How can I feel better about my boyfriend watching p*rn?

Question

I have tried watching it with him and it just upsets me to see him drooling over other women. I know that this is my problem, not his and I have not/will not ask him to stop just to make me more comfortable. We have had deep and meaningful conversations regarding his p*rn watching but I still don't really feel any better and I don't want to keep asking him to talk about it with me because I know that I'm being annoying. We're adventurous and have plenty of sex and I try really hard to fulfill his needs. He's my first boyfriend so I don't really have a lot of relationship experience. It had just never occurred to me that men in relationships still watch p*rn. I'm very average looking and obviously he's going to find other people sexy (He's not dead lol). Its just that I don't fantasize about other men. I don't read romance novels or watch chick flicks or masturbate. Not because I have a problem with any of those things, but because I'm just not really into them. It's really difficult for me to be physically attracted to someone without knowing them first, if that makes any sense. My boyfriend is wonderful and I really owe it to him (and myself) to not be so upset by him watching p*rn. Don't get me wrong, I don't care if he masturbates. It just intimidates me that he's imagining himself having sex with these women. I'm not looking for people to tell me its normal for men to do this. I know that. I'm asking for advice on how to get over it or feel better about it. And please don't say that the actors and actresses are whores or ugly. They're people too. And even though the female ones are making me feel insecure, they all deserve respect. Thanks in advance to everyone that answered and I'm sorry for typos and grammar problems or if anything in here was unclear.

slatyb · Accepted Answer

Short answer: it's not about you. Just like a guy has to eat, and sometimes he eats with you and sometimes he eats alone, sometimes a guy is horny and needs to come. Sometimes he does it with you and sometimes by himself. p*rn helps when he's doing it by himself. You can help too. That's really cool.

Long answer: There are a couple of questions implied by your post:.

Why do guys masturbate when they have a generally willing girlfriend?

There are a few possible reasons:
1. you said you were tired but they were still horny.
2. they think you are tired and they didn't want to bother you, but they are still horny
3. they are still horny but they are too tired to make love to you. Intercourse is more work.

Why do guys watch p*rn when they have a willing girlfriend?

It's easier to masturbate with p*rn
They like to fantasize about things they are afraid to ask you to do
They like to fantasize about things that you won't do
They like to fantasize about things that are impossible to do

Most guys who watch p*rn do not want to date p*rn stars. And even if they think it might be cool, they know it's not going to happen. If you go to the movies, do you worry that he would rather be dating Emma Stone?

by the way, when it comes to p*rn there are only two kinds of guys: The ones who admit watching p*rn , and the ones who lie about it.

BertMacklinFBI · Accepted Answer

you will either have to deal with him, let him come around on his own, or find another guy who is more compatible with your emotional needs.

Smiley26 · Accepted Answer

I assume my boyfriend does this since he admitted masturbating everyday bc he doesn't see me often... I do think he watches is and thinking about it pisses me off too.. :/

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

maybe he's not actually imagining himself having sex with the other women, my boyfriend pictures the man being him and the women being me when he watches  p*rn

AustinMan · Answer

p*rn  is about fantasy. He's not comparing you to those other women. He's objectifying them, something I suspect you don't want him to do to you. @MrOracle has a great article on My Takes here on GAG titled Why Men Watch  p*rn  that I believe you'll find most useful.

summiter · Answer

How often are you two having sex? Instead of one round try going for rounds two or three, that may reduce his urges. How old is he? I'm sure most guys are curious about  p*rn  but too much of it can probably challenge a relationship. What do you think?

arashmenalagha · Answer

I'm not saying you should do this.  But, have you thought about being in a personal  p*rno  and put it on the screen for him to watch while you both are together?

muspelhem_3 · Answer

You sound really sensitive and thoughtful. I guess you could liken it to watching a movie, reading a book - it's just a fiction, basically, it's all in his head, so to speak. He will likely never meet these women.

The second part is that, I don't know about most guys, but me, I could f**k anything with a pulse, pretty much. But being in a relationship with someone is about so much more. Obviously, few would find it acceptable, but in theory, I think I could sleep around with hundreds of women and still love my partner, if I really loved her. I have admittedly never tried it, but my point is that a great match is rare, and when you find one, you (or I at least) want to hold onto it. Even though you want to f**k everything with a pulse.

No idea if this was helpful.

amphet11 · Answer

Every straight man wants to fuck every single attractive women on earth, that's just how it is. A man can knock up 5 women in a day, a women can only get knocked up once in 9 months, this makes men in a purely sexual sense far more attracted to women than women are to men, and men would also obviously be attracted to a larger amount of women because of these reproductive fitness dynamics. These women don't even have to open their mouth and we don't have to know them to be very sexually attracted to them, this happens on sight, men are very visual. But don't worry, it's not like he would sleep with these women if given the chance, as his relationship with you will probably be worth more to him, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want to, thus he will just jerk off to other women instead.