My boyfriends likes kinky sex (bondage) but I'm still new to sex how do I keep things from being boring?

[Anonymous]

I know my boyfriend likes kinky sex stuff like bondage and bdsm. I've just started having sex and we've don't it twice. Afterward he said everything was great and that he was excited for trying new things with me. I know he's talking about kinky sex but I've never done it before. I looked into it and it definetly...different. It's not that I'm completely opposed to trying it, I eventually do want to explore things sexually but I'm not sure I'm ready for it now. It's just the idea of dele quisling control that dates me. Also I'm scared of getting hurt, some of the stuff they do seems painfully and I just don't understand how you'd want it to be painful for your partner. And the last thing that makes me most concerned is name calling and stuff. Once again I don't understand wanting to hurt your partner or make them feel bad because for me sex is kind of sensitive. i want to know how I can get myself introduced into bdsm but do it gradually. Also will he get mad at me if I take things slow, I don't want him to get bored

[AustinMan]

GAG Grammarian Alert!! Ok. If I have deciphered the terrible spelling and punctuation of your question, I think I can answer it.

You've done it twice, right? In just that amount of time, it's clear that you're very new and he's given this a lot of thought, probably over years. He knows he's a dominant, i. e. someone who wants to be in charge in bed and maybe elsewhere. He's also a sexual sadist and gets off on inflicting pain during sex. You're a babe in the woods and I don't blame you one bit for being reluctant to go full bore into the scene, as we call BDSM. I too am a Dom and a sadist so I know where he's coming from.

My recommendation follows:
1. Sit him down over an intimate drink, away from the sex, and tell him that while you find his kinks interesting, you're not at all sure you want to do them all and you're positive you don't want to just jump in head first. If he can't agree to some ground rules, you're out.
2. He needs to understand, very clearly, that in the BDSM D/s (Dominant/submissive) world, kinky starts, and more importantly, STOPS with the consent of the sub. He gets your consent before he does anything kinky or outside your comfort range and stops if you withdraw your consent.
3. Pick a safe word. This is your escape hatch. If you use your safe word, he stops, instantly, no questions asked. This is how you withdraw your consent during a scene. It can be any word that you won't use as part of sex: strawberries for example. It needs to be something you won't forget under pressure. Don't use it unless you really, really need to but if you need to, pull the trigger. Get him to agree to your terms: using your safe word stops everything, instantly. If he won't agree, move on. It's too dangerous.
4. Set a few conditions. a) Most importantly, the two of you talk about the scene first: what he wants to do, how intense he wants to get. b) Confirmation that your safe word is absolute. c) That you communicate clearly and honestly.

[AustinMan]

5. He's asking you to place a huge amount of faith in him and it sounds like you're, quite intelligently I might add, not ready to do that. You need to make sure that he is crystal clear that as your Dom, he is COMPLETELY responsible for your safety and that has to come ABSOLUTELY first. In bondage play, you will sometimes be restrained in such a way that you can't get away even if you want to. That be be exhilarating if you're into it but terrifying if you're unsure. Initially, have him tie you with bows, like on your shoes, and enough extra rope that you can untie yourself if you get too scared. He can never, ever leave you alone when you're restrained. If something goes wrong, you're helpless. The list goes on and on. I'll be glad to chat with you here or, better yet, on messaging to make sure you understand your role AND HIS. If you message me, refer to this question. I chat with a lot of people about a lot of questions and you're posting anonymously.

[Asker]

Question, as a sub (that's right, right because I've heard a lot of other names used) what do I do. I know he does things like tie me up and stuff, but what do I do? Also what about punishments? Hat do Ido to get them an what are they?

[AustinMan]

What do you do? You submit to him and do what he tells you to do and if you really don't want to or can't, use your safe word. He should share with you, up front, his rules and how he plans to punish you for violating them. Again, if you can't or won't go along, safe word. Rules and punishments vary all over the place. An example might be that he requires you to get waxed bare, front and back. You show up shaved with a rash and still have hair around your anus. The punishment can range from time out to spanking to who knows what.

[Asker]

What's something small we can start with that isn't too much.

[AustinMan]

What appeals to you most that he's mentioned?

[Asker]

I guess light bondage, spanking and blindfolds. This seem mild but I think I can handle them for now

[AustinMan]

Those seem very appropriate. Get your safe word in place. Then give him the choice of those three and tell him your ready to give one of them a try. Please, let me know what happens.

[Asker]

Things wen okay. He decided on the spanking thing. It hurt a lot and I almost cried a little (got teary though). But he really liked it

[AustinMan]

Did you enjoy it? Some subs like to be spanked to tears, at least part of the time. I suggest the tow of you agree to a post mortem on each scene at first where you give him calm, direct feedback on how it was for you, what you liked and what you didn't. What did he spank you with? Was it on the bare, over panties, what?

[Asker]

It was bare and I think having talk about things is a great idea

[AustinMan]

Did he use his hand or does he have a paddle or something else? How'd the post mortem go?

[Asker]

He used his hand. The post mortem went well. He came in with all this ideas and things for us to try but I had to tell him I wasn't ready for all that yet. I feel kind of bad about thy because I could tell he was disappointed but I told him I'm still open to trying new things

[AustinMan]

Given that you're a newbie, I suggest you keep a very open mind and understand things may not work the first time. Ask him what the most important three things to him are. Then bring those here and we'll discuss it.

[Anonymous]

Go at your own pace, you don't have to do things you're uncomfortable with just because he's got some kinky shit going on. He'll have to wait, simple as that.

[Asker]

How do I first start doing kinky stuff?

[Opinion Owner]

Little by little, just start by trying out things you want to do first.

[Anonymous]

literotica. com
search stories... bondage
select one/more that turns you both on
print it out
act it out
... with a Safe Word to stop play

[Coffinspire]

I have a website to help girls like you out. It's called AboutSexLove. com and I get info from girls and guys and there are tips and stuff on it.

[miserybusiness]

Just lie there like usual and out of nowhere, smack him.

[badboy666]

I think you have a good idea. Take it slow and do it in such a way you both enjoy.

[Odst162acount2]

I'm to lazy to read the text but start small if you don't want to jump straight into big kid stuff

[Walnutlover]

Talk! It s Always the best you can do in a relationship

[Anonymous]

Baby he playing you he wanting you to bow to him
Fuck him find you a man that respect you