Getting sexual, ask for permission or let the heat of the moment control you?

I myself like to ask my girlfriend how she feels about certain actions before doing them. Being her first boyfriend and with her being very Christian it's been a pretty "dry" beginning to the relationship. Just simple hugs and kisses for like the first 6 months. Not that I was expecting or wanting much anyways because she's only my second girlfriend and I know how it feels to be pressured into getting physical (ex-girlfriend at 14 wanted sex right away when she was my first kiss and girlfriend... too much for me). That and we both want to wait until marriage before having sex. Kissing her neck and nibbling her ears (... essentially foreplay) I just did but she felt uncomfortable so we talked about it and took took about 2-3 months for her to feel comfortable with it and actually desire it (she knew it felt good, but perhaps a bit too good for trying to resist sex). French kissing was a heat of the moment thing that we had discussed but after trying it once she disliked it tremendously so that's up for future talks. Kissing her stomach I asked and got a very quick and excited yes lol. Asking her to caress her breasts with my hand was almost an immediate yes because we were really in the moment but she mustered up all her self control to say not until our 1 year (which is next month and she said that she had planned on letting me touch them at that point anyways). So that's as far as we've gotten. Old fashioned I know, by the 3rd week I'm sure most of you had sex with your SO's lol. But getting away from my details and to the original question, do you prefer asking/being asked or do you want it spontaneously?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I think regarding this whole issue, girls are going to have to get used to men who ask permission for sexual advances, and stop demanding men "just go for it". It isn't the "wussification of men", it's men being concerned about your comfort. *Oh the horror*

    They have to realize that demanding guys "just go for it" in things involving sexuality and flirting is also allowing an influx of attention they probably wouldn't like. Bad attention is the cost of demanding Nicolas Sparks style "spontaneous romance". You don't demand that men be more considerate of women's feelings, then demand they not be so wimpy as to "ask permission."

    It's also simply lazy, expecting the guy to be heroically doting on you, yet thinking it's unfair if he wants the same.

    • hey slow down there.. i LIKE being asked. i expect it ;)

    • Great! It's not girls like you I'm talking about :)

  • Fuck asking, just gopher it. Decide whether or not to continue what you're doing based on how she reacts.

    • Exactly. ...

    • why are you afraid to ask.

    • @Azara It's not that I'm afraid to ask, I just don't need to. I tend to just take what I want in bed, and the majority of the women I've been with find this trait to be a turn on. Works for both parties involved.

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girls

  • If it's something my husband has done before and knows I like, there's no need to ask. But if it's trying something new I like when he asks.
    He's the only man I've done sexual things with besides kissing and I'm the only woman for him as well, so when we were first dating it was all new and he would hint at the question so it would still sound sexy, but it still made me more comfortable. He has never been mad at me for saying "no" or "stop", and he reassures me he never will get mad, but I'm always worried he will, so he likes to ask or use hints so it's easier for me to be able to say "no" without feeling worried.

    • Sounds a ton like my relationship. I'm her first everything and all I've ever done with a girl is kissing without tongue. I plan on taking the same approach of repeating stuff if it's fine and asking for new stuff.

  • BEING ASKED is great bc then i feel comfortable discussing it then i dont have to worry about things i dont want happening to happen. then after we've talked he can o w/e is ok to do but go slow so that if I'm not feeling it at that time i can move bias hands. a;so that its ok to try , say no,, or not now without anyone feeling rejected:)

    i ont enjoy it if I'm worrying about whats happening. communication def A +++

    • Exactly~ My girlfriend once said to me that she can't just say "stop" to me because she'd feel bad about rejecting me. That's why I find it very important to ask her how she feels beforehand.

    • yeah i feel the same exact watt. though i work on being ok saying ' no' or not now bc its still important to be in touch with how you're comfort tab;e. some things might be ok in general but for qw/e reason not at the tim, er. so being accep[table to sauy not now is super important. but its hard and much easier if you're comfortAble COMMUNICATING. and i dont want a guy who thinks that 'ruins in the moment'... might as well be saying respecting you as a human being ruins the moment. lol. actually a lot of people DO say that. which is repulsive to me. good for you guys:)):

  • asking is good keep asking! i know i'm terrible at communicating so if guys don't ask, typically i end up letting them do things i didn't want to do. asking is great i mostly agree with what @Azara said. it probably feels unnatural to you because you just want to go with it but i think the communication is great and i bet she appreciates it too.

    • Not unnatural at all for me. If anything I think it's weird to just do stuff out of the blue because it's inconsiderate if the person hasn't expressed comfort in the action.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Always ask! That's the best way to protect everyone involved and keep a miscommunication or a misunderstanding from occurring.

    • Yup, that's why I do! And I even ask afterwards to make sure that she didn't do anything she didn't want to just because she was too turned on ( and not thinking straight) to really respond.

    • Good on you! Most people don't

  • Being asked about stuff would be nice.

  • Well.. It seems that she dislikes a lot of things that most of us love when it comes to sex. No offense, please. So maybe you should ask her. And if she gets upset with you for asking, then just let her know that you are trying to be considerate and let her opinionate.. You don't want to make her feel uncomfortable! I say ask! :)

    • Perhaps I could have written the description better, but I didn't really say that she didn't enjoy it (except French kissing). She's just religious and doesn't want to go too far too quickly. She actually admitted that if she hadn't grown up with religion she most likely would have grown up to be a whore. (lucky for me if we get married (; lol).