I caught my boyfriend sexting... For the third time. What to do now?

[MirandaInWonderland]

My boyfriend and I have been together for just over a year. We pretty much met, it was love at first sight... Or so I thought. He was absolutely perfect. Would do anything and everything for me. We were so happy, never fought. People wished they had a relationship like ours. 3 months in I fell pregnant. After a lot of thinking, we decided to keep the baby. 6 weeks into my pregnancy I just had this feeling, I was curious as to why he hid his phone from me. So I did some snooping. I found his snapchat where he was sending stuff to lots of different girls. In his email I stumbled upon a dating site, I clicked on the link and read tonnes of messages from him to other girls - asking for their numbers, calling them beautiful, saying things like 'dtf', 'MLK I wanna kiss you, maybe even more'. I was devostated, I broke down and messaged him immediately. He lied and said it was his friend. I was so blind in love I stupidly believed him. That night when he had a shower, I kept reading the emails and found that he had recently given a girl his number. I went off at him and he got down on his knees begging me to forgive him, not to leave me, that he loved me and our baby so much and wanted to marry me. I forgave him, but I was still cautious. He became sneaky again but I ignored it. 7 months pregnant I went through his phone again and I found him saving photos of girls he had on Facebook. One his beat friend and another his mates ex. He also had a hidden snapchat and had blocked me. He was sending nudes to other girls. I confronted him and once again he said he wouldn't do it again. We'be just had bub and she's so perfect. But something doesn't feel right. Now he's got his work phone attached to his hip all the time. I go through it and I find him messaging a girl asking her how she is, etc. I look her up on Facebook and she's from a town he goes away to work alota lot. WILL POST REST IN COMMENTS.

[Anonymous]

Girl, I think he does have a problem and is beyond his control. I have the same problem I can't never admit to it even with evidence cause I'm so ashamed of myself. I love my husband and he's the best thing that ever happened to me, but I've never been honest or/and loyal to him. I feel trapped in another person that I'm not. I don't feel anything when I'm with other guys, I don't even enjoy it, I just have this urge to text sext and fuck, and I can't control it. I say I'm not going to do it bit it always happens. And I even say to those men that I love them, I don't know why, because the only man I love is my husband. I feel so stupid, and I know I need help, but I know my husband would leave me and I don't want him to leave.

You do have given him a lot of chaces, which means you really love him. But as much as it hurts, I don't know if one can be cured from it sort of say.
I hate myself for doing what I do but I can't stop. I hope you make the right decision not just for you but the baby. You sound like a good person and you deserve to be with a more stable person. If you love him help him, but it doesn't mean you have to stay with him.
Good luck.

[GingerBiscuits]

He has a maturity problem & is an attention seeker. It can be moved past if he's willing to go cold turkey & stop seeking out side attention. Sit down with him in dead calmness, let him know this is his only shot. Either he cuts any contact that isn't strictly platonic with other females or you're packing his bags & delivering them to one of those females he's been sexting. He must keep his phone open to you, cancel any chat & dating accounts he has. He must be willing to go to counseling & own his choices. He must be honest & willing to hear how much pain + mistrust he has brought to you.
If he's unable or unwilling to do any of this then your relationship is a ticking time bomb.
It will take you Yeats to go forward from this, honestly it may never go away for you even if he straightens up. But don't keep forgiving him if he isn't actively making an effort to improve himself.

[EthaParez]

Ou have to leave him. He will never stop. You deserve better than that. If it does not stop after the first time ten it will keep happening. He will probably have sex with someone else to. My boyfriend cheated online with a man. He started crying when I found out. Turns out I had said some stuff that hurt him. So I told him that if he feels hurt that we need to talk about it together. I told him if he did it again I will leave him. I have no more doubts about him. He has stopped being sneaky. He is more open to me. So there is a difference. You need to talk to him about things. Ask him why he does it? Is it a addiction? Does he really love you?

[MirandaInWonderland]

He said he thinks he has a sex addiction but he can't explain why he does it :( He said he likes knowing that other women want him.

[EthaParez]

Then show him you want him. Spice things up. Try new things. He must have very low self esteem issues. You might even need to go see a counselor. If all else fails and he still does it then leave. You guys have a baby so that is a tough situation.

[chaii]

I went through the same exact thing (except pregnancy)

You should leave him
m. YouTube. com/watch? v=eJALFnaBjeI

That song played in my head lol. Cause I treat every situation like glee.. I sing.. Ahaha
You deserve better than that, a man fixes his mistakes he is still in a little boy stage.

He keeps pleading after the 3rd time
vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/.../latest

Errr nope.
38.media.tumblr.com/.../...jicKk11shn5p8o1_500.gif

Good luck (:

[wyndt]

If you are intent on staying, which in all seriousness I hope you aren't, find a professional who can help him, and take him there, physically go with him to make sure he is going there.

As I see you're an Australian like myself I'll give you a little hand on where you can go. With a referral from a GP, you can get a maximum of 10 sessions a year with a psychologist or similar. Alternatively a lot of Christian churches offer counselling, sometimes a lot cheaper than a mainstream professional, or even for free if you really need it.

But really, I think the best thing to do is to tell him to go get help, then walk away. Hell, if you're in Brisbane I'll pick you up and drive you myself to your friends or family.

[zorro8888]

You know the definition of insanity... doing the same thing and expecting a different result.

This guy is not going to change, so why keep putting yourself through this.
Being pregnant is not an excuse for his behavior. He doesn't respect you, his baby or the relationship.
End it and move on.

[Virulent]

Too quick. Creating a single-parent situation over sexting without some form of attempt is going to end poorly for everyone involved including the kid. I can understand the conclusion, it's "just that easy", but children complicate things infinitely. If she were not pregnant, absolutely.

[MaskedSanity]

@Virulent She should have thought about that before having unprotected sex with a guy she hardly knew. The single parent thing is entirely her fault. What dumbass decides to keep a kid after 3 bloody months of dating a guy? Patching up a relationship that was broken from the start is not going to make anyone's life better, including the kid.

[zorro8888]

@Virulent I agree, even later on in a relationship so many people stick together for their kids even though they should have been divorced a long time ago especially when it comes to cheating. He should still be involved in the kid's life but is that any excuse for her being miserable in a relationship that she should have gotten out of.

[pool4]

I disagree, the dad is definitly a broken human being. If you think about the kid she should move on and find someone else.

[Virulent]

"She should have thought about that before having unprotected sex with a guy she hardly knew." There's no value to backtracking. Deal with problems in real-time. I mean you should have (insert almost every preventable mistake in your life) but you didn't so... No. We think progressively not retroactively. We don't blame, we fix.

[zorro8888]

@Virulent How do you fix a consistent cheater?

[MirandaInWonderland]

MaskedSanity, you're a rude, cold bitch. Maybe because I am against abortion and who said we weren't using contraception? Unless you know absolutely everything you have no right to call me a dinners and I didn't keep her to try and patch up my relationship. I was looking for advice not for someone to bully me.

[Virulent]

Wrong question. The questions are "Why is the compulsion to cheat there?" and "Will this man still be a good father?" They are separate but can be addressed because coparenting without actually being in a romantic relationship does happen and it happens often enough to look at it as an option but also to some degree the behavior could be fundamentally stress related meaning that if the male in question feels "trapped" or "too young" and the like he may seek fantasy escapes from the situation. We lack evidence that he's actually physically cheated which in turn means that there's a good chance that it is related to fantasy and specifically related to the interactivity of the behavior versus the actual desire to seek out other women. This is key. What this means is that the concept of being wanted by a total stranger is the turn-on versus the desire to exit his own relationship and coupled with the fear of simply having a kid that's a strong pull. He isn't lying...

[Virulent]

when he says that it really is just like p*rn to him. He probably does love his girlfriend / partner whatever you want to call her but fixing this problem, this breach, is more a matter of coming to an understanding of what is happening versus instantaneous condemnation. People do all sorts of strange things when under duress so the core reason is going to be the deciding factor versus just the behavior itself. While we are prone to instantly judge behaviors it's sort of like accusing two people of say stealing but one steals to survive and the other steals for fun; the motive is what turns our ire or pity on versus the action itself despite holding the same real-time value. Blah blah blah basically it's more important to find out why he is doing it versus to scrutinize the fact that he is doing it esp. given the situation.

[xHoneyxBeex]

Honey, I would highly recommend leaving him. He clearly has absolutely NO respect for you. At this point, you have already established (many times) that he is a liar and I don't care what anyone says, in my eyes, sexting is cheating. This is not someone who cares about you or loves you, he has essentially been doing this for your entire relationship. I think it's naive to believe that he will change.

At some point, you have to say "enough is enough" and stop putting up with it. The fact that you have stayed with him this long sends the message that his behavior is okay, because as soon as he starts apologizing, you just say "okay" and stay with him and that's it. I'm sorry to tell you but I highly doubt anything will change. Is this really someone you want to spend the rest of your life with? Being lied to and cheated on by someone who has no respect for you? You deserve MUCH better than that.

[sarahaus]

I don't even need to know the rest, it doesn't matter. He seems disgusting and has 0 respect for your wonderfulness, dump his ass and enjoy a healthy life with your little babe. (of course it won't be as easy as that, but yeah don't stick with someone who treats you like this. life is just simply too short!

[pr3ttybr0wn]

If you stay with this guy he will drain the joy out of you.

[lumos]

He's clearly a bullshitter that you need to cut out of your life. He had his chance to change and improve himself. He didn't take it. Now kick the douchelord out and never look back. The fact that you even accepted his "apology" THREE times is baffling to me. He won't change.

[truthbeknown]

Basically, once he got you pregnant he was no longer interested in you. This may have been because your body was changing, he knows his baby is in there, or being with you and your child together is something he isn't ready for and not interested in. Either way, his interests where with other women at a time when he should have been focused on you even more! I think what he did was unforgivable and like Prof_Don said you can work together to raise your child, but the relationship sounds doomed.

[Aleera]

You should obviously break up with him... You've known that a long time now. You just don't want to admit it.

[Janett21]

:( This story made me really sad. For me sexting is a form of cheating and he says he loves you then why does he want to sect with other girls? And you are still at the beginning, imagine a few years later.. I dont think he will stop, I dont like thinking negative but he told youso many times he would stop , he doesn't deserve you.. :(Now of course it is hard for you as you are pregnant, but honestly I prefer being forever alone then with someone who doesn't respect me and our relationship.

[TheWiseOwl]

This is Jeremy Kyle material.

I know you've got a child with this man but do you really believe he'll change for the better? Is it really worth staying with him?

These are questions you need to ask yourself.

[Prof_Don]

He's had enough chances from you... work together to raise the child but being in a relationship together isn't working.

[KiaTate]

Break up... He's been given too many chances.

Also what does MLK mean?

[MirandaInWonderland]

I meant to say 'mmmmm' silly auto correct lol.

[singlebee]

BREAKUP ALREADY GIRL? what the hell is wrong with you!!! all that begging and crying is bullshit... if a girl did that to me i will be done the first time she does it... you gave him enough chances... and this thing can go on for a very long time if you dont breakup now!!

[Kels5789]

If I'm being honest, I don't think he has a sex addiction. I think he's just using that as an excuse to continue talking to these girls. You're in a tough place since you're pregnant, but that doesn't mean you have to stay with him. Clearly, he's lied to you multiple times. At this point it doesn't seem like you could trust him at all. & if you can't trust him, being with him will be a very bad environment for your child bc there will be constant arguing over whether he's cheating or messaging girls. You could try to get him some help, but he has to want to stop doing it or getting help will just be a waste of time. I hope everything works out & I'm sorry that you're going through this!

[Anonymous]

You allowed him to get away with it the first time, then a second time. Now you'll likely forgive him on this one to.
If you're not gonna leave him for good, there's no advice to give apart from learn to put up with it, learn to not get hurt by it, just ignore it, learn that that's just what he'll do.

[Anonymous]

Well, the better question is, what do you want to do?

[zorro8888]

Following up with you said, are you saying physically cheating is the only kind of cheating? Because sexting would go with emotional and we don't even know if nudes were shared etc... The other things I do agree on I don't know their entire history and relationship so it will be up to her to figure it out.

[Opinion Owner]

"are you saying physically cheating is the only kind of cheating?", No. The value of looking at physical cheating behavior is that it is an acid test for his claim that it is "like porn", that is to say that it tells me where the actual stimuli lies, sort of like how people can write poems about killing others and then never have a murderous bone in their body. The poems don't reflect the unhealthy mind but they are just venting. It's very important to know the difference between fantasy and reality and to know when the lines are crossed. In essence it confirms motive.