it cause arousal in a different way.

    I'm guessing it has something to do with the mirror-neurons, as seeing something done will still fire up the neurons responsible for it.

    Note, this might be biological, but NOT for the desire to screw many.

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  • Most guys would rather have sex with their girl than use p*rn, but sometimes you aren't available for each other. Girls masturbate too, you known, and for the same reasons. And not every guy has a girlfriend, nor every girl a boyfriend. You have to look at the bigger picture.

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  • @BrutalBritt22

    Designed for? No, it's simpler than that: the men who found genetic diversity had more kids (and a less boring life). Because they had more offspring their kids became a majority, inspired by their fathers.

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  • Good article!

    I always compare men looking at p*rn to men looking at other cars than his car (usually much more expensive cars) buying 'Car and Driver' special issues: it's not because a man looks at a Porsche, a Lamborghini, Ferrari, a Humvee, that he'll sell his house to get one (really, very few men do but it's cheap day dreaming) A woman should be much more worried when her guy starts looking at some 'plain Jane' than when he looks at a p*rn model.

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  • I've said this before, but never so patiently or lengthily. Well done. Excellent article.

    The definitive answer for women who just don't get it.

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  • But professional p*rn is what we're discussing in this article, not young girls posting their own videos, or guys uploading secret vids of their girlfriends to the internet. That's a whole different subject.

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  • But it isn't p*rn's JOB to teach you anything about real love. That's your PARENT's job, and putting the blame for all of that other stuff at p*rn's feet is a fallicy, and is ignoring the real problem: that so many parents are unwilling to be PARENTS, and that society tolerates that. That's the real problem, not p*rn.

    And virtually no one in pro p*rn is underage. That is something that is taken with HUGE seriousness, and has been since Traci Lords in the 80s.

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  • You're talking about two VERY different, unrelated things.

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  • That's a completely different thing. It's okay for him to watch p*rn and masturbate when you aren't available to be with him, but NOT okay for him to choose it over you, when you are there wet and willing. That's usually a sign of depression or p*rn addiction, rather than "normal" p*rn usage.

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  • Many women are fine with p*rn, and with their guy watching it, even if they don't themselves. And IMO that's good, and even better if you watch it together sometimes and talk about it, or use it for inspiration. I just wanted to make sure that the women who DO have a problem with it understood what it IS and what it is NOT.

    I think any man who doesn't appreciate his girl making an effort to enhance their lovelife is an idiot, but I think most men would and do appreciate it.

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  • Of course both men and women have sex other than to have children, but our base motivations for our sexual behavior are based on reproduction. Remember that effective birth control is less than 100 years old (condoms) and from a practical point of view more like 60 years old. From an evolutionary point of view, that's an instant.

    When people used to have sex for fun, everyone understood that babies were likely to result sooner or later. Modern BC changed that.

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  • Of course, but the focus of the article is to help hetero women who are (or want to be) in a relationship with a man understand the reasons why most (!) men watch p*rn. No 3000 character article could cover every possibility - mine covers the majority, not the outliers.

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  • No, you simply gave an example of an exception to the rule.

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  • 8d

    People who watch porn do it because they enjoy it. I don't really see the problem or the need to justify it, as long as it's not obsessively and as long as it does not distort or replace the real thing.

    A lot of women read romance novels (aka mind porn). Again, there is nothing wrong with this as long as it does not distort or replace the real thing.

    I think the biggest problem some people have with porn seems to stem from people who do not like their partner getting turned on by other people fucking. But I think that is just personal choice and is something that depends on the couple.

    A bit like bringing toys into the bedroom. For some people its a harmless bit of fun, but for others its a knock to their ego or all a bit too pervy.

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  • 26d

    I do see your point about this. It allows stress relief and tbh they wouldn't actually go through with it in real life.

    What do u make though of getting off to a female friends' pictures on fb?

    Can u help me out on a question I have pls?

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  • p*rn does not reduce the urge to cheat, if anything it does the opposite. I see a diverse range of women who I could be spending time with. Instead of just the one. Sure at the computer screen its preventing me from going outside and cheating, but when I'm done. It certainly opens my eyes to other women... I don't plan on cheating I'm just saying, these are some pretty skewed ideas, probably written without real sources.

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    • I agree with uu.. do u watch p*rn too? and also in a relationship?

  • pathetic pseudodarwinian mambo jambo.

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    • care to explain?

    • these explanations have no scientific validity. the generic caveman paradigm is for simpleminded dorks that try to justify their passions with science.

    • So what's your explanation for why men watch porn?

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