I was a virgin when I got married but I had flings before. I'm tired of making love and I want to be treated like my man's sl*t in bed and dominated?

[Jblues]

When we first got together I was interested in connecting and being loved in the bedroom because I'd never been really loved by ex's or flings. I was always cheated on because of V status even though I wasn't a prude. Now I have been with my husband 6 years and married 3. I have semi rough fantasies but I want to be treated dirty and dominated. He will be f*ing me and then start trying to make love and I dislike it. He hates rape scenes in movies, in the real world I don't like or want to be raped but in my fantasies I want him to tie me up and have his way with me whenever he wants it and treat me like he just wants to f*k me like a wh*re. I like the thought of being his sex slave. Last night he tied me up for the first time and really got at it. He told me after we finished that it was the best sex he'd ever had. He loves when I talk dirty and I tried to get him to call me bad names but he wouldn't. He likes to hear it but he won't say it. He told me he loves me and doesn't want to say that even though its hot when I do. He's had 3 gfs but I'm the first who's wanted hardcore sex. I'm tired of making love. I think he enjoyed the sex because he really got to feel like he was dominating me I want to bring more out of him but I don't want to offend him by saying "I'm tired of making love." When we have sex I enjoy it more when it's just an act not a way of connecting. I like to connect by hanging out together, cards, flowers... did I ruin my view of sex by messing around with flings before marriage? He seems to want love in bed and I don't. Any advice on how we could meet in the middle?

[AustinMan]

I think you have a few things to do: 1) be patient about the name calling. As he gets more and more great sex and hears you calling yourself those names, I feel like eventually he'll get into it. 2) You need to assure each other that you won't judge or go screaming from the room and then start exchanging sexual fantasies. Then plan a scenario, get into role, and go for it. If he's in the role of a guy who just picked you up in a bar and has taken you to his place for very rough, nasty, trashy, slutty sex, I'll be surprised if he doesn't turn into more what you're looking for. 3) Find out what his taste is in TLN (trashy little nothings) and wear them. I'm especially fond of bright red 5" stiletto pumps with little or no platform. 4) Buy some toys. It sounds like you'd enjoy being spanked so buy him a paddle. Have your name painted on the blade and his on the handle. Then give it to him with an intimate dinner or drink and dare him to use it hard on your bare bottom. A riding crop, school cane, cat o'' nine tails, and flogger are some other good choices. frugaldomme. com is a great site with the best prices I've found.

If you would like me to send you a story about a bar pick up role play date my gf and I had, message me and remind me of this question.

[godfatherfan]

I am 45 and while I do like sexting and talking dirty there.. talking really dirty while having sex is still kind of forced and not comfortable. my ex liked it so I did it. The problem is she is my wife and the mother of my kids. and While doing the kind of things you talk about and talking dirty once and a while is fine, it feels disrespectful to do that to my wife. Sex is a way of showing the other person you love them and I have always had sex that way, it was never just about sex. So you might end up having to choose between your marriage and sex if you won't compromise or try and push him..
Normally I don't read other entries until after I post but I have this last entry right in my field of vision.
Open marriage is CHEATING. is means your relationship is over and you just don't want to end it for some reason. it is disgusting. if you need to screw this way then just end the relationship. don't cheat on him.

[Jblues]

Trust me I am not heeding that guy's advice! LoL I love my man, I'm a Christian woman and intend on honoring God. I really appreciate your perspective. My husband said he wants me to be dirty SOMETIMES. I've recently had a baby so I've assumed the role as the mother of his kids, maybe that is what holds him back. But I feel like if he doesn't treat me that way he doesn't fully desire me. Like a lot of guys he has watched p*rn in the past and he admitted to doing it while we were dating and now we are married and he's promised he wouldn't. In my mind he's liked sluts if he's watched p*rn so why can't I be seen in a more primal way?

[godfatherfan]

Because when your watching p*rn it is on TV and it is not real life. It is fantasy. you can let your mind go. But in real life you are his wife and the mother of his kids. he has respect for you. Even though you want him to do this he still see's it as disrespectful. I mean that is how I felt and my ex did not want me to do what you wanted, she just wanted me to talk really dirty to her (like 'suck that cock' or 'you love that cock in your ass don't you' kinda stuff) it took a while to get used to it and I was never really comfortable doing it but I did it for her. not always though. You want something very extreme. I would never be able to do this all the time. I would be able to do it once and a while. but for me, that kind of sex is not a turn on so that would be more of a problem. I don't want to treat a woman like a piece of garbage. I respect women so it is a mind thing also. just talk it through with him. if your willing to compromise there is no reason you cant' figure it.

[judgingyhu]

You did not ruin your views on sex and it seems to me you've solved your own problem here. All you have to do is tell him what you wrote here. It's not rude and if he seemed like he was into what you guys did before you can work out the kinks so you can do what's comfortable for the both of you in the bedroom. Seriously just sit him down and talk to him, I'm sure he'll understand and would love to do anything that makes your sex life better

[AnimeDreama]

He wants to do it, it's just that he keeps letting his affection for you inhibit his dominating side. Try doing exercises with him to bring out his manly side (not physical exercises lol)

[Jblues]

That makes sense, I want to be more understanding of him, I guess he might need time and his needs met too, I will step out of my comfort zone and we can work together. :)

[AnimeDreama]

That's the spirit :D

[kheserthorpe]

It sounds like he IS into it he's just not sure how to blend it with loving you and wanting to treasure you.

My humble suggestion is that he use and fuck you like the slutty whore you are. Then be warm and affectionate and loving right after.

[Jblues]

I do sometimes like cuddling but it has to be after when we are going to bed not really after the moment. He used to stay inside and give me a kiss and now he just gets off of me and so maybe that is why I'm used to not cuddling and not wanting that?

[kheserthorpe]

I think that trusting each other with deep primal needs can be a way of being closer to each other.

[kheserthorpe]

You might need to understand that after being rough with you he might need to connect in a soft way

[kheserthorpe]

You realize the issue isn't him not liking it, it's that he liked it and feels bad for liking hurting and calling you names when he loves you... Right?

[Jblues]

Yes I realize now, maybe I'm wrong for wanting that cheapness when for so long I wanted to be loved. Now I'm loved and I want to feel dirty, maybe that's how I define affection, ugh I have issues lol. I will try to meet him in the middle and understand where he's coming from he's so sweet and gentle with me, I do appreciate it but I do want excitement!

[kheserthorpe]

Oh I don't think there's -anything- wrong with it. I think it's really hot and wish my partner wanted it! But even without actually doing a lot it took me a while to wrap my head around being okay with wanting it. If you think you feel wrong for wanting to be submissive imagine how you'd feel if you really really wanted to slap and call your loved one names while using them? Anyway I think you know we have these deep primal desires. And if out partner wants the same thing isn't it something that makes us even closer?

[Jblues]

I think in the back of my mind I know he loves me so it makes it okay. I didn't really like dirty talk from guys before because it made me feel used and like trash. I guess I feel safe with my husband so maybe I just want some adventure because we've always had vanilla.

[normalice]

you could consider an open relationship, perhaps? If he's not into it, then he isn't into it. I have to deal with the same thing when it comes to girls who don't like anal.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

You'll have to be frank with your fantasies. Since he's already admitted he liked the sex, I'm sure he'll try it again. Bring it up today how phenomenal he was in bed and you felt like you were with a sex god. Guys are pretty easy to manipulate in the bedroom - if you tell us we did something right, we're going to do it again since we like pleasing our women.

[willroyle]

when I was in my 20's I went out with the girl if my dreams. I loved her completely and she asked me to do versus things during sex (she liked to be choked and dominated ect) at the time I was totally horrified by the idea of hurting her in any way. I tride to accommodate some of it but my heart aas definitely not in it. years later my mind is some what more open and I can separate bedroom kink from abuse, I think all you need to do is sit him down and talk to him. explain what it is you want and more importantly why, tell him you won't pressure him to do anything he's not comfortable with and then leave it for a while for him to digest sooner or later curiosity mixed with the urge to please you will get the better of him. once the balls rolling it won't take long for him to get fully on board and start enjoying it himself. I now love to be both domant and submissive, me and my fiancée have wardrobes full of sex toys and adult videos and can both be very open with eather x

[Jblues]

I will be understanding of him, he said he never wants to hurt me. The most I'm asking is to be grabbed, spanked, and called names, I feel like maybe he could get okay with that if I'm patient. Thanks! :)

[AdamThomas]

You just need to talk to him about fantasies, ask him if he'd be interested in experimenting with BDSM. Get him to go onto a site like fetlife and let him look into it himself a little bit, because if you just come out and say it and he has no idea what you're talking about or that there are many women out there who are also into this kind of thing he's just gonna think you're a weirdo or that you're mental.

[Ihav2fart]

What all this tells me is that to you there's no more spark in your sexual life with your husband. You may feel that you're just going through the motions now, which can happen to couples even after just a year. Have you tried new things yourself? Maybe try different settings, bring in a prop, or even you be the aggressor. Everyone eventually gets tired of vanilla right?

[Jblues]

Being a virgin it always hurt so sometimes I just laid there letting him have sex with me out of duty he sensed that and felt almost like he was raping me. Maybe it turned him off to be this way now? I talked to my doctor and she said to make sure he gets me worked up and it won't hurt, she was right now I'm like a beast and want it all the time, he is picking up on that but I want him to take it to the next level now that I enjoy it so much.

[JennieF]

That can be fun sometimes.