Sex on the First Date

[Hayley-Matthews]

Sex on the First Date

For as long as people have been going on dates, there has been the debate over whether it’s OK to have sex on the first date.

Last century, it seems it was decided some first date friskiness marked you as “undateable,” and you then were branded for life. Some “older and wiser” woman - Mom, Grandma, cafeteria lady, etc. - probably told you men won’t buy the cow if the milk is free.

Well, guess what? As a woman living in this new millenium, you are not a commodity to be bought and sold, and you get to decide what happens with your “milk.”

There are actually quite a few reasons you might want to let your first date end with some milk:

1. Find out if the two of you are sexually compatible

Maybe you like it rough, and he’s more of a gentle soul. Maybe you’re always ready for four rounds, and he’s tuckered out after one. Maybe he busts out the whips and chains as soon as you step into his bedroom.

There are lot of “maybes” when it comes to sex - answer the questions early on so you don’t invest your efforts into someone whose kinkiness doesn’t mesh well with yours.

Speaking of investment...

2. See if he’s worth your time

Not only does sex reveal a lot about someone’s preferences but also about their personalities, as well as how they feel about you.

Does he listen when you say what you like? Is he an attention hog? Are you just not as attracted to him when his clothes come off?

These are some important factors in whether you want to spend your precious time on someone who may or may not be worth it.

3. Avoid the awkwardness

Don’t you feel like you’re in school again when the sexual tension is right in front of you, and you can’t do anything about it? Well, you can.

Don’t feel pressured to brush it off or nervously joke about it. That man will be just as relieved as you are if you’re willing to move past the tangible tension and into the bedroom.

Once that weight is off your shoulders, you’ll be able to better enjoy one another - in more ways than one.

4. Take a new adventure

Maybe you’ve never had first date sex, or maybe you did and it led to feelings of guilt/shame/etc.

Well, ladies, this is the 21st century - in a society with Google Glass, surely you should feel in charge of your sexual desires.

Be willing to take the leap, do what you want and enjoy yourself. It’s your life - don’t limit yourself to some sexist, antiquated “ways of life.”

Chamber pots used to be a thing, too. There’s a reason we evolve with time.

Written by Hayley Matthews

Hayley Matthews is the editor-in-chief of DatingAdvice.com, the Web's authority on all things dating. She oversees content strategy, social media engagement and media opportunities. Connect with her on www.DatingAdvice.com

[Azara]

Guys she not insisting you have to initiate sex on the first date or that you should let someone pressure you jnto it. she's just saying if you want to go ahead.

And asshokes can wary around fir sec as well as anyone else. Not having sex right away says nothing about their character. Not pressuring you to have sex or shaming you for wanting to have sex, however says a great deal about the kind if person they are and partner they may be.

I like the article:)

[thetundrawolf]

This couldn't be further from the truth. Sex on this first date or any time before a foundation is formed, and a moment before commitment is solidified, gives the man what he wants. Sex is a reward, not free oxytocin. People squander their innocence and it's sad. Sex before marriage is not conducive to a life long relationship.

[Brittanymaexoxo]

@Kechi, I do not think that the virgins are "dismissed". I think that if a guy does not want to have anything to do with a- girl because of her views on waiting for someone special, then she deserves better than what that guy has to offer.

[Brittanymaexoxo]

I personally would not have sex on the first date. I do not shame other women for doing this, it is their business, not mine. I tried sex on the first date one time, after that, the guy just expected to have sex every time we went out on a date, and it soonly turned into a booty call/ friends with benefits type of relationship. Not my preference.

[BeardedDude]

This article is almost entirely from the women's perspective, which isn't completely bad but all the things assume the man is compliant in what the woman wants. If a guy initiates sex on the first date then his priorities are usually not in the right place. Dating, not hooking up, is usually about relationships. What does it say about a man's relationship priorities if he wants sex on the first date?

[Azara]

Typo

Any asshole can wait around to have sex as well as anyone else.

I don't see trusting a guy physically enough to have sex right away but it see nothing absolutely nothing wrong if I decided that's what I want.

It's not for everyone but that does not make it wrong.

[jesseray]

"you get to decide what happens with your 'milk'", unless you decide to give it to the man you're with and he says, "Ew, you're one of those have sex on sixty first date girls. Get the fuck out of here." That would be my response to any woman who tried to have sex with me on the first date. That's just nasty.

[JägerDerNacht]

Good article, but I have to inquire seeing as I'm a techy, why did you feel that Google Glass was something that could be used to make a point? There's literally zero correlation between Glass and first date sex...

[kechi]

@bysshe @brittanymaexoxo I remember I met a GREAT guy: handsome, educated, very kind, charismatic. We were hitting it off. The minute he heard I was a virgin and don't put out, the calls stopped coming. Assholes have great disguises. Because of stuff like this, even good men are programmed to expect sex instead of wait for it.

[kechi]

no. thats one-night stand and women should be better than that. You wanna know what the REAL problem with sex on the first date means? It means men will soon start to EXPECT it and when women don't put out, immediately they are dismissed. The virgin who wants to wait will be penalized because of the party girl who decided she didn't.

[BuchitaBuchys]

Very interesting. But I can't. I don't even KISS on the first date. I'm lame, I know. The first date, I could find that he was rude to our server/waitress, and I wouldn't wanna kiss someone like that. I like to build a foundation of care, cuz then I can get that passionate sex I crave. I've never tried casual sex, so I don't know if it'd be satisfying, but I like my way where it takes about 4-6 months to wait for sex. I'm lame, but that's my preference. To each their own.

[cristiana]

almost all the men here think it's not a good idea to have sex on the first date. to the hell with the double standards :/

[Roarke]

whoever this presumed the-rapist is, i answered this question once in the article section, but hey it's late so what the heck.

whatever sex is like on a first date, it never conforms to these sanitized, satin-sheets and rose petals images. to promote it as such is a violation of doctor-patient professional trust.

[Roarke]

I add the codicil that each understands where or the 'relationship' page the other is. Not determining this inevitably leads to emotional harm, which i cannot advocate under any circumstances.

[Roarke]

upfront you mislead people. sex with someone you are first getting know is seldom as passionate and fulfilling as you images show. in effect you are using softcore p*rn as information women will add to their database. This is irresponsible.
overall of course women can choose when it will happen and with whom it will happen.

[FlyingTurtle]

Sex and love should go hand in hand. Sex on the first date most definitely alienates sex from love. I don't buy it.

[findingdreamland]

I am a woman and to be honest. I do not feel comfortable having sex at the first date. It is me. I do not judge people to have it either.
I need to spend some time with him. Sex comes if we feel, already. No need to rush i think.

But i can agree the part that you say about girls having it at first date. Yeah i do not like people judge them. If both parts are comfortable, i do not see any problem. Not dateable label is an unnecessary generalisation.

[Man4DaJoB]

don't know perhaps he thinks that u are cheap and since u done it with me on first time what would stop u from doing that with every other man u date?

[JustinCaseUDontKnow]

I would never have sex on first date i want a commitment long-term
relationship that results in marriage than will talk about sex

[GreenMan92]

@thetundrawolf
Another bible thumper peddling their ignorance with no supporting evidence nor arguments.

[Sithis]

People are difficult. The opposite sex especially. You never know whether you're both thinking the same thing or not. Sometimes you just want to be friends, sometimes you can't get them out of your mind.

It's actually disturbing to be human.

[zombiebabe]

sounds interesting but not sure if will try to have sex on first date... hmmmm