The real problem with Pornography

[Anonymous]

First of all, I'd like to say that I caused my own boyfriend quite a lot of angst when I found out he watched internet P*rnography .

I originally didn't have a problem with it until he reacted to an on-screen girl in such a way, when we were viewing it together in bed on his iPhone. "Oh my God," he said in awe at this gigantic ass getting laid out before his eyes. It was then that something very obvious clicked over in my own mind. "Hold up, he's actually getting off on another girl." (Well, duh.) "What if he wants my ass to be that big?" I thought. "What if he's not sexually satisfied with me? What if he wants me to look like that, or perform like that in bed?"

Essentially, this simple little reaction gave me quite the complex, and it actually turned me off him for a while. I wondered if he thought about those p*rn stars when he was making love to me... and that killed me. Suddenly I didn't feel so special to him anymore. Why should I, when another girl could easily turn him on just the same, and she didn't even have to be in the room? That's MY job. More importantly, why should I finish something I didn't start?

I made such a fuss about it, these days the poor guy is too scared to look at a sex scene on TV without worrying he'll upset me. He almost runs up a gutter and causes at ten car pile up just trying to avoid looking at another girl on the street while he's driving. Am I so much of a Dragon-Lady that I can strike that much fear in him? He has stopped watching p*rn since, (believe me, I would know if he was still watching) and I kind of feel bad now that I understand the male brain and its need to fill a sexual desire. I'm trying to force him to watch it now, but he refuses. No doubt because he doesn't want to hurt me.

Yes, I have a good man.

But that's not what I'm writing about. I just wanted to slip that in, so that if there's any men out there with a woman who gets cranky when he watches p*rn , I want them to know it's not just because she's being a bitch. She's genuinely hurt, guys. She's questioning herself, she's losing self confidence and it makes her feel like crap. You need to talk to her and explain why you watch, and that you really don't prefer the naked girl on screen to her.

What's prompted me to write this is something I've noticed while talking to guys before I met my boyfriend and scrolling through internet forums;

*Young men really don't know how to please a woman sexually.*

They have no idea, and it's all because of p*rn .

The very first time I had sex with my boyfriend, all I could think was, "Oh my God, this guy watches too much p*rn ." We can tell. Us women know by the way you hold us during sex, what you say, what you do. I had to explain to him that p*rn is not real. He said he wasn't an idiot and he knew that. But obviously, he didn't.

Real women are not paid actresses. We don't like to be smashed. Most of the time, an orgasm through penetration alone is a hard thing to achieve. Real women get tired. Real sex involves weird sounds, painful cramps and embarrassing moments. BY GOD you've got to invest time in foreplay, be that foreplay just 15 minutes of hooking up. You need to get your woman wet, or it's no going o work. Anal? You need a shit load of lube for that. If you want a p*rn star reaction, you'd better be a God in bed or ask us to fake the whole thing which would kind of take the fun out of it, don't you think? Not all of us scream like we're being murdered. Women hate it when you ask, "Did you cum?" You should know when we cum, man! We squirm, we make weird faces, we tense up. A lot of you actually think it's a normal thing to 'Squirt'?

Of course you know that the girl may be made of plastic, and that she's faking it. You may know p*rn is fake. But, you seem to gather missconeptions about certain things that women appreciate durig sex, that is completely and 100% fake.

What I'm trying to say is that p*rn is probably the worst way to learn about women and sex. Ever. You can have a lot more fun learning by actually taking time with a girl. Asking her what she likes and telling her what you like. We like to be touched, rubbed, caressed. Then maybe if you warm a girl up enough, she'll be willing to get as rouch and dirty with you as what you see on screen. Maybe. Maybe if that's what she likes.

[Dakota_The_Rota]

"What I'm trying to say is that p*rn is probably the worst way to learn about women and sex. Ever. You can have a lot more fun learning by actually taking time with a girl. Asking her what she likes and telling her what you like. We like to be touched, rubbed, caressed."

It seems like you are acting like we just are able to do something like that, I watch p*rn because I'm single or the girl I'm going out with isn't around or wants to wait until marriage, which is understandable but I, along with most guys, have urges. And most of us can't just get off because of our imagination, or it takes too long. So, what do we turn to? p*rn .

Oh and no one said it's a good way to learn about sex or women, how in the world would it be a good way to learn about women? We go there to find a video we like to see, and we do what we need to do to get rid of our urges, we don't come for the story line and we sure as hell don't come to study what's going on. Hell, there's plenty of videos with millions of views on Pornhub that's just facials, who is "learning" anything from those videos? And you also act as if young women are Pros at pleasing men, spoiler alert you aren't, it just takes zero effort to make a guy cum. Hell you don't even need to move to make the guy cum.

I wish I was actually good at writing, I would make a MyTake about how "erotic literature" is bad for women and is mostly about rape fantasy, and I don't know even mean 50 Shades of Grey type of rape fantasy, I hear that is tame compare to a lot of trashy novels women read, but I mean legit rape. Like non-consensual sex is in happening in these stories. Like someone is saying no over and over again.

So, do you get where I'm coming from? And why it's not as bad as you think it actually is? We come there to watch some girl get fucked in the most arousing way possible, and sometimes it's not even sex it's just the climax. We don't learn anything from the videos, good or bad, hell we don't even think when we watch it.

[Dakota_The_Rota]

And I also don't want it to seem like I'm attacking you, or women, in some way, I just want you to see where someone like myself is coming from.

[Anonymous]

While it is true that young men are sexually inept, it's not the p*rn they watch that makes them so. It's a lack of sexual education. Sadly they don't teach sexual relations in depth in school, they only teach a sanitized version of "human reproduction." Ultimately that duty falls to the women in their lives. If you don't do it, it doesn't get done. It's also up to the men in your live to educate you about them. You still haven't learned about them either. If you had, p*rn would not have that paranoid reaction on you and he wouldn't need to be on pins and needles around you.

[Dandeus]

Bingo

[Coffinspire]

Love this! It's so true! I think p*rn really does teach men all the wrong things, even lesbo p*rn (which I actually like but most of it is made for guys cuz it doesn't always turn me on) Squirting is actually normal, but it takes so much time and energy to do that, so it's not all it's cracked up to be.

Great and honest take.

[LauraMarx]

did u know women in P*rnography are like not protected by any laws or anything. However, there are sex workers unions working to change that. All power to the workers counsils

[suhbliem]

every guy has watched internet P*rnography at some point in his life. guys grow up though. it's the guys who continue to watch internet p*rn habitually that you really need to look out for. those kind of guys do not view women as people but rather sexual objects. that is why a great deal of p*rn addicts cannot approach real life women because they don't know how to view women as people and therefor cannot talk to them like people. they instead talk awkwardly, act foolishly etc .

ladies if your man is habitually watching p*rn this should be a massive red flag for you. you need to insist that he stop or the relationship is over.

sure p*rn once in a while is ok IF you are both watching it together, otherwise no. I personally used to watch it frequently in my teens and early 20s, but I don't touch the stuff anymore. p*rn should not be desirable to a man who is in a healthy fulfilling relationship.

[DaveyYourFavey]

I only watch p*rn when im not in a relationship or when I'm not crushing on someone or even just when I haven't been around potential relationship girls in while. Not because I feel compelled to, but because I just don't need it, I'm not interested in it at all. Why would I watch some wh*re online getting banged when I have a nice girl with an actual personality who is or could be mine? When I'm busy getting to know a girl or in a relationship with one I don't need p*rn .

I don't expect anything from a girl in real life that I do see in p*rn , except maybe for the shaved pubes. I don't take tips from p*rn to use in the bedroom. I just see it as complete fakery, not real at all. I respect women unlike the men in p*rn do and I think sex is a lot more about the emotions you feel and not just the sex.

I think p*rn is just something to use when you're bored and haven't been sexually active in a while. I dont really understand why other guys in relationships need it. I think it just shows they're unintelligent and take things from p*rn for real and therefore a real woman can never fully please them. All guys should know p*rn is fake and they should appreciate the girl they have.

[kheserthorpe]

the worst way to learn to please women ever?

Pre p*rn most men didn't know what a clitoris was or that the female orgasm was real.

Is it the best way to learn? Definitely not!

But let's not pretend that if it weren't for p*rn people would magically be better. If anything they are worse. Talk to guys who grew up never even seeing nude pics and they are worried which hole to stick it in. Really.

[welshguy]

Me and my gf watch p*rn and cam girls together. She knows it turns me on so she enjoys what makes me happy. I dont watch it by myself because I have such a good sex life nothing is hidden away. We are open about how we both like to get our kicks and we do our best tofulfill each others fantas. p*rn is no different to a sex toy or lube if used properly it can add to a relationship, if used wrong it can damage one.

[abundantlyrich]

I don't think most do it for fun. Very few do.

[KBob93]

THIS. OMG THIS.
If I ever run into this problem, I'll know how to explain things! Thanks!

[AlexCab]

I see a lot of sense in what you write. p*rn is just that though, p*rn . It's not real, yet it is. You can't fake a dick going inside a pussy. That's the real part. The ridiculous screams, faces and acrobatics, yeah that's the fake one. Still, p*rn is p*rn .

Internet made it worse though. It's too much. Anything that's that excessive ends up hurting... just imagine this: if drug was as easy to get as p*rn is, at least 2/3 of men in the planet would be dead now.

[JackKerouac77]

Welcome to modern technological society.

Interesting take.

[Dandeus]

the real problem with internet porn: women don't understand how men think.

[Watermelonoma]

interesting take. I've heard that this is becoming a bigger and bigger issue amongst guys. I'm kinda iffy though about what you've turned your bf into, but you made some okay points

[ArchDruidMordred]

So, what you're saying is that a girl can squee with her friends over friggin shirtless Jacob Black but we can't even look at another girl... yeeeeeaaaaaa

[ArchDruidMordred]

And another thing is that you're supporting intimidating your boyfriends to stop doing what you don't like.

[genericname85]

you´d be right, if guys would only learn through stereotypical p*rn . but there is also p*rn where the focus is on the female pleasure. we also know that p*rn is highly exaggerated (we are not that stupid).
if a guy doesn´t know how to please a woman nowadays, it´s not because of p*rn but because he doesn´t actually care for her pleasure and is selfish as hell.

[Could_Be]

"Suddenly I didn't feel so special to him anymore. Why should I, when another girl could easily turn him on just the same, and she didn't even have to be in the room?"
Wow, that's really naive..

Your take has a lot of misconceptions in it as well if you ask me :/.

[convo_king89]

p*rn stars are supposed to turn u on.. its their job.. but getting suxually turned on in reall life is whole different story.. have a girl right infornt of you is not the same experiece as watching a p*rn star with a big ass/boobs.

[MrTexan37]

Men watch p*rn cause its a quick and easy way to get off without trying to get you in the mood. You may sit there and think oh yeah ill do it when ever but come on at 3 am when we have a hard up boner there's no way in hell were gonna risk injury trying to wake you up and get some cause 95% of the time you won't be in the mood and we watch p*rn cause we need visual gratification you women read smut novels like 50 shades of grey to get off we need to see it. In your romance novels the guys are usually tall rich fit and cater to a womans every need and want like a pussy whipped fool and why cause thats a womans dream man which of course is not true just like in p*rn when a step mother catches her step daughter sucking cock and just joins in yeah that shit won't ever happen but its a mans dream now if he's begging you to do the stuff in p*rn then i get your frustration and ya know i bet he was the happiest man in the world when you agreed to watch it with him even once cause 99% of women will not even entertain the idea of watching with a man but now all youve done is taken a small piece of what makes him a confident man and broke it ya know thats a form of emotional abuse cause now he's too scared to look at everyday people without fear of you getting upset so YAY!!! Congrats you broke a good man! Whats fucked up is now you will dump him cause you'll say he's changed and not the same guy u fell in love with cause now his confidense is gone and he's fucked up for the next woman who might love him!

[myTake Owner]

I wouldn't say she's broken his confidence. What if he honestly loves her enough to want to make sure she's happy and not paranoid about herself? But I can see where you're coming from, but how can stopping him from looking at other women change him and make him a pussy? In my eyes, all that does is show he loves her enough to only have eyes for her. I know, because I wish my own bf could keep his eyes off everyone else. When he looks at other girls it feels like a put down to me. Don't mean a quick glance but when a guy seriously oggles another girl, you want to get up and walk away lol But yes, p*rn is normal I guess.

[MrTexan37]

Ok see there again what your saying is extreme, if her man (like yours) is breaking his neck to check out another woman and is making her/you uncomfortable then that's a problem, but look we all have favorite actors/actresses in either p*rn or movies. Think about YOUR favorite male actor and i bet he looks absolutely nothing like or better than your bf and why? Cause men/women lust after whats unattainable but love what is attainable or what they can get. Plus p*rn is a money making industry and almost fantasy like, that's why the male actors have 8" or longer cocks when the average guy is only 5-7 inches long. Whats really funny is most of the time MEN end up with low self esteem watching p*rn especially if he's got a small cock because p*rn actors have monster cocks they think after a while that thats what every woman wants in a man and feel as though there not good enough hell i myself fell victim to this!

[tenofthepeaks]

i'd agree fully...

I am 31, and frankly I look down on men my age and older who see p*rn as reality. it's not, no more than FIFA 15 is like real life football...

[babu_001]

Men are never satisfied with one girl.
Don't overreact.

He will keep watching p*rn no matter what.

[Anonymous]

While guys might pick up some odd ideas about what's normal from watching p*rn , I'm not sure that that's actually worse than a guy who's got no idea at all. (Especially if he's watched mainly 'romantic porn' rather than rough anal scenes.)

I guess the false expectations guys get from p*rn are similar to those girls get from watching disney movies and second rate romance novels. (Except about sex instead of love...)