Why would my boyfriend rather go down on me than have sex with me?

[Anonymous]

I'm somewhat conflicted about this. Part of me sometimes wonders if he may be interested in men, because he has made a number of comments that have kind of perked my ears up a bit. I've asked him before if he was at least bisexual and he said not at all. Sometimes when he doesn't want to have sex with me, I secretly wonder if he just isn't that into me. Another part of me wonders if he is just insecure about how he "performs" because he typically finishes very quickly, and can't do multiple rounds in a day because it "hurts his balls." However, he performs oral on me very frequently. I've asked him about this, and he says he "derives more pleasure from giving." I don't know, what are your thoughts?

[Frost_Byte]

I think you exactly right in your assumption that he does it so that u can get more pleasure before he, himself cums (since he cums quickly). However, i don't think u should be bothered by this unless he does ONLY oral. But if he still has regular sex with u after oral, then u shouldn't worry. Infact, u should be grateful that he is considerate enough to put your sexual needs before his own :)

[Asker]

which you are totally right, but typically I am the one wanting to have sex after, sometimes he would be totally content with just being done after going down on me and that confuses me

[Frost_Byte]

Hmm in that case, maybe he just has a very low sex drive, but still wants to pleasure u.

[Frost_Byte]

Was it always like this, or did he used to be more willing to have good old fashioned penis-vagina sex?

[Asker]

we've only been dating for a few months but it has been like this the whole time. my sex drive is crazy and I want to go as much as possible, and he can only cum once a day, he has a longer refractory period

[Frost_Byte]

Well if it was always like this, there are only two possible scenarios. 1. He just has a naturally low sex drive (in which case the only thing you can do is have him take pills that increase testosterone- but even then, it won't make much of a difference. 2. He has been experiencing either stress or depression ever since (or long before) the start of your relationship. In which case talk to him about it. If he wants help, then offer him help. Even if he says he doesn't want help, try to be even more loving and caring to him, and suggest that he gets professional help. If he solves his problem, his sex drive should go back to normal.

[Asker]

that is a good point, thank you for your help

[Frost_Byte]

Np. Good luck in finding out wether it was 1 or 2 :) :3

[ThinkingHead]

Hurts his balls? Geez, that's news to me. I'm always up for multiples, and I've never lacked or pained for doing it. While he might love going down on you, to only want to do that is a bit different. I do it because I enjoy it, she enjoys it, and it primes her for what's next. However, I doubt he's bisexual if he likes to lick you.

[Asker]

yeah, we can have sex multiple times, but he typically can only cum once because after a while it makes his balls hurt if he has already finished earlier in the day

[ThinkingHead]

Once? He's not like 60, is he? Sounds like he's not taking his vitamins and hydrating properly. Or, to your suspicion of bisexuality, maybe you're not getting all of his stuff. For me, I can always go again!

[Asker]

no he isn't 60 lol. It isn't that he can't get hard haha he has no problem with that

[ThinkingHead]

Well that's good! It seems to me that it's not you... except that you are probably quite delicious, so I understand his desire. But maybe he should focus on virility. If it were me, and you wanted more, I'd be wanting to oblige! :)

[Anonymous]

I know a guy who is very straight and he doesn't have sex but loves to eat girls out and loves head in return quite strange but thats just what he likes.
Maybe he's lazy if you have him do all the work maybe he does not like it or he probably thinks he sucks at sex.

[Anonymous]

That's interesting... It's a bit strange, so you might want to just ask him instead of guessing, although maybe he was being honest.

[tattooedhandfet]

I believe him. I think in sex, this is his favorite act.

[justbe]

I enjoy pleasuring. Nothing nicer than knowing you are making her feel great. Sometimes guys like things that can be stimulating yet questionable but I promise you it's normal!! Not sure about him finishing quickly. Foreplay can help prevent that.

[kheserthorpe]

Performance anxiety all the way, if he were gay oral on you would be his least favorite.

Does he have sex with you after he gets you off from oral?

[Asker]

That is good to know lol. And yes sometimes. Not all the time though.

[kheserthorpe]

WOuld you prefer to have sex more often?

[Asker]

Yeah I would prefer it. Sometimes we try to, but if he has already finished that day, he can't finish again because he says he has a longer refractory period which sometimes I can't tell if that is just his body or if I just don't please him enough to finish more than once

[kheserthorpe]

So, you know, you should probably have the one awkward conversation with him about working on lasting longer. If you're interested in how i'd suggest that (and where you'd go from there) let me know.

[Frost_Byte]

No, i doubt its because you don't pleasure him. I also have a longer refractory period. If i wait less than 12 hours between orgasms, it just hurts and there is almost no pleasure. And it would be impossible for me to go more than twice in 24 hours.

[kheserthorpe]

Oh, one more idea on top of performance anxiety, which I didn't think of. If his refractory period is THAT long... and if he jerked off 4 hours before... he literally can't have sex.

[Imupforit]

It's reliable birth control anyway... hmmm?

[posted]

"he is just insecure about how he "performs" because he typically finishes very quickly"

Sounds like he has problems and it's how he keeps ya happy.

[Klaatu51]

i guess he's honest... he just likes giving oral more than having sex

[Mesonfielde]

"""I've asked him about this, and he says he "derives more pleasure from giving." I don't know, what are your thoughts?"""

I think it is what it is, I think he's honest and says exactly what is going on.

[againyes]

I prefer to eat my lover but I love when it leads to more too.

[Dragan]

Does that bother you? The boys are different, if you like it then is OK. I personally love cunnilingus, but a little more I love long penetration which gives me multiple orgasms. Everyone is different. The question is what you want?

[grahamcracka]

it's funny to hear you think he's gay if he likes to eat you out. I think gay people would vomit just reading that lol
we do it for maybe two reasons. we just like to do it and it gets her off, or because it's the only/best way to get her off

[Asker]

haha I know, but its still a bit weird when I want to have sex and he doesn't, and just goes down on me instead!

[grahamcracka]

lol I know it's strange to hear but we're not always horny. at least he gives you that, other girls would envy you ;)

[grahamcracka]

Oh and if he's like me, oral is fun and all but I don't get in the mood doing it so I can eat then go do laundry no prob

[Asker]

That is the thing! it makes me feel bad about myself that I can have sex with my boyfriend only once a day because he can't go more, and then obliges me by going down on me instead :/

[grahamcracka]

how come it makes you feel bad? there's nothing wrong there