How to boost his sexual confidence?

[Anonymous]

I love sex with my boyfriend and he's really great at it! The thing is that his penis is a bit unpredictable at times. He will either come really fast or he will randomly lose his erection. Lately it's been the latter. I haven't said anything to him about it because he can please me in other ways, and he still makes me happy. But his confidence has just gone down the drain and anytime I try to talk dirty to him he just puts himself down instead of getting into it. It's really ruining our sex life and at the same time it makes me feel like maybe he's just using this as an excuse to avoid getting intimate with me. What can I do?

[Anonymous]

I think it's psychological too. It happened to me a lot when I was with my last girlfriend, in my case it was because we were in a LDR and we only got to see each other like once every 2 months more or less, so I felt too much pressure to please her and make sex great. She kept saying that sex with me was great (and she really meant it, that, I know), but although I believed her, I couldn't stop thinking how much better it could be if I lasted longer sometimes and that made me not get hard, so next time, when I'd get hard, I'd cum quickly because of the failed attempt. One day we were in bed just cuddling and talking and she brought it up and seriously told me to stop over-thinking, to not think at all and just enjoy the experience no matter how much it lasted or what and after that I got really turned on and just wanted to make love to her. And so we did, and it was one of the best times ever.

So that's my advice, talk to him seriously about it, making him really believe that you enjoy the intimacy with him no matter what and maybe he'll stop thinking and you guys could have sex like never before!

[ManThatKnewTooMuch]

Happens sometimes to me as well. I've found it's for the following reasons:

1. Lost erection is due to too much sex. Not enough rest period. Especially when the guy is older.
2. Quick finish is probably because he's super horny and hasn't been laid in a relatively long period.

So yeah, cut it down to like once or twice a day and he should be fine. If you want to keep going don't let him speak, just start making out with him and grab his dick, start playing. Eventually he'll get back into it. I know I do.

[Asker]

He's 18, so I can understand the quick finish for his age, but what I don't understand is how I can be on top of him, naked, and him not get turned on. His sex drive is super low and I always feel like I'm begging for it, and I only get it about a quarter of the time. And when we do do it, he either comes in less than a minute, or loses his erection before finishing. Is he just not attracted to me anymore?

[ManThatKnewTooMuch]

I don't think it's attraction. I still had sex with girls I didn't find particularly attractive. It's probably just his low sex drive. Has he always been that way? whatever you do don't jump to conclusions and think it's because he's not attracted to you. Remember, you said it yourself, he talks shit about himself when he loses his erection. So obviously it's not you.

[Asker]

No, it's a relatively recent thing. I've tried talking to him about it and all he says is "no, it's not you, you're perfect!" And avoids telling me the problem

[ManThatKnewTooMuch]

So that means it's something else. Who knows? Maybe he's stressed at school/work. Maybe somebody died. Maybe he jerks off a lot... not intended to be a joke, I'm kinda serious.

[Asker]

The problem must be that if he doesn't jerk off before I come over, he comes too fast. But when he does jerk off first, he can't keep it up. We used to be able to go for more than one round but now it's a struggle to even finish one.

[ManThatKnewTooMuch]

Tell him to stop jerking off. Trust, that will become a problem later on in life. He should only be using his dick with you, seriously. Eventually he will get used to the sensation and not finish as quickly. Dude, I WISH I finished faster lmao. I put in a lot of friggin work! But yeah, no more jerking... first time may be quick but then the second will obviously be a little longer... and you'll go from there.

[ManThatKnewTooMuch]

Condoms also dull the sensation... if you're not using them then start.

[AustinMan]

He's really being immature about this. Tell him to get checked out by his doc or a urologist. Tell him to get a prescription for Cialis while he's there. That'll get you through this phase and he'll be hard like a stainless steel rod.

[ambientfaults]

sometimes guys try to think about other things unrelated to sex when their in bed to last longer and he might have gotten too complacent with his thoughts. could also be a medical issue. some guys are insecure about flaccid/ smaller penis', think of it like when girls are insecure about their legs. similar kinda thing

[chocolatedragon]

Your bf has some issues.
Loss of erection is a mental problem in his case. If he jacked off before sex or came in a bj, he would last much longer during penetration.

He might be losing his erections because he's thinking of something non sexual, repulsive, disturbing or he's focusing on something else which is making his brain send signals to his hormone that he's not as aroused. It also seems like he has a low sex drive. You can encourage him to eat more fruits and some chocolate to bump up his drive. You could also give him a candy blowjoh to spice things up so he can be aroused longer. And to prevent him from cumming too fast in penetration, try doing more positions when you're in control such as cowgirl and reverse cowgirl. Don't do doggie or he will cum too fast.