Do men get more emotionally attached after sex, than women?

[MaskedSanity]

This is something I've been curious about for awhile now. It is often said that women are more emotional etc etc and that sex means more to women on a bonding level, than to men. That men can have lots of sex with different women and not get attached. BUT This is not something I have heard men say, this opinion of emotionless sex is usually perpetuated by (often used) women. Lets leave players out of the equation, because their whole purpose is to pursue women for sex and rack up numbers. No, I'm talking about the average bloke. A guy, who is genuine and he might be looking for a casual relationship or a serious one. You see, I tend to hang out with guys more often, so I got to hear this opinion a lot. Guys tell me that although women tend to be more emotional, when a guy has sex with a girl - he pretty much falls in love with her because of it. On this basis, I've been told that is the reason why a lot of men are worse at fuckbuddy relationships, because they tend to get attached to the girl, while the girl can maintain a no strings attached type relationship much more easily. Obviously, I don't really know how true that actually is, society tends to believe the opposite. But from my personal experience I have indeed had no strings attached relationships where I have made it crystal clear that it was only physical and the men ended up developing feelings anyway. In fact, all 3 of my fuckbuddy relationships were cut short, because the men started wanting more than sex. I felt like shit having to end it, but it had to be done to avoid causing them more pain. Please note, this is not my opinion. This is something I have heard from various men, I'm questioning it, so I haven't formed an opinion yet. So who gets more attached after sex, men or women? Do men get emotionally attached to their one night stands more often, than women do?

[Bluemax]

I asked very tenuously related question about crying after sex. You might want to take a look at it.

I don't much care for anecdotal evidence. From what I've read, there is some medical evidence that support women feel more emotional after sex, or at the very least react differently. More oxytocin is released in a woman than a man during sex. This is a hormone very much linked to maternal bonding. Oxytocin is released when women breast feed, too. Men receive a dose of oxytocin when they have sex, but not at the same level. Moreover, the effects of oxytocin seem to be different between the genders. It tends to make men sleepier. It tends to make women more excited. I recall there are differences in the amount of dopamine and endorphins released, and that men and women seem to have different reactions to dopamine crashes, but I can't quite remember what those differences are. Oh well.

Did you and yours get bikes, asker? Oh, kudos to you for ending the friends with benefits situation with the guys who wanted more than you could give them. Many people are unable to see the writing on the wall where that's concerned.

[MaskedSanity]

Haha, yes we have. My legs are aching lol. And thanks, I'll have a look at your question a bit later.

[DodgersGM]

Removing players from the equation skews the results a LOT. That's kinda like saying, "let's remove all of the most emotionless/less emotional men, and then see which gender is more emotional about sex".

Overall, I do think women are more emotional about it. I do believe that on the whole men are biologically programmed to view sex as less emotional than women do... it serves an evolutionary purpose for them to be that way.

That said, me personally, I view sex as a VERY emotional thing. It's not a thing I do to fall in love, but my feelings will absolutely increase and intensify after it, and I will only have sex with women with whom love is involved.

I'm not necessarily bragging about it, but I'm more the exception than the rule in that way.

[MaskedSanity]

Overall, yes. I think women are more emotional in general. But it's just this opinion has been floating around in my circle of friends, who are not dickheads, so it got me curious. From what I've seen, methinks men are more emotional about sex than they let on. Not all, obviously, but as men are conditioned to suppress their feelings, it comes off as emotionless.

[DodgersGM]

I absolutely agree that, on the whole, men are emotional than they'll let on. For me, sex is an animalistic act but it's borne and fueled by emotion, and the more emotion involved the more emotions less it can actually seem. Any oxymoron of epic proportion, but that's how it is... for me. Anyway, I lost track there... yes, sex is more emotional than many men let on. Absolutely agreed.

[MaskedSanity]

It's funny, because my boyfriend would sometimes ask if I'm upset with him, if we haven't had sex in a couple of days, lmao.

[DodgersGM]

Haha yeah I think that's a fairly common sentiment. A lot of people will see the sexual activity (and especially a lack of it) as a potential sign of how the rest of the relationship is going.

[MaskedSanity]

Thing is, though, affection and intimacy is great for when you're upset. I don't get how people don't have sex when they're sad. It's a great cure. :D

[DodgersGM]

Well yeah, you're preaching to choir there, haha! Happy sex, sad sex, angry sex, reconciliatory sex... they're all good and they all strengthen the emotional bond, in my opinion. :-)

[DodgersGM]

Thanks for MH. :-)

[pr3ttybr0wn]

i think the average guy would be a player if he had the opportunity. hell the average guy TRIES to play women sometimes, its just that they don't often succeed

men aren't like women when it comes to sex

who are the guys telling you that men are more emotional than women? are they related to you, or are they your "guy friends"? i'd be leery about what non relative men say to me because a lot of times they are have a vested reason why they're giving you advice about men. a lot of that shit is lies to get u to drop ur guard down so u will be more likely to fuck
\
say you believed that men could fall in love with women after sex... then you might be more likely to have sex with him because you'd underestimate him...

[MaskedSanity]

Oh no, I'm not interested in it for my own sake in deciding whether I should sleep with a guy or not. I have far better judgement than that. I'm just generally curious about the subject. And I didn't say men are more emotional. I'm talking specifically about attachment after sex. The guys that said this to me are already in relationships (my boyfriend's mates), so it's not like they're trying to sweet talk to get in my pants. It was brought up when we were discussing how men and women behave in relationships and obviously the topic of sex came up and they were really riled up over the fact that society says men don't get attached to the women they sleep with.

[XRabbitHeartX]

Definitely B. Men aren't as emotionally wired as us when it comes to sex. They can easily do hook ups. It's always the girls who come crying after a friend with benefits went wrong. You seldom see the guy saying "I fell in love with my hook up buddy". It just hardly ever happens. I see guys hooking up with girls in real life all the time without a care in the world. It's not anything for them. Obviously when sex and relationships come together then it becomes more serious and stuffs but in casual encounters guys definitely have the upper hand at not running a risk of falling in love.

[MaskedSanity]

But as I said, if you remove players out of the question, men end up getting attached after sex. At least in my personal experience and from what actual men told me (decent men, not dickheads who use women). Sure, my experience is miniscule compared to the majority, but I can confirm that both my one night stands and fuck buddies wanted a relationship and told me I was cold to reject them, even though I told them nothing serious will ever happen. They KNEW what they were getting into and feelings happened anyway.

[XRabbitHeartX]

I know guys who aren't players or dickheads n the slightest but who can still casually hook up. Just because you can hook up and have emotionless sex does not = a player or make you a dick or something. It's possible to be a adult, mature and still enjoy one night stands in a responsible way. It does not make you a dickhead.

[MaskedSanity]

Fair enough. Do the guys you know re-hook up with those girls? The guys I know will do that, then attempt a relationship lol.

[XRabbitHeartX]

Yeah re-hook for another sex session but not for love.

[MaskedSanity]

That's just an assumption filled with prejudice i. e. all men want is sex.

[XRabbitHeartX]

Look I'm basing what I'm saying on real life experience which I have quite a bit of seeing as I've had guys in and out of my life now countless time.

[MaskedSanity]

I do get that. But it seems like such a cliche thing, you know? Rah rah rah all men are pigs, all they want is sex. Lots of douchey guys out there, no doubt. But it seems the older I get, the more I realize that men are just as emotional. They're just conditioned to believe they ought to be tough and macho.

[XRabbitHeartX]

Yeah I agree... it's definitely a bad generalization just like how women get coined as being sluts for simply enjoying the same freedom as men. I don't think all men are pigs. In fact, I think most of the time there's clear warning signs that a guy is about to only use for sex but when you are in love you are blind to it. So it takes two to tango. I know there are good guys out there too for sure ^^

[WesTheGuru]

No. Feelings never develope after sex, if they have feelings for you then they always had feelings for you. Sec has nothing to do with it

[MaskedSanity]

Well, you can't really have feelings when you've only gone out a few times. But as soon as sex happens, guys have told me they felt a whole lot closer to the girl.

[WesTheGuru]

You definitely can have feelings when you've only gone out a couple times. The guys that you hang around probably don't have very much sex, so they're more attracted to the fact that the girl would do that with them rather than attracted to the girl specifically. Pretty much if anything changes after sex, then it's artificial and will fade soon. It's the euphoric feeling. Like after you get in a good workout, you feel awesome about yourself. After a girl gives you good sex, you never want to leave her. You're probably just very good at sex, or only getting FWB's who liked you beforehand

[MaskedSanity]

Well, I know for a fact they have had enough sex, so it's not like they're starved. And the friends with benefits couldn't have liked me beforehand as we haven't previously met. But yeah, the euphoria definitely makes sense. It's like an addiction, I suppose, you just need mooooore.

[2ButterflyKiss1]

From a personal perspective I have gone for B. I have had several occasions where a casual relationship has had to end as the lady has wanted more than just sex and like you Ifelt horrible ending it but it had to be done. However Im not too sure its as black and white as a purely gender issue. I believe its down to the individual and the fact thst both you and I can say more or less the same from our own perspectives supports that.

[MaskedSanity]

Yeah, stories of girls developing feelings for their friends with benefits isn't unheard of. But you never seem to hear the same stories from men and then BAM, my guy friends tell me I know nuthin, Jon snuuuw.

[relahvent]

For me, sex and love have always been to completely separate issues. I don't think they have anything to do with another, at least not in my mind. I had a friends with benefits for nearly a year and never developed any feelings for her whatsoever, in fact she was the one who wanted more.

[SomeoneImportant]

Men can choose whether or not to get emotionally attached. I'd say majority of men can completely separate emotion and sex, whether he is a player or not.

[MaskedSanity]

Well no, a person can't really choose how they feel. They can control or suppress their emotions, but you can't choose which emotion to feel like it's a slab of meat at the butcher's.

[BrunetteNYC]

Yes but MEN do have an easier time of detaching emotion from sex vs. women. Women release chemicals in their brains during sex which makes us bond even against our own will - we get attached.

[MaskedSanity]

@BrunetteNYC I'm not questioning women's attachment, though. I'm curious about men, given my experiences and multiple accounts by other men. The poll seems to be 50/50. Very interesting. :)

[SomeoneImportant]

Well, I have actually "chosen" to not become attached on several occasions. Not sure if choose/chosen is the right choice of words to describe it, but it sure seems that way.

[MaskedSanity]

Sure, and I've chosen not to get attached to guys as well. But you can't choose feelings, those sort of happen on their own. If you feel sad, it's because something happened that caused it. You can suppress it, as I've explained, but feelings themselves are involuntary.

[Matador555]

No way chica. A lot of guys like a girl who is willing to move on after a sexual encounter. I think it's other way around

[MaskedSanity]

Well yes, that's what most people believe. However, my personal experience coupled with male testimonies got me questioning that.

[decemberxblue]

That's never been the case for me. Can't speak for others.

[MaskedSanity]

Fair enough.

[Keyspirits]

Most men dont. They get bored with the same puss quickly which will lead to cheating and fawken other chix. Juz becareful on who u choose.

[MaskedSanity]

Lol okay. How long does it take for a guy to get bored with the same puss?

[Keyspirits]

If he doesn't think that he can get laid anywhere as, he might stay with u for awhile til he finds sumone else. But guys do tend to get tired of the same puss quickly tho.

[MaskedSanity]

Yeah okay, but you didn't elaborate of the time scale.

[Keyspirits]

It could be for a couple weeks or a month but that doesn't mean that he's gonna leave u that early but sum guys do after they get what they wanted. Than they no longer feel the need to talk to u anymore once they score on u ;3

[MaskedSanity]

Does this also apply to relationships that last for years?

[Keyspirits]

I think it doesn't apply to relationship dat last for years but da. He still luvs u thats why he's stick with u for that long. If he becomes selfish enough, than probably he might think of cheating hooken up with other chix. Juz think of us as lions. We want all da lioness to ourself :3

[HappyToBeAlive]

Isn't that the point of sex? So both partners can be one and feel emotionally attached? I think it's equal even though some don't admit it.

[MaskedSanity]

Well technically, the point of sex is reproduction. The pleasure is a bonus. Most people have sex for the bonus. I have guy friends, who get upset over their one night stands ignoring their calls and texts, so ya know... gotta question this shit.

[HappyToBeAlive]

Haha. I forgot the fact that humans reproduce by sex LMFAOO. But seriously, I think it's natural to feel attached. But I guess different people are well... different.

[Jackblue]

Saying leave the players out is like saying only include the guys who need emotional attachments for sex. You are begging the question.

[hypno-trip]

I wish I could say from experience

[foxsquirrell]

I think yes provided he had a genuine interest in her before. I once had a fuck buddy and I developed no emotions for her whatsoever after 10 months fucking her, but I never did have any interest in her other than a fuck body. You know like friends with benefits or maybe even acquaintance with benefits.

[foxsquirrell]

By the way I do regret so much that I wasted all that time with her. If I had to be born again I would not sleep with her, ever. I was very stupid and idiotic and I regret it a lot. :'(( I don't even want to remember her for half a second.

[MaskedSanity]

Really? Do you regret it because you thought that time was wasted? Or was she horrible to you?

[foxsquirrell]

I regret it because I wasted so much time with someone I did not really like and surely did not fancy or find attractive. Not more than a buddy I think. Horrible how, what are you thinking of?

[MaskedSanity]

I dunno, as in being a bitch? I was just wondering why you regretted it. Then again, it's life experience. Bad experiences build character.

[foxsquirrell]

No it's because I did not find her attractive as in she was not my type really but I wanted to have some sex and so i decided not to be picky. Problem with that is that it's even the sex lacks that certain something, it lacks that kind of spark hot love making you know.

[Anonymous]

I did not respond to your poll because your question is quite different from your poll options and I do not want to mislead.

Do men get emotionally attached to women after sex? Sometimes, yes; but it depends on the guy, the girl and the circumstances.

Do men get more emotionally attached after sex than women? On average, no way.

Sex is a big part of falling in love for men, but the chemical reaction to sex that forms that bond seems to be much stronger for women than men, on average, especially in their teens and twenties.

shine.yahoo.com/.../...r-sex-than-men-2457011.html

[MaskedSanity]

Perhaps my wording of the poll options was a bit off.

[Opinion Owner]

No worries. :) It's an interesting topic. Thanks for asking.

[Anonymous]

the few times I've had the pleasure of having sex I was already in love with her or at the very least had a huge crush on them which turned into love shortly after having sex with them.

I like to think I tend to have feelings for a girl before our relationship get's sexual. I can see me falling for a fuck buddy assuming I ever have one.

[MaskedSanity]

Fair enough. I'm very picky when it comes to fuck buddies. I make sure I dislike them as a person, so no feelings will ever develop. Worked great for me, not so much for the guys...

[Opinion Owner]

that's interesting. maybe guys should start doing things like that too.

[MaskedSanity]

Does that always work, though? Some guys will date a complete bitch, if she's smoking hot and good in bed.

[Opinion Owner]

saddly that's true. I don't know why guys do that to their selves. I hope I would have the courage to leave an abusive GF.

[MaskedSanity]

I'm sure you will. Better being single, than treated like shit.

[Opinion Owner]

exactly. :)

[Anonymous]

It depends. Some guys only want to bang and so they tell the girl they love her just so they could get into her pants. As for those guys who actually are in love with their girl then yes I'm sure they get emotionally attached when having sex. It's probably the same amount of emotional attachment for both genders.

[MaskedSanity]

I'm talking about the very beginning of this hypothetical relationship, though. Over time both people will grow on each other. But guys told me they felt A LOT closer to the girl as soon as they had sex.

[Opinion Owner]

Well, maybe i guess.

[Anonymous]

Men that seem to talk about bonding from sex the most are married men. If they aren't having sex with their wives, they start to fall out of love with her. Having sex with her, can reinforce his love for her. Women that talk about bonding from sex, almost always are talking about at the beginning of the relationship. So it seems to me that men do bond, but on average may bond differently than women.

[MaskedSanity]

That's a very interesting view and I think you're spot on.