My girlfriend doesn't satisfy me, sexually?

[anhonestman]

I've been in a relationship for 4 years with my girlfriend now. We still deeply love each other, as much, if not more than when we first met. I still take her on dates, cook for her, the whole deal. I try to treat every day like its a date for us. I tell her at the end of our lives I just want everything to be memorable. And that is all fine. The thing is, we used to have sex, but she never liked it. I tried improving, techniques, positions, paces, etc. Tried to romance her, and it worked, but the sex was still null. And eventually it became non existent. Despite everything I've tried, no matter how hard and persistent I was, it failed. Fast forward to now, I haven't had literal penetrating sex in about 11 months now. And I've learned to settle for that at this point -.- she will wake me up for some fingering and oral action for herself. And I politely give it to her until she is trembling, then go back to sleep. And therein lies my problem. I am not sexually satisfied with that. When I turn over and go to sleep, I honestly feel like crying. And she knows how I feel. But she can't do anything about it. We don't have sex, I compromise. She offers a handjob (I've tried giving her pointers for 2 years it just dosent work well with me). She refuses blowjobs, thinks its gross, I can respect that. She dislikes lap dances cause she gets tired after 3 minutes, and she's fit. The list goes on but all ends the same. In disappointment. So my question is, what else is there for me to do? What else can I do? To help her help me. I'm literally an anal bead away from trying everything I can. And I'm tired of jerking myself every night after she's done cause its the only way I can sleep happy. Any suggestions or helpful ideas would help. Thank you for reading this far down. I appreciate the care -Sincerly, B. P

[JulyAndrews]

Stop pleasing her, stop giving her oral and fingering her. You need to have a good talk with her, things need to change and if she doesn't want to compromise than clearly she doesn't really care about your needs. You're not asking anything out of the ordinary.. 11 months no sex and you're in a relationship, that's absolutely not okay. She doesn't even listen to your pointers during a handjob.

All I can advice is for you to have a serious talk with your girlfriend. Be open and really explain to her that this is ruining your relationship. A bad sex life does ruin a relationship. Sex is not the most important thing, but when it's bad it has such a negative effect that most couples either work out their issues (maybe even with professional help) or end the relationship.

You obviously love her very much. Do you feel like she loves you back as much as you love her? Or has the relationship become a one-way-street thing (you doing all the efforts in maintaining a healthy relationship)?

You say she never liked sex: do you know the reason why or is she just asexual? If she is really asexual than there's not much you can do :(

[treescancatchfire]

To be honest I think mutual sexual satisfaction is important in any relationship, and you two really need some help, possibly from a professional, to get things back on track. It sounds like for your girlfriend there are obstacles, be they mental or physical, that need to be handled delicately, but if you don't address it it will never change to benefit you.
There are too many factors for it to be reasonable to speculate the cause of her feelings towards sex, but I definitely feel that there is no quick fix. If she resists any kind of change, however, it's probably best to think about finding someone who can match your desires in that area of your life.

Good luck, I really hope things can turn around for you.

[BeInnovative]

your girlfriend is a total selfish person and your relationship's expiration date has come..
if not passed..
i think either sit with her and talk to her from the heart about how you suffer, how you unsatisfied, and how this is making you sad...
or simply say 'bye to you"
your choice.

[lauren89]

Sounds like your relationship has ran its course.. I'm sorry.

[HorrorFan]

So she wakes you up to perform oral sex on her and almost refuses to touch your penis with anything but her hand? Was there EVER a point that she enjoyed sex?

I get that you guys love each other but I'm assuming you don't want to be in a sexless relationship forever. You don't want to be playing card games on your honeymoon.

I'm guessing she would never let you have a fuck buddy or something. This is rough, man. I'm not sure how you deal with this without breaking up with her. Good luck, though.

[Anonymous]

She sounds incredibly spoiled and selfish. I suggest you find a new girl, and this time don't treat her better than she treats you. Otherwise you will end up with another girl that is so spoiled that she doesn't think she needs to put any work in to the relationship.

[Opinion Owner]

No, she is spoiled. You give her whatever she wants without expecting anything in return. At some point you have to stand up for yourself. She knows she can take you for granted. Even if this was just about sexual compatibility, it would be time to find a more compatible person.

[islands7]

You are only to get questions and "talk to her" + other things you've tried to exhaustion here.
I've been reading them...
There have been times when I've been faced with that but lucky these have been only cyclical, driven from past emotional abuses by others and one-by-one solved... except for those times doctors over medicate her.
This gal will never unlock her Pandora's Box to YOU, so if you don't take the easy exit, your solution (if any) is a very difficult, expensive path down psycho lane... if that works at all. Please avoid the ones that gain her trust, just to be popular enough to keep your cash flow coming... w/o results. You might want to shop around and insist on referrals from SOLVED cases.

[ladydyamond798]

Stop giving her head and fingering her until she satisfies you. And watch a few pornos with her.

[Mgoods]

Nah dude, this is not ok. She should be all over you, it's only 4 years in. You know this is so not fair. There's an underlying problem that you both need to work to identify and address! Sex is important, so is feeling desired and wanted! Otherwise, you'll end up feeling undervalued and it puts a strain on the entire relationship. You are not happy, so you can't continue like this...

[LibraLady1989]

Why does she dislike sex so much? Did she have a bad or traumatizing experience in the past? Be patient with her and maybe I think its time for both of u to go see a sex. Therapist or something... I think ur gf has seriously been through something rotten or traumatizing and that's why she dislikes sex or she could have a serious mediacl problem - lilke maybe she's in pain during intercourse... time for both of. U to seek proffessional help I think

[JulyAndrews]

Some people are asexual. Not everyone who has a lack of interest in sex has been through something horrible.

[LibraLady1989]

Well me. Personally I used to really hate sex at one point cuz I was scared due to a bad experience... then I got over it slowly, so that's very possible for people to hate sex due to a traumatizing thing

[edgey]

Dude, this is called manipulation. She get what she wants, without having to do anything. As a man it's hard to understand this, but some people only actually care about their survival and comfort, they will tell themselves a lie in order to continue being comfortable, and continue living this lie until their survival is threatened. Most men have a hard time believing this, because most men don't think this way, but it's really true. Your girlfriend found a way out of pleasing you, and has been hiding behind that excuse for years. If you had a child that told you "I don't like homework" would that excuse them from failing school?

What is worse is that you have been manipulated into losing your self confidence. I bet when you started the relationship, if she told you there would be no sex, you would have kept moving. But now you have adapted to this, jerking off at night after you please her. She has managed to manipulate you out of your self confidence. See, when your woman doesn't please you, you start to think there is a problem with you, that you are unattractive, undeserving, etc. When in reality, you are in a relationship with an emotional abuser, and the only thing you've done wrong is stay with her.

She doesn't even know or care, that this is destroying your self-esteem. In fact, you losing the self esteem will make her less likely to please you. Society doesn't really warn men about the manipulation they face in the opposite sex, and how this manipulation can cause mental health issues. Men are supposed to be strong and stoic, but these are tactics women have used for thousands of years to get men to settle. Yes bro, you do deserve to be loved. You have options, and time is on your side, men's biological clock is twice that of our female counterparts. Workout, heal yourself, break up with her, enjoy life, and don't let another woman manipulate you.

[COCOCHANEL]

amazing that women ask for oral. i can't imagine.

[COCOCHANEL]

how selfish.

[JulyAndrews]

what do you mean?

[COCOCHANEL]

@julyandrews i don't think it's right to ask for oral sex, especially if you don't plan to reciprocate

[JulyAndrews]

How is it not okay to ask for oral sex? It's normal to express your sexual desires with your partner, just the way it's normal for a man to ask his partner for a blow job. Open communication is very important for a healthy sex life. In this case it's quit sad that she doesn't reciprocate, but he knows this and he still does it.. she's not forcing him to give her oral (I hope) And there are many men out there who love to give oral without receiving anything back (they exist).

[COCOCHANEL]

@julyandrews i don't think men should ask either. just hint.

[JulyAndrews]

Well I guess we have very different opinions on this. Do you also think it's wrong to give pointers on how you want to be orally pleased? Guiding the other through the motions?

[COCOCHANEL]

@julyandrews yes, i've actually never wanted oral and therefore never asked for it. a few people insisted on doing it but i just feel it's not right to request it. i also don't think pointers are necessary. just moaning.

[JulyAndrews]

I can not imagine having sex like that. It would be bad because every person is different, what might work on another might not work on me at all. So a guy should just wait for you to start moaning, and what if that never happens? What if what he does feels bad for you? What if it hurts? You just stay quiet forever and have a louzy sex life?

[COCOCHANEL]

if it hurts i scream, it's a reflex. i try to make them stop and usually they do.

[Neglected1anddone]

Sorry man I have you way beat at over 3 years with no penetration, I get to jerk off on her boobs and that's it... no hand jobs or BJs, several times I have been turned down for sex only to know that she masturbates the next morning. I have never cheated but have had feelings of her cheating on me. It is so frustrating and drives me into deep depression for weeks at a time. I don't really know what to do as I am a widower and have my passed on wife's child that I care for. Leaving would be very hard for me because I do truly and madly love her and want in the most way for my kid to have a motherly role model.

[Anonymous]

Well whether you realize it or not sex is important in the relationship
Normally I would just say work through it with your partner but this is a woman who has clearly given up
WOW 11 months sorry to hear that, she seems kind of selfish to ask for oral and not want to reciprocate, have you though about leaving her, because this doesn't sound healthy at all you are clearly not happy