If you fell in love with someone with herpes, would you still have sex with them?

[Anonymous]

You fall in love with someone. You really think they're the one. They let you know--before having sex with you--that they contracted herpes before they were with you. Would you stay with them? Get intimate with them? Or would the fact that they had herpes lead you to cut off the relationship, even though you two work so well together, have great sexual chemistry, etc?

[Anonymous]

This would come down to how and when I was told about the problem. There has to be a point after which I'm allowed to be upset that these kinds of possibly large issues have not yet been discussed. It is hard to say how far in we get before I need to be told but I think it will feel natural. If I loved someone and they were honest with me in the right time and way I would have no issue with it. I just couldn't handle the idea of being mislead or sucked in before something like this was talked about.

I would also make sure we took all precautions reasonable to stop myself from getting it knowing that it was still possible. If that woman later became my wife I would probably avoid sex during an out break and hope nothing more was needed. I guess I would feel like I could afford to have this problem once I knew I shouldn't have to deal with another partner. People don't stay together like they used too, but I do and have. If you are the kind that thinks leaving your husband or wife is an option I could see how you would think a little differently.

[doireallyneedone]

Which herpes? Genital or oral herpes? There's obvious stigma as you've said, but its a bit more serious as you make it, its simply a skin condition its and STI (sexually transmitted disease) and its NOT curable. Genital herpes can be spread if you go down on him (you get oral herpes), if you have unprotected penetrative sex then you get genital herpes too. If he has oral herpes and he goes down on you, then he can give you genital herpes. Once you have it, you have it for life. So be aware of that.

That said its not impossible to prevent or at least minimise spread. Get him to use antiviral medication, it will reduce the viral load and make it safe for you to kiss him (if he's got oral herpes) when he doesn't have a breakthrough. And with penetrative or oral sex, always use a condom.

[doireallyneedone]

NOT simply a skin condition*

[KimNov19]

At least that person told you up front. That show me that person really care for you and that they want to be with you. Just think about it. Ask your doctor about it and fine out what type of herpes does the person have. One more thing you be very surprise to know some people have it and don't know it. So give it a chance good luck!

[InspiringDeeply]

Depends on how committed and far into the relationship we were for me...
If we're that far into the relationship that we're at the point of marrying than yes.
I would also try to be more educated on it.
Though brownie points to him/her for sharing this, right? Honesty is the best quality.

[Anonymous]

I would still do it.
I ready that a lot more people have herpes than you'd think. Its just that they've either never had an outbreak, or had something so minor that they didn't know it was an outbreak.

[Opinion Owner]

herpes itself really isn't that bad anyway its just the stigma

[Asker]

This is true. I think it was something like by the age of 25, 80% of the population has HSV type one, or the "cold sore" strain of herpes. But lots of people don't know it, lots of people are carriers and don't have outbreaks.

[Opinion Owner]

yup. its actually the same deal with hsv type two also, its just a lower percentage

[Opinion Owner]

the amount of total ignorance and retardedness most people display concerning stds is amazing sometimes.

[Asker]

Yes exactly. It's the stigma. Because herpes is really just a skin condition. An occasional, annoying, but livable skin condition.

[Opinion Owner]

i mean, personally I'd rather bang anyone I want and get herpes than live in fear of it

[Hannah591]

I would ask him to get it treated and gotten rid of before he could sleep with me.

[Asker]

Sweetie herpes isn't curable, just manageable.

[Hannah591]

Oh, I thought it was for some reason. Probably thinking about syphilis. I think I would but he'd have to use condoms all the time.

[Asker]

Okay that's reasonable. Yeah herpes is a virus of the skin, antibiotics aren't going to cure it like they would a bacterial infection, although there is medicine you can take, I believe, that reduces your number of outbreaks. In fact, some people never get outbreaks again after they first contract the virus, or only get it once every couple of years.

[Lyndsielee666]

Most outbreaks are also due to stress.

[MaskofInsanity]

I'd educate myself and figure out how to manage a safe, healthy sex life.

[MaskofInsanity]

Note: most people are very ignorant about the prevalence and manageability of some STDs, including herpes.

[justbanANNAz]

well i know ill never fall in love with someone who has type 2 herpes since i dont date non virgins.
as for type 1, no, i dont think i could do it.

[been_waiting]

Isn't type 1 cold sores? You couldn't date someone who has ever had a cold sore?

[justbanANNAz]

she said in her question that they told me they contracted herpes. if they tell me that their cold sores are the result of herpes, then yes i wouldn't date them? if they were 'normal' cold sores, id still date em. @been_waiting

[Asker]

Just to let you know, type 2 can be transferred to the mouth, and type 1 can be transferred to the genitals. Someone could have type 2 orally and never have had sex, just kissed someone else who had it orally. And @been_waiting that confused me too?

[Asker]

There's no such thing as "normal" cold sores. Cold sores are herpes.

[been_waiting]

Yes cold sores are a type of herpes virus but they are not a sexual disease. Babies get them... you said "as for type one, no I don't think I could do it. " so do you mean you couldn't date someone who's had a cold sore?

[been_waiting]

Okay I just saw your other response. Well there's a difference between a cold sore and blisters from type 2 herpes so there you go

[Lyndsielee666]

So what if they were raped and contracted herpes that way? You would still be close minded I assume?

[swagswagswag]

are you a virgin?

[molan]

@JustBanANNAz @been_waiting As @Asker have said, all type's of herpes are herpes, both type 1 and 2, but also the 6 other types that effects humans. Type 2 is the most aggressive and is mostly know as genital herpes, but both can be genital herpes and oral herpes. Babies usually only get type 1, 60-90% of all adults have type 1 herpes, most of then don't ever get an outbreak though.

[Asker]

Thank you @molan, very informative.

[Tractorbeam]

Here you go, it's more common than people think, and most people don't even know they've been exposed to it. www.dynamiclear.com/blog/herpes-statistics.htm
About one in 6 adults in the USA test positive for antibodies of genital herpes. Most would be unaware, and never show symptoms.
If that's the case, and I fell in love with someone like that, I'd get myself tested first. I may have nothing to worry about, and already have antibodies. If I really believed it would be a life-long relationship, I don't think it would be a big problem in any case. Trouble is, very few women are into life-long relationships.

[CommieDearest]

It would probably be a deal breaker.

[summiter]

I would... we just would have to make adjustments with oral and vaginal sex. Your thoughts?

[Asker]

My thoughts? I know making love with my boyfriend is totally worth the possibility of getting an occasionally annoying and not at all life threatening skin condition. Making love with my man is one of the most beautiful experiences I've ever had. And plus we're already pretty much planning on getting married once we're both financially stable. So the idea I'd give up a future of happiness with him for the possibility of getting a skin condition is laughable. I just noticed it seems like a lot of people on this site are like "I'd NEVER have sex with someone with an STD" and I'm like, really? Even if it's not a bad one? Even if you love them? Are you buying into the stigma that bad?

[summiter]

I would not buy into the stigma. I am sure he did not want to contract herpes. Are you guys having sex yet? How often? If so I assume you are using precautions. However if you love/like him and he makes you happy emotionally (sexually?) go for it. Good for you to hang with what sounds like a good relationship.

[Asker]

My personal situation is slightly different than the hypothetical situation I presented here on this question. I'm just curious how many people will completely shut out the possibility of true happiness and love over a skin condition that might not even affect you that much, has been around forever, and that the majority of the population already has.

[summiter]

Good comment. I would go for the happiness (Orgasms?) but most of all the love. Dealing with the virus is something that can be overcome.

[Asker]

Amen to that :)

[summiter]

:) Good night

[RestlessYouth_]

Very circumstantial. Of course right now I'm saying no, but if the love of my life just happened to have herpes, of course I'm staying with him. We'd just have to both be educated about it and learn to have safe sex.

[jessfinesse]

No, I wouldn't risk that for anyone.

[Lyndsielee666]

So many ignorant people on this post.
A lot more people have herpes then they think.
Just make sure its safe and know the consequences.

[chocolatedragon]

Sorry, but I'd have to cut it off :(
I already hate wearing condoms and love doing oral.
It would prevent me from giving it my best.
It's time like these I wish there was a permanent cure -_-

[Mesonfielde]

It would be sad but no.

[been_waiting]

Something like 1 in 3 adults have herpes, I heard. If I loved them I wouldn't end it over that

[molan]

60-90% of the adult global population got herpes anti-bodies.

[been_waiting]

@molan exactly.

[beastman88]

well i definitely dont want herpes

[molan]

No... unprotected sex will not really ever be safe and I love giving oral so that is a no go.

[Lyndsielee666]

Oral sex is fine unless the person is having an out break...

[molan]

@Lyndsielee666 I know, however outbreak can be symptom free and in it's initial stage of outbreak, before blisters shows, it's still contagious.

[Lyndsielee666]

You do realize people feel pain right before they get outbreaks. .. 0_0

[molan]

I do realise most feel stings at the initial stage of an outbreak when it's already contagious. However not all patients are aware of it, because the feelings ranges from hardly noticeable to out right pain. I am a medical professional so I am perfectly aware.

[Asker]

So not getting herpes is more important to you than finding true love?

[molan]

@Asker Not if every girls I could ever love had herpes, then it would be different. But in the real world we have a choice and I choose a health girl like my girlfriend over a girl with an STD.

[Octagon]

I wouldn't, I wouldn't want to be affected by Herpes.

[Asker]

You'd give up real love for that? The fear of getting herpes?

[Octagon]

Yes, my health and my sexual health are far more important to me.

[PANDAmonium]

Sure, but we would have to safe about. I dont really want herpes. So we could make it work we would just have to be extra careful about it.

[Asker]

Sounds reasonable.

[PANDAmonium]

Well I mean yeah. I'm not going to just cut someone out of my life because of that - that would be stupid. I just expect honesty about it. That way we can make it work.

[dev765]

I would automatically reject a person who has an STD. It would never even making to the exchanging phone numbers phase.

[Asker]

I'm pretty sure you'd exchange phone numbers before a potential partner would feel secure enough with you to let you know such personal information... it's not like they're going to put that on their online profile, lol.

[dev765]

Well im not sure because some will tell you before. However you also have a point aswell but if I found out later I would reject the sex.

[Tractorbeam]

If you've met 6 women, there's a very good chance you have exchanged phone numbers. They may have herpes antibodies and show no symptoms or ever have have a problem with it.

[Anonymous]

no way. . . .

[Anonymous]

Yes, but I have herpes myself. I got in a past relationship with a guy who didn't know he had it. I hope someday that someone will love me and accept me for who I am. I've already accepted that I may end up alone someday if no one wants to accept it.

[MaskofInsanity]

You're being pessimistic - you'll find someone!

[Opinion Owner]

I suppose so, I guess I was just feeling bitter the other day because I recently just disclosed to the guy I was seeing and he said he didn't want to speak to me anymore. Then 2 hours later , he suddenly said he still wanted me in his life and invited me over the next day. Herpes complicates things, anyway, thanks for trying to cheering me up.

[Anonymous]

Not a chance. If I got herpes and later the relationship didn't work out, where would that leave me? It would leave me alone with an STD and nobody else would be stupid enough to date me, and risk the same thing happening to them.

[Asker]

It is possible to practice safe sex and greatly decrease your likelihood of catching it...

[Opinion Owner]

I am still not prepared to go into a relationship with that risk.

[Asker]

You know, herpes isn't life threatening. It's minorly annoying at times, that's about it. Like if you really loved this girl (or guy, you know, whatever you dig), you still would break everything off?

[Opinion Owner]

I know it isn't life threatening, but it is still incurable. I don't want to have an incurable disease if I can help it. There are some things I am prepared to do for the woman I love, but that isn't one of them.