At what point can you ask a guy if he's sadistic in bed and or likes rough sex?

[Anonymous]

Understandably, don't want to develop feelings for someone who i am 1110% not sexually or ethically compatible with. but how soon is too soon to ask. I'm not worried about turning him off, bc if it tureens him off that i want to know what I'm getting into then he's not for me. i just don't want to be rude. so how long after meeting can i ask. in terms of months not dates. bc i don't date until i know a person fairly well. and if i went on a date I'm fine asking about sex then and there, bc a a lot of people actually HAVE sex on the first date... i think its ridiculous that people will get naked and fuck when meeting but have to wait forever to 'talk honestly'. anyhow. how long do i need to wait to be polite? at what point would you not be offended? i don't think asking what kind of sex he's into will be enough bc a lot of guys will keep it under wraps till you're really into him. i want to shock him into submission/ answering honestly.

[i1T2daty]

That's not a question you ask anyone but yourself. Do you come during "rough sex"? if so. I doubt it's Sadism. If you feel emotionally or physically threatened into OR to use standard originally used, do you come? If rarely or ever than he's a Sadist,

Your sexual pleasure is your body's best judge of intent to have given pleasure or pain. If he is actually cruel-fuck rudeness, Call cops and get as far away as possible

[Asker]

its not just about my feelings or sexual reaction... this is just about my physical or psychological comfort- though thats hugely important. I would want to know if HE considers himself a sadist is the point. i don't like rough sex but there's also an objective ethical element to it- for me... i wouldn't ever be with a gutty who 'thinks' he gets sexual pleasure out of hurting or controlling or degrading or humiliating others. and anyhow yeah rough sex not my thing. thats NOT something I'm going to wait till were in-between the sheets to find out.

[kheserthorpe]

Rather then try to pump him for information and wonder if he's being honest...

Why not just be very clear about what you're into and only into. If that's not what he's interested in he can move on.

[Asker]

bc then I'm just waiting to see if he's moving on. id rather get in formation i need to decider if i should move on. I'm the one going to the trouble of bringing it up i don't see why i should have to wait around to see what he does. i mean id do both anyhow. id ask him if he's into x y z and tell him what I'm into. joyfully we could just have a mutual discussion and mutually move on, instead of one person making the decision to go gently into the night:) i don't like mystery,. just want toy out there., plus i think a lot of guys see sexual limitation s as a challenge not a boundary. my telling him my limits still doesn't tell me what IM getting into. and he can decide to stick around to see if he can change my mind. i hear about that a lot. guys waiting till she's attached to whip out the chains and butt dildos.

[Asker]

* hopefully- not joyfully. though i don't object to joy:)) * don't like mystery just want it out there.

[kheserthorpe]

I think people who -know- it's a deal breaker will bring it up early. The challenge when your young is a lot of people aren't sure what they like, aren't comfortable with what they like, may not admit what they like even to themselves and even if they do aren't sure how much it matters to them. There's no magic solution to that.

[Asker]

yeah.. that's what I was worried about. though they , must know at least what they have done and if they liked it. and not wanting to admit what they like--that's a nice way of saying they'll lie about it but try it anyway. the solution to that is they could be honest. if i ask a guy if he's into rough sex hell at least know if he's not. and if he can't say he's not then thats enough for me.. but this is why i wouldn't feel ok just saying what i like. doesn't prompt him enough to really think of what he likes, i think. especially if a guy has been having sex for a few years, ion sure he's got an idea.

[Asker]

oh! i see your point. if he's not sure what he likes but he's fully aware of what i like/ don't like. then at least hell know not to expect anything else. so if he does discover he likes stiff he didn't know he liked and stuff i don't like, it won't be messy with a lot of pointless negotiating.

[kheserthorpe]

Exactly. And this doesn't just apply to this one thing! We can't make people know clearly what they want we can't make them tell us. But we CAN be clear and open ourselves which solves some problems and also creates an environment where they might follow our lead and be clear too.

[Hyped_up_on_coffee]

You just ask them straight up when you have any sexual conversations. Don't wait , you'll waste your time

[Asker]

thats the thing i don't really have sexual conversations. ion not squeamish to discuss it. its just not a regular topic for me-=except on gag lol. so i don't have any regular tim, e id bring it up. it'd be pretty random. which I'm ok with just wondering if i'm into a guy but not yet dating how long should i wait. like is a month ok-if were just 'friends;' but i see it going somewhere? (im slow I'm always friends first) also you seem like you might have some insight into this-is there a way to tell if he's lying-about sex- just to asperse you temporarily?

[Keenisha]

Just ask but say it in a playful way as if you're joking

[Asker]

why should i away it jokingly. its a very serious issue worth me. i think if i say it jokingly they will just think were flirting and i will not get an accurate response.

[Littlemike16]

For me I want to know right away the first time we have sex what each other is looking for

[Asker]

yeah ok but how soon after we meet cAn i ask you about it... you know way before we're about to fuck.

[Littlemike16]

I like to know on first date or at least before end of first week

[Asker]

what if you just meet, you're not dating yet but there's definite chemistry?

[Littlemike16]

I would talk about it I been talking with a guy and on Sunday I'm going to fuck him every way he likes because we have chemistry but we're not dating

[Asker]

ok lol thanks :))

[Littlemike16]

No problem lol