Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Boyfriend can't stay hard?

Me and my boyfriend have been having a dilemma with our sex life lately and I'm lost on what to do! He cannot stay hard during sex. He has no problem during foreplay and anything leading up to the big moment but as soon as we get into it he goes in hard and comes out soft... He usually lasts for 5-10min hard then loses it. We've tried oral to get him going agai, visual stimulation (him watching me play with myself), and hands on stimulation (him playing with me) and that usually gets him going again but only for a few minutes and he loses it again. He's in good health, excersizes, eats healthy, no medication, no physical issues. We have a great relationship and all is well till it hits the bedroom. I never make it into a big deal or make it seem like I am disappointed... I've also tried asking him what his sexual fantasy is but am unable to fulfil it at the given time... I'm completely lost on what to do!
Updates:
+1 y
He doesn't masturbate very often or even at all as far as I know but he does watch p*rn. He says it's not very often but I do catch left open web pages on his phone every now and then. He lasted longer last night b/c we did a p*rn scenerio..
+1 y
Talked with him a bit about p*rn watching today and he says he doesn't really watch it anymore because I satisfy his sexual cravings... He says he only watches it for ideas but it doesn't even get him hard anymore.
0 0

Most Helpful Girls

  • One of three things:
    1. Is he cumming, and trying to keep going because he doesn't want you to know he came so fast.
    (I had a partner who did this, he didn't cum a lot so you couldn't feel him "squirt" and once he came I could tell because he went from hard to soft while thrusting.)

    2. He is nervous once he starts intercourse and performance anxiety are making him lose his erection.
    This explains why foreplay is fine, but once he's in, he goes down.

    3. He is pushing himself past the breaking point because he doesn't want to cum to soon. When a guy learns to hold off cumming, sometimes if they suppress it to long, it goes away altogether and eventhough he didn't cum, his dick will lose erection.

    There are fixes for 1 & 3.
    1. If he is cumming... when he is about to cum, tell him to pull out, and not to touch his cock with anything or against anything. He will ejaculate but he won't orgasm. Then given a minute of cool down (usually my partner, pulls out and quickly jumps down to oral sex on me while his gun is going off), he will be able to remain hard and will last forever.

    3. If he's going to long... have him instead, do the above fix instead of holding on.

    * I don't think it's lack of interest because he is hard doing the other stuff.

  • You can try watching p*rn while having sex or have him masturbate before y'all engage cause sometimes the second erection can last longer. But, try the p*rn while having sex along with dirty talk first then try the masturbating before having sex.

  • Does me masterbate a lot than that might be the cause. and tell him to go to the doctor , there maybe other causes

Most Helpful Guys

  • Is he wearing a condom? I ask because I have trouble feeling any damn thing with those on and unless I'm crazed with horniness I run the risk of losing it too.

    Cutting out the p*rn and such might help a bit - with the risk that if he's gone without release, he won't last as long. That or a lot of oral and fingers with penetration being the conclusion, not the main event - just to see what happens.

  • One word: Cialis. Why isn't important. Cialis is a great ED drug: works in 20 minutes for 36 hours. I suspect that once the two of you are back in the saddle, things will be fine. Just have him see his doc.

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 10

  • You can try all the things these people say, but I do believe a doctor would solve it once for all.

  • Does he do p*rn and mb a lot? If not, see what is up medical / health wise.

  • Viagra. Or maybe he's too full, drunk, or uncomfortable to maintain a hard on. You should try just giving him a handjob at first.

  • it may be a bit extreme, but you could try putting a butt plug in him?

  • Maybe he's getting distracted or bored even. I'm not really sure. Staying hard for 5 minutes (and finishing) is pretty average.

  • Seems psychological then, perhaps he is just under stress at work or the such... will pass with time, if not, a doc is ya best bet ^_^

    oooor, try cock rings... ya can get ones that vibrate and stuff, they can help

  • Try having sex less often.

    The anticipation and the waiting will make him super hard. Stop him masturbating too if you can, and suggest that he watches less p*rn. I often can't get hard without a porn-like situation if I watch too much.

  • Cock rings and viagra

  • Have you tried Cialis or Viagra

  • Anxiety is one of the main reasons. may be he is worried too much about performance

  • Does your boyfriend watch a lot of p*rn? If he does tell him to cut that out of his life, that's most likely the cause if he is perfectly healthy. Google p*rn induced sexual dysfunction. Hope that helps.

  • Buy him a cock ring.

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