Sexual Relationships
+1 y

If a guy guilts a girl into having sex with him, is this a type of sexual assault?

i feel like i don't actually know the definition of sexual assault. i know what rape is but i don't know what assault is, and i also don't want to be that girl that regrets having sex with someone and so just blames the guy and says he assaulted/forced her. one time i went home with a guy and didn't want to have sex with him so i was going to just leave and go home. but he said some things that made me feel really guilty (i can't remember what, i was pretty drunk and had also just had my heart broken by another guy earlier that night) so i agreed to have sex with him. was this a type of assault, or was this just my own mistake?
Updates:
+1 y
everyone can stop arguing, i found an article on coercion and everyone who is being ridiculously rude is actually wrong - coercion is a type of sexual assault. if you google sexual coercion, you can probably find a lot of articles on it, i only just read a few. thanks to everyone who was nice or at least respectful, those of you who were assholes, well, you probably have yourself guilted someone into sex and can't deal with that so you have your own problems. thanks for the responses.
+1 y
i only looked this up because some people are being extremely mean to me. "Coercion is used in many sexual assaults. It can look different in different situations, but ultimately all coercion is manipulation. It can happen through:
pressuring (e. g. repeatedly asking someone until they are worn down)."

http://www.consented.ca/consent/coercion/
0 1

Most Helpful Guys

  • Coercion is "to convince someone to do something they don't want to do by threatening or implying violence or other severe consequences."

    Note that simply saying "Pleeease?" is not coercion. Saying "if you don't let me have sex with you, I'm gonna beat you/hurt you/etc." is coercion. And, yes, that would be sexual assault.

    Guys want sex, and the vast majority of women expect men to take the lead in asking for it, and even putting pressure on the girl to keep things moving in a sexual direction - many girls get turned off if a guy DOESN'T do this.

    It's the girl's job to say "no" and mean it if she doesn't want to have sex. If she "gives in" because she's unwilling to say "no" or because she's tired of saying "no", that's not coercion or sexual assault, but merely poor decision-making on her part.

    If some guy is pressuring you and you don't like it, then LEAVE. Don't hang out with him or be around him, and certainly don't stay in a relationship with him. Stand up for your position and make your position clear to him, and this will almost never be a problem, because 99% of guys will respect you (and the rest are criminals to begin with).

  • You said you agreed to have sex with this guy. I don't know the legal issues, but a guy should never guilt you. You make your own decisions and never let a guy talk you into sex. How was the sex with the guy? I bet not that great.

    Anyway, you make your own decisions, the guy will ave to get use to jerking off until you are ready, not him. What do you think?

    • yea the sex was pretty terrible, i don't think it lasted very long and then i just felt worse afterward. it was just one time, i've never done anything with him since then. he was a friend kind of, so i felt bad telling him no but that was dumb on my part. thanks for being nice though. some people are being really rude and i definitely didn't mean this as a pity-party post because i'm not like that. that's why i asked it and didn't just flat-out announce that i was assaulted. so thanks for your non-judgmental response.

    • Hey girl hang in there. The past is the past, forget about the looser and move on, you deserve better!

    • thank you :)

Most Helpful Girls

  • That's actually similar to how I lost my virginity. Was super intoxicated at my ex-boyfriend's party, when he asked me to go downstairs so we could 'chat' in private. He was aware I was a virgin, nevertheless he first sweet-talked me then guilt-tripped me into having sex. The next morning I got a lot of texts from his number that were sweet, but I assume were sent by his friends who had all bugged me about still being a virgin at almost 20 as he cheated on me a week later.

    Though your case is not the stereotypical 'rape' where the guy pounces on a girl, threatens to harm her followed by forcing himself on her, it is still at the very least sexual assault. By You could press charges against him as you were intoxicated, making your 'consent' invalid by law.

    • i'm sorry, that's a terrible way to lose your virginity i'm sure. and for him to cheat a week later. sorry for what you went through. :(

    • haha no worries. Could've been better, did leave me feeling like a mess and avoided boys for a little over 2 years after but I'm okay now. Gonna sound crazy but I don't even regret that it happened. Learned a lot about relationships as well as myself through the situation as a whole. :)

  • He assaulted you. You can barely remember it! He took advantage of you while you were drunk, and he was verbally abusive and he coerced you, from what I'm hearing.

    I'm sorry.
    What you experienced is real. Don't doubt yourself. Don't blame yourself. I mean, I know that's hard, but this isn't your fault; it's entirely his.

    You are important, and deserve to heal. And you will! I promise that.

    Can you possibly confide in a close friend or trusted adult about what has happened? <33 You should be getting some support right now

    • i think he was drunk as well, not certain but we had been at a party so my assumption is that he was. i didn't feel in danger, i just felt really bad for saying no so i just changed my answer and told him it was fine.

    • Did he guilt-trip you for saying no? How was he behaving towards you?

    • i mean he made me feel guilty but he wasn't mean or threatening me. i just felt really bad for leading him on.

    • Show All

  • It's assholish but not sexual assault. You could have said no. Now if he threatened you or made it obvious that if you didn't then yes. A friend of mine from high school was on a date, the guy drove her to a secluded area far from home, snatched her cell phone and told her to either put out or I'll kick you out of my car. I would consider that a form of rape but not what happened to you.

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

Related Questions

Why are men sexually insatiable?
Guys do you think your smooth when you look at our boobs? And girls how often do you see guys looking at your boobs?
Did I sleep with too many guys?
Does sex actually feel different without a condom?

What Girls & Guys Said

3 19

  • If you where impaired my alcohol it might be considered manipulative on his part.

  • No, that's called guilt-trip sex.
    Sexual assault usually involves some form of coercion or physical force.

    • Guilt-trip sex is assault; it is coercion.

    • Coercion means use of force or intimidation to obtain compliance. Did he intimidate you by saying if you don't do it he'll break your arms? Look , I'm not saying what he did was right but you can't slapping on criminal offence onto everything. That'll only discredit those who were genuinely sexually assaulted.

    • Hello, I am a survivor of multiple sexual assaults, and rape. I am not the original poster, however. I am not being discredited by her coming to terms with her own trauma! Do not speak for me a survivor of sexual assault and rape. Do not silence fellow survivors on my behalf. Do not spread misinformation which causes victims to stay quiet about the violence they have suffered. Coercion is violence, and it is NOT always physical. Emotional abuse is a thing, it exists, and can be used to coerce someone into sex.

    • Show All

  • No, he just manipulated you. You ended up agreeing in the end, so there was consent on your part.

    • Do people read what they type before they send it? If you have to manipulate someone into having sex with you, you are a scumbag and an abuser and consent cannot occur there; consent cannot occur if you are being manipulated! That's literally.. the antithesis of consent.

    • @Alexzktra He may be a scumbag and all of that, but that still doesn't make it assault

    • Consent cannot occur if you are being manipulated, manipulation is force, or attempted force anyway. In any case, I am not making any more comments here now because as a survivor of rape, I'm upset and dismayed no-one understands what consent actually is. This is really, really, really upsetting and part of the reason I -personally - never want to have sex again. @kain7th

    • Show All

  • You haven't told is that he did anything to coerce you. He wanted to have sex. You didn't. He was unhappy. You changed your mind.

    He's allowed to have feelings. Someone who d

    • Someone who displays being unhappy about not having sex is not committing sexual assault. Maybe he coerced you but you haven't told us anything to indicate it.

  • If it's a mercy fuck then it's just stupid on her part, but certainly consensual. I wouldn't want to coerce a woman into sex for any reason. She never has to feel guilty about saying no. It wouldn't be good if she wasn't 100% into it.

  • Not morally.

    Legally it may depend where you are, though I haven't heard that particular scenario labelled as rape anywhere. That said, drunk sex is increasingly being labelled as rape against the woman by the courts in several jurisdictions.

  • What you describe could only be sexual assault if he could be charged even if you did NOT have sex with him. He said some things and you changed your mind. Then you regretted your DECISION and are now trying to decide if you even made a decision.

    No one can force someone to do anything via a guilt trip because you decide if you feel guilty and no one can FORCE you to think that way.

  • damn i sure as hell wish i was a woman so i could call the cops any time i made a stupid decision

  • No, it's wrong to pressure someone into sex like that but they chose to do it and they wouldn't have been in harms way had they said no so it wasn't rape or sexual assault.

    • How do you, and how does she, even, know she wouldn't have been in harm's way had she not 'consented'?

    • Well you don't know that any guy won't beat you over the head with a baseball bat if you reject them, that doesn't mean that they will. You cannot jump to that conclusion unless they give you a reason to. If they didn't threaten you explicitly or implicitly then you cannot conclude that you were in harms way.

    • You don't know what exactly was said to her, if in his guilt tripping her, she felt threatened, and could logically conclude that yes, she was in harm's way. She has undeniably been abused, anyway. Emotionally if not also sexually.

    • Show All

  • Guilty how? If he was threatening to expose something embarrassing to humiliate you if you didn't have sex, then yes (that's actually rape, not sexual assault)

    But if he just talked you into it, and you felt guilty for leading him on or something like that, then consented, then no it's not.

    • rape is under sexual assualt.

    • rape is punished more harshly than sexual assault, hence my distinction.

  • it was consenting sex so no its not assult, assult or sexual assult is if he hurts you when you dont want to or does something inappropriate with you that you dont like or didn't consent too

  • absolutely not.

    dont be those girls who ruin a guy for her stupid decisions.

    • Rapists are the ones who decide to rape, and it is not their victim's fault. Likewise for abusers, whether the abuse they enact is emotional, physical or sexual.. or a combination. She has every right to ruin his life, but it's interesting to me that everyone jumps to the "Report the Rape" thing. Police are AWFUL to survivors; as a survivor of multiple sexual assaults, and a severely mentally ill woman (as a result), police have ignored, invalidated and even been violent to me. The police are scum. Why does everyone think we, as survivors, have an obligation to take legal action? We do not. We should simply be focussing on recovery and healing.

    • that's exactly my point in asking the question like did you read it or are you just interested in being a jerk?

    • i read your question and skimmed through the details. now i read the details again. i study law. i know the definition and its technical aspects. again. pressure isn't assault or rape... you gave into pressure/wanted to numb your pain from previous relationship/s and gave into sex, consensually. its not rape or sexual assault. now, careful how you name things. sexual assualt is any unwanted sexual contact. rape is under the umbrella of sexual assualt but not rape itself. it can be. which part of me is being a jerk? grow the fuck up and stop pointing fingers.

    • Show All

  • If the guy doesn't force himself on the girl then ultimately its up to the girl to say no.

    • Force is not always physical, dear.

    • Look I don't know what you have been through and if you have been sexually assaulted then I am very sorry to hear that. Do you want me to say men are the devil and only want take one thing from women? While that may be true about some men it is not true about everyone. I stand by my opinion. Abuse and sexual assault is wrong and is a very bad thing. You are in control of your actions. There are those who have experienced abuse and assault but there are also those who use abuse and assault as an out because they regret a decision that they made.

  • No, but he deserves an ass kicking either way

  • No, if he doesn't force you its not sexual assault. You should have said no.

    • it distrubes be how someone can downvoite this true you just typed. i disturbs me how unaccountable these women are. do these women have a brain? these women should be avoided for any kind of relationships at all costs. fucks you, then regrets it from the relationship not working out and cahrges you with sexual assualt. its a nightmare.

    • Yes, these women have brains; they have emotions, they have trauma at the hands of men who do force us, who beat us, who rape us, who call us slurs, and then you, and men like you @I_M_LEGEND, blame us for our trauma, and say we are just scorned women. You are the most disgusting type of misogynist.

    • lmao, i m not a women hater. you're traumatized so your veiws are very skewed, the other one is just yah. =) I've always been a ladies man, still m. thank you. i just dont like people spreading lies

    • Show All

  • It depends, but ultimately you agreed to it. So there's nothing you can do.

  • Yes it's rape.

  • no...

    she can say no...

    i think rape is based on physical or mental coercion, whether guilt applies depends on the dictates of the jurisdiction.

  • you watch too much svu. dont be so paranoid.

  • Rape by coercion is rape and wrong.

  • Show More (2)

Latest Questions

As a man, do you like giving anal? As a woman, do you like getting anal? How was your first anal experience? How did it feel?
Beside your own, who pussy or dick did you first touch? How did it feel? What was going on in your mind at that moment?
How often do you wake up with a hard cock?
“The longer a man waits for the cookie, the more he values a woman after he gets it.” Guys, true or false?
Home >  Sexual Relationships  > If a guy guilts a girl into having sex with him, is this a type of sexual assault?