Throwing myself at my own boyfriend.?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for eight months. I recently moved in with him after the offer was given. But it seems like he has lost interest in me, sexually. I mean, he works long hours, sometimes 14 hours a day. So I understand that he's tired. I asked him about if he has lost interest and be reassured me that he hasn't. But we haven't had sex in a week. I am a very sexual person and he usually is too, and it's frustrating to know that when we get into bed at night, I might as well go straight to sleep! I've bought lots of new sexy lingerie and told him about it. Didn't get much of a reaction. Then the other day I told him I was gonna buy some new lingerie and wanted his input, but got no answer. I think the most frustrating thing, is that when he goes in the shower, which I always ask to join him in, he takes his iPad into the bathroom while I'll be in bed, then will have a shower get ready go to work etc. but when I go on the iPad, all the google suggestions are porn! It honestly makes me feel like crap and that I am not good enough. I know almost everybody watches porn, but I'm practically throwing myself at my own boyfriend, and I don't get anything. I can't even remember the last time we kissed. Which disgusts me. And now tonight he is going out after a 12 hour shift to go drinking with boys he went to college with. I understand boys night out and stuff. But I have no friends and I am new to the area and haven't had a night out since October. So I'll be sat waiting for my drunk boyfriend to come in and go to sleep. Not even drunk sex I bet. Another thing is, it's not like I'm shy in the bedroom either. I love to try new things etc. so it's not like I just lay there like a mattress. I just want some attention and I don't know how to make him give it to me. I'm thinking about asking questions when he is drunk later, but I don't even know what I would ask or where to start. Please help.

[MaskedSanity]

I can honestly understand his side, because for a little while my boyfriend was exactly like this.

He was working very long hours and simply had no strength to engage in sexytiems. And his sex drive is normally higher than mine.

I think this phase lasted for about a month. I talked to him and he explained that he has been feeling way too tired to do anything, including sex.

Don't forget, that wanking is MUCH easier, than having sex. What do you think is more tiring? Hand motions or full body engagement in various positions?

I was the one getting things started during his little phase and of course I felt left out at the time, felt undesirable.
You know what helped?

TALKING.

Don't sit there moping and feeling sorry for yourself. Just talk to him and let him know how you feel. But don't be too pushy about it either. Just because he's a man, doesn't mean he's not allowed to be tired and not want sex. Society tends to blow a man's sex drive out of proportion, implying that men will fuck any time, given the opportunity.
It's an ickle bit selfish to get upset over the fact that he doesn't want to have sex when YOU want it. Reverse the roles: how would you feel, if he was upset with you not wanting to have sex with him?
Most women would bitch that all their man wants is sex and doesn't care about how she feels.

Do you work 12 hour shifts? Or are you a part-timer? If it's the latter, you might want to take that into consideration.

He's not a bad boyfriend for wanting to hang out with his mates and anyone, who thinks otherwise, is just a selfish little girl. Expecting your partner to always ALWAYS prioritize you over everything else extremely selfish.

Don't forget that you guys live together, so he sees you literally every day. Can't say the same about his friends.

For god's sake, not having sex for a WEEK sounds like such a minuscule issue, it's not really worth getting upset over.

[XRabbitHeartX]

He sounds like a really shitty boyfriend. I don't know why people put up with this kind of behavior. Please talk to him because clearly something is wrong somewhere and the only way to get to the root of the problem is by talking to him about it. Nothing we can say can change his behavior. You're the one who needs to communicate the problems to him and then together you two need to work it out. It's never OK to have a partner available but to then choose to rather watch p*rn instead of sleeping with them. That's called disrespect and you every time he does this he's disrespecting you as a human being and you as his girlfriend. Please stand up for yourself and demand that you be treated like a proper girlfriend. Girls and guys for that matter need to stop selling themselves short and should receive what they give. Otherwise it's not a worthwhile relationship.

[Red_Arrow]

No a mind reader (obviously) but I'll give this a shot. The thing that stands out the most is the working hours. Some guys can take the long hours all the time. Some can take it for a while. But the body only has so much energy. And different kind of work (mental, physical, etc.) can have different effects. This sounds like the first place to start.

How many days a week does he work? Does he get weekends to recuperate? How much sleep is he getting? Along this line, maybe he can shave off some tv time to get more sleep time. Is he sleeping well? If he snores, he could have apnea and not be getting restful sleep.

Also, is working that many hours mandatory? If he can sometimes just work an eight hour shift and come home, he will have more energy for things at home.

Keep communicating, but not to the point that you are nagging. That would have a negative impact. Let him know you miss that time with him and that you are horny, but don't make it into pushing him about his not doing his part.

If he is appreciates touch during this time, cuddle to show your affection. Light massages if he likes that. Even HJs and BJs without expecting a return favor may be appreciated and helpful. But only for so long. He needs to appreciate you and realize that you are caring for him, but that you will need him to snap out of his problem and get back to his old self.

Good luck.

[againstleon]

I know kinda how you feel, my gf and I have lost touch sexually. One thing I would say is to sit down and talk to him. Let him know that you want sex more frequently, that your open to try things or hear his suggestions without judgment. Judgment is the key word, my gf likes to think she tries new things, but when she asks me what I want to do I feel she will say no, but whats worse is judge me more suggesting it.

Suggest a date night once a week, regiment it, every week same time, romantic meal.

One last suggestion, maybe suggest watching p*rn with him? or start watching some p*rn yourself and masturbate to it, then if he walks in on you it should be a massive turn on for him.

[Anonymous]

I think you should talk to your boyfriend correctly about what is wrong about your relationship, and ask him why he prefers watching p*rn instead of having sex with you