Sexual Relationships
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How to tell a guy that he's making inappropriate sexual comments?

I've been dating a guy now for a few weeks - he's very sweet and kind and considerate BUT... he will come out with a very inappropriate sexual comment that blindsides me. It only happens once during each date and it's usually wedged in somewhere in the conversation. An example: we were talking about laptops and he jokingly said he had to get his keyboard laminated since he watches p*rn on it. He's recently divorced and told me that he hadn't had sex in 5 years! Maybe he's out of the dating loop and very sexually pent up! He is so nice in every other way-this is just weird. Any thoughts on this?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • It just sounds like a joke to me. I think it just has to do with the type of humor you like. People make sexual jokes all the time. Honestly if you have a problem with that you may need a guy with no sense of humor. Do you really think your personality is so wonderful that there is nothing that bothers him? You will never find a partner that loves 100% of the things about you, and if you did, you wouldn't love 100% of the things about them.

    If a woman told me she had a problem with my sense of humor, I would dump her and find a girl that wasn't such a stick in the mud. It isn't her place to judge to tell me what is or is not inappropriate. That will just make you come off sounding controlling, judgmental, and lacking a sense of humor.

    • Ok you're going overboard here and you are a bit harsh. You have to make gross sexual jokes to be funny? The funniest people I know are intelligent and witty. I disagree with you, his humor is out of line.

    • Someone who continually has to be funny by making disrespectful sexual jokes has a base, immature sense of humor. Plus I didn't tell you the other things he said. References to his penis and objectifying women in a degrading way

    • I am not trying to come across harsh. What you are saying is that he is so nice in every other way, except when he is being gross and objectifying women. Think about how that sounds. If you really believe he was that bad you wouldn't find him so nice. It sounds more like you are looking for the perfect guy, and unwilling to accept one bad joke a day. In the grand scheme this is such a minor issue that it shouldn't be an issue to you. Either you can accept who he is, or you can't. If you attempt to change him by getting him to modify his behavior or sense of humor it will be seen as a huge red flag. Men run at the first sign of a woman trying to change him.

  • Lol... what an awesome joke ha ha. I tend to pull the trigger on sexual innuendos simply to show that I am a sexual person too. Maybe his calibration is off, if it offends you, maybe you are a tad shy/prude or something (in a good way... not saying you boring but just a little more sensitive) or maybe it effects you because he said he hasn't had sex in 5 years so his jokes may not be jokes.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I had a similar issue, and I just wouldn't address it, I also have to be careful with the conversation so that I dont lead him jumo in and make dirty jokes

  • He sounds like he has a good sense of humour to me, but if it bothers you just tell him your not comfortable with it

    • There were others I didn't mention. I am far from a prude but when the jokes are gross that's different, especially if he sees I'm not responding or reciprocating

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Tell him to lay low on the jokes, and it's not attractive, be direct, we are men, we can handle some criticism, believe me hun.

  • I don't think that joke was really that far out of line...

    ... but I guess if it bothers you, just tell him.

    • There were others I only mentioned that one. He referenced his penis another time and objectified women in a degrading way.

    • is there any other way to objectify women? lol

  • well, any man who talks about sex on the date should tell you something about this guy he's hoping to hit it after the date is over.

  • You hit the nail right on the head. He is pent up and he is out of practice as to how to deal with women he is interested in. I'd complement hi when he is being a gentleman, and when he is not, I'd show disinterest. If the behavior continues, have a chat with him. If he is worth while, he'll not take offense and change. If he doesn't, he's not worthwhile anyway.

  • I feel like if you swallow his cum your problems will work themselves out

  • Doesn't sounds like you're mad about the comments he's making... it sounds like what's upsetting you is the comments he made. What I mean to say is, I think you're jealous or insecure. He said he watches p*rn, or at least used to, if not now. I know that p*rn often makes women (and men too) very insecure when it comes to relationships because it makes them feel like they're not good enough. I think you need to voice to him that p*rn is making you feel that way, not the fact that he makes sexual comments. Women are just as sexual as men, in fact, maybe even more... they're just better at hiding it (because of what society tells them to do). If you can't tell him about how you feel, then, he's probably not right for you. People should be able to be honest with each other, no matter what the truth is

  • I think you should update your question with the other inappropriate jokes he has made so you can get the kind of responses that you're looking for.

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