I've started sleeping with the new guy I'm dating. He doesn't cuddle after sex, and he doesn't hold my hand. Does this mean anything?

I've been seeing this guy for about a month and have started sleeping with him. We've slept together twice, and both times, he didn't cuddle and was not affectionate after sex. He's always very respectful and attentive, though. And it wasn't like he kicked me out after sex. Both times, I slept over, and he drove me home in the morning. Also, he doesn't hold hands when we're out on dates. This gives me pause, but at the same time, all our dates have been real dates, not hook-up dates. We dine out, have had a day date, even run together, which to me, suggests that it's not some fuck buddy setup. He also texts me almost every day in between dates. And I've met his friends. The no-cuddling, no-hand-holding really throws me off, though. Men, does this mean he's not that into me? Or since our thing is still very new, is it normal for a guy to not feel close enough for affection yet, and should I just give it time? Women are very welcome to give their input, too!
Updates:
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I should add that this is a cool and confident man. This was how we met: He approached me at an event, told me I was beautiful, and asked for my number. A couple of GAGers suggested he may just be feeling shy or anxious, but I'm wondering if this would be true of a confident man? I mean, wouldn't a cool and confident man become even more so after the girl starts sleeping with him?
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Would like to hear from 30-somethings, too.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • He might either be to into that kind of affection or doesn't know if you would enjoy it. Most guys need clues or whatnot before they do things like that. Granted it should be a automatic thing but for some guys it isn't. Talk to him but be open and show that your just trying to figure it out, he might feel that you are trying to rope him into something or take advantage of him, this is just a possibility but still.

    Talk to him about it, be open and understanding. He might just be nervous and unwilling to screw up what could be a long lasting relationship by going to fast or taking assumptions. But really talk to him and be clear and open, don't know how many times this should be repeated.

    • "He might just be nervous and unwilling to screw up what could be a long lasting relationship by going too fast or taking assumptions." When I'm with him, observing him, I sometimes wonder if this could be it. He actually seemed more forward and confident on the first couple of dates, and as we started hanging out more and esp after we started sleeping together, he seemed to have gotten less aggressive. Which is kinda weird because you would think physical intimacy would make a guy more forward. But it's really too soon to tell what the reason behind his actions is. I'm also kinda nervous and don't want to screw whatever this is up. This looks like it could have potential, and he seems like a really decent guy.

  • Anon has great advice. Before you go off the rails with an overactive imagination, talk to him, away from the sex say over an intimate drink. Ask him where things stand on the romantic front. If they're okay and there're many reasons to believe they are, then talk to him about being more affectionate, that you'll find ways to "reciprocate." ;) If you're kinky, offer to role play. I see the odds as good that he'll come around but maybe "make you pay for it."

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • It just means he's not a cuddly person. I personally love holding hands and cuddling a lot and it baffles me that there are women out there that don't like all that touchy feely stuff too.

  • He is most likely shy. I could imagine myself acting the same way with my date in the first few weeks. I suggest you grap his hand or his arm first or even cuddle, it should make him more comfortable with you, and it should also encourage him to do the same next time.

    • So he would be shy even after we've started having sex? I'm sorry, I was thinking that since we're now sleeping together, he would be even more confident. He's a cool and confident guy in his late thirties.

  • maybe that stuff just ins't important to him or maybe he doesn't like it.