How should I go about this whole anal sex thing?

Question

So, yesterday during sex, my boyfriend (out of nowhere) started to lube my anal area up. He stuck his finger in and I couldn't help but think the feeling was the most disgusting, uncomfortable feeling I have ever felt (not mentally disgusting or uncomfortable. Physical). We have spoken about anal sex a few times, but not in all seriousness. He insists that I shouldn't "knock it until [I] try it" since he thinks I may like it. If I don't like the way his fingers feel inside, does that necessarily mean it will feel the same once he is? I don't want to just jump into it if its going to feel similar. I hated the feeling, but knowing that he really wants to have anal makes me opt to trying it... eventually. I know its not for everyone but I know of quite a few of my friends that enjoy it. If any girls who have anal could help me out here with what they think about it, that'd be great!

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

It's very NORMAL to be uncomfortable and for it to feel weird at first. You aren't used to things going IN there, and many people initially have kind of a mental block about it. That's okay.

IMO, it just means he should go (very, VERY) slow with you, perhaps sticking with fingers only for the first 5, 10, or even 20 times. He should be letting YOU dictate the speed not only which he uses his fingers, but also how fast you progress. The goal is to make YOU feel comfortable and in control, so that you know that if you need to stop, he'll stop, no question asked. Once you feel that way, you'll be able to relax.

The other thing is: you have to open your mind to it. If you go into it already having decided that it is disgusting, then there's no way you could ever enjoy it, because you've already excluded that possibility. If you're going to DO it, or even TRY doing it, at least you can let that part go and give it a fair shake mentally. If you still don't like it and don't want to do it anymore, that's OKAY, and you are allowed, but going into it already having decided you don't like it doesn't help him OR you.

I recommend you read my post here:

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1205229-how-to-prepare-for-anal-sex

And, as I said before, if you need to take a lot more time to get comfortable with it, then do so. I've had girls who wanted the penis the first time, and others who needed 6 or 7 sessions before they were ready for a second finger, but out of 30+ girls, only two ultimately decided they didn't like it, and even they would admit they didn't hate it - it just wasn't for them, which, again is OKAY.

Maybe you'll find it's not for you, and if so, there are plenty of other things you can do with your boyfriend to keep him happy. It's just that, if you've already decided you couldn't possibly like it, then don't waste either of your time going through the motions just to say "I told you so." If you're gonna try it, do it with an open mind.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Okay. I understand trying things for your partner, yet I would never ask or beat my partner into submission to try something that they do not like, something which obviously is a turn-off and possibly a mood killer. You should tell him that if he wants to try anal sex that badly - maybe you all should and that you will soon be purchasing a strap-on for his pleasure and that he should be willing to give his anus up to you and a strap on dildo if he wants in your back door that badly. Most men won't agree. Hell most think that if they enjoy fingers up their back door that it means that they are "gay". Usually that is more then enough to get him off your back.

Don't forget, he could always, 'accidentally' pop out of one area and in a full thrust, 'accidentally' enter the "off limits" area. Opps! Sorry! That was an accident!

Communication is key in any relationship, if he knows that you were turned off by it and is still trying to talk you into it, then he is only out for his own satisfaction.

Funny enough, three ways can be answered in a similar way. If he wants you with another girl then he should be willing to have you with another male. The kicker being that the male is bisexual. Most are just looking for their pleasure.

Either way, if you can not or do not communicate to your partner about sex never mind other things, then the relationship will either fail, not be full-filling or both. Anal sex is good although there are those that are against it. If you can not get past it mentally then you won't get past it physically.

Best of luck, hope you open up a line of communication with him. Peace.

Bloodfaith · Accepted Answer

If a finger was painful for you... a penis will be as well.. because it is much larger... although, the more you do it, you'll get used to it and shouldn't feel pain. (at least thats what I hear)

I persoanlly despise anal sex... nothing is going in my butt! That is an exit door only! lol

Ultimately if you don't want to do something, it is your choice, always remember that... not matter how much he asks or possibly begs, it is your hole, your choice!

AustinMan · Answer

I have an article for GAG that I hope to get posted soon: Comfortable Anal Sex for Beginners. I'll gladly send it to you if you'll message me. I think you would find it very useful in preparing for and having fun, comfortable anal sex.

slackercruster · Answer

Get these anal trainers and wear em when you go out. I only go for finger up there when my wife is jacking me. Be careful you don't blow your butthole out of shape or you will have leakage. Guy like the dominance of getting up your butt.  In short, if you like it do it... if not don't. My wife won't go for anal, even a finger. (She tried it once.) I just like to use my finger in her. I don't push her.

BiffWebster · Answer

the anus is an exist not an entrance -_-  oh and FYI... a guy can't just stick it in there like 1, 2, 3, because you'll scream and it'll hurt.  lots and lots of lube lol is really how you do it

Bear_of_Death · Answer

Sounds pushy. If you want to give it a shot I have two pieces of advice: 1. Poop before penetration 2. Lots of lube

Billlewis · Answer

Try having him slide his tongue up your butt, instead of his dick;)

yaddayaddayadda02 · Answer

My wife doesn't like a finger, but likes anal sex. I think he needs to slow down a bit with you, and kinda discuss it with you more. Anal's really something that requires mental preparation.

imbittered_punk · Answer

I'll always say don't knock it but if you hated a finger, you're gonna really hate a dick. Try it if you want but treat it like masterbaton if you can't enjoy it on your own you won't enjoy it with a partner.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Don't allow yourself to be pressured into doing anything you do not want to do.

2021biguy · Answer

Try using a vibrator up there for a while and that will help you like it. Just try it slowly with lube when you feel really horny, playing with your clit at the same time helps.

Elliot0_07 · Answer

So he was preparing you for anal and you denied him? For what reason? It doesn't matter if it hurts or what non sense thigs you girls say. You should cut the bullshit and let him do it.