Sexual Relationships
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"Losing your Virginity" Atrocity

Rant time!

I will never understand why "losing your virginity" is even a concept in this day in age. Whether directly or indirectly, we teach each generation as they grow up that your "virginity" is something to be lost, especially with young girls seeing as, in most, if not all, religions, we are supposed to be "pure" until marriage, hence the white wedding gown we wear while we walk down the aisle. I grew up learning that as well, but after I had sex for the first time, I felt as if the person I was with took something precious of mine. Virginity isn't a tangible object, it isn't something to be lost, it's just something that society created to devalue women once their "virginity" was gone, not to mention the concept was created centuries ago.

My point is simply this: why should someone else's penis/vagina matter so much that you lose a part of your identity? When I raise my children someday, yes, I will teach them that your first time is extremely special and you should share it with someone who loves you as much as you love them, but I will never tell them that they will lose a part of themselves when they share their first time. I think it is much healthier to view "losing your virginity" as your "sexual debut" instead, as Laci Green so eloquently puts it.

If you'd like to watch Laci Green's video behind the concept of "virginity", which personally think is very intersting and enlightening:

Rant over.

0 3

Most Helpful Girl

  • As a woman, I do think it is important to wait for someone who loves and respects you, but I didn't think it was necessary to wait until marriage. Women are worth so much more than simply an in-tact hymen between their legs. I'm not a walking vagina, I have a lot more to offer a man than simply "virginity."

    I waited to have sex with someone I loved and who I knew loved and respected me and I was satisfied with that. I didn't "lose" anything when I had sex for the first time, I simply shared an intimate moment with the person I love. I just feel like telling women they have to wait until marriage to have sex in order to be "worthy" for their husbands (and yes, I have heard people say that) just devalues them as human beings.

    However, at the same time, if someone wants to believe that virginity is special or important, I don't have an issue with that. I won't tell them they're "wrong" because it really is a personal thing. My only issue comes when those people try to preach at me and act superior or "holier than thou" to others who don't view virginity as a big deal. I don't go around telling people who are waiting for marriage that they should have sex, because that's a personal preference. So, I don't appreciate anyone talking down to me or insulting me because of my views.

    • couldn't agree more. nicely said. But as you said I think it's worth the wait until you find someone that loves you as much you love them with respect and feelings and the whole pack. :)

    • @Lonelywolf21 I agree, I could never have sex with someone I didn't love or who didn't love me. I definitely attach emotions and feelings with sex.

    • I didn't mean to give off the impression that I looked down upon those who wait until marriage to have sex, I just meant to give my view on just the concept of virginity. I respect everyone's religious preferences and personal preferences on anything even if they don't agree with my own.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Claiming that valuing virginity devalues women doesn't make any sense, considering that men a to stay virgins as well. I myself wear a purity ring. (But yes, maybe we should start color-coding the groom's outfit too.) And it's not that you're loosing a part of yourself when it happens, but that you're SHARING a part of yourself with someone (they're sharing theirs too) that should only be shared with someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. When people have sex, is there not a connection that forms? Does one's first time not define how they view sex for the rest of their life? Check out the stuff I said here too (the username to look for is "sin-and-love"): sin-and-love.deviantart.com/.../Virginity-is-Bad-313432269

    • I love that you mentioned sharing! I completely agree with everything you said as well! Though the whole "virginity devalues women" thing, I think, only is there because it really used to devalue women in the past. I should have included men in my rant though, so I do appreciate you bringing that up! Definitely going to go to that link as well

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • So, you acknowledge that your first time is special and should be saved for a true love, but are opposed to people marrying that true lover and staying with them for life as oposed to moving on from person to person.

    Sounds like you endorse a polygamous lifestyle and have ill feelings towards those of us who live for monogamy.

    • She was never getting to that. When did she once mention "moving from person to person"? Sorry, just don't like intolerance.

    • She means that should always try other people before settling down because there may be better out there, but of course it's up to the person.

    • @KBob93 and @Hannah591 Hah, how romantic. "Hey, I know we're in love, and we just had sex for the first time, but I hope you won't be offended if I go try out some other people. Heaven forbid that I settle for you, my love, when I've yet to ensure there is nobody better at workin' my parts." Either someone is monogamous and commits to one mate, or they alternate between sex partners over the course of their life. I'm not telling anyone what to do with their bodies, but don't call me intolerant just for calling the situation what it is. If have had sex with multiple people, you are either moving from person to person, or having sex with multiple people simultaneously.

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  • Would you like some reasons?

    The truth is, virginity matters to those who care about it. If you don't care about it, then it doesn't matter.

    Why do people care about virginity? It isn't so much what virginity is on its own, but what it has the potential to represent.

    Virginity by choice, to maintain one's absence of participation in sex, basically is a type of exclusivity.

    Apart from that, the 'first time' experience is also considered a highly valued psychological benchmark. People tend to remember their first time doing anything with extra weighting than other experiences, and being someone's first is very satisfying.

    The reason why it's value is so high as compared to other things like - first sky dive, first date, etc, is because of the psychological effects surrounding first time sex.

    It is PHYSICALLY the MOST intimate act (cumulative with an orgasm) that a person can share with another. (biochemically, the first bond formed tends to be one of the strongest... as there isn't an inhibitor pathway setup yet)

    This is true both for guys and girls. However, because it is easier to please a guy than a girl for their first time... experienced women tend to 'wish' that their first time would've been more sexually satisfying... hence needing a more experienced man (pretty self centered, but that's what fantasies are).

    And for the girl, typically, there is a physical event that tends to occur with her first time, that is perforation of the hymen, and bleeding. Guy's don't have this, only girls. That is why it seems even more special.

    Considering that such an exclusive event can become rare pretty quickly if multiple girls lose their v cards to the same guy, of course those who preserve it would be valued higher (especially if they are pretty too).

    Lastly, both guys and girls have a 'dream' relationship. We try to get as close to that with reality as we can. Matching looks, character, sexual purity etc.

    Just things to think about.

    • Not to mention the unfortunate statistics that go along with this.

    • "Especially if they're pretty too." Objectification much?

    • @KBob93 Just stating some facts. Objectification - meaning to say we actually quantitate value of others. Yes, we do that. It's why you don't seem to be dating 'losers'. You objectify guys in other ways too. Good looks are a certain kind of value, just like height, or muscle mass, or 'sexiness', 'understandingness', 'adventurousness', 'spontaneity', etc etc etc. As long as you apply values to them, you're 'objectifying'. Being objective about things tends to turn them into objects rather than concepts. Oh wait, maybe you're just confused about terms and pull out whatever comes to mind when you're upset? If you lack in the pretty department, make it up somewhere else. Ever heard of that? That itself is a statement of objectivity. It objectifies a 'problem'.

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  • I agree. Excellent rant.

  • Some girls and guys want to dream and hope! They have a goal in life that is a beautiful thing. Let them dream about a virgin spouse and a white picket fence and cute little children. If they want to have someone that is only there's and has never been anybody else's, let them. Just like they let you have sex and didn't judge you for it. Just because you didn't put value in your first tme doesn't mean others wonnt. There are more people having sex before marriage than virgins waiting. The numbers are low enough. I hope you didn't convince a virgin that its not worth waiting because she/he is gonna feel like shit after their first time. Everybody has a right to choose what they want in life. Most of my friends aren't virgins and I don't look down on them AT ALL. But when I have a virgin friend they are more driven to get what they want out of a partner because they have waited and will wait. It takes a lot to wait till marriage (or a true love) when temptation is everywhere. And having sex just so you know how to have sex until you get married is ridiculous. Read a book

    • My best friend is a virgin because she is saving herself for marriage and I have never looked down on her for it. More power to her! I respect her for her decision, and it's not a religious decision, it's just a decision she made when we were younger. I was in no way endorsing that having sex just for the sake of knowing how to have sex. It's a pretty primal act, very self explanatory, not even a book is needed. Just experimentation if you wait until you're married.

  • I feel more of who I am since losing my virginity. If I was savouring my virginity, I would feel I couldn't truly be myself seeing as I was pleasing others, not myself. I would feel caged in and controlled.

    I didn't over think the loss of my virginity, I didn't see it as anything special, I didn't feel different or like I lost a part of me. I saw it as a new, useful and pleasurable experience. It was something that would happen anyway so why not get it over and done with? It's a huge weight off your shoulders too.

    People make a huge fuss over sex though. My happiness/excitement when it comes to sex is about the same as having a really good pizza or a good day with friends and is something enjoyable to do with my partner. However, it's really nothing more than a penis going into a vagina, it's nothing more than a pleasurable experience. For most animals, sex only lasts for seconds because it's not the most important thing in life, the product of it is. I hate how people become so obsessed with it, it practically runs people's lives and it makes it that little bit more intimidating for younger people.

    • Only the first time for me was special but now? It is an innate thing I do with my partner to feel pleasure and give out pleasure. I also hate how people become obsessed with it though!

  • I completely agree, it's strange why people put so much weight on virginity, it holds no real value and the only reason you find it special for the fist time is because anything new and exciting for the first time is special.

  • oh lord laci green of all people

  • For guys, losing their virginity makes them a "man" but for women it makes them seem "impure".

    • Who are you quoting though, society? Well screw society, and any guy who concerns himself with it clearly hasn't grown up yet. I lost my virginity when I was 16, I would have rather waited, but in the end.. Who cares.. Really?

    • Well , Even I am a man , I have to agree with you this time. Because thats correct.👍👍👍😃

    • ur boi ron gota point no body wants a women that's been with a hundred men.. its Fuckin disgusting! it's not our fault as men that it's the way it is so u can't blame us either. like jus look at it like this in the real world if a man has money and women and people know that women will still want him but in vice versa if we see a women with money that's a whore were gona b like "awesome"😐who gives af... every1z Gota get a piece of that cake so it's no big deal, lol.😂 I feel like deep down y'all women are nit battling with usor with society but with ur selves on what's right. like every women is born with morals and self respect but for sum reason when a woman has sex with multiple men & women in some cases, that changes them. the last thing I gota say is it doesn't matter if ur a virgin or not it's about ur self respect as a women. as long as ur not going against ur own codes I'm pretty sure no one will call u a whore or impure

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  • I completely disagree with you. Virginity is special I don't know a single girl who didn't cry afterwards when the guy treated her like a toy after sleeping with him... Virginity IS more serious then a lot of women realize. Sure there are women who view sex as sex, but when it comes down to the truth of the matter womens bodies and minds are almost ALWAYS emotionally tied to our sexual encounters.

  • Fully agreed. Virginity is overrated in my books and there really is nothing too special about it. Let them all find out on their own though, that's it's not a fairy tale waiting to happen.

  • I watched the video, read your take, and several years ago began reading Jessica Valenti's "The Purity Myth" (never finished it) and believe it or not, there are actually some things that I, as a practicing Catholic man, agree with. However, I'm not so sure that I'm willing to discuss them if your tone will at all resemble Ms. Green's here.

    Are you willing to have an honest, level-headed, and civil conversation about it?

    • Of course! We could do it here in the comments or you could message me, whichever you'd like to do.

    • Either way is fine.

      The first thing I must say, however, is that (and this is more of a knock against Laci Green and not you) if one presents themselves in the way that she does - aggressive, condescending, and mean-spirited - the people you mean to convince will become defensive. For future reference, I strongly advise against including this video in discussions you may have on the matter.

      The primary thing I agree with is that one's value as a person should not be determined by their virginity or lack thereof. I read an article a little while ago from a girl who was raised in a church who essentially taught her to use her virginity as a "badge of honor", that it made her special, that God would protect her and her husband from divorce... all sorts of stuff that I was never taught (at least in that way). After her wedding night, she felt the exact way that she had been promised she would not feel. Please take a read...thoughtcatalog.com/.../

      I'm assuming this is what you're talking about?

    • I agree with you on the video, the more I read this Take, the more things I want to change because I feel as though there was so much more I wanted to say and Laci is very forward, aggressive, and condescending - as you have said. Yes, that is exactly what I was talking about. I actually read this article right before I decided to write my very first Take. It made me so upset that it still has this said value changed basically her entire life because she became paranoid (I think this is the right word for how she felt after the deed was done).

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  • i think you are spot on
    virginity should be respected, but not be treated like part of someones identity

  • I think you're right about this. I love Laci Green. Her video on "Popping Your Cherry" is also great.

  • So much emphasis is put on your first time. Especially as a female. There are all these rules and regulations. I think that all choices should be respected. If you choose to wait, that's fine but don't bash a girl because she chose not to. I'll admit that I was one of those girls that planned to wait til marriage. Not solely because of religion, but more because I wanted the fairytale life. Boy meets girl, they fall in love, get married, and start a family. I imagined my first time to be this huge special event with the man I loved that loved me too. And of course that's what I was being taught. In all the movies and books and media, having sex for the first time is always a big deal. But I pretty much set myself for failure. I'm not virgin, I'm not married, and I wasn't in love when I lost it. And it still remains one of the biggest regrets of my life.

    I believe that it should be looked at as a special event but I also believe that people put too much pressure on it. You have people out here who feel like ending their lives or that they're worthless because they're still a virgin. I just feel like people should be taught that it seldom ever goes as planned. And that IT'S OK IF IT DOESN'T! It'll cut down on a lot of disappointment later on in life. I wish someone had told me that.

  • It's sad how the church tells you that a piece of paper stamped by an office registry is cosmic permission to come together in love...

    Adam & Eve never had a marriage certificate. Just saying.

    • Hahahah dying because of the last sentence! Exactly, yet the church emphasizes that premarital sex is a one way ticket to hell? Makes no sense

  • @bandit74 watch the video and you shall find the answer in yourself why knowing facts about the origin of diamond engagement rings won't change a woman's mind who's set to get one..

    • Can you post the vid?

    • Oh wait, my bad lol

    • @KBob93 could you find it? it's in one of @bandit74's questions.

  • It's not just girls..
    Dudes always say to me ''Why don't you get laid?''

    I say ''Dude, there's more to life than sex. It doesn't mean anything.''

    • He's right... first time I got sum was 16 but tbh I was in no rush the girl I was with was 18 and she wanted to lose her virginity so I jus went with it..

    • I know, I'm sorry for not mentioning all the fellas out there! I just never had a conversation with a guy about this topic and I didn't want to put any words in anyone else's mouth and in turn say something that offends people more than this myTake already does

    • Fair enough, not gonna argue with that..

  • Who are you to judge? Let people do what they want to. Jesus.

    • I don't even know how someone could disagree with my comment, should people not do what they want to now? If a girl wants to feel like her virginity is something special, who cares? If a girl wants to believe it's not something special, who cares? The only person it matters to, is the individual. And this almost seems like you are shaming girls who feel like it is something special, are we going to start virgin shaming now?

    • It's just bull. I think it's just sad that some guys (bastards) wouldn't go after a girl they like just because they aren't virgin. I hate guys like that. Damn, that shouldn't matter at all. They loved the guy in their past, so it should stay there. If that person makes you happy and everything, and the only thing that you didn't like is that she isn't virgin. So if you don't go for it just because of that, then you are not worth being with that person. LOL, I agree with the taker. why should make so big fuss out of it. Sadly virginity have become a big thing nowadays.

    • @lonelywolf21 Are you agreeing with me also? Because I said, "If a girl wants to feel like her virginity is something special, who cares? If a girl wants to believe it's not something special, who cares? " Do you not agree with this statement? And I also seen plenty of girls who wouldn't date a man who wasn't a virgin, so why just call out guys that do it?

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  • Not only females but men also get bullied for being a virgin. Society is screwed. The foundations of society are unstable.

    • Blame society *yawn* - No, stand up for yourself and blame the person giving you shit for it. People just want leverage over other people and this is an easy one. Although I guess it goes back to the issue of 'obtaining' someone's virginity, in which case they can then 'brag' about it.. Fuck. You're right. haha But really, it's up to each individual person; I hate the society card.

    • It seems men get slammed for being a virgin... whereas women get slammed for NOT being a virgin.

    • "No, stand up for yourself and blame the person giving you shit for it." I am not wasting my time for interaction with idiots. I always have better things to do. And I am 'the better one' for being different in a positively manner.

  • i think i see where you're coming from but first times have always meant a lot to me

    • Are you still a virgin?😜

    • Agreeeee ☺️😊

    • I'm not saying first times aren't important, my first time was extremely special to me! I'm just saying there doesn't need to be this whole "lost your virginity" scandal that the public has been doing for hundreds of years. It's not something to lose, its something to share :)

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