I can't fuck when there is love or emotions involved. What to tell my bf?

[Anonymous]

I went to a party a year ago and got drunk. I had to stay at the place of a friend of my current bf since he's pretty rich and has a big place. When we were at his place he straight out asked if I wanted to blow him, without acting nice to me or seductive at all! I said no. After he showered he just ran around naked to show off his penis and it was... big. Because I was dunk and stupid, I acted on it. I never thought that I would do such a thing and probably wouldn't when sober. It was the first time with someone I didn't love. Anyway, we fucked for 2 hours straight and it was the wildest most amazing session in my life. A couple months later I got in a relationship with his friend, who before the incident already told me his feelings but I then didn't like him that way yet. Now i love him and he's a really nice guy for me, but sexually he doesn't do it for me. I keep fantasizing sexually about his fiend, but I really don't have any other feelings for him. I wanted to keep that incident from before a secret but his friend broke the promise and even bragged about it. Now my bf is hurt and he wants me to tell exactly what's up with me, what I feel and what I want. I really love him and sexually he pleases me as much as my exes. But I think that by fucking his friend, I discovered that I enjoy that type of casual wild sex better. I can't seem to enjoy sex as much with someone that loves and respects me. I sexually love it when it's naughty, emotionless and even a little degrading for me. I know it's fucked up but I guess that's how I feel. Maybe also the type of bad boy, alpha male does the trick for me. I'm just really confused about what to think about this, or tell my bf. Please give me some thoughts, anything could help. And yes, I know this doesn't sound good on my end.

[DivineAliah]

Well you can't have your cake and eat it too. You have to choose. You have a.) a guy who loves you or b.) causal mindless emotionless sex!!

If you love him try to make it work. Maybe you two role play and meet up at a random bar. Grab some drinks. Get really drunk. Then go home! Act like you two are complete strangers. Tell him don't treat you like his girlfriend that night because it'll ruin it. Or better yet, if it helps, pretend like you two are cheating on one another... with each other!

I don't condone cheating and hurting peoples feelings. If role playing doesn't work then I hate to say it but, cut him lose! I'd hate for you to sleep with his friend and fuck everything up! At least when you two are over you can sleep with who ever you want without hurting anybody's feelings.

[ThisGurl]

Oh awwww... Okay um! I feel you should tell your boyfriend that you are fond of the wild sex okay. :) and you should most definitely tell him that you are not in love with his friend.

I think that you are needing to... Make love, with your boyfriend, or do you? Like truly feel the emotion, because that is not all about sexual feelings, it is about emotional feelings, and then perhaps, just tell him what you want sexually. And if he is okay with that. :) tell him your preferences, and try not to mention your boyfriends friend in there, because he will feel as if you are comparing him, and that is no good for his self esteem If you are wanting to do naughty things. :)

[Asker]

The problem is that I "make love" to my boyfriend end enjoy it, but that one time it was really just "fucking" and even if it doesn't sound as good, it did the thing for me. Also the fact that it was without love and therefore, naughty or even slutty, felt so good.

[ThisGurl]

Yes I know... I do love that too... :) you can ask your boyfriend for that... :)

[Anonymous]

There are ways to work around sexual situations like that. Read some books, buy some toys, watch some porn! But I wouldn't just cut him off before you at least try to resolve the problem at hand. Also, be open with your man about the shit you like. That could make a world of difference.

[ThinkingHead]

You are in a tough spot. Your bf is feeling inadequate, and he is. He probably cannot be coached to do you the way the 2 hour wild man did. So, you won't be happy with him. It's really just a case of incompatibility. Ultimately, you've learned that you really like wild sex that lasts a long time. There's nothing wrong with that, and there are plenty of nice guys who could give you that. A well-endowed sweetheart, with a strong libido. End things now with your bf, and spare everyone (yourself included) the hopeless optimism, and go find your prince charming. You'll know when you've found him, because you already know what you like. He'll eff your brains out and make you feel like a princess!

[Anonymous]

Wonder if you enjoyed the first guy more just because he was new, unattainable, perhaps rich (women like power and access to power!) and such factors.

The attainable fruit are not as attractive.

But it's also true that new partners are more attractive than the known devil. Just today, I was fantasizing about an unknown woman who was in the queue in front of me at the post office! I doubt very much I would have done the same about my long-term partner (I know every crevice in her body by now, and can predict how she'll respond, how she smells, etc). So the unknown fruit...+

[Asker]

I do have to say that the fact that he was rich and also arrogant and dominant, really did a something. But than again, I knew it wouldn't go anywhere and wouldn't get access to his "power" as you described it.

[Opinion Owner]

Even temporary "access to power" could be a turn-on. A lot of these things work in subconscious ways we barely understand...

[Dionysos]

That's standard instincts for women. Get the active dominant guy to breed and the stable but boring type to raise the kids. It's an evolutionary advantage, just like dudes wanting to make lots of bastards.

Whatever you do, don't marry a guy that doesn't turn you on. It'll just make both of you miserable.

What you want is a guy that can do both. Good luck finding and keeping him. :-)

[Asker]

Well that's just the problem, the one thing ruins the other. And is that really standard instinct for women? do you know other examples or experiences with it, or just assume it?

[Dionysos]

It's so common it's a cliché. Girls liking the bad boy, and marrying the boring but stable type. I know about a dozen couples like that. It's not good or bad. It's just how folks are wired.

[Anonymous]

Couples also have "naughty emtionless" sex from time to time, it's nothing unusual. Talk to your BF and see if you can have sex involving some more kink.
Me and GF often have rough sex. During those session we don't kiss and fondle, we just do it hard, I slap her bum, finish by facial ejaculation etc.

[Anonymous]

Dear, whores like youare exist in my country too.
I Said that Just because you dont feel so lonely

[Anonymous]

Ask ur bf if he would like to b a cuckold