Do you want to know when your girl was raped?

Question

I was raped my freshmen year of college, and I was one of those who also got pregnant from it. This was 6 years ago, so I'm not looking for condolences or what not, my question is would you, dating a girl/woman, want to know this about her past? 

After it happened, I learned very quickly not to open my mouth. People don't want to know and, more often than not, all you get is judgement from it. Now, though, I'm finding myself in more serious relationships. My mother thinks I need to tell him since it was such a dramatic part of my past and contributed a lot into who I've become as well as the choices I've made. My past experiences tell me not to, that, as soon as he finds out, the entire way he looks at me will change. What do you think?

(No, I do not have a child, nor did I have an abortion. The baby died.)

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I'd want to know. My gf was sexually assaulted before our relationship, and the guy got away with it (tried in court and everything). It changed how I approached our relationship, both emotionally and sexually.
It's definitely something I would be very careful about mentioning, though. It made me want to protect my gf even more, but I'm not sure every guy would take this news the same way.

stevie123 · Accepted Answer

My longtime Gf was raped at 16, was a virgin. Got pregnant from it, but miscarried. She told me about it early on, and I was not put off by it. Yeah it messed her up, but I was supportive of her. I dated her for 12 years.
Everybody takes it differently, I can't say if you should tell or not, just it worked out in my situation.
I wish some guys weren't such a^holes.

moistycakes · Accepted Answer

For me I've told my partners if the topic ever came up or the conversation suited. I find it a load off my chest and it makes it easier for me to be more intimate with my partner, not to mention if he looks down upon me then I know he's not good for me so it's a good filter of accepting men. I would want to know if my boyfriend was sexually abused/raped if it happened to him.

still_waiting · Accepted Answer

If he doesn't love you or stay with you after you tell him, he's not worth it. A good guy wouldn't look at you differently.

thetundrawolf · Answer

Yes, I would want to know everything my girl has been through. if you did not tell me it would hurt if I found out about it some other way. I would also be totally open with her about my past, even though it's cost me relationships.

icantwait · Answer

Wow that's horrible. Yes I would want to know this. Have always had the talks with previous partners and felt this was healthy. Gives us some insight about each others lives.

whiteguy · Answer

Never hide something like that, you must be open. BUT it is not something to flaunt around.

Dandeus · Answer

Very much I'd want to know, if it was becoming serious. It would help make sense of the trust issues and sex issues a lot of rape victims have to deal with.

decemberxblue · Answer

Yes, I think you should do it for yourself more than anything. It's your duty to protect your partner, physically, mentally and emotionally. If he isn't willing to listen, he probably doesn't deserve to date you.

AshkanAzz · Answer

hiding some truth sometimes is wiser by far. you tell any guys about it, they start to feel bad, no man likes to be with a girl who has been raped by other guys, that just does not feel good. even if he is a great guy and love you, this news story just upsets him. it also might weaken the trust he puts in u

genericname85 · Answer

if i like a girl, i really care for her. if she was raped once this could leave some scars in the girls psyche and i would want to treat her right so that she is comfortable with me. i think in order to do that, i would need to know this about her. i wouldn´t think bad of her, i would just be more carefull with her.