Boyfriend's Female Friend is Bullying Me?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend has a female friend who won't leave me alone. I haven't spent more than 20 minutes with her since she always declines my invites to hang out, but she always mentions me to him & makes up crap about me. She'll say I didn't say hi to her, was being impolite or that I was laughing at her with a friend if we run into each other. She tries to make me into a running joke, saying I was jealous of her vagina among other things She does have a "reason" to dislike me; I caught her lying about health issues and mentioned it to my boyfriend (which was a mistake, but I was really pissed at the time being I have struggled with various health issues for the past 2 years and don't take lying about that lightly). He told her and she twisted that into me being super jealous & trying to turn him against me. I did try to set up a time we could talk and maybe work out some misconceptions, to which she agreed to, but she later changed her mind, said she only wanted to talk over Facebook and flipped out saying I was confronting her and making her "severely uncomfortable" with my hand gestures when all I did was ask when we could meet to talk on person. She then said she never wanted to talk to me or deal with this again. I thought that would be the end of it but after summer break (we're in college), it started all over again. She says hi, is super fake-y nice then reports to my boyfriend &makes up crap about me being rude I don't even know how to deal with this. My boyfriend doesn't think she's doing anything wrong, & it's putting a strain on our relationship. I would like him to talk to her and tell her she's out of line and needs to stop being aggressive. I think he should be defending me, but he says he can't control his friends &there's nothing he can do. If he talks to her, he says she'll get mad at him and they'll get into an argument. Am I asking to much of him? Any advice on a way to solve this or tips with dealing with mean girl? Thanks in advance!

[TheStaff_Sergeant]

She seems awfully immature and retaliatory. Thus, in this case, it may be best to take the position... his friends does not necessarily have to be your friends.

Therefor, I suggest that you stop pretending that there is non-issue with her. By that I mean, stop communicating with her. Stop referencing her and responding to her or her contradictory behavior. For doing is fueling her fire. Understand that some people cannot be bargained with, and some issues simply cannot be resolved.

Nevertheless, since your guy has tried and failed to get through to her, then it's quite unreasonable for him to continue to allow her to sabotage his relationship with you with her criticism of you. He is perpetuating the issue by allowing such. I mean, what is thinking, really?

That being said, with immediacy needed, I suggest that you take the initiative. Explain your intent and reasons for ending the conflict with her in such a manner. Then ask of him to assist you by ceasing to bring her negativity your way. After, simply stop entertaining her and attempting to change her opinion of you.

[AustinMan]

You have a few choices. You can grow a thicker skin and get on with your life and just let her misguided attempts at character assassination go unanswered. You can tell your bf that all this is very hurtful and he needs to choose between you in a way that will exclude her from your social circles and he must cease communicating with her. It's not about how he perceives her slights because they're hurled at you. You can assess that the cause is lost, dump the bf and move on. Lastly, and I think best, find a time when you can ambush her for a little while, apologize without making excuses, ask for her forgiveness, part of that being to cease her campaign against you, and see what happens. This last option is morally the right thing to do and if it doesn't work and your bf won't clearly take your side, it's time to back the dump truck up to his door and hit the handle.

[Asker]

I already tried to talk to her about it and that went horribly. She basically accused me of assault, which is ridiculous because I'm soft spoken and shy. I also don't believe I have anything to apologize for other than I shouldn't have brought up that she lied to the bf since they're friends, I should have just vented to a different friend about it. I can't stand fake people and refuse to be fake myself.

[AustinMan]

I guess I misunderstood. I meant apologize about the medical situation reference. That was out of line on your part and from what I understood, that's what set off this entire war.

[Asker]

I honestly believe she has been against me from even before that, that just gave her something to use to her advantage and portray herself as the victim. That was ages ago and I am sorry for it, yet she still continues to pester me. I don't get why this is a "war". She can be his friend and I can date him, the two are not mutually exclusive. I just want her stop.

[AustinMan]

Oh, there's a lot more going on than just that if she continues to put this much energy into it for this long. She's clearly just a negative bitch. I'd still try to apologize and ask her to back off. You'll have met your obligation and would then be free to give him the ultimatum. You can't have a good relationship with him if she's sniping from the wings all the time.

[Asker]

Really, I don't see what was "out of line" for me to say that, anyway, so I'm having a hard time understanding your advice. It was out of line for her to lie, it was merely insensitive for me to mention that to one of her friends (my boyfriend). I see no problem in calling someone out on lying when they are in fact lying.

[AustinMan]

I was just suggesting you make a conciliatory gesture and if she takes it, that's great. If not, you can tell your bf that you're being the bigger person here and that you're tired of him facilitating her crap.

[Asker]

Alright, thank you for your advice! :)

[AustinMan]

My pleasure. Keep me in the loop. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

What else can you say or do? He's chosen her in all of this, so you either have to put up and deal with it or leave him.

[thomasmore]

i always thought forcing someone to make a such a decision was wrong.

therefore i think you should be totally honest with your boyfriend and tell him that your sick of his jealous female friend, and that he should go fuck her instead and break up.

if he drops her because he want's you back you can still go that way, putting you in a way better position.
if he doesn't he wasn't worth it anyway, because he didn't protect you from her constant mobbing.

[Imtheone88]

No, your not asking too much.
He has to chose you over her.
She obviously likes your boyfriend that's why she is bringing you down so much. Cause she jealous. You can either ignore her or break up with your bf or at least tell him you will if he doesn't leave that bit*h !!! Lol

[Klaatu51]

just f*ck her LOL

[molan]

"My boyfriend doesn't think she's doing anything wrong"... you tell him you side of the story and how you feel, if he still doesn't think she's doing anything wrong (maybe he is right you know, we only know your side of the story not hers), then you have to decide if he is worth it for you - said differently, break up with him.

[yuyu30002]

Just remind her who is sleeping with him not her u. I'd tell her to go find a thick one and choke on it. That will get her off ur back

[Anonymous]

that bitch needs a good smack to the face.