Sexual Relationships
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My View On Sex In Today's Society

My View On Sex In Today's Society.

My friend told me last night that I should write a take on my view of sex, because it would be interesting to hear my view. So, here are my thoughts on the topic that everybody loves, sex.

I think that in this day in age sex has taken on a selfish motive and is more about pleasure seeking and "spicing things up", then it is about bonding and connecting with the one your with. There was a time that sex was another way to express your feelings for someone. To show them how much you feel, for you to both feel it together. It was (as I said) a way to bond and connect and just feel your and show your love through your body (making love). It actually use to mean something to people. It was a sacred and private act between two people, not meant to be shared with anyone else. It's not like that anymore.

Now, it's about seeking pleasure and how good it feels and orgasming and how many times that person can make you cum. It's about sex positions, p*rn , lingerie, fetishes, recording it, going down on each other, etc etc. It's about everything superficial and all the things that don't matter, except the one thing that should being with the one you care for and or love (ideally both). This site is filled with questions on giving the best "blow job" or the best way to "eat a girl out" How to "spice up your sex life" and people complaining that "they don't have sex with their significant other anymore and they don't know what to do". Questions on " how to seduce someone" or "to seduce the one they're with." All of this is all in the name of pleasure and self satisfaction (but with another person). People talk about how they had sex 5 times a day and the only thing that comes to my mind is. " how is that even possible? Don't you two have jobs? What did you tell your boss (Hey, boss. I have to go f my girlfriend now, I'll be back in 10)? I mean, how else could someone who works have sex that much?" Logically, it makes no sense to me and honestly I think 5 times is a little much. I mean, if it's purely out of lust with no feelings involved I can understand that. But, if you're in a committed relationship and all you can find to do together is have sex and then freak out when you don't, I don't think that is a very good omen and definitely not a relationship that's going to make it through all the things life's gonna throw your way as a couple.

People put too much merit on sex and it's importance in a relationship. As I said, I know it's a great way to bond and connect and to express how you feel in a passionate way. However, people don't look at the bigger picture when it comes to certain things in life. Like, if your significant other became paralyzed tomorrow and could never have sex again, would you still love them? Would you still want to be with them? If your answer is no, then you probably never were together for the right reasons to start with. I think everything should have a happy medium and sex in relationships is one of those things. I'm not as consciously self aware about a lot of things in life, like most people are (sex is one of those things). I won't say it doesn't cross my mind or I don't have dirty dreams, because I do. I just don't have a game plan of how it will or should be. I'm virgin and I feel like a lot of virgins male and female freak out about there first time and I'm not saying I wouldn't be nervous, because I would. I just don't worry about, if he'll like my vagina, if my breasts will be the right size for him, if his penis will be big and what it will look like, if he'll be experienced and will I be bad because I'm not, will he be a virgin like me and if he is will he know what he's doing, will it hurt, will I orgasm, etc, etc. I'm not in a relationship now, so I figure when I am and sex is put on the table I'll worry about it then and even when is on the table. I'll probably just wait until we're in the room together and go on passion, emotions, adrenaline and let are bodies tells us what to do. But, it does me no good to fret about it now. As far as it being good or not, I feel that even if it wasn't good in technical terms by most people standards, it would be to me. Because, I'm with the one I care for and love, what could be more amazing then that? If I take the romance off the table though, it will probably end up like that Zoosk dating commercial and that's okay, because at least it's real and I don't want perfection. I just want to be close, I want love and that's another way I differ from people. Most people want the act of sex, I want the emotion behind why people have sex to begin with (or should) and that's love (or at least feelings of caring).

In conclusion, for me sex means something and I don't care about all that other stuff. What I want isn't an act, it's a relationship and the feelings that led to that relationship and the act that gets produced to express those feelings. My view is sex isn't about how you do it, but instead how you feel for that person your with. Sex has lost it's meaning in my opinion and maybe one day it will get it's true meaning back. I know people will disagree with this and I'm fully prepared for that. this is just myTake on the subject of sex, at least part of what I think.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I disagree with a some of this and here's why. What you seem to be referring to is people who enjoy one-night-stands and casual sex. While those people may not place much importance on the feelings behind sex, most of the people who have sex in relationships do. Personally, I could never have sex with someone I didn't love and care for deeply because I was taught that sex is an intimate expression of love to be shared between two people. However:

    1. You mention a lot about how sex has "lost it's true meaning" and how "different it is today than it used to be" but as long as humans have existed, people have been having sex for pleasure, that's just a fact. It has to be pleasurable because otherwise no one would have sex and the human species would die out. The concept of actually loving the person we date, marry, and have sex with is relatively new considering how long humans have existed.

    2. There is nothing wrong with wanting to spice things up, sexually. After years of having sex with the same person, things DO have the ability to get stale. There's nothing wrong with wanting to try new things with a partner and experiment a little. And that does NOT mean the couple no longer loves each other but sex can still be fun and exciting.

    3. Sex is not THE most important thing in a relationship, but it is important. It is considered the physical expression of the love, connection, and passion two people have for each other. Sex is a natural human desire, there's nothing wrong with craving it and wanting to be sexual with the person we love.

    This is simply what I gathered from reading your take but if I may have missed something, feel free to explain your point further so I may understand.

    • 2) See, I look at things differently then most people. Sure, people can spice up there relationships if they want. But, from my stand point people wouldn't have to spice things up if they didn't have sex 7 times a day, 7 days a week every 7 mintues. Anything, you do consistently all the time is gonna get old. So, if people didn't feel like their relationships are going to fail if they don't have sex and just did it when the mood stuck, there'd be nothing spice up to begin with. that's how I see it.

    • 3) There's a person on here that just wrote a my take on 5 ways spice up your sex life in 2015 and indicated that having great sex is more important then getting in shape and getting a job in the new year. And, that is exactly my point. People seem to put sex above everything else and think it's the only way hold a relationship together. That's not simply not true. Sex is something you should want to do for the right reasons and it seems like people think it's something your suppose to do.

    • 2) And that's where you aren't understanding. People in relationships have sex because they love each other, but hardly anyone does it "7 times a day, 7 days week, every 7 minutes" and while I'm sure you were exaggerating, I don't know where you're getting that idea from. But most people DO have sex at least once a week because we, as humans, have sex drives. Some people have higher sex drives than others. But anyway, they ARE doing it because they're in the mood, not because they feel like they have to. That's what having a sex drive means. But even if someone doesn't have sex that often, it STILL can get stale if they don't change things up every now and then. For instance, doing just one sex position every time someone has sex will start to get old, no matter how often or not often they do it. Experimenting and trying different things is fun and can be exhilarating. And that doesn't mean there's no emotion behind the act anymore. So, I have no idea why you seem to think that.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I can agree and disagree with your take. I do see with younger people this idea of "spicing it up" WAY too early in the relationship. I see under 18 posters worrying about bringing in threesomes and bondage, etc., two months into their first sexual relationship. I frankly give p*rn a lot of the blame for this. It's skewed what younger people think sex is and should be.

    That being said, sex is critical to a relationship. Yeah, in extreme cases of someone being injured and unable to perform you could work past it... but in the vast majority of cases that isn't the issue. Women especially tend to downplay the importance of sex to men. I see nothing wrong with actively trying to keep your sexual life fresh. Otherwise it gets stale and boring. And I'm talking multi-year long term relationships, not 3 month flings.

    • I agree

    • I second, but I've got something even better.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I think it really depends on your personal view. Like, sure, you may prefer if sex has some sort of meaning, but a lot of other people like it just fine how it is. And there's no real way to say if one way is actually better. I for one much prefer today's attitude toward sex to the old views of it as shameful and sinful. As for it having some amount of meaning, what does it really matter? Who are you to judge others preferences and life choices? If someone just wants sex because it's fun, why is that so bad? If you and your partner choose to put importance in sex, fine. But respect it if others don't. Whether they are asexual or enjoy sex as a casual fun thing, its their own life, and their choices and views are just as valid.

    • I never said I judged other peoples preferences.

    • No, you did. You didn't do so all too strongly, and I did appreciate that you were relatively non-judgmental compared to many people I've encountered. But you definitely did make value judgement about other people's views on sex, though it's entirely possible you only used such strong language by mistake. Quote from the take: "People put too much merit on sex and it's importance in a relationship." But anyhow, I just wanted to stress that people's views on sex vary, and that while it's fine for someone to have their own opinion, it should always be acknowledged that other opinions exist and are also fine. I just thought your take lacked something pointing that out.

    • I don't care what people do. I have very "live and let live", type mind set. Plus, people judge me constantly, so I pride myself on not doing to others what they do to me. So, I'm sorry if what I said came off judgmental. Honestly, this just how I view things. I do think people put too much merit on it, doesn't mean it's a judgement. Because, it's not. It's just an opinion.

    • Show All

  • I agree entirely! Sex has become all about gratification. It's disgusting.

  • Damn right that a lot of people will disagree. But I understand that you were putting YOUR take out there. But i'd like to point something out..."Sex has lost its meaning in my opinion"... it seems it has, even to you. I mean you claim "There was a time that sex was another way to express your feelings for someone. To show them how much you feel, for you to both feel it together." and you are right, but now if you try doing that, the "all you want is sex" right?, but the Original reason for sex was to create, seems like you missed the ball there... lol. It wasn't about expression of anything, all that was taken care of before sex.
    Its nice to hear a female side (even though guys are bombarded with it every time) now you are done with Your Take, how about His? If you have one, I'd love to hear it.

  • i agree with this somewhat. what bugs me is the people who are virgins and are ashamed of it so they want to have sex to get it out of the way. why do people feel its so shameful to be a virgin? most of these people aren't upset because they dont know what it feels like but because of what other people think. who cares what otehr people think. sorry but if people care more about how much sex youve had then they have problems. its none of their business. most of the time in relationships your SO doesn't even want to know how much sex youve had before them. some do, but for the most part some dont.

    my boyfriend now was a virgin when we met and he was so damn ashamed and thought that it was a bad thing that he was a 22 year old virgin. why? and when i asked him why he said people looked down on him for it. he thought id me turned off from it. i dont care about things like that.

    when it comes to situations like that i agree that sex has lost meaning. its one thing to want to have sex to want to ahve that connection but its dumb to be depressed because of what other people will think.

  • https://www.elainehatfield.com/79.pdf

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxyySRgrYsU


    blog.okcupid.com/.../
    https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-23182523
    www.singularity2050.com/.../...isandry-bubble.html
    www.bcmj.org/articles/silent-epidemic-male-suicide

    you connect the dots.

    • hahaha... watched that video... i'll never get those minutes back... :(

  • So which is it? Is sex too important to devalue outside a relationship? Or is it not that important inside a relationship?

    If sex inside relationships isn't very important, then who cares if people have sex outside them, or if they're monogamous?

    If sex is a big deal INSIDE relationships, then its a big deal, not just some mild bonus in marriage.

    And if people don't much want to have sex, but figure they'd want it once in a while to connect with their spouse, they should say that, but recognize that's very different from what a lot of other people are looking for in a relationship.

    • This is just my take on sex and how it is in the 21st century. It's not about anything specific and if I worded it that way, I apologize. I just think sex runs to rapid in the world and it leads to people focusing on everything sex related and nothing that actually matters. And, again this is just my view. That's it. It's just how I think, it's not how I expect other people in the world to think.

    • That's okay, I'm not trying to pick a fight. But I think to say that sex is to rapid, and devalues, that's not saying sex isn't a big deal. It's saying its SUCH A BIG DEAL that it should be saved for marriage. I kind of understand that argument. Since sex is so powerful, reserving it for your spouse could really make it a powerful bonding thing. But again, it's not because 'sex doesn't matter', it's more like 'sex is so nuclear-powered potent that it could be reserved for making your marriage better'. But if your'e going down that path... expect to have a lot of married sex!

  • That honey bee girl missed the point she was driving at, which is that what has been turned on its head in sexual morality is not that pleasure has suddenly become a motivating force for sex. It was always there. What has been turned on its head is that instead of marriage being seen as the moral context to pursue love and sex, love is now seen as the moral context to pursue sex and marriage. As soon as we separated sex from reproduction, we started down this road, and the change is so subtle, that nobody even noticed it.

    Now, marriage, insofar as it is defined as a lifelong commitment, is not enforced in any meaningful way. The consensus is that it is ok to break a solemn vow if you've "fallen out of love", so long as you'd never have sex without experiencing feelings of romantic love.

    Marriage and family were the building blocks of civilization. What we're doing now is a cultural suicide pact.

  • Has sex lost its meaning? Has the dynamics of how we perceive sex changed? What's right and what is wrong? These are all questions that are subjective and we're all going to have our own opinions.

    I do believe that we live in an overly sexualised World, where everything seems to revolve around sex from marketing to music videos. Sex is rammed down people's throats at every turn and I believe it has had a negative effect on society as a whole. Single Mothers seem to be more and more common and sexually transmitted infections are increasing year on year.

    Sex nowadays doesn't carry the same significance as it once did and whether that's for better or worse is also subjective, I would say looking at the moment of Fatherless children in the World and the amount of people who have been infected with an STI that it has been for the worse but for the men and women who are getting regular action to fulfill their thirst and to build up their ego it's more than likely a good thing.

  • well people are too focus led on the act rather than the giving part. Sex without love depletes. Sex expressed with love energetically charges one another and enhance mind and health.

  • It is what you make it. I choose to make it nice/special whenever I rarely have it.

  • You can still seek both though. It's like a dinner date with your parents vs with the love of your life. Technically the same act but with a complete different vibe and significance.

  • *applause* I agree completely

    • Thanks.

  • I don't know. i just have sex cuz it feels so fucking good. most of the time it is with girls i dont even care about. Though i do have to say, having meaningful sex actually feels better than having meaningless sex.

  • i see little wrong with sexual openness...

    it's normal and nothing to be ashamed of...

    • until the judgement and labeling begins...

    • in your culture, possibly...

  • Didn't even read the long article. Watched the commercial. Kinda funny.

    • Then why did you bother commenting on it, if didn't read it?

    • Because I have free will?

    • Yes, but why waste your time? I didn't spend all that time writing that so people could tell me they didn't read it lol.

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  • I agree it makes me sick!! Cause I want to use sex in a way of bonding with the man I love not to satisfy myself for pleasure

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