Sexual Relationships
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I have caught my boyfriend jacking off twice this week?

Me and my bf live together and I've caught him looking at p*rn twice this week and the thing that upsets me is that im more than willing to be with him sexually! This past month I've felt like he doesn't want to have sex very often. And he has gotten hard ons i nfront of me when a girl gets naked on tv. I have talk to him about but he says that im being dramatic. Is this something I should worry about? I can't help but feeling a tad unwanted
1 1

Most Helpful Guys

  • If I were you, I wouldn't worry about this stuff. I mean, sex and masturbation provide different things: sex provides the warmth and comfort of another human being, but masturbation allows one to relax and have absolutely no concerns about their appearance, breathe, performance, or anything else. Both activities have their upsides and downsides and it doesn't hurt to let your man have a bit of both. (A woman that forbids sex but allows masturbation, and a woman that allows sex but forbids masturbation, are both kind of disappointing, to be honest.)

    As for the erection while watching television, there is something you need to understand about men: our dicks can respond to visual stimuli even when our minds feel absolutely no urge to have sex (i. e., we can have boners without wanting to use them), and our minds can have a strong urge to have sex even when our dicks don't respond (i. e., we can want to have a boner but be unable to get one). Your boyfriend just had an erection without his mind feeling an urge to have sex (with anyone at all). That's a common mismatch between the little head and the big head. It happens all the time and it's nothing to be concerned about.

    The core issue here is that he is not attending to your sexual and physical needs. If he was doing that, then I doubt you would have any issue with the things you mentioned. So, the question is, how can you get him to pay more attention to your needs? I suggest finding a time when he is not using p*rn, or pitching a tent in any other way, since it won't seem like you're bitching at that time, and then speak to him in a calm and collected way to tell him that you don't mind the p*rn or anything like that, but you would like for your relationship with him to involve more physical and sexual intimacy. If he doesn't start changing his ways in (let's say) three weeks, you should start considering whether you might be happier with someone else.

  • So, two things here:

    1) Most guys masturbate and most also look at p*rn, and getting mad that your boyfriend does it, in general, will not end well. I know that it can feel like a rejection, but it really isn't about you. There's something comforting and relaxing about having some time just to focus on yourself, and your own pleasure, and your own visual fantasies without having anyone else involved. Just because you're offering sex, doesn't mean that it will replace that feeling. Sex can be exhausting, both physically and mentally, because it puts a lot of focus on the coordination of the combined act. It's like dancing by yourself when no one is watching, versus dancing with someone else.

    2) There is a problem, however, if he is only interested in watching p*rn and masturbating and consistently turning you down for sex. It's not dramatic if your needs aren't getting met, and he should know that you feel unwanted.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Hi Pretty Girl. Different strokes for different folks, I say. However, if you are really upset with your bf then have an open/honest 1:1 convo with him about the issues you have, how you are feeling & moving forward, discuss the oh so many ways to amp up/enhance the physical side to your relationship. Where there is a problem there is a solution, you go girl!!!

  • It's normal to do that but it's bad if it interferes with your sex life. You guys should try watching p*rn together.

  • maybe the next time you catch him, ask if you can lend a hand?

    • I like your attitude :)

    • Smart girl! :)

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 14

  • He is always going to look at p*rn. And whack it -- whether it's in the shower if you somehow (and you'd make money on this) somehow prevent him from looking at p*rn, or the straight up 21st century way (porn).

    You not have a scolding issue about it, though. He's not doing it because he's lacking in sexual desire with you -- although if you get a feeling that he doesn't want to have sex as much as "you used to", sure, if he beats his meat like redheaded step-child, it won't help amping up the sexuality between you two.

    Don't hate p*rn. Many women like it -- many more including the ones who hate liking it. It's a cultural-conditioned thing not to like it. But yes, he shouldn't be tuned into it like his favorite baseball games if the sex isn't as often as it used to be (Make Sure that's not just your assumption influenced by you hating 'porn'!).

    If things are lacking a bit, compromise. Tell him that you're OK with him watching it but not wacking it unless he's porked you, first. It's fine when you're out of town, on the period, way too busy, "have a headache" or whatever, for those off-days.

    Just tell him you want him to save that ammo for you, and that once a week you two can watch some p*rn that You are liking more of (Skinemax? Reality-dorm-porn?) With him While in bed. p*rn can be used actually to spice things up between a couple -- just make it clear that you don't want him using it as a substitute for sex on any given night -- unless he's super horny, already had sex with you, but needs to rifle an extra round off when you're tired or something.

    It shouldn't be too amazingly hard to resolve, if you two have a good relationship going and you both are willing to fun-play-compromise with it.

  • You said you've more than willing to be with him sexually, but what do your actions speak of? Does he know this, or is is it implied that he needs to have mind-reading abilities?
    It may be that he does this because you really aren't showing that you want sex. Maybe he has asked at all the wrong times, and now figures you don't want it. There could be many reasons behind it.

  • It's only a red flag if you're offering him sex, and he's declining. If this is happening, then I'd interpret it as if he's not attracted to you. This shouldn't be the case if your his girlfriend.

    Maybe he doesn't know how you feel about your openness to have sex with him on a frequent basis. I highly doubt that if you come on to him sexually that he will turn down the offer. From the looks of your profile picture, I think your hot. This makes me very sure that he will most certainly rather have the real thing with you than sit at his computer jerking himself.

  • Just express that you want some more D. Nothing wrong with that. The jerking off thing is simply a privacy thing. I think it is cool that he can get boners while watching girls on tv. If he simply isn't meeting your sexual appetite, let him know and consider finding someone else. Yes, sex is that important.

  • If it's interfering with you two having sex it's absolutely a problem. As for him watching p*rn in general, different girls have different opinions. Some don't care and others are insulted. But regardless, if he's jerking off to the point where you two aren't being sexual, he could be an addict.

  • Don't be so controlling, guys jerk off it's cool.
    But maybe your controlling attitude isn't a turn on for him anymore.

  • This means it's time to spice up your love life. People like things that are exciting and fun. Over time sex with your partner can feel more like work then fun.

    Although I know this has to make you feel insecure about your body, I'm sure he is still attracted to you. Just gotta introduce some new things in the bedroom (:

  • Sometimes guys just need alone time. Despite how good sex is with you.

  • Yes i see where your coming from yea he shouldn't be doing that to you
    cause there is not a thing wrong with you but sounds like he got some
    issues

  • If you feel you should participate suggest that you should watch porn together and masturbate together, just a thought.
    You will not be the only couple doing that

  • Seems to me things have gotten a bit stale in the bedroom. I suppose as long as he doesn't go for other girls you shouldn't be worried, but I can understand your feelings towards this.

  • Don't freak out. You're doing the same thing most women do, thinking he wants the p*rn more than he wants you. This is NOT THE CASE. Guys will take a real girl over p*rn any day of the week.

  • Just because he's with you doesn't mean other women can't turn him on. That's just us men. Now as long as he ain't banging no p*rnstar I don't see what's the problem?

  • Well that's what you get for letting perfectly good boners go to waste

  • Your boyfriend is fucking stupid. Let me replace him.

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