Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Sex with him sucks... Help?

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and I've been dealing with this problem since the three month mark. We never had interesting or passionate sex but I thought everything would get better considering I was a virgin when we met. ( because I wanted sex to be with a steady boyfriend) I thought maybe my inexperience made it lame. He told me he had a foot fetish and I was completely okay with that. I decided to learn how to give him awesome footjobs and blowjobs and I made it a point to try to make him feel good. In any case it's been a while now since the fetish became something very annoying to me. Sometimes it's like he enjoys my feet more than he does regular intercourse. He won't become erect until I give him my feet, and he just lays there until he's ready to go inside me (missionary or doggy style) and gets a little soft midway so I could barely feel him (he's on the smaller side of the penis spectrum) I've never orgasmed while having sex with him. Whenever he decides we can have sex I have to get him turned on but l he doesn't try at all to turn me on a bit. We have sex very rarely, like old people (we are 21) He doesn't grab me like he wants to fuck me (excuse my language). His lack of aggressiveness turns me off. I've tried showing him new positions I learned online and he just won't try them. I love him, I really do. We get along so well, but I can't see myself letting him be the only sexual experience I ever have (he speaks of marriage and a future with me) I've discussed it with him and he says to give him another opportunity to fix things. I can guarantee he's not cheating because I spend a lot of time with him (we live together) and it's not his style I was wondering if I am justified. Do you think I'm right? Should I leave him? Should I ask for a break and have sex with other people? I don't know what to do, please opinions!
Updates:
+1 y
There was never passion there. Most of the time sex is a decision instead of going with the flow. In any case this month (October) we've had sex once. I tried having sex with him on my birthday (28th) and I didn't go through with it I just cried because he was soft. We have been using sex toys but it's not what I want. I want closeness during sex. I need to mention he is a great guy. I spoke to him about not being able To see myself with him in the future and he started crying :( ugh
0 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • He may be masturbating to p*rn? A guy 21 should not be going soft like that. He should be looking you in the eye and marveling over how lucky he is to have you when your having sex. He should not be looking at your back. A lot of queers look at the back, they don't like to see the girl, they fantasize the girl is a guy.

    A giving girl like you should have a layer of her skin rubbed off by all the handling and fondling he bestows on you. In short, he should be eating you like a fat boy eats a pizza... just devouring you. Now, I like sucking toes... but just for 2 or 3 min. Then I like sucking the rest. So don't begrudge a guy a little toes. But your 21... your already like old people? Something's got to give. I'd say he is too fudged up. Try counseling for him, but really I think he is beyond hope.

    You can try SA

    https://www.sa.org/

    Unless you are happy with him enuf to stay, I sadly recommend you need to move on. If you got to stay, buy some sex toys and demand some pleasure or no more feet jobs. But do you really want to go through life like that? Good luck!

    • Addendum... If something is causing you health, legal, physical, mental and emotional problems you have to look at it as an addiction if you can't stop the behavior. If your happy with your life, continue to do as you like. If things are causing you problems and renting too much space in your head, look for change. It is all up to you and what you want.

    • I feel for you deeply. It is heartbreaking for as young of a gal to be in such a predicament. You are a textbook example of why virgins should try before they buy. (At least some trying anyway Can't you introduce him to a vibrator, tell him to rub your clit and lick you alternating with it and his tongue? He does not need to be stiff for that. Maybe he will develop an enjoyment for it and get hard from pleasuring you on? Of course, this all presupposes he is not queer. You need to find an SA meeting, have him open up to them, get him a sponsor and work on recovery. Or you need to get some counseling. But really I'm just trying to be nice to you and give some hope. Unless there is some miracle the size of a nuclear bomb, I see no hope for change

    • If he will let you have a guy on the side and you can stay with your 'baby boy' OK, cause you obviously love him. But I suggest you work on accepting 'it is what it is' and move on if you want more. Otherwise your only other option is to try and figure out how to make it doable as-is. Good luck!

    • Show All

  • You should probably have a serious talk about this and be completely honest with him on all aspects. The reason being contrary to what people say is sex really does impact a relationship, especially after being in a relationship for a long time with someone. Sexual frustration can cause a lot tension between a couple and start more arguments, and anything else he does wrong later will only make the problem worse.

    It can be helped, there is still always a chance to have a fulfilling sex life that can bring you two closer, but he needs to cooperate with you and understand your needs. If he doesn't then honestly it's time to move on, because again being sexually incompatible can cause built up issues later in life, and the fact you're posting about it says it's going that direction.

    • Well said!

Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you two need to sit down and have a very serious talk about all this. Tell him what you've said here and explain that he needs to do more on his side to pleasure you. It seems like you do a lot for him, and he needs to reciprocate that. If he doesn't change and it's a deal breaker for you, you may need to break up and find someone who can fulfill your desires.

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 12

  • "Sex with him sucks"; and not in the good way. lol
    You're too young to be having sexual difficulties with your partner. You have a whole life's worth of great sex to be had, and I can tell you it's not going to happen with him. He'll never be able to please you or meet your needs. Plain and simple. He's too hooked on his pleasure and is ignoring you and your needs. He's not only being selfish he's being disrespectful of you. There's a hell of a lot more to a woman than her feet. He has an issue, and you're not going to be the one to change that. Only he has the power to change that, but it will most likely require the assistance of a therapist.

    I hate telling anyone to leave their partner. Lord knows I could have easily left mine, but I chose to fix MY problems and MY relationship. What I'm saying is that the issue you're facing is not YOUR problem. It's HIS. Well, it is your problem, but not caused by you anyway.

    My suggestion is that you get out if the relationship before you get completely sucked in and end up living a completely miserable living I was living one for over 15 years so I know how it can be. It's horrible. I had an awakening, and chose to fix me... This is your awakening. YOU CAN'T FIX IT. MOVE ON. BE RESPECTED, LOVED, AND HAPPY. Find someone who can and wants to meet your needs; someone who puts your needs first before his needs, both physical and emotional.

  • If you have sex like old people, that's maybe six out of 7 days of the week at 60 years age.
    He's a dud. Find someone better.

  • train him! lol

  • Ditch the prude, find a another dude!

  • Life is too short to be with a bad lover that doesn't give you orgasms. It sounds he's losing interest or he's so hung up on his fetish that its interfering with his sex drive and performance. It also sounds he's very selfish. You could try a swap I. e. one session you do everything he wants and the next everything you want. He might need counseling. In any rate there's a multitude of guys that will satisfy you sexually and be a good boyfriend to boot

  • He doesn't seem to care enough to try to engage YOU sexually.

    Pretty much he is a selfish lover.

    This relationship is doomed to end... find a guy willing to be more of a giver and less of a taker when it comes time sex.

  • Being sexually incompatible is extremely difficult if not impossible to fix - and it sounds like this is a dealbreaker for you.

  • I don´t see any future in your relationship. He haves to be with a girl that shares his same fetish.

  • lolololololol @ " He won't become erect until I give him my feet"

    Sorry but that is hilarious.

  • Love over sex thats just me though. Don't start basing his worth on sexual intercourse

  • Talk to him about this issue when you're both naked and enjoying foreplay. Sorry to say, but some fetishes are sickness. If he gives so much attention to your feet, and that part of your body doesn't make you orgasm, tell him so. Some guys are ignorant. They think the part of the woman they are absessed with is the part that gives the woman excitement. That tells you right there he is a psycho. show him where you would loved to be touched. If he can't bring himself to working those areas, take a hike.

  • Sounds like quite the situation. How often do you have sex and have you ever orgasmed? Was it good at one time?

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