Sexual Relationships
+1 y

How do guys get rid of a boner without masturbating? Does it get easier to control as you get older?

My boyfriend is a few years younger than me and tends to get random boners when we hang out. He always gets embarrassed and hides, which is frustrating for me when I just want to hang out and not do anything sexual. But like, I understand it happens, and I wait for him to calm down, though usually there's a mini fight before we get back to what we were previously doing. I'm just curious, will the random boners get less an less with age? (though sometimes it's not random, he's just horny and remembers me in... situations. It just sucks when I'm not in the mood too.) Or are there any ways for a guy to stop a boner once you get one? Also, an additional question: How uncomfortable is it to sit with a boner? (I'm just curious... this might explain why he goes to lay down)
Updates:
+1 y
I forgot to mention that we're currently long distance and seeing each other through a computer screen. (Hence the "hiding" as in he goes off screen and lays down, while I sit there with a paused movie) But the other advice does work for when we're in person again! Thank you though! I try not to get too frustrated 'cause I understand when he thinks about me in certain situations it's /hard/ for him. But I feel bad when I'm not in the mood to help him out. I usually make it up to him later on.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • The frequency of random boners decreases with age, but never goes completely away. My sister used to be a geriatric nurse. She could tell some stories of 80 year old men and their random boners.

    Two things to understand:

    1) The muscles that tension and restrict blood flow from the penis thereby causing an erection are controled by the autonomic nervous system. What is commonly refered to as the lizard brain, or involuntary nervous system.
    That word 'involuntary' should tell you a lot. Boners come whenever the lizard brain thinks they might be useful. For instance, whenever there is any female around.

    2) There is no specific way to make them go away. Eventually, the lizard brain realizes that coitus has not happened so the erection subsides.
    Waiting for that to happen can be annoying. Another trick is to distract the brain by putting effort into spacial and conceptual reasoning. In other words, do math problems. Word problems are good, geometry even better. Overloading higher brain functions distracts the executive from situational awareness (think absent minded professer). That distraction helps the brain to ignore you (the female) and thereby send the "not getting any" message to the lizard brain

    Conveniently, modern technology has given us home based geometric simulators -- we usually call them video game consoles. Send your man into the next room, pop in a game and his boner should go away quite quickly.

    • The only thing that concerns me is one time his boner didn't go away after 4 hours even after he tried to play games because he wasn't able to focus. I finally said fuck it and gave him a tit job 'cause I was concerned... (He protested at first and had to warm me up, make sure I was happy, we're such a weird couple) do you know what could explain having a boner THAT long? (Thankfully, it's never happened again)

    • Basically, his problem then is that he could neither ignore his boner nor ignore you. The lizard brain was not going to take no for an answer. If you had left to go shopping his erection would have subsided. Your continued presence and involvement combined with his self awareness made going limp impossible.

  • That seems weird that he hides haha... although I get them sort of randomly like a good hug or spooning (big spoon) can do the trick and I have had a few girlfriends and am 22. I wouldn't hide though O>O when sitting down it isn't so bad, standing with jeans on can be a bit painful though... ha tell him not to be embarrassed so you don't have to stop what you are doing. Tell him you don't mind and he won't care either. To answer the question, yes if I think of something else or have something to do or concentrate on, they go away soon. No need to jerk off :P

Most Helpful Girl

  • girl ! He likes u he can't help it! He finds you attractive there is no cure for that sweety !

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 9

  • Cold showers

    • Haha shrink it up

    • It's better than a Boner haha

  • Unless you put something in front of it, guys can't "Hide Boners"
    Nor is it very easy to get rid of them

    As far as I know, age only effects how common you get them around puberty, but after that I'm pretty sure they dont really stop.

    I may be wrong

    • Getting a boner doesn't necessarily signify the need to do something sexual but the primitive part of the male body will strike one up every time the brain dictates the moment worthy of it

    • Ah well, we're currently long distance so I'm not next to him to see the buldge. haha... You're right, in person it is hard to hide it. I meant he leaves the screen to lay on his couch. But I think I'm getting the idea now. Thanks everyone!

  • I do get them from time to time - in fact got one the other day in a meeting with an attractive woman. It can be difficult to deal with sometimes. When you get one you do have to concentrate sometimes to make it go down. It can be difficult to sit down with one if it’s slightly bent. I don’t usually masturbate after getting a random one unless I really get turned on.

  • These aren't random boners. They are boners brought on by the fact that a hormonal, pheromone-laden female is within sight and giving off fertility attractors.

    That means that regardless of whether your mouth and conscious brain say you don't want sex, your sub-conscious brain in fact only wants sex.

    You both are suffering from cognitive dissonance, it's just that his cognitive dissonance has a physical appendage and yours is hidden.

    • I would argue her cognitive dissonance is hidden. It isn't. She clearly shows her discomfort. In fact, I would not consider this as a case of cognitive dissonance in the first place - there is no Actual conflicting factor.

    • I would agree that there is no actual conflicting factor. There is, however, an actually contrived conflicting factor. And this alone in the female patient of note is enough to cause the symptoms of a cognitive dissonance not only in herself, but in the male patient.

    • I would also argue that the female patient gains some sort of mental sexual pleasure from this sort of foreplay in creating a dramatic conflict which functions to heighten sexual energy while playing the part of one frustrated. I would argue that it is all conscious play acting in order to justify and sublimate subconscious sexual energies. She isn't stopping sexual activity, she is actually increasing the length of the foreplay.

  • He's just in that age. He can't help himself, no need to get upset. Have some empathy :)

  • Sure it’s easy to get rid of one, just think about something else.

  • i find it jusf as hard to control boners when your older

  • Throw a bucket of cold water on him , that will do it every time. or suggest , go have a cold shower.

  • I have to get my mind off of whatever it is that is causing me to get hard. If he is getting hard because he is with you, then that excitement that he has from being with you will make it really hard to just get rid of it. Getting into a fight should get rid of it, unless he gets off on getting in a fight. You just gotta do whatever you can to get his mind off of whatever it is that is causing him to get hard.

  • Typically, time. You just have to wait it out buttttt to speed it along, it helps to look or think of something unattractive

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