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How Cheating Saved My Relationship

How Cheating Saved My Relationship
I wanted you to read this entire post before you judge/form an opinion about me.

I have been with my fiancée for almost five years. Last year we got engaged, she got promoted at work and everything was going great for us. Then she started getting home later and later. Her work had taken over our lives. Whenever I tried to initiate sex she always replied with “I'm too tired,” or “Not right now.” In the beginning I understood, but eventually it all became too much for me. She was so wrapped up in her work and I couldn’t stand it one bit. I wanted her to give me some attention, too.

I am in no way blaming her for me cheating. That was all on me.

One night while I was out with the guys some girl approached me. We got to talking and eventually, after all my friends left, went back to her place. At this point I was not thinking about my fiancée. I was thinking about the 21-year old with big tits standing in front of me. And how I hadn't had sex in what felt like forever. So I had sex with her.

Two things happened while she was bouncing up and down on top of me.

1. I realized how much I truly love my fiancée:
The sex with this other girl was good, but it made me realize the error in my ways. The situation forced me to actually think about our issues and forced me to confront them. Instead of just hoping things between us got better.

2. I realized what I was losing:
I was throwing my 5-year relationship for a girl whose name I wouldn't care to remember the next day.

I told my fiancée what I did the next morning. She was angry. Who wouldn't be? But I told her those two things I wrote above and I explained to her why I did it. We decided to go to couples counseling to work on our relationship. Eventually things were better than ever.

We're getting married next month! :)

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Wow... what complete horseshit.
    You cannot justify cheating ever. There is never a valid reason for cheating. Regardless of if it made you realize the key that unlocked the cure for every disease on the planet.
    If you needed to fuck then you should have broke up with the woman your with before screwing someone else. Then you could have had your vision and tried to come back begging forgiveness.
    It is a shame she forgave you. How will she ever trust you? she won't. Anytime your not in contact with her for any period of time she will wonder. anytime your "out with friends" she is going to wonder. She might be caught up in things now but eventually she is going to realize this and it is going to be worse and worse.
    Your looking for someone to say "oh well then you were justified to be a piece of shit cheater" ... well maybe there will be gullable women that will do it. but not here. Once a POS cheater, always a POS cheater.
    I would bet your marriage doesn't go 5 years. and that is being really generous.

    • I feel sorry for that poor girl. She will surely want to vent her frustrations, but if she does - everyone will shout at her decision to marry a scumbag. So she's either gonna have to bottle it up and vent at counselling like mad or tell her friends/family and get an ear full of condemnation.

    • right. the best thing would be for both of them to get into couples therapy right now. deal with this completely before the marriage. I am not saying that a marriage can't last or make it past this. I know couples that have made it past cheating. but it took a lot of counseling. and a special kind of man or woman that can let it go.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Seriously? The fact that you had to cheat to realize all of this is just sad. I would never tolerate a cheater and it's also kind of sad that she's still marrying you. If you were having problems, you should have communicated with her more and gotten counseling BEFORE cheating.

    • what woman would give you a down vote? that is sad.

    • @godfatherfan who knows, someone who likes to be cheated on I guess. Lol

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Well your a rare breed then because most people wouldn't even feel guilty about cheating and would continue do it for months if not years on end under the wifey or girlfriend finally suspects, confronts them where they lie and promise they aren't cheating, procceed to say things like "your paranoid" then treat them like an annoyance and like they are the bad one for confronting him about what she knows he's done in her gut because of him closing off emotionally, refusing sex more often and becoming more distant, he says things to push her down to keep her there and to make her second guess herself to not follow her instincts. This is how most men act, so your definitely rare.

  • It's cool that you realize your mistake and that it bettered your relationship. However I wouldn't tolerate cheating in a relationship regardless of their reasons. I wouldn't want to live in a world where someone has to cheat on their partner to realize their love for them... it shouldn't be that way.

  • It's not the cheating that saved your relationship. The cheating was a strain on your relationship, as it should be.

    What saved your relationship is you realizing you still want to be in it and I would hope some guys have that epiphany without hooking up with some stranger first

  • Do riding another man's dick is going to make me love my man even more?

    Hot damn, pass me a Tom Hiddleston, imma go save our relationship!

    • @MaskedSanity Better go at least two rounds with him. You can never be too safe.

    • @gray_sailor Excellent thinking, mate. Safety first.

    • hahahaha I swear if this how you save relationships, or better yet relationshits we might as well all cheat... Happycouple: "but we are fine...' this guy that cheated "no... cheating is so the answer, I mean look at me I am getting married.' I swear no offense but this guy is pathetic. I don't see how that poor lady decided to take him back; I sure as hell wouldn't. once a cheater, always a cheater... in some way or another

  • I think that's wrong you cheated. Yeah, your a guy and have needs but you should have just confronted her in the first place and not have to cheat to find out. I'm glad its working out for you two but I don't think that was the way to handle the situation.

  • "but it made me realize the error in my ways" BUT YOU'RE POSTING THIS ANON LOLOLOLOL

    • Nice take (well written) but i don't agree with the outcome of this from a girl's POV but for your sake I'm glad that you got away with this/she let ya off the hook

  • Many years ago my therapist told me the same thing: cheating soemtimes can really open your eyes
    1) you understand that you just fucked up and the guilt will make you work to save the relationship
    2) you just realize that the relationship is over

    Many people here told the man, he had to talk to her before cheating.
    Well, maybe he did, maybe he didn't, probably he had tried but she dind't listen.
    He did something wrong, something that will be on his shoulders for the rest of his life, but at the end she had liestened to him.
    And probably she was really in love with him, because she decided that she wanted to stay with him.

    • I've noticed one thing: most of the people who thinks that what he did is just bad (and don't look at the fact that at the end it saved their relationship) are between 18-24. I don't cheat on my gf, 'cause I don't feel it would give me something I need, but my realationship is just soemthing that is good for me, and it's different from all the other relationships anybody else can have. So I don't feel I can really judge. But in real life it seems that most of the people cheats on each others. So I assume that most of the people that now are saying that cheating is horrible, and they would kill him, in 10 years they will have cheated on their partner at least once, or maybe more and more times. So this just tells me: 1) wait before judging so hard 2) welcome to a world of hypocrisy

  • So you need another girl to ride your dick to make you realize just how much your fiancée means to you and how much you love her?
    Classy shit.

  • Now I realised that "Not every happy ending is positive".

    I'm happy for you but is this the way?

  • Dude, cheating can save marriages. For the open minded, swinging and open relationships can also save marriages.

    • wow, your as full of shit as he is. Open marriages are for people who should never be married in the first place. just because you both agree to cheat, it is still cheating. just because your together when you cheat, it is still cheating. If you truly love someone you never want that person to have sex with someone else.

    • You close minded fool. Marriage in itself is a construct that doesn't exist. To be "married" is a perception, not a truth. There is no such thing as cheating (unless you follow the social construct that was created that is defined as marraige) I want my lover to be happy and monogamy is a myth, ergo she may need something that I can't give her. You give her that, she will "love you" more. But I don't expect you to understand. You sound like the worst people on this planet: religious. Don't get me started on that cause you will fucking lose there as well.

  • Nope, cheating is NEVER okay. Nothing makes this okay. The only reason why she let you get away with this is because she either loves you too much to forgive you so easily, or she is extremely insecure and naive.

    I feel sorry for her.

    • Agreed

  • Cheating did not save this relationship. Cheating was threatening to end this relationship. The fiancée deciding to forgive, was what temporarily saved this relationship. I say temporarily because his "solution" to stresses in the relationship is to cheat, and having got a pass once will do it again. Will she let him get away with it again? Maybe. But maybe she will be a little smarter by then.

  • Sadly no matter what your cheating was still wrong. Still the fact that you had the courage to tell her the next time y'all could talk. That was very good of you. It's good that you owned up to everything you did. I do hope that your couple counseling help y'all become closer together.

    Also next time your needing sex just masturbate and while doing that think about your fiancée. I know while my bf is doing his extreme studying for college that can last for 3 months. We ended up not having sex for over a month. So when I was just to turned on I would just self pleasure to the thought of having him doing hot sexual things to me. I knew that we weren't having sex because he didn't want to. It was because he was so extremely stressed out and killing his brain to keep up with all the tests and projects due 2 days within each other most of the time.

    Also for you if masturbating can't help. Then just ask her to give you a hand/blow job while wearing something sexy. That way your getting off and it wouldn't take as long as having sex.

  • You were wrong for cheating but I don't blame you for feeling neglected, especially sexually. Some people, especially women, just don't realize how important sex is in a relationship especially marriage. Some wives don't even have sex with their husbands anymore, honestly that is setting up some guys to cheat. Although there are those who will stay faithful regardless. I honestly feel both genders can only take so much, "no sex" in a relationship. But when you look at it, cheating is still wrong and you should have thought of those reasons before you had sex with that girl. What if you had not been given a secon chance? You would have lost so much in an instant? I'm happy for you that she is so forgiving... but still. You could have just talked to her about how you felt.

  • I wouldn't say cheating saved you. But coming to terms with reality did. Better late than never.

    • Well, I would

    • agreed, that's basically what I said too

  • Haha bullshit.

    You are just going to do it again if you won't get sex.

  • As much as a wife doing whatever her violent husband wants stops him from being violent.

  • This is interesting.

  • This is kind of shitty and on that note everyone should read my take it talks about weak people and their so-called mistakes www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a9113-cheating-is-not-a-mistake

    • If you can't be with the one you love beat the one you are with

  • If you are banging someone else and thinking about your fiance I sincerely doubt that you will do it again.. glad it worked out for you.

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