Sexual Relationships
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My boyfriend told me he wouldn't mind a threesome, and I was really offended and hurt. Am I overreacting?

Yesterday my boyfriend casually brought up the topic of threesomes, and I was fine with it at first then he started to go on about how he would try it if I wanted, and I was just like WHAT? I was kinda offended tbh at made me feel a little insecure that maybe I don't satisfy him and that he needs another person to help? And what if he enjoys it more with the other person? I told him that I would never consent to that though and that I would be super offended if he ever asked me to join a threesome with him and that If he did I would possible dump him right there and then. He told me that if that how I feel then he wouldn't do it but now it is on my mind that he would actually think of doing that, it's really upset me. I told him that it's just physical and that there's no love involved and he said that's the point? I see sex as something that is shared between lovers, I told him it's pretty much like me going out right now a f***ing some guy and telling hims it's okay cause it was just physical and that he is still the only one I love, anyway I was super upset by the question and actually cried later on because I felt so insecure, later I felt that maybe I overreacted and was over sensitive to the question and that he was just voicing his opinion and I jumped down his throat? What do you think? I'm i overreacting? P. S We are a gay couple, (two guys) :)
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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you overreacted.

    I understand not wanting to get involved in a threesome and not wanting to think about your partner being sexual with someone else. I'm not questioning you on that. Rather, I just think it's extremely common for men of all orientations to have a desire to experience more than one sexual partner at a time, even if only as a fantasy, because that desire appeals to the more foundational desire of being an "alpha male".

    For example, I have had fantasies about threesomes, foursomes, fivesomes, and more. Since I'm straight, there are issues of pregnancy to consider, which certainly complicates things, so I don't know whether I would want to have group sex in real life, but there is a certain part of me that finds the idea appealing and I think that is true of most males.

    So, it seems to me that you arguing and shouting at your boyfriend about this is largely arguing and shouting at him for being male.

    • Thank you, I didn't shout at him, I actually was a bit speechless at the time because I was unsure of how I felt, but I understand what ur saying and I need to communicate with him in a good way to make our relationship stronger

Most Helpful Girls

  • Your not overreacting. My ex said the same thing at the time. He wanted it to be a threesome between me, him, and my best friend. I turned the idea down and my bestie laughed it off. Tell me why a month later, they slept together -_- lol maybe i should've went with the freakin threesome! At least i would've been included. Lmao no just kidding. But i dumped his axx. And she and I are no longer friends. The two of them ended up dating. That is, until he cheated on her too. Smh idiots!!

  • If your uncomfortable then deffinitly don't have a threesome. Maybe he's just trying to spice things up a lil. I wouldn't dump him unless he pushes you to do it. Then dump his sorry ass but if he wanted to cheat on you then he wouldn't be so blatantly obvious. Don't feel insecure the fact that he mentioned it shows that you too are honest with eachother and I would say be happy that he's so open with you:) hope you too get to put this behind you!!! Lots of love

    • Thank you this was really helpful :)

    • I'm glad I could help :):):)

  • i think every single point you make is VALID. i think he was trying to see how much youmight be into that he may be and he struck out. that said, here is the risk he took, that you may be on different pages sexually. I like the analogy you made to him, if a threesome is ok then is it ok for you to go out and have no strings attached sex? i agree withyou here

    • Thank you, He did tell me that if I don't want a threesome then he doesn't want a threesome, and I know he was trying to make me feel better but it's just so hard to get it off my mind now, like I don't know what he would want to do in a threesome, like does he wanna see me get f***ed by another guy because I know for sure that if I saw him getting f***ed by another guy it would absolutely rip my heart apart. I'm just really lost and have so many questions I wanna ask him about the subject cause it's made me so insecure but I don't wanna bring the topic up again because I know he will be upset if I do, he told me he feels that I am judging him on his opinion, I love him soooo much and now I'm unsure if he feels the same way? :(

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What Girls & Guys Said

8 1

  • no no no you are definitely in the right. you are allowed to voice your anger. Just understand that he also has this same right to voice his sexual desires. maybe you aren't sexually compatible. I do agree with your point though, i probably would react the same way if not worse.

  • Honestly a threesome is just a great experience and fantasy for some people. It's something I want to try and my boyfriend knows this. If he didn't want to I wouldn't have mentioned it again. Honestly it's just a preference like preferring chocolate over strawberry. It doesn't mean you don't satisfy him. He just likes the idea of being pleasured by two guys. Maybe it would turn him on to see you with someone else. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you or anything it's just a fantasy. Like how some people like spanking but others don't. At least he's been honest with you about it. I know that some people treat their partner to a threesome on a special occasion. Maybe you should ask your boyfriend why he would like a threesome keeping an open mind. But if you're truly against it then fair enough it's your right to have a preference.

  • One of the biggest male fantasies is a threesome, the fact that he told you that he wouldn't mind one was to see if you would consider it. It doesn't matter gay or straight everyone has fantasies, some will act them out if given the opportunity while others will just talk about them with their SO. I would talk to him , he was open enough to tell you something that appeals to him sexually, it doesn't mean you have to act on it. Keep the line of communication open. We all have fantasies it always good to share them with each other weather or not you act on them.

  • No u weren't overreacting. U have every right to your opinion and to own your feelings. It sounds like he cares for u though and it doesn't mean he's not satisfied perhaps he's just more adventurous

  • Ohh oh oh!

    He sounds very comfortable with sex.

    I think you overreacted just a smidge, but maybe not a bad way, it just shows that you care about him.

    It sounded like he was asking you, yeah he had the thought, but it was better that he came out and asked you instead of just bringing some random person home and asking!

    I agree with the sex should be shared with lovers, but sometimes people like to have some senseless fun I guess.

    As long as he respects your answer you should be okay!

  • It's always interesting to try new things.

    However, if you are just too uncomfortable then you two should discuss this issue again in a more serious manner. He obviously loves you back as he is telling all of his desires and is more comfortable around you. If your boyfriend loves you, he will understand your opinion and move on to another topic.

  • Some people are just into that and others aren't. Sex is important in relationships and if he wants a threesome he will eventually make one happen whether it be with or without you. Although the thought can always excite a sex god in you somewhere and you may accept and enjoy trying it out. You won't know unless you have a heart to heart with yourself, and see where it goes :-) good luck!

    • Yes but i have heard that threesomes are very dangerous grounds when in a relationship and lead to future insecurities that eventually eat away at your relationship till there is no longer anything between you and your partner

  • I wish my boyfriend wanted a threesome

  • I think I would've reacted the same way you did. In this situation, the best thing I could think of doing would be to sit down with your boyfriend and have an open conversation. In order to keep things open and honest you should assure him you won't get mad or upset at how he honestly feels. The last thing you want him to do is not tell you and do it behind your back. If you talk about it and come to the conclusion that he still wants to have a threesome, there's really only a few options you have. Tell him you can't agree with it and break up with him or have a threesome with specific rules you and him plan to follow (only you two can do a certain position/type of sex etc) Whatever you choose to do, DO NOT lower your standards and DO NOT allow it to affect your self esteem! If it doesn't work out you will be able to find someone just as good or even better than your current boyfriend who doesn't want a threesome! Best of luck to you! :)

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