"Giving yourself up to a man". Does that mean women don't enjoy sex?

[MaskedSanity]

Whenever the topic of sex and/or virginity is brought up, this phrase always pops up and there's a lengthy explanation of how you shouldn't have sex with a guy, because "you're giving him what he wants" or "giving up your body". This has been grinding my gears for years. This annoying phrase a lot of women spout and it honestly works against us, because it reduces women to mere objects of sexual desire. That's right, women objectify themselves whenever they say this phrase. Whenever you say you're giving up your body, you're actually saying that you have nothing else to contribute to a relationship other than your vagina. If a man needs to work to "earn" your consent, then you are nothing else BUT a vagina. That is not to say that you should jump into bed with every guy, who shows you a bit of attention. There's a difference between reaching a level of comfort with a person before engaging in sexual activities and making a guy "earn" your intimacy. If you use this phrase, you're also assuming ALL men only want sex and are incapable of emotional connection, unless they're roped in by poontang. Effectively, you're insulting both yourselves and the whole male gender. So, ladies. If you constantly use this phrase, does that mean you don't enjoy sex? Do you do it, because it's some chore to you? Because that's the only way you're able to keep a man? Why do you feel like sex = giving up your body, rather than a mutually enjoyed activity? Are you doing your man a favour by having sex with him?

[been_waiting]

I agree. That's why girls are called whores for "putting out" within the first few dates and guys are congratulated- it stems from this view that guys have to persuade women to give them sex and any woman who has sex too soon or with too many people is a slut, because it didn't take a lot of persuasion and she's "easy" and got used.

... or, it was sex between two consenting adults right? People will say that one stupid phrase about how special a key is if it can open many locks but how a lock isn't special if it can be opened by many keys- that's cool but humans aren't locks and keys.

Guys AND girls have sex drives and sexual desires. Its as if America still doesn't understand that women like to have sex for their own enjoyment.

I'm not saying that I applaud people who sleep around but men and women are equally to blame for that.

[MaskedSanity]

Very well put. And yes, my main conundrum is that women supposedly don't enjoy sex, hence the phrase. If more people realized women actually LIKE having sex, this phrase wouldn't be so popular.

[SandPlanet]

I want to give myself up for your brain.

[MaskedSanity]

My brain and body are ready. <3

[rthomas43]

My tripod and camera are ready <3

[normalice]

It's the fault of social expectations. People expect women to be chaste. Women have to constantly walk the fine line between satisfying this expectation, and satisfying their own sexual needs. "Giving it up" is only a euphemism, of sorts, a way for women to say they weren't doing it to satisfy themselves. But, the phrase has become so commonplace that even if society suddenly stopped expecting things of women, I still think it would stick around at least for a while. This is only partly due to the fact that the phrase also yields a 'dominant' role to men, which is what is what society expects of men. So, for such phrases to disappear entirely, gender role expectations would have to be eliminated, which is not likely to occur.

[MaskedSanity]

That... is very well put. Damn.

[normalice]

i have my moments :-)

[Theguyoverthere]

When they say phrases like "giving it up" I think they have an extremely narcissistic view of sex.

It basically shows that they view sex as all about her and all about how he "earned" her and how desirable she is and how pretty she thinks she is and all I think is... "Flopping fish who uses dating as a means of masking prostitution habits.

Basically if a girl says she's "giving it up" it means the sex is gonna suck and she's just looking to use men's desire for sex for manipulative purposes. Avoid like the plague.

[MaskedSanity]

Exactly. It's just such a petty thing, using sex as some kind of weapon as well.

[Tractorbeam]

I agree that that phrase is an insult to both sexes. It's the sort of wive's tale that would be spread by bitter, sexless women.
A man gives as much during sex as a woman does, and a lot more if he's any good at it. When that happens, women are enjoying it much more than men. A relationship is also about the other 20+ hours in the day, and no-one would be there all day just for sex alone.

[MaskedSanity]

Exactly. It's just women often like to think that their vagina is the holy grail.

[SüßeJäger]

Interesting viewpoint. I don't know if I totally agree but interesting none the less and I see your point. Never thought of it that way. Good post!

[Hans222]

I must admit that although I heard the phrase quite often, I've never seen the negative aspect of it. I would have read it as "dedicating yourself to your partner"... not far away from "being soulmates".
I've never interpreted it as "giving your body up" but as dedicating your person to your loved one.

Quite remarkable. I'm not a native English speaker of course (mother tongue Dutch) but this is really a double meaning of the words that I'd never have seen without your question.

[MaskedSanity]

My native tongue isn't English either, but a good chunk of women do indeed use that phrase in a negative context.

[Hans222]

Anyway I've learned something today, very good question :-) May I be curious what your mother tongue is? No problem if you don't like to say.

[MaskedSanity]

It's no secret here, it's Russian. :P

[Hans222]

OK interesting! Thanks for sharing that! Just a funny thing that would not have happened to you: many years ago I flew with a Belgarian airline and the titles on the plane were "Xemyc EP"... It's only when I came back home that I learned it's Hemus Air.

[famousme]

That from girls perspective. From mens perspective; 'give yourself to your lady.' We are giving each other to please each other. Both side need to be pleasured..

[MaskedSanity]

Men normally don't refer to sex as surrendering their preshus bodies to da womyn.

[famousme]

Probably because men is normally considered as the leader of women. And from ancient time, men was normally known as the breadwinner of the family. Beside its the men that normally chasing and begging the women to be theirs. I think, thats why women are always being called to 'give yourself'. However in the end whats every men in mind when having sex is to pleasure their women. Do you know how preasure it is when a man cannot make his lady cum? How embarrasing it is to be a premature ejaculator? So in the end, man always try to please their woman. Those who having sex on their own pleasure are very selfish.

[Calex]

Have them see what they think of this

-Men are keys and women are treasure chests
-Women think that men want to take their treasure

Your posts meaning is: Men can store treasure too. Not just take it.

Oh well :P

[MaskedSanity]

Ain't it sad that women believe their only treasure is their genitals, though.

[Calex]

Perhaps they think that because of shallow guys?

[MaskedSanity]

Well, women are lead to believe their virginity is the most precious thing in the universe, but we're living in modern times and these stupid expectations are slowly receding.

[Anonymous]

I'm just an anonymous poster that has seen your questions and answers around. Your brain is like... just makes me have to ask this question: Does your boyfriend share?

[MaskedSanity]

Sorry, bruh. We no share.