Sexual Relationships
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Getting Laid: Men vs Women

Getting laid: men vs women

These days, sex doesn't just happen between two people in a relationship anymore. It happens between strangers, colleagues, neighbors, friends, and other people that aren't connected with love. I finished my internship with a psychologist who specializes in relationships and sexual problems, and one topic that many people were conflicted about was "getting laid" or casual sex, hookups. (to clarify: getting laid is sex without commitment)

The phenomenon has a very different impact on men and women:

Women would mostly prefer a relationship or a sexual partner she has feelings for. Many women however have gotten laid, often enjoyed it, but afterwards felt bad about it. It turned out that in most cases, women tend to hookup with men that have some of these characteristics: muscular, good looking, confident, arrogant, rich, dominant, successful and powerful. These are the typical traits that seem to arouse most women sexually, but of course they often end up feeling used since a lot of those guys have a big ego and don't care about her after they fucked. More women have actually gotten laid casually than those that admit it.

Men however, seem to love casual sex, getting laid. They even get more of an ego boost by it than sex in a relationship. A shocking amount of our male patients that have problems with their sex life, feel insecure and even depressed because they don't get laid. They feel like they are inferior to the average man who they assume get's laid a lot. Here's the thing: most men don't get laid. Most women do, most men don't (more than 80%!). How come so many statistics say differently? Because men lie about this. It is said that men have 8-9 sex partners in a life, women 3-4. This is NOT POSSIBLE! Every expert will tell you this.

What we do notice is that many women have gotten laid and the frequency varries from once or twice to very regularly. Men are separated into two groups: the ones that don't get laid, and the few that get laid very often. It's logical since getting laid comes down to just sex, and sex comes down to reproduction, for which our subconcious instincts play a very important role. To have an ideal reproduction for our race, men want to fuck as many women as possible (spread their seed over as many women as possible), while women want the seed of only the most superior male. And it is perfectly possible for one superior male to impregnate many women. Of course we are now able to interfere this with contraception, but subconciously when we want sex, we actually want to make babies.

So men: Don't worry. you are not alone if you don't get laid without comitment.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • its bassically like this.. for each girl getting laid there is a guy getting laid but it's the same few guys who are consistently getting laid.

    Ok imagine there are 10 guys 10 girls. There's 3 guys that are the most desirable (attractive, confident, fun) those are the qualities that are desirable in a hookup scenario. Then 7 of the girls each take a turn hooking up with each of those 3 guys. That means those 3 guys each have 7 fucks on the scoreboard meanwhile the other 6 guys got none. And the 7 girls each have 3 fucks while the other 2 girls got none.

    the averages will be the same M (7+7+7+1+0+0+0+0+0+0=22/10=2.2)
    F (3+3+3+3+3+3+3+1+0+0=22/10=2.2) but the distribution is different. There's a small percentage of guys who are scoring the majority of the fucks on the guy team meanwhile for the girls it's more even.

    this obviously isn't the exact pnumbers, I just chose 10 because it's small and easy to visualize.

    The point is there's a small number of guys (manwhores/partyboys/athletes) who most of the girls take a turn hooking up with. These guys have really high numbers. They are the guys who have hooked up with every girl you know and then the majority of girls have moderate numbers and the majority of guys have low numbers.
    So the typical girl has likely had more casual hookups than the typical guy.

    so when they pair off the girl has had more partners than the guy she is dating, she just lies about her number to her. Also usually the guys she ends up being in a relationship with has to work for the sex that she gave away for free to the guys she hooked up with. He probably has to date her for 1-3 months before she fucks the relationship guy, meanwhile the other guys got into bed with her on the first date with no effort.

    this is why relationships and more importantly marraige isn't worth it for guys anymore.

    • That's exactly it! Thanks for clarifying it so well. Except for your last sentence but of course, if that's how you feel, I respect that.

    • jeez this was an old post lol

Most Helpful Girl

  • My thoughts on this is that girls definitely have the higher chance of hooking up vs a guy. It's easy for a girl to have sex.

    • very true, it is easier us guys have to thrust in and out lol

    • No arguments here

    • you gotta sexy bod.

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What Girls & Guys Said

3 16

  • This is the myTake of the month.
    m.quickmeme.com/.../...8d3361c2d04cfb2acb3cd7a.jpg

  • While I agree with what you factually laid out, I'm not sure either can just 'don't worry' about it.

    There's no need for monogamy with casual sex, and that effectively DOES shift things to the 'alpha male' model seen in species that don't partner up to mate.

    But males can't just 'not worry' about it. Their instincts are screaming at them to risk their lives to become alphas. While we can sit back and say being overly attached to others views of us, or our sex lives is 'not good for us', for men, it's the most natural thing in the world.

    • Very well said. What she offers is a platitude, not a solution.

    • It is a difficult issue. But it's still best to try and get over it as much as possible.

  • This is a very good take.. I think the whole thing that hit close to home with me is the whole fact that women want to have 1 man who is considered superior above all. I am very muscular and I'm athletic but that's not my desire... My desire is to have more of an intelligent dominance over a lot of men not a physical doninance. Though I may gravitate to both sides of the piece of pie, I choose brain power. Meaning I'm always looking to stay active and in great shape, I'd prefer to learn more but people tell me I'm already smarter than your adverage guy and that should be enough but I feel it isn't... The world has evolved and migrated there was a time in life where the strongest male was the most attractive because he was labeled as a dominant hunter and survivor. Now it's the pretty boys and singers and money makers the funny guys that can make you laugh are considered to be the most dominant ones. I personally miss the old days... I say that because I honestly only have a small percentage of the new school qualities in domance. But I guess the Matow is "keep up or get lost." I don't get laid much and I'm not afraid up admit because maybe I think like a woman in some ways. I prefer a good woman who's smart, intelligent, and loyal. Someone who doesn't sleep around and is motivated to her education and income, that's my choice in females... In this world it takes a lot to live nowadays and unless your a CEO or your insanely overpaid, it takes two people to live comfortably and safely... I don't like sleeping with random girls cuz I like to feel bonded to someone I'm giving myself to and I have to want to marry you before I try to get you pregnant... I believe my bloodline is fantastic and I'm not gonna inpregnate a women just cuz she has a fat ass of big breast, that would be my penis doing the decision making not I. I'm not ashamed to admit I haven't had many partners but it's been by choice. I've seen the outcome of sleeping around, STD's, HIV, AIDS. It's a sad.

  • Guess I'm more feminine, according to this post's logic. In exchange for trust and intimacy, I'd be willing to forego actual sex. But when the majority forgot why sex outside marriage is supposed to be seen as a bad and shameful thing, it became way too easy for the masses to simply get laid instead. And now, many are being cosmically punished for it by not knowing how to form a meaningful relationship. So they're forced to go back to getting laid, unable to make the leaps required for a meaningful relationship. So there is now endless sex, and little happiness in spite of it.

  • I agree with your thoughts and facts. At times I like sex just to have sex. No I don't want to make babies (not married) but I do like enjoying being naked and having some fantastic orgasms with some wonderful women with no commitment.

    On the flip side, sex in a relationship is fantastic and has more emotional connections. I can see why some women have different points of view but an occasional fling, hookup/onenighter can be fun as long as you keep it in perspective and don't have any emotional expectations.

  • wait for the tons of shitstorm from men coming your way, talking about alpha and beta males XD

    • Yeah I cringe at those words. If a girl finds you attractive it doesn't matter if you act alpha or beta she will still find you attractive likewise with men /thread.

    • @Joshua2332 I think i know what your saying because I know a lad who just talks loads of utter shit and behaves like a beta male... but yet still has a hot girlfriend because of his look and he has money also

  • Wouldn't the average sexual partners have to be the same between men and women? Since whenever a woman getting laid, a man is also getting laid. Assuming heterosexual encounters ofc. Though I do agree, there is a much greater disparity between partners from men to women; i. e. some men have A LOT and others few. However, overall I remember the average person has 2-5 sexual partners in their lifetime.

    • probably around 3 I guess.

    • The averages are the same, the medians are not, since the male distribution is more by a few guys having a LOT of casual sex.

  • reminds me of the man who can get four wives in their country... But their genes aren't superior.

    • I know a few players but I don't recall them saying they got anyone pregnant.

    • What we find attractive and appealing hasn't adjusted to birth control.

  • "It is said that men have 8-9 sex partners in a life, women 3-4. This is NOT POSSIBLE!"

    Obviously, I don't how people could believe that, those that do clearly don't understand what a mean average is. As the number of men and women is close to equal, the average number of (heterosexual) sex partners has to be close to equal for men and women. Though the distribution could be quite different.

    "So men: Don't worry. you are not alone if you don't get laid without comitment."

    That's really not much of a consolation. I don't care that other men aren't getting laid either, that doesn't make me happier, it's still annoying/saddening/disheartening to be unable to get laid often.

  • I can agree with most part of your takes, but I disagree with the subconsciously (i very well know what it means) I would want to make babies. I am not ready to have that responsibilities and I for sure never have thought of having babies, but I do know i would want one or two in future. So, that is not true as per me. Additionally, I understand that women gets more chances of getting laid than the men, but then again you threw the whole topic away of Getting Laid: men VS women, when you mentioned, So men: Don't worry... I can't make sense of the whole take and the last sentence.

    • Have you ever lied about getting laid a lot when been around your friends? just wondering

    • No i never did.

    • With "wanting to make babies" I mean that you naturally feel the urge to put your seed inside women. Not That you are planning to raise kids.

  • I wanted to rant about how off this post is, but I don't have the time, so I'll say only part that's accurate is:

    "... So men: Don't worry. you are not alone if you don't get laid... "

  • I know I’m one of few in this reasoning but I believe strongly in the Bible’s teaching of one man and one woman and not to until marriage.

  • sex is overrated.

  • Do you think I can get laid? I'm in a very depressed mood right now. I never slept with a girl but now I wish I was that hot douche bag that slept with hundreds of girls. I feel so cheated by God

    • I know how you feel and I understand. I hear this a lot. Men have a serious competition going on, which is not healthy for your mental state. You probably have had a bunch of girls that you had a crush on, which are often the more attractive girls, that you see as something out of your reach. You are probably happy if they even notice you and talk with you and you'd do anything to have a love or sexual relation with of any kind, even dedicate your life to her. While you are there, some random guy with a big ego, often an asshole, talks to her for a couple hours, isn't even nice, she's immediately hooked and he probably gets to screw her brains out a couple hours later, and she will most likely enjoy it, even if the guy doesn't put the least bit of effort in romancing her. You offer your life and see her as something unreachebale and get nothing, while this guy only offers something for his own pleasure and gets to fuck her like an easy slut (not that she is of course).

    • If you make a competition out of it, this guy destroys you. So the best thing to do is: don't think of it as a competition. Think positive and you will attract a girl that might not let you fuck her that way, but you could become her boyfriend and get more than just that. Don't think competitively.

    • I was never the type that wanted a lot of sexual escapades. I just want to be wanted, but this makes me feel like no girl really wants a guy like me.

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  • So what was the point of this take, other than to pat us 80% of guys on the head and say "hey, sorry that we don't find you sexually attractive!"

    • Misery loves company?

    • Eh, I'll be happy with my fiancee... we are both virgins. @gray_sailor

    • I just found this ridiculously condescending.

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  • what a bunch of bs. do they pull these statistics out of their butts?

  • I am very committed to my wife. Sometimes I think I am giving up too much because I know I can get all I want. Sense of humor, intelligence, looks, money, confidence and a lot more. I have been there and done that for most things in this world. Somehow can't cheat though. Women have thrown themselves at me. Married women too. I like it, I am complimented by it, but unwilling to trade that for being able to look her in the eyes each day. If I did go for it though it wouldn't be a commonplace girl or some random hookup. She would have to be all that.

  • "Women would mostly prefer a relationship or a sexual partner she has feelings for."

    Clearly you don't know the women where I live :(

    • They most likely still prefer it, but just end up having more of the other stuff. Where do you live?

    • Central Jersey

    • and many have made it very clear that they dont :(

  • When it comes to these situations I tend to play the "guy". When I hook up that's all it is and all it ever will be. My emotions don't get wrapped up in it and commitment is the fastest thing from my mind.

    Majority of the time the guys end up playing the role of the woman when it comes to me.

    • Well that is better for you mentally. But do know that it's very rare that a woman can do it. And you can't just tell everyone to change their mindset. It's not that simple.

    • Oh I'm fully aware there aren't many women that are like this. Nor am I telling them to be. I was just stating that I'm one of the rare ones.

    • Ok that's fine. I just noticed that you are under 18. Do you often get laid? How many partners have you had? And what relation did you have with those sex partners? Just curious. And you are anonymous anyway.

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