Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Just found out my boyfriend has a "fuck buddy"?

I'm in serious shock. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years. He is divorced has a kid - age 26. I'm 21 (i'm not bragging but am pretty attractive and we both look good together). My boyfriend is lovely to me and we're looking to buy a house this year. We love eachother! well- at least I thought he loved me!!! He wants his cake and wants to eat it too. I feel utterly betrayed. I need an STD test asap surely He was acting strangely around his phone. He thought I'd "been down in" (I hadn't) and got extremely defensive. My gut told me something was wrong. I really did not want to do it but I went down it and I've discovered a series of texts to someone with no name and its general chat and basically I've figured out that he has a casual sex buddy! He states in the texts "he doesn't want a girlfriend" and the person replying says she's fine with that etc. WTF! I am in total shock! What the hell do I do? I'm not even upset I'm completely numb? I'm not lacking in anything (without sounding up my own a*rse!) We have a great sex life and everything? What is he doing? What the hell do I even say to confront him?
0 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • This is what you say: Is there anything you need to tell me? I want you to think very carefully about what you are going to say next because it will heavily decide the direction our relationship is going to go in.

    Either way you should leave him though, but just to see if he has the balls to come out and tell you.

    I am polyamorous and allow and encourage my girlfriends to sleep with others and I myself sleep with others too, however, everything is based in honesty and communication. Two things your boyfriend has betrayed, and as someone who is poly, this behaviour is appalling to me. Most likely you need to dump him. Or if you can yourself be poly maybe think about that, because it is in fact entirely possible to "have your cake and eat it too" I do it all the time and my lovers are happy. You just need to be honest.

    However, I would dump his ass. Once a cheater always a cheater. It is true. Even if he does stop in practive, it will hurt your relationship.

    Mind you, this probably isn't about you. It most often isn't. He isn't trying to make up for something you are not giving him, rather, it is an entirely different entity that has nothing to do with you (though it may have to do with the idea of you, which, is not the same thing mind you)

    • My best advice would also be, in confronting him, to make it entirely about him and his actions. Don't even think about letting him change the topic, or blame you, or anything of that nature. I have found women have a hard time ignoring personal attacks, please try as hard as you can to. Just scream. Tell him to answer the fucking question, that this is not about you it is about him. What the fuck was in his head, don't let it steer anywhere else but that. Don't let him blame you, or anything else. And after he finally admits it and his walls are down and he feels guilty and bad, THEN dump his ass.

    • Don't sympathize, his betrayal is pathetic, and there is no reason to feel sorry for him or be understanding at all for that matter.

  • I'm with @BertMacklinFBI. Confirm what you're dealing with. Even though there's no name, it'll have a source number or email address or some other way he responds. Contact her and tell her to leave your man the hell alone. Then tell him this is his final warning: any more screwing around and you're outa there. Furthermore, he has a ton of work to do to get you to trust him again. If he doesn't cave, leave him. I estimate, as a former, repeat former cheater that your odds depend greatly on how badly he wants to be with you. If he wants it badly enough, he'll stop. If not, you deserve better and move on. I don't think one affair should end a relationship but it damn sure damages it. If he tries to deny it, tell him he has one and only one chance to come clean or you're gone and send him off to think about his choice. Leave the kid out of it.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Just break up with him. I know it hurts but just break up with him. If he did it once he can do it again. Avoid yourself the heartbreak when you're even more in love with him a few years down the line.

  • WOW... I'd leave. Without saying anything. That'd hurt more than anything. Him speculating that reasons then wondering if you found about his cheating. That's the best revenge in my book.

  • In my opinion, that would be grounds for an immediate break-up. He's shady, a liar, and a cheater, is that the type of guy you want to stay with and buy a house with?

  • Leave him! Do not confront him, do not allow him to play with your mind, cut all contact with him!

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

Related Questions

If women don’t enjoy penetration then why do they like sex?
What makes someone of opposite sex good in bed for you?
Is getting a circumcision the right answer in my case?
What is the safest way to dispose a used condom that was not your husband?

What Girls & Guys Said

2 11

  • There's a reason why infidelity is the only thing that God permits a divorce for within Christianity. He has taken value away from you as a woman, some things cannot be repaired by one person, especially if that person is the course of the devaluing.

    I'd recommend leaving him. However, before you go this is the hardest part... I'd recommend sincerely without emotion, ask him why he cheated on you, what it was you weren't giving him or doing for him, do this so you can learn more about yourself. The problem may not even be with you after his answer, regardless, too many people leave relationships with their emotions on fire without understanding what really happened. They take that confusion and hate out on their next partner.

    Find out for yourself and for the sake of your next partner so that you will find the love that you need and you deserve.

    • I agree. But as a girlfriend I am exactly what he needs- I never blow my own trumpet but if there's one thing I'm damn good at- it's being his girlfriend. He's volatile and has various issues- I'm always there to support him no matter what. I am always there regardless - so with me I know I'm not the true cause. I literally give him everything he could want. I think it's down to him and his own erratic emotional needs. Thank you everyone for your answers

    • I've spent everyday this year studying this type of situation and the situations that develop in marriage. What I've said still applies, I'd recommend you do this for yourself or you'll end up hating. A wife brings her husband into therapy and tells the therapist that she wishes he was more dominating. She told the therapist that she gave him everything he needed to dominate her the way she wanted him to... paradoxical? A wife brings her husband into therapy and says she wants him to take more charge of the restaurant as it's always her controlling things... but on closer investigation of their life, she always woke up at 5am, the restaurant opened at 9.. she had nothing to do between the hours of 5-9 so she ended up heading to work to get some work done early.. she'd open the restaurant at 8:30 and by the time the husband arrived, he was out of sync as everything was set up and running. He lost his purpose and became placid because of this

    • It's important that we are able to understand another persons needs and wants and not just what we believe they need. I have no doubt that you are an attractive young lady and could give most men what they want, however if all his needs were serviced physically and emotionally, there would be no need to go elsewhere. I'd recommend thinking over what I've said once you've let out some justifiable emotion. Thank you for sharing and cooperating with me in relation to my answers.

  • You should have trusted your boyfriend. Love can't exist without trust.

    I'm just kidding, I'm just parroting what a lot of dumb, naive GAG'ers would tell you. Because apparently people like to live in a fantasy world where people never cheat on each other.

    Okay, confront him. If he tries to use the "you were snooping" card, fuck him, it's a good fucking thing you did, otherwise you would forever have been ignorant of his asshole-ism.

    Fuck him, dump and leave. Don't even look back.

    • ^ this...

  • Start off with. YOU LYING BASTARD. Then say, GOODBYE, WERE OVER FUCKWAD.

    Wow, what a horrible human being he sounds like.

  • I'd confront him if I was you.

  • Leave him and throw his phone in a tree... Seriously.

    • okay that last part made me LOL! :d

    • :D****

  • I think fuck buddies are something for when you are not dating anyone. He can't be your boyfriend and have something on the side. Get rid of him.

  • i would confirm this information before going any further.

  • www.geeksandcleats.com/.../...e-geeksandcleats.jpg

    No questions asked.

  • Looks like it's time to move on... say... to someone like me. boom. done.

  • Just dump him, don't waste your time on him.

  • Leave him now

  • Raise his kid with him..

  • You dump his ass.

Latest Questions

Sexually frustrated, am I in the wrong?
I caught my girlfriend reading erotica on her ipad -- should I be concerned?
How to stop feeling self conscious about my butt?
Girls- Do you like to swallow a guys cum or is it nasty?
Home >  Sexual Relationships  > Just found out my boyfriend has a "fuck buddy"?