Sexual Relationships
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My boyfriend went too far in rough sex, how can I trust him again?

I've never been a huge fan of bdsm and hardcore stuff like that but my current boyfriend really wants it. So we do it few times a month to please him and I do enjoy some of the things as well. Last night he came home from work really pissed and tired. He took a shower and seemed to calm down some, he told me he'd like to tie me up to bed tonight and do stuff and I said that's fine because I trusted him. He tied to me to bed and took his belt off he's never spanked me with anything but his hand before so I was shocked and asked him not to use it but he just said "I know what's best" and started spanking me with the belt very hard not saving his strength much.. he went to this angry bubble of his and I used the safe word again, again, again and again but he just kept going. I've never been in so much pain in my life a crying, sobbing mess begging him to stop and eventually he did and after a while untied me. I locked myself to the bathroom for the night. Next morning he was so sorry but I was angry, scared and in pain. So these past few days I've been at my friends house he's been trying to call me, messaging me telling how sorry he is and how he made a big mistake. Should I forgive him and if I do how can I trust him again?
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Anger should never ever be present when you're doing this type of stuff. You aren't there to be beaten so he can feel better. It's often the case with inexperienced people playing at such things that they truly underestimate the strength they are using and also how much a belt can hurt, or any other thing used in such a way. It sounds like he really didn't understand what he was doing, but that is no excuse for ignoring a safe word and violating your trust. I'm sure you feel incredibly scared and vulnerable right now as well as physically in pain. Once trust has been broken it is very very difficult to get back. I think staying at your friends is a good idea so that you can clear your head and figure out what you want to do. Personally, I'm not sure if I could go back and continue the way you were and I am a very forgiving and understanding person who understands people can get carried away, however, one of the key things in a sexual relationship such as that is that the dominant one is there to protect the interests of the submissive one. You are asking them to put their trust and well being in you and even a small violation of that can have dire consequences. I think you need to have a real good think on your own, calm down and recover a bit and then talk to him. Even if you aren't considering getting back with him you need to talk to him and discuss what happened and why it was so wrong and over stepped the line... then tie him up and beat the shit out of him!

  • hell no, DONT GO BACK TO HIM.

    this is exactly what physical abusers do! once they hit you (without your consent) theyll cry and say theyll never do it again but they WILL. my mother was physically abused by my father for years until she got the courage to leave him (he told her hed kill her if she did). it started out the same way, he hit her once because he was angry about something unrelated to her and the next morning said he was sorry and he lost control for a moment, then a few months later it happened again, and again more and more frequently and every single time he cried and told her he was sorry and itd never happen again. he hit her when she got pregnant and raped her several times, told her hed kill her, held a knife to her throat, kicked her, locked her outside in winter, wouldn't let her have any money besides £25 to feed herself and 3 kids a week while he had a big car sat on the front and ordered take outs for himself.

    he beat the shit out of you with a belt, saw that you were hysterical in tears & screaming your safe word and it was his first time abusing you, he will never stop and the beatings will get worse please trust me and leave him. it doesn't sound safe and he's not someone you can trust.

  • Unfortunately you can't trust him. It's one of those few times where even I wouldn't give someone a second chance. If you feel that you can forgive him thats fine. But if I were you, I would end it then and there. The fact that he refused to stop after the first time, shows that he was too caught up in the moment to even care about your well being. It's also signs of a darker side that might come out again. Don't keep this relationship going.

  • WTF!!! What got into him!!! Get some space and gather your thoughts. When u are ready and if you want to, u can speak to him then. But, like the majority have said this sounds like abuse and alarm bells should be going off.

Most Helpful Guys

  • you should call the ploice and report him like many have said there is a very very fine line between bdsm and just straigh up abuse and assult he hurt you physically and not for sexual gratification that you can both enjoy he did it out of anger and violence because of the day he had i'm sorry thats no excuse to, to put in honestly beat his gf he is a women beater and needs to be treated as such, the furthest i have ever gone through bdsm is fury cuffs to the bed and a blind fold, what he did seems just visious.

  • What he did is absolutely unacceptable, and you should GTFO IMMEDIATELY. Cut ties with him and never speak to him again. You should also seriously consider legal action (if you still have bruises, take pictures of them). What he did is assault and battery, and an argument could be made for rape. Safe words exist for a reason with BDSM, and they must be held absolutely sacrosanct. You should never trust that man again.

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What Girls & Guys Said

6 14

  • Forgive him, just for the ale of moving on and releasing bad energy, but i wouldn't trust him again. He took his anger out on you sexually, physically. Overtime that can become more of an issue. Maybe even abusive.

    • I don't know why this was downvoted... She's not saying to let him keep doing this. Holding on to anger will only poison you. @Asker you should definitely leave the relationship and move on with your life. He's not worth it.

    • Forgiving someone doesn't mean you condone the action, it just means you aren't going to dwell on it, which will only bring you down further.

    • It doesn't even mean you have to say it TO the person.

    • Show All

  • I really don't think you should trust him again because the next time it could be worse so would not advise you to do that again

  • If you love him, can I purchase some life insurance on you with the promise that you will have a proper funeral. This is an offer I make to people who have a love that will kill them.

  • Everyone that knows me will say i always argue for the defendant, this way everyone learns.

    But in this case, this guy is crazy. Leave him now.

  • Break up with him, you can never feel safe or comfortable around a man after that and I wouldn't tell him straight out because he could be dangerous and get angry. I'd call him. Stuff like this will happen again if you stay with him. You might say "But it was only one time", but don't be foolish, he'll do it again.

  • That was abuse, not s&m. He was acting out of anger, not lust.

  • I would leave him that's an alarming sign of what he could do out of sexual purposes.

  • That's not something an apology can make up. That's abuse and he went too far.

  • Ya... sounds like he can't control himself.

    Good luck...

  • Talk to him and try to understand what did happen, I think he was so angry and he didn't know what he was doing..

  • Well I wouldn't trust him, that's all I can say.

  • That mans a pig! Get out of there sweetie. That was abuse.

  • Honestly, his behavior is very frightening. Go ahead and forgive him if you want--but even if you do, you should break up with him and get away from him. He isn't safe to be around.

  • You shouldn't stay with him. He's one of those guys who uses his Bdsm fantasies as ways to hurt you and just make it seem kinky. If you implemented the safe word and he's not willing to listen then he crossed the line and it should take a long time for him to gain your trust back. But a guy who won't stop hurting you when you tell him to stop (or would even hurt you in the first place) is a guy who doesn't care about you. My girlfriend had a boyfriend who hit her and she said he'd beat her up, then the next day he'd pretend to be really sweet, caring and sorry so she would leave. But at the end of the day he'd just keep doing it again. Soni suggest you just get away now

  • Um, run! Seriously, get away from him. Honestly, he seems dangerous.

  • No you should not go back to this guy I don't care how sorry he says he is

  • i wouldn't be giving him a 2nd chance!!

  • No you can't trust him. You told him to stop, did he, NOPE. He must be reported to the police.

  • a safe word is there for a reason, bdsm can actually end up with someone dead !

  • Yeah that's weird, like it goes beyond pleasure. I wouldn't go back. I know it's hard but the writing is on the wall. You don't need to get killed to learn. Do yourself and the people that love you a favor and get out off hat relationship.

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