Sexual Relationships
+1 y

I saw my husband coming out of a massage brothel?

I visited my husband yesterday at work, during lunchtime and he wasn't there, after 10 minutes of waiting i decided he must be somewhere so i went looking after him and i noticed that there are many of those massage parlors that are actually real brothels in secret nearby his work area. This got me suspicions, and to my own shock just as i wanted to check if my husband wasn't spending his lunch break at these places, i saw him coming out of one of these brothels. It said "Massage" in big red letters. I knew it was a brothel. Now, outside he denied everything to me and says he did not get more than massage. I went inside and said to that Chinese prostitute, i will call police, she freaked out and told me he got a "shower and massage" that freaked me out and i was in a rage, i left immediately. Now i am scared he was doing this for the whole of our marriage. I know he was getting those erotic massages with hand relief and baths. I am sick whenever i think of a prostitute massaging his genitals. We have one boy together. He says it's normal and he goes there for relaxation. How is that normal in any sense? I want a divorce, this is way over the top what would you do in my place? I am financially stable by the way. I don't need him, i can support myself. People have been telling me i am overeating but i don't think so.
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+1 y
Happy ending massage: you go in strip naked, the woman massages every part of your body to the point of orgasm, and then washes you off.
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Shocked at some of the men reactions, but i guess i could of expected that.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • In your shoes, my choice would depend on the answer to this question: were his visitors to the massage brothel because he was denied an active and frequent sex life at home?

    If he was denied an active and frequent sex life, then both partners are to blame: the husband, because he did sexual things without the consent of his wife; and the wife, because she tried to turn her husband into a sexless monk without his consent.

    If this is the case, I think the problem can be fixed. The man should save the money he would have spent on massages and instead spend it on dates with his wife to bring her more emotional satisfaction, and the woman should should work on providing more active and frequent sex to bring him more sexual satisfaction.

    If he has been visiting these massage brothels in addition to have an active and frequent sex life, then he takes the full blame for what happened. In your shoes, I would be very tempted to divorce him.

    • Good answer, i agree i would tolerate this behavior if i would ignore his needs, but if he is doing i for fun, then i will not tolerate that.

  • Just because a guy gets a massage does not mean anything else is going on. I go for massages at least twice a year. It has never been anything more then professional. I have never had a "happy ending" during one and would never do that to my marriage.
    I guess the question is has he ever given you reason not to believe him? If he has been sneaky and you have suspected things in the past there is a greater chance that kind of thing happened. But if you have never doubted him then why start now? Are you really going to throw away a marriage and do that to your family and child on something you only "think" happened? It is horrible that people are willing to destroy family's so quickly nowaday's. it is really sad. I hope you will really think this through and do everything you can to save your marriage.

    • Again, read what i wrote! there is a difference between an erotic massage parlor and a LEGITIMATE one, want a clue? one is a brothel and one is a professional business. I SAW the place and he has been in there, how can you still doubt me? he doesn't think of it as cheating or anything in that sense, why should i save it if i can get a better man?

    • Well then you have already made your decision. It is a shame. So why ask for opinions? So he confessed to it? or the parlor verified that is what happend? I understand the kind you are talking about and no all the massages they have are the bad kind. From my understanding if your not willing to pay the outrageous fees they dont pay off. and it was a handjob. would I like it if my wife had that done? certainly not. it would take a lot to regain the trust I had. Would I have destroyed my family because my wife did this? never. Marriage and my family meant too much. it was my wife that forced the divorce between us. I would have never given it if I could save it.

    • I see, i am still in a shock, i have a bloody son with him! he won't confess, but its more than clear what he was doing, there was definitely some intimate touching going on, on BOTH sides, i wonder if he has gotten oral sex as well.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Did you really go back and ask what type of place that is? if that "chinese" girl didn't speak good English then she could've even meant the had a spa shower.bath ALONE and a massage. A regular massage. Maybe she freaked out that she doesn't have her papers. Sometimes our brain wants to make connections to things. Its like a way for it to cope. You were suspicious of him before , you had doubts, and you've went out looking for a very specific reason. Any proof that will win your hypothesis "he's not to be trusted, he's a scumbag" (something like that)

    If it indeed an actual brothel, then i would get a divorce. Or couples therapy.

    • Those places offer sexual services for money, just like brothels but there is the shower. So its even worse. They don't speak English and no they don't have papers, they are prostitutes for god sake. I don't know about couples therapy he did for a long time.

    • i really think it can be saved, by having a heart to heart...drag it out. The real problem in the relationship for both people. The event is merely a effect not a cause. Figure out whats causing it, communicate honestly, try to find a middle ground, maybe he's been feeling incompentent at work, and at home. Maybe you've been feeling neglected by him because of his work. Maybe both still love one another but dont know what to do. Shrugs, im not married lol easier said than done. Well, i hope things work out for you!

    • But i can't get those images of a naked woman jerking him off off my head, especially after i saw a video of what happens inside of these places, i need serious help now, there is no way in hell i am alright with this. He told me he is doing it because it relaxes him. I don't get it, this is way over the top, totally different to a legit massage, the woman is naked as well, i don't know if i can stay with him.

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  • I'm sorry - its his loss he doesn't know what he's missing. If he wants a prostitute and the STD's etc she may have let him have her. I know this is a tough time and I can't sympathise cause I don't know I haven't been there. Act normal. Pack your bags, take your son, move out. He doesn't deserve the both of you. Teach him a lesson. As for calling the police on that woman - its up to you, there's a reason why such places are illegal it should remain like that.

    • Thank you, he has not actually slept with her but i guess it doesn't matter.

    • I like your answer, especially how such places are illegal out there. They are illegal because they are pretending to be an legit massage parlor but in reality they practice prostitution, its very common.

    • exactly and even though you could say it shows the character of the man/woman you're married to, at the end of the day it is what causes a marriage to break down too.

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  • well sorry , but it's cheating. I think it's even worse when you have to pay for it.
    We can't tell if you should divorce him or not, you need to evaluate the situation yourself. Do you think you can forgive him? If so, does he even regret or does he seem like he'll be doing it again?

    It's not way over the top to get a divorce because of that, divorce laws should be in your favor there

    • I don't think so i would forgive something like this, a kiss? yes, getting his genitals massaged and washed? that's disgusting. I believe he is addicted but even if he won't do it again, how can i get over something such intimate? i don't know.

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What Girls & Guys Said

7 12

  • My feeling is that it wasn't his first time and it won't be his last. If you want to divorce him and can't get those images out of your head, then do it. I don't believe that it is an over reaction.

    • It certainly wasn't his first time, i am glad i was so lucky to actually catch him in there, otherwise i would have never found out since he payed cash.

  • LOL you "Knew" it was a brothel?

    You KNEW it?

    "Should I divorce him?"

    Did you ever love him in the first place?

    • I knew that but i would never think he would of went there. It is horrible. Yes i did loved him but not anymore.

    • You have zero proof he is cheating. None. You assume he is. Is an assumption enough to turn your back on the vows you swore when you looked into his eyes and told him you would be with him forever?

    • Oh my god, i saw it on my own eyes, why would be be visiting Erotic massage salons ( in other words brothels) then? don't come at me with marriage, but i guess you can rationalize all of want and defend that scum.

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  • I think the decision is yours. I don't think there is an "over the top" in this situation.

    Basically he is patronizing a prostitute. the fact that he'd be there during luch, would lead me to believe he probably does it a lot.

    I think this is a legit reason to end a relationship if that's what you feel you should do.

    • any updates? did you confront your hubby?

    • All i did was that i expressed to him how disgusting i am with what he has done, i mentioned every little detail to him, and also that if he ever wants me to treat him nice, he has to admit everything he has done with those girls. He has to tell me the truth. I am convinced that i am going to divorce him i am just waiting for him to tell me the truth. This could have been going on for another 10 years if i would have been lacking knowledge about these places. I feel more sorry for the girls after i found out who they really are.

    • I agree with everything you said. a part of me would want to know the truth but like you said even if he told the truth it probably wouldn't change my opinion on what I would do. really sucks. but I think it's good you found out

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  • But what if he was just doing a drug deal and that's why she got scared? Find out the truth first.

    • I checked what those places do, many people told me the clients get a handjob and a shower at LEAST, how can i tolerate that?

    • Sounds bad, its up to you what you can/can't tolerate though.

    • I definitely can't tolerate this, it disgusts me beyond words, i saw how these massages go.

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  • Well since you have decided that he is cheating, and he lies to you about going there, despite you catching him leaving the building - I don't know that there's any trust in the marriage.

    It does strike me as odd that a woman for the most part would be fine with a woman massaging and stroking her husband on every part of his body but the 6"-8" between his legs..but that's just an odd thing about humans, not a commentary on your feelings.

    • Exposing his genitals to a naked woman and letting her massage him would be cheating as well. Don't you think?

    • Again, I'm not here to try to justify to you whether what he did was cheating or not. I'm just making a general observation. You're not out of line for considering it cheating. Obviously you feel he's cheating, he's also lying - so you have every right to feel the way you do.

    • You don't know that he was getting an erotic massage. You ASSume an awful lot! Are you providing for his needs? Sex for a woman is optional. It is not for a man. If he is going to see other women for sex, why isn't he going to his wife? A woman who denies her man her body is guilty of breaking her marriage vows in my opinion. I am not saying that is what you are doing. But why are you so dead convinced it's what he's doing, then anonymously asking the internet if you should divorce a man you swore you would cherish for better or for worse? Are you serious?

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  • divorce the bastard. he broke your trust

    • I find what he did disgusting tbh.

    • it is disgusting for a married man to do that. i know i would divorce my wife if she did that

    • Thank you, good to see someone with a healthy brain.

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  • Cheating is cheating, and I don't forgive cheaters, I leave them.

    I say divorce him if you're like me and can't forgive his cheating and move forward in your marriage.

    • This is heavy cheating, not just any cheating for me. Hope i will get through it with no problems.

    • I hope you can get through this without any problems too. If you find yourself having problems with this don't be afraid to ask someone for help.

    • Well i am only getting images of what he has been doing in there for now.

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  • I didn't realize they still had brothel

    • joooooooooooocy

    • Que paso, powerhouse?

    • You are quite behind honey.

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  • If he can pay a prostitute then what's stopping him from cheating for real sex divorce him

  • I wonder what else, he has been concealing from you?

    • Yup, he knew i would make a big deal out of it so he kept it a secret.

    • You should have ask the girl how many times he has been in that parlour

    • I feel sorry for you that what a terrible thing, your son will have to go through when he learns of what his father did to you.

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  • I consider it cheating. You just need to do some thinking and see if it's something to can get over. Personally I would leave my girl in a heartbeat if she was getting happy ending massages. No one other than her gyno or waxing lady can touch her privates for any reason!! Not should they even have a reason unless something shady is going on.

    He knew what he was doing and my guess is he has done it multiple times.

    Massages are one thing. I get them weekly...but my underwear never even comes off

    • EXACTLY! underwear should be left on! these are true brothels, i bet he was touching her boobs as well.

    • I bet he was as well and for a little more cash he very well could have gotten more than a hand job. I would run but that's me.

    • Yes i checked and a full service costs $120, i don't know how this is acceptable for some people, if this is what happy ending massages are like i have been living in a fairytale.

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  • A brothel... hmmm... If a guy comes out of a cave, then it means that he definitely did something over there. And in this case, i'm 80% he must've done something. And that's cheating, i guess. Just confront him. Make him spill the beans (or nuts). You'll get an answer. If he admits it, you know what to do. If he doesn't then badgering him about the incident. He'll spill it out eventually.

    • I believe all he was doing was getting a bath and a sexual massage from those women, but i can't be definitely sure, he could of easily paid for oral. He pays in cash.

    • that's true :)

  • Sounds like a made up story to me. You just happen to know for a fact that these massage places are brothels?

    You visit him at lunch time and your first instinct is that he's at a massage parlor and not out to lunch with co workers?

    • I agree it does seem a little fantastic. that she just knew where to go

    • I don't know how you call a place where naked women perform sexual acts on men for money. I think Brothel is how you call such place. How do i know that? these parlors are everywhere, they can be easily recognized, i am also familiar with these places from my past. Regarding the lunch time. This was the first time i visited him at lunch. No i didn't suspect him of going straight to them. But what i noticed was that his co workers were there while he was missing. I was just wondering around and caught him by accident.

    • I know what these places are like, after i saw them nearby where my husband works, i got suspicious and i couldn't stop myself from looking. I am a suspicious person by nature as well so there is no way i would of left it like that.

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  • Seeing your man coming out of a brothel should be the last time you see him. full stop.

    • Yes they are brothels, although most people would not recognize for what they really are. People prefer to use the term "massage parlor" although most people are unaware of the practices that are being carried out inside these businesses. Really sad.

  • My concern is a boy having to grow up with divorced parents. Honestly I think that's both your guys' faults if that happens but otherwise I agree this is very wrong of him to do. Didn't you foresee any of this when you went into the marriage? I am just wondering.

    • No, why would i suspect my husband of doing anything like this? i would have never imagines he would do such a perverted thing. I was seriously shocked. The boy will certainly get a good father, it doesn't have to be this "man" he never talked to me we could have easily worked his issues out.

    • I feel like people should have a good assessment of each other's character before they get into relationships that's all. Your husband seems pretty messed up and dumb to throw away his marriage like that. I can understand divorcing although I don't like divorce as a thing overall

    • Agree. i was young when i married and now i regret it.

  • Talk things through or check Nd see what he does if he keeps doing it don't stay with him

    • I don't think he will be able to stop, i have made my decision but i want him to admit it.

    • So ur going to leave him? Is there kids in the marriage?

    • I have a 12 months old son, it's better to do it now then later, as he won't realize what his father has done. Yes i will leave him, i don't see a legit reason why not.

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  • Cheating is cheating. You shouldn't call the cops on her though. That's immature

    • Why? these places are highly illegal and get busted every once in a while. They disgust me, i will certainly make sure that they will get closed down.

    • No one your husband cheated on you

    • That's not your place to get them shut down. You're just bitter because your man slept with a hooker. Clearly you haven't been doing something

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  • You're obviously uncomfortable with the situation so you'd better end the relationship.

    Personally, I don't think it's that "serious". He didn't have sex with her, she just masturbated him (in the victorian era, women all over England used to go to physicians for regular (prescribed) masturbation). But him lying and hiding it from you is definitely serious stuff. Sexually it's barely cheating, but lying and hiding that kind of stuff... not a good sign.

    • How is it not that serious? he got naked in front of her and let her rub him all over following a handjob and a bath, in my opinion that is the same as if he was having sex with hookers.

    • Would you want your wife to be fingered to the point of orgasm?

    • Really? Is it? Well, if it's the same for you, it's the same for you. But as I said, I personally don't think so. I see how someone can let his/her partner be masturbated by another person while, at the same time, find the though of her/him having sex with another person absolutely repulsive. But then again, some people consider dancing with another person cheating... so I won't judge you for feeling the way you feel, to each their own.

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  • Couple things, why go to a message place that's known for that extra service? It just makes you look bad. Is this the first time it's ever happened? Maybe you need to consider going any further in the marriage. No, it's not ok unless you to have that type of marriage (which is fine).

    • I believe he was doing this for a year or so. I couldn't stand it, i wanted to see the woman with my own eyes. They are nothing more than hookers.

    • ughh, yeah i wouldn't blame you for divorcing him. It's kinda the first rule of marriage, don't let other chicks service your dick. The lying just makes it worse, it's breach of trust. Im sorry :(

    • I think it hurts me more that he let those women touch him, than that he broke my trust.

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