How would you handle getting a friend pregnant after a casual hook-up?

[Anonymous]

How would you handle getting a friend pregnant after a casual hook-up? She is pregnant, keeping the baby; no abortion and no adoption? You two were never a couple, although you were aware that she has had feelings for you for some time. You're both in your late 20's, have full-time jobs but live at home, Your parents know, as do your siblings. Her family doesn't know yet. What are you thinking at this time? What is running though your mind? What do you think the right thing to do is?

[Anonymous]

I think it is wrong to deliberately try raise a child as a single parent; every child deserves two loving parents. I'm a married parent and let me tell you, it's tough as hell raising a child even if you both wanted the child and are two people to share the responsibilities and work. Studies show that children of single-parent households are on average less successful in studies and career, and more likely to have problems like depression. It's not fair to the child. Honestly, if it were me, I would think the right thing to do is abort the baby and rather wait until you have a stable relationship with a different man who actually wants children.

If you knew he didn't really want to be a father, or knew he wasn't up to being a father, then you can't blame him for your situation in any way, shape or form - you did this to yourself and have 100% responsibility for it. If someone doesn't want to be a father, you can't expect that that will magically change if you let yourself become pregnant. There are plenty of more decent men you could have chosen, you can't blame him because you picked him, that was your choice.

[Asker]

I don't know what he wants. One minute he's ecstatic and the next he's distant. I respect your opinion, but I am not having an abortion.

[Anonymous]

To be honest I would resent her, and feel like she tricked me. Even if I had liked her before, her making a power play by deciding my fate, would destroy any respect I ever had for her. I would love to be a father, and would even fight for equal custody. A child however is a horrible reason to be in a relationship with a girl I don't trust or respect. Either way we wouldn't be friends anymore.

[Asker]

Thank you for your response.

[Anonymous]

are you asking how to handle the pregnancy or the relationship with the mother. As for the pregancy you be a responsible and loving father and you be there. as for the realtionship with the mother your only obligation is to coparent and respect one another. whether you want to be in a relationship or not only you can answer, but my only piece of advice is be in a relationship only if you want to 100%. or you will feel trapped and again, you are only under obligation to coparent and respect and be kind to the mom. be the person you want your child to become.

[Asker]

It's not me, I do agree with you, but I was trying to gain some insight on my baby's father. His behavior at this time isn't favorable and I'm wondering what he may be thinking from a guy's POV.

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry now realize you're a female asking. Thought I was answering a male

[inamorata]

His POV?
Angry, trapped, scared, anxious, sad, guilty, confused, regretfull... Need I go on?

I get that some people are anti-abortion, but I really hope you are as well 100%. If you're not, really think about it. You're making a man you don't care about, and who doesn't care about you the father of your child. He might not care for his kid either. =(

[Asker]

Yes, I am and it's his choice to be a father or not. No one is making him and I am not going to make his life hell by forcing anything he doesn't want on him. I am pro-choice, and it's my choice to not have an abortion; but, this isn't an abortion debate so I don't feel the need to defend myself.

[inamorata]

I am not talking about an abortion debate, but the issue of a fatherless child. Fatherlessness is a real social issue that manifests itself quite visibly. Please research it. You don't have to justify anything to me, but you do have to justify it to yourself, so please inform yourself to be able to, in good consciousness, make your final decision. This is not about you and what you're giving, or allowing. It's about what your kid is getting in life and what you're doing to its father. I would not have a child if I could not give it basic things in life. A father is one of those things for me. Please research. You're not alone in this.

[Asker]

That's not the issue. The question was an opinion of a man's POV in this situation. At no point did I say that he wasn't going to step up and be a father. Yes, we are both scared and this was a surprise situation; however, this child wouldn't be fatherless. I am just curious as to what is going through this guy's head. I know what a woman would think, but what is going through his mind? People are so quick to form opinions with no back story or additional details. If you sat and listened to the entire situation maybe your opinion would change, maybe it wouldn't, but going off on some tangent about a fatherless child is jumping the gun a little bit.

[inamorata]

I am not asking you to justify anything to me. I don't care to do that because I don't know your situation. Only you do. You only have yourself to lie to and convince. Lady, you might move in with this guy for all I know. I am merely presuming you're not and anticipating the possibility of either one of you later in life finding someone else, thus separating that kid from the other parent even more.

[Plato]

I would be so happy that I'd keep the child for its own upbringing or a joint one.

[Asker]

You would think that would be the case. Unfortunately, the baby's father has his head up his ass and is acting like he's in an episode of 16 and pregnant.

[Plato]

So get him really really drunk until he exposes his insecurities. I find it solves a lot of problems, but make sure he doesn't have his car keys.

[Asker]

I picked a real winner, let me tell you. He can't drive his car if he's been drinking and the only time he is nice and hopeful is when he's drunk.

[Plato]

That is awesome. You should totally video tape him and teach his sober-self with his drunkard-self.

[Asker]

That is such a good idea!

[Plato]

I want to see the video. Keep in touch.

[CasaNorba]

i will kill myself!

lol, no. i guess i would have no choice but to suck it up. though all that self kicking i'm gonna do my drive me somewhat insane

[DIzzlegamespro]

If that happened to me I'd get a job and be a good daddy and help raise up the child and be there no matter what as should all men who have unprotected sex and get a woman pregnant and not be cowards and run

[Anonymous]

If he doesn't want the baby, abort the baby. Why do you want a baby without a family?

[Asker]

Because I can be a good mother. Being an active parent, doesn't make you a good parent. I was raised by my father, and had an awesome upbringing. I also have an amazing family. No, I'm not having an abortion, but thank you for your input.

[Anonymous]

I think your kid is screwed... no father... shitty life!

[Asker]

Thank you for that, that was so helpful.

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry, but I am being honest with you... I have friends who's fathers did the same that this guy is doing with you.. and those kids had a shit life and still do.. all of them are single because they never had a father figure to guide them with guy stuff. Plus its your fault for taking a risk and knowing he consequences... now you gotta learn the hard way... I hope for the childs sake the guy takes responsibility and owns up to taking care of the kid with you.