Can a 'Friends With Benefits' relationship ever turn into a serious relationship?

I have this friend, who is a ‘friend with benefits’. Honestly, I am not a slut by any means and this is the only person I’m currently sleeping with. But like I said he is completely a FWB. I have no problem with it, in fact I like our little relationship. It’s very private and it’s like there is not much emotion with it. Yeah, I know what his intentions are with me. But I mean, me and him get along great! I really enjoy being with him. The only problem was when I saw him at the bar… is was kind of weird? I wouldn’t mind actually dating him though! I don’t know if we will ever start dating but I was kind of wondering if FWB relationships ever turn into anything serious.

Okay maybe I should give a little bit more detail about our situation. We’ve been messing around for 9 months now. He and I have known each other for most of our lives. Both of our families know each other. I have fun with him, and he is very nice!
Wow! I have gotten so many replies! Here is the little update… We haven’t spoken in almost 2 months because I found out he had another girlfriend the entire time! Isn’t that something? That explains everything. I took off all communication. Thanks guys!


Most Helpful Girl

  • no. run. he`s a d*** who doesn`t wanna commit himself to you. Mum, Dad- how did you get to know each other?- Oh that`s easy we were f***buddies for about 10 months and then we fell in love?! ever heard that? me neither. forget about him.

    • Hahaha, good way of looking at it.

    • Ha yh :) I had a f*** bud and I wanted to be with him but he was suchhh a d***. so I dumped him and moved on, and now I found the guy I've been waiting for. really. you don't deserve being treated like that :)

    • Lol, I love your example. So true.

What Guys Said 15

  • Most of the time, FWB situations end up with at least one of the people wanting to turn it into something more. So yes, it can happen, but I wouldn't push a relationship or try to "convince" him with logic that you two should be together. You have to plant the idea in his head that you would be great to date too. You can do that by being seen as a high value person, i.e. someone a lot of guys also are considering to have a relationship with. Don't try to make him jealous, but do make sure he knows you're not locked into anything with him other than your current arrangement.

  • Friends with benefits is retarded and almost always ends with someone getting hurt. If it does turn into an actual relationship the chances of it lasting are absurd.

  • Yes. Mine did.

    He has to find other things about you also interesting. At some point you have to push for more.

  • Oh dear, you mean you expect a guy who doesn't want to commit himself to you, doesn't want your baggage, problems, nagging, rules, arguments or YOU in general except for being his free sex to change his views on you from being an easy ride into something more?

    What a naive girl you really are, stick to being his f*** buddy or move on to find someone for a real relationship and stop being a freebie because if he wanted more you wouldn't be 'friends with benefits' in the first place.

  • There is no such thing as "friends with bennies" it another way of saying you aren't serious about looking for someone and want somebody anyways. This apply's to anyone who wants a friend with bennies.

    Boy friend + girl friend

    married + unmarried

    Friends with Ben. is like a one night stand but extended.

    • I wanted to apologize for the directness of my comment, please do find it to forgive such blunt behaviors.+

    • This is so true. I've found myself in two different friends with benefits situations and I kept asking myself why does this always happen to me!? ...thinking I wanted more, a serious relationship. Then I finally realized it was actually me who was afraid of commitment and intimacy. Afraid of really putting myself out there and being vulnerable to someone. When you're truly ready for a relationship it will come. Me, I wasn't ready so I kept giving the signals of someone not wanting anything serious (unconsciously)

  • what sign are u? cancer?

    • Gemini.....? Why?

    • Show All
    • Am a scorpio but am not a slut lol what does astrology has to do with being a slut or not. its easy if you your legs are always open for anyone out there whether you re a man or a woman then you re a slut!

    • Are 2 Libras compatible? is Leo and Libra compatible? what about cancer and libra?

  • FWB will have difficulty becoming more serious. Not impossible, but difficult. As others have said, one of the friends is likely to get hurt. That's pretty much the nature of the beast.

  • Yep.

    But if it's been going on for 9 months... probably not. That's how my girlfriend and I started out, and my best friend and her boyfriend. Worked out pretty well.

  • we did it ALOT and after we would end up talking and then BAM gf

  • Just go with the flow as long as you are happy.But what do you really mean by FWB.

  • I believe FWB's can become serious. The question is: Will it last?

  • Yes it could if you guys really click together and talked about it.

    Personally I don't like the whole idea of FWB because I think a person should be with someone who would be willing to commit to you but that's just me.

  • "i'm not a slut? sure/

  • I had an FWB relationship for six months. I took her virginity and we eventually ended up dating for 2 years. It ended up with me getting my heart completely broken and I am completely depressed having lost her. It's been 4 months and she is all I can think of still to this day. I don't advise FWB's because as many have said here- it always ends with someone being hurt.

    • The fact that you got hurt had nothing to do with how your relationship started.... but how it ended.....just FYI .....

      plus its natural to be left... spinning.... when a relationship ends, but it happens. we all have to deal with it at some point or another.

      I'm not belittling your pain btw, I know what it feels like.... I've spent a whole year in a complete depression because me and my ex decided to break up.

    • Wow thanks for the information genius. No sh*t it had nothing to do with how it started. I just was simply stating that my relationship started as FWB and turned into something serious. You seem to be belitting my pain and I don't appreciate it at all. I am sorry you're also in a state of depression over an ex, but no need to cut me down in the process. I am in the same boat.

  • yes but its extermely unlikely


What Girls Said 29

  • The critical thing that you need for a relationship is feelings. You have to connect on an emotional level. Now all FWB situations have some level of consideration for the other person, it is not totally void of feelings in that sense. But that is not what you have when you move into a relationship.

    Dating is for getting to know someone and you two already know each other in a few ways, but in the end you would need to let him know that you would like more, that you enjoy him beyond just wanting FWB and see what he has to say about it. He may really enjoy the lack of strings attached to a relationship. Face it, with FWB he has no one to answer to. He can hang with friends, go out when he wants and, yes, even hookup with other girls if he felt like it. Just be open to the idea that he may really want to keep things the way they are.

  • Well 9 months is a long time.. plus we can't tell unless we re also there .. there are sweet little thing that he might that tells you that there a slight chance that this could turn into a relationship...

    I suggest you open up with him and tell him how you feel.. but make sure that he doesn't go all crazy and awkward about it if he doesn't want to..

    Why don't you cook him dinner and spend a night together without actually ending up having sexy together.. just talk and open up ... this could tell you, you know!

  • I think friends with benefits is the dumbest thing in the world. If you only want to f*** one person and like spending time with them, why not just date them instead of being FWB? You're going to put yourself through so much heartache if this guy doesn't want to date you back and you fall for him.

    If I was a guy, I wouldn't date a girl who was my FWB. I mean, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

  • Good for you. I just read your first post and that is the first thing that went through my mind. A FWB does not equal commitment, quite the opposite actually. Just because you aren't sleeping with anyone else, does not mean he isn't. You did the right thing though. Cold Turkey is how to treat dogs!

  • So let me get this straight you are confusing an FWB with an F-buddy?

    From where I stand - if there is no basis for friendship outside of the scope of the sex -- then I would suggest that you are just an f-buddy with an acquaintence.

    Ok... that being said - is it possible for more? Sure - if it something you BOTH want and decide upon. Clearly you wouldn't have posted this question unless you were thinking of wanting a serious relationship. However you conversely want to detach yourself emotionally and enjoy that part of your current situation. That is confusing and really not compatible.

    Now, ask yourself... is this something he WANTS? Has ever broached the subject? Have you ever been outside of the bedroom? Gone on dates? Done anything remotely romantic?

    I would suggest asking him if he would like to go out for coffee... or see a flick or something. Try to initiate contact outside of the bedroom and see where it goes. Who knows -- after being outside of the bedroom you may have quite the different perception of one-another. Great sex doesn't always translate into great relationship.

    Play safe.

  • he should have made it official before 9 months. I don't advocate or support the friends with benefits scenario because it isn't going to work out most of the time. if a guy can get stuff for free, he isn't going to work for it.

  • Doubtful. Why should he commit to a relationship of any kind when he can just sleep with you anyway? Definitely not a foundation to build a real relationship on.

  • as someone who has experienced way too many friends with [some] benefits over the last year and has really thought that I would end up being in a real relationship with 2 of them but that never happened and even the friendship ended [including one recently cause "he" actually got a girlfriend] I will tell you: the chances are slim. the guy's obviously attracted to you just like these guys were to me but, unless the guy really really likes or loves the girl and is into commitment [rare], sorry to say but there will be no commitment. in fact things may get awkward and/or even end if you become clingy or hint that you want a real relationship. so if you want just sex and a friendship then great continue but if you really want a real relationship then don't give him any until he commits. I've learned the hard way...[though at least I'm yet to give a guy "everything".]

  • I think anything is possible. But if one other person doesn't feel the same, of course he or she will turn the other person down and might want to end the FWB relationship because they don't want a serious relationship (intimate/exclusive/bringing to mom and dad relationship).

    Maybe you can talk it out as a 'friend' and you can get some sign if he likes you? It could turn out into one...

  • NO.

    The answer to your question is always no. ALWAYS. It doesn't matter what the circumstances were or are or what he said to you this time or whatver. You are being used. Strung along. It's just a booty call. Let me guess-he calls you randomly, you meet up, you hook up and then you don't see him for another week or two.

    Please read "Act like a man, Think like a lady" by Steve Harvey. It talks about this from the guys perspective so once you read that, you won't be able to kid yourself its leading to anything else. Steve said that guys are very territorial over their women so if he's not calling you his girlfriend after six months, then its just a booty call. And you've been seeing each other for NINE months and still nothing! He knows you and your family so he's not going to ditch you either because it would be awkward for him at family gatherings etc. Honestly just cut contact with him asap. Delete his number from your phone, delete all the texts, get rid of all his photos.

    You need to raise your standards. You can do better than this. You clearly want a proper boyfriend which is totally normal but you'll never get that with this guy whereas you could with someone else. The longer you spend with him, the more time you're missing out from meeting someone who does want something serious.

  • sometimes they do but usaly nothing meaningfull because it shows it just a time to have fun and some isn't ready to settle down yet. as long as ur happy don't push anythings if it turns into it good but most lieky not but who knows good luck :)

  • Friends with Benefits are kinda just not really serious. I mean it's like one night stands they are great but they never last and once its over there is really nothing there.

  • they could become serious, but not in the long term. FWB are basically just free sex so it's hard for something to develop between the 2 ppl, even though usually one of the people ends up falling for the other. I'd definitely stay away from FWB relationships. they don't really get anyone annywhere.

  • go for it! I have the same problem and we have sex but we are trying to stop because we are involed with other people. anyway I think he may be waiting on you to make the relationship serious and no you are not a slut.

  • if you like him stop shaging him..becos he's getting what he wants y would he want to be in a realtionship with he can have you for sex and a freind and do what he likes aswell..if you tell him noe mre he mite strt to miss you or mayb miss the sex but if you like him stop giving him sex it cud turn into a realtionship just play little he'd games aswell like cut dwn on the sex and try f*** with his he'd abit tease him but just dnt give him a shag

  • it can't turn into a real relationship... sorry :(

  • hah I wish! the last friends with benefits I had was a hotty! he fell for me before I did him, so I ruined things and by the time I liked him, it was too late. I have seen this situation work out several times before though, my best friend met her current boyfriend freshman year of university... they were fwbs for like 4 months and then decided to date. and another one of my friends had the same situation except they were friends with benefits for only a few weeks before they went steady! and both couples are still dating now :)

  • if you guys get along really well, then maybe you are comfortable enough to mention it to him. I would just say something like "im going (wherever)...wanna go?" how long has the FWB situation been going on?

    • Weve been messing around for 9 months now. He and I have known each other for most of our lives.

    • Well when I felt that my FWB situation was expiring I gave him the option of either taking me out or moving on. he would text me late nite sometimes when I was out like "im waiting in my bed for you" and I would say "im waiting for you to take me out."

      thats how you'll know if he sees you for more than a booty call. you have to set some rules. I told him not to call me after 10 and he started calling earlier. you'll figure it out

  • I've been in the same situation. I ended up getting hurt. I loved it and felt the same way as you did. But if a guy isn't willing to make a commitment, he;s just not that into you.

    • Maybe the guy is into ui but he's scared of a commitment or maybe he's not ready 4 a relationship yet

  • He's not interested.

    If he wanted to be in a relationship with u, and ur already doing stuff, he would already have asked you out.

    If you want a real bf, look for another guy. If you are fine with just being friends with benefits, and don't wnt a bf, great. look no further.

  • i wouldn't know anything bout if they turn into anything serious ... but if hez ure friends with benefits then he has ta like you at leazt a little or a lot ta even be ya friends with benefits ... that meanz you hav a chance iz like a 50-50 ting he may wanna b more but tha onlii waii ta noe fa sure iz by askin or he may not but eitha way you hav ta ask ta noe ... considerin you sed 9 mthz I tink that may b he juz doeznt wanna let you go because hez scared he'll lose you 4eva or u'll find someone betta ... juz follow ya heart if you feel like waiting round longer ta c what will happen if tingz can go sumwhere then do it ... if you feel like itz a waste of ure time and you can't pretend ta b anyting lezz than frendz then do that but eitha waii do what makez you happy in tha end

  • y would you get upset that he had a gf... if ur friends who mess around ur basicly in an open relationship...ur not going out ur "going in and out and in again" lol unless he ever told you it was exclusive...

    • Who said I was ever upset? I just dropped all commnication because I don't want to deal with it.

  • yes a FWB situation can become more I have seen it happen. but you might want to talk about it before you do because if your families are friends with each other it will be a very uncomfortable break up. be careful.

  • It's not gonna work to well because the boundary of only FWB has been set, meaning that he knows he can have you but doesn't really want to. it sux but it's true if anything you might be able to get him as a b.f for the time that he doen't have a girlfriend, but if he finds someone else you'll end up breaking up and remaining FWBs. hopefully you don't want a cycle of breakups though. FWB's are never good things to have in my opinion. I don't think it's possible to have unemotional sex unless you grew up very detached from ppl.

  • any kind of relationship can turn into a serious one.

    i had a FWB for about 6 months when we started actually going out in june.

    then again, I was so unprepared for that.. and you seem to be in this relationship with some kind of hope that it'll be more, I'd talk to him about HIS feelings because it seems like you want a relationship and this could potentially hurt you if he doesn't feel the same. just a thought from someone who's been there.

  • My friend had an FWB (no sex tho). And even though they both talked about wanting to makeout with other people, they never did. And they were both contemplating having sex just for the heck of it (they were both virgins). They've been official for...well over a year now. It's not impossible, just rare. They're amazing together. I think it worked out for them because neither of them had ever been in a serious relationship. And it was obvious to everyone around them that they deeply cared for each other. Knowing all this tho, I still have my doubts. You get used to having no strings attached, especially guys. My friend got lucky.

    • That only worked bcos they didn't have sex. sex changes things. if you have an actual f*** buddy then a proper relationship is never gona happen!

    • They did have sex tho, way before they got together. That's why I think it's rare. I mean if you wanna say it's because they were each other's first I might give you that. But she really didn't care about him in the beginning. But yeah sex definitely makes things crazier.

  • guys are ASSHOLES.( most of em) I was in the same position but I decided to drop him like a bad habit...i wanted to lose my virginity to someone I didn't care for..weird I know..but I didn't wanna regret losing it to someone I actually had feelings for..cause I know for a fact that I would have regretted it..of course he asked me for my number..and I gave it to be honest it was only meant to be a hit and run on my part...but then we went on dates..and I was like hey he's a nice I tested him..i lead him on..then I refused sex..and he texted me a couple times since then but I've been ignoring him..i don't think you should keep messing around with this guy..someone is bound to get hurt..ask him..where is this going? and see what he says...Good luck :)

  • If you want to know if it can turn into a serious relationship, than yes there are feelings there. You do have emotions and what happened at the bar proves it. Its natural for this to happen to you though, many girls end up falling for there FWB. Its happened to me before. The best thing you can do is not push anything onto him. Do not ask what you are, or where you see this going. Instead, mention things to do together and see how he reacts ( go out to eat ALONE, doing couple type things, SLOWLY). If he spends time with you without sex always being involved , then I can see you having a good chance turning this into an actaul relaitonship. Just keep your heart guarded, and don't get your hopes up.