My Boyfriend can't get me off

My boyfriend and I have been sleeping together for 6 months, almost every day, sometimes more often. I haven't come close to a real orgasm that whole time.

I don't understand, I got my vibrator involved, he's done EVERYTHING we can think of, but still nothing significant.

When I'm on my own I can get off in less than ten minutes... I know this is something to do with me but can't figure out what to do.

I feel so bad for my boyfriend so I've been faking it, it was too much for him to take feeling like he was somehow lacking.

Sex doesn't feel bad... in fact it's pretty nice but it's just not mind blowing and it's certainly not orgasmic.

I still want to have sex, if for no other reason than it gives my boyfriend such pleasure and his being happy makes me happy. Can anyone help?

Note: Can I say I'm not looking for an answer along the lines of 'you should break up with him' there is no good reason for that he's a wonderful boyfriend and makes me very happy.

I feel like I just don't understand


Most Helpful Guy

  • This is difficult question. I had a loving and intimate relationship with a girl who had a same problem - I could do anything but still was unable give her orgasm.

    After some time some more issues came to our relationship and she decided to break up, but she could not do this on her own. She just felt too much attached to me and I was quite caring about her and such things.

    Then I made my own mind and decided to let her go. And then when we somehow turned out from lovers to "just friends", she started to want me sexually and had a few orgasms.

    After that I was looking a lot in to this problem and still trying to understand what matters to get an orgasm for girls.

    And my guess is that for some people the "legal" and "nice" stuff is a huge turn off and "forbidden" and being a "bad girl" is a serious turn on the other side.

    If You are turned on by playing with yourself, then You could actually get orgasm by being the one who is the active and giving in the bed.

    I have experienced some really good results by asking a girl, just to show me how much she loves me, sexually, by pleasing me.

    The trick is in trying to care for that another person like a an extension of Your own body and getting in to the same mindset as if You are pleasing Yourself.


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What Guys Said 3

  • First, it's not all that common to orgasm from vaginal intercourse. However much the male ego requires it, the female body doesn't. It'll be a much happier world once everybody gets this and copes.

    If you like sex, and you've emptied the bag of tricks, drop it. Come clean, let him know that the orgasm is coming either by accident or not at all, and clear your heads of this.

  • i would suggest to relax and to not be thinking about it. enjoy a glass of wine or more and start with lots of foreplay and touching. have him use ur vibe on u...have him watch you masturbate so he can learn how you like it. try some different positions and places. try to make it last longer and in the middle of it...pull out and masturbate while he watched so you can get yourself close and he can then just finish it off. see if watching a porn movie helps you relax and hightens ur mood.

    well good luck and don't give up...i hope you get there soon.

  • Orgasms have a lot to do mentally, if you're concentrating on why your not having one during sex then you're not going to have one, kind of a self fulfilling prophecy. Maybe you're just doing it too much, also. let him watch ur with ur vibrator to get an idea (and if you can't get off while he's watching you the issue probably lies with you, not him)


What Girls Said 3

  • It sounds as though you really think highly of your bf, but is there a possibility that for what ever reason you are not sexually attracted to him. I know girls who get into that situation. The guy is great, they get along great, but when it comes to the sex part something was lacking.

  • I think great sex without an orgasm is even hotter than having an orgasm when I'm by myself! Awesome sex doesn't have to always produce an orgasm in women. Maybe trying to hard and making that the focus is even why is doesn't happen! Those orgasms can be shy! Lol. Relax and enjoy :))

  • I really have been in your situation but for 4 years instead of 6 months. My ex-fiance and I split up about 6 months ago for reasons other than sex, and now he wants me back. But I have started a new relationship with an amazing lover. I love my ex but I'm not sure I can go back to a relationship where sex is lacking. I wish I could combine the two guys honestly. I know this doesn't help your situation but I just figured I'd let you know there are other people out there in your situation.