How can I convince my wife to get an abortion or maybe divorce her?

I do not want children ever. I felt that one of the things why I married my wife was that she was open and honest about the idea that we will never have children. A few months ago, she tricked me and said she was on birth control. Fack. My wife changed her mind and now wants to bear children. I do not know my wife anymore. I have become really depressed about becoming a Dad. I feel that my life is over. I am 20-something and have hopes and dreams to travel. I am really considering a divorce. My wife depends on me for income. I still got a few years to go, if I divorce and start over. What should I do?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • God that is shit!

    Paternity fraud should land you in jail not a free slave for 20 years. If I was you I would be calculating how to get the fuck out as best as possible. It might be worth talking to a lawyer to devise a strategy about this but you will probably have to consider things like.

    Loosing your job and making very very little to no money, you can't support her anymore or you will be doing it the rest of your life even when she starts having others men's children and there is no accountability to how she spends the money etc..

    Perhaps look into moving to another country or go live on a sail boat?

    It's really fucking barbaric that men have no parental rights but it is still the world we live in. Slavery is wrong on so many levels and the fact that your wife would do this to you speaks volumes about how horrible of a person she actually is.

    Also don't listen to the shaming "man up" bullshit, manning up and being happy to be a slave is not cool and those people can fuck right off.

    Sucks man, good luck.

  • Dude, your stupid mistake was trusting your wife. What the hell were you thinking? If you don't want kids, you don't ever, EVER have sex without a condom. Tough lesson to learn. What an awful woman you married.

    Just divorce her. It's going to hit you financially, but she doesn't deserve a husband if she's going to be fucking manipulative.

    @Prettygurl12
    So he should be blackmailed into remaining in a marriage with a manipulative whore? WTF is wrong with you?

    • You really are a very bitter old man. Wow

    • That's what I am thinking.

    • That was an outrageous betrayal of trust. He should have every right to abandon that child and kick that loser wife to the curb.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • I can understand your anger because what she did was deceptive and manipulative. I agree 100% with a divorce because she lied to you, which proves she can be dishonest again. She should have brought up the subject of kids instead of tricking you. You never know what she might do in the future behind your back.

    As much as you don't want a kid though, it is not fair to your unborn child to take it out on them. This kid isn't choosing to be born either. You should only be taking it out on her only. I think you need to seek legal help about this before you do something stupid though.

    I'd be upset as well. I don't want kids either, and I'd be upset if I was with a guy and he somehow managed to trick me into getting pregnant. However, I could never get an abortion and I would definitely not take it out on my kid.

  • I would feel the same way as you, honestly. I don't want children. However... you're in a tight spot. Stupid reason to divorce. And it would be a HORRIBLE financial decision. And forcing her to get an abortion would absolutely destroy your marriage.

    So you'll either get an abortion... lose your wife 'cause she'll hate you, and no marriage material girl would touch you ever again after learning what you did

    or

    You get a divorce and have to pay child support (or go to prison for 5 years) for the next 18 years.

    OR

    You man up, accept that this was not what you wanted but you face it anyway like an adult and accept your responsibility as a father and be a good father and husband.

    Your call.

    • I am consulting a lawyer next week. My policy is very clear, no children.

    • You won't win that case. You might "win" as in... you'll get the divorce, but you won't win. You'll be out a significant source of money and your current wife and child will hate you and the law will be on your ass for child support and oh, since she doesn't work, alimony to support her lifestyle will be on top of child support. But good luck to you.

    • " forcing her to get an abortion would absolutely destroy your marriage." Wrong. She already ruined it by intentionally getting pregnant knowing how he felt and after agreeing with him that they would not have kids. Since the marriage has already been ruined, he cannot ruin it. And staying in a marriage with a woman who treated him like that would only be hateful for both of them, and that would impact greatly on the child. She caused it, so why blame him?

  • honestly all i have to say to this is wow. You two clearly weren't ready/ nearly mature enough for marriage yet. This is ridiculous there is clearly a humongous lack of communication between the two of you. These are really serious things you're talking about. Sit your wife down and tell her exactly how you feel. If you love her, leaving is not the answer. However if you don't love her anymore, and she isn't already pregnant, don't stay because you feel you have to. But if she is currently pregnant, definitely don't just run away, be a man.

    • Wife lied about who she was...

    • Okay but you NEED to literally sit her down right now and talk about this with her like two adults. You know the consequences of unprotected sex things like this happen. You just have to do the right thing, if she has a baby, don't make that helpless child suffer just because it wasn't what you had originally planned. You can still travel the world and do what you need to do to fulfill your dreams. The only thing that would be stopping you from doing those things is you, don't make excuses and act like its anyone else's fault. You can have family watch after your child. Who knows, you may actually love being a father. You really shouldn't panic you'll regret it down the line.

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What Girls & Guys Said

10 9
  • Wait. Is she actually pregnant? If so, you do realise you can still get pregnant on the pill? No birth control is 100 percent effective.

    You married the woman. Surely you can be an adult about things and actually TALK to her.

    I don't understand why you would get married and then when shit hits the fan, not try and work it out, or talk it out, you go straight to divorce.

  • If you felt that adamently about never, ever wanting children, why didn't you go and get a vasectomy before getting married? So simple.

    • This is so simply the right way to have handled it. Can't understand the thinking that down votes smart. But you got an up from me.

    • Thanks, @Red_Arrow! I have noticed that some people down vote everything. It doesn't offend me. And just for the record... I have had the tubal ligation surgery, which is more invasive and riskier than a vasectomy is. So it's not like I am suggesting that he do something that I'm not willing to do myself--although I am aware that there is a great deal of trepidation involved where getting one's 'junk' worked on is concerned. I get that. But I have talked to men who had the surgery, and they all said it was nowhere near as bad as they imagined.

    • I had it done many years ago, and I think they were not as careful as they should have been. The results were 100%, but they used electricity to cauterize, and some current zapped one of my testicles. Very bad! But from all I have talked with, mine was just a fluke. Usually not a hitch.

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  • If you did not want children, you should have had a vasectomy or stopped having sex. Each time you have sex you are agreeing to the terms of engagement. The legal purpose of marriage is to produce children and for you to walk into the contract ignoring the fact is too late now.

    Killing your own child takes quite a man.

    Divorcing because your lawful wife is pregnant is not clear clean grounds for divorce but I am sure you can get it if you want.

    Take it like a man and go with the opportunity that has presented its self, the guy who hates being the father the most can turn into father of the year. Pull your head out of your bum and think how blessed you are given that so many people who want children cannot have them.

  • That's messed up on her part although I don't know how your responsibilities would get lifted, men get the short end of the stick on these issues a lot of the time.

    • When you married her, did you guys sign a contract of no kids?

    • contract of no kids won't matter, men have no human rights when it comes to children, they are slaves and nothign more. There was a court case like this in california a while back I believe court told the guy to fucking bad.

    • @Jager66 poor anon, whoever he is though, I don't get why men are stripped of their rights like this, I feel like I'm the only women who is even remotely upset over this, where is everyone's compassion?

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  • How did she trick you by saying she was on birth control? Also is she actually pregnant? Also anything your wife lied or tricked you with. Get physical evidence of it all and use it against her.

    • Honestly if your wife tricked you in to thinking she didn't want kids but made it so she got knocked up. She's a horrible cunt. Lying like that is just I honestly have no words for that but it pisses me off greatly if any women did such a petty thing. Just it's a new low.

  • You have a rotten attitude, and are throwing away a priceless treasure. Travel is WAY overrated. I couldn't care less what's in Tahiti or Maui or the Taj Mahal.

    If you want children and travel, focus on your career when you have time. The money will come. Just not all at once. My dad found a way to have kids and travel privileges. Don't be a baby. Your time will come.

    To murder an unborn over it is sheer and udder madness.

  • You can't make or convince of to get a abortion unless she want to have one

    You can divorce her, but you will st

    • Still be a father and have that responsible

  • So you want to kill your own child because you didn't want kids? Um I never wanted kids ever! Had an unplanned pregnancy and my child is the best thing ever. Stop having sex!!!

  • Depending on where you live, you may be in for a world of hurt. If you are in a location that follows common law, you are fucked. You will end up giving her child support and spousal support and, not have a fucking life.

    I'd stick around to see if the child will change your mind. Sometimes the arrival of the child makes a difference in how men feel.

    If not, then your choices are limited to grin and bear it or else risk having to pay her support for a very long time. In California, a marriage longer than 10 years is considered long term and spousal support will be indefinite.

    See an attoeny.
    Nothing replaces professional advice.

  • You don't mention if she's pregnant. (you suggest it)
    If she's pregnant and really wants a child you won't be able to convince her.
    About getting a divorce, see a lawyer.

  • You're an ass. Kids don't destroy your life and u married her for a reason.

    • It does for some people, kids aren't always a blessing. How is he an ass, he already made known he doesn't want kids and she agreed, she's the ass for tricking him into something he doesn't want.

    • He's an ass because he wants to up and leave a won who is dependent on him because he's scared.

    • He never wanted kids, she knew that and she got pregnant anyways, who cares if she depends on him, it's her fault and she should suffer the consequences of her bad decisions, why should he be punished for not doing anything wrong? He would be an ass if he never mentioned he didn't want kids and was just afraid, but this isn't the case.

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  • Thats fuckkkked up she did that purposely. If you convince her for the abortion than u convince her. That cud have been someone though, like a son or daughter that u would die for. If she refuses to abort, ull most likely have to pay child support which i dont think is cheap. If i were you and i was financially secure i would raise him or her.

  • PLAY her by promising to take her on a cruise ship as a tourism vacation but ditch her on some godamnned island with no food, clothes, money, shelter the ship will leave without her if she does'ent show up on time for the departure AND THEREFORE SHE WILL BE LEFT IN THE EXACT SAME BOTTOMLESS SHE THOUGHT SHE COULD PUSH YOU IN by PLAYING YOU.

    • *BOTTOMLESS PIT*

  • Why do you want her to get an abortion, I bet you when that kid is born you will feel like a schmuck

  • How would you feel if your dad wanted to abort you or divorce your mom just cause it wasn't in the planned? "Ps. This is life shit happens men up child and quit being selfish for better or for worse until death or have you forgotten? Please think about this before you do cause there's a world full of people wishing even willing to kill just to have a dad "

    • If she preg

  • Why didn't you get a vasectomy?

  • I have travelled extensively, as in all over the world. Its okay but not a must do. I would never trade my kids and wife for travel. I got to a point where I didn't even want to travel, even first class in five star hotels. Major sights are mere tourist attractions really, bery few that are truly worth it. I would much rather go to the mountains, or walk through the woods or to the beach to see a sunrise. Just thought I woukd give you my experiences as I wanted to travel ever since I was small.

    • Very refreshing. I feel the same way about my family... even though there was a point in my life (early 20's) when I thought that I didn't want kids.

    • @margaritapeach i didn't think I wanted kids at that time in my life either, well actually, I was ambivalent about it. but they are they best things in life. I wouldn't have it any other way now.

  • I think you should've worn a condom, even if she was on birth control there is still the possibility of her getting pregnant then you wouldn't be in this situation. Maybe you should talk to her about how you feel betrayed, because it is still wrong that she decided to go against what you guys had already discussed. Good Luck!

  • You can't really convince her to do anything..
    Maybe speak to her about it and remind her that you BOTH said no children and why has she all of a sudden changed her mind on this? If then you feel you're not getting anywhere then maybe bring up separation with her however i do feel you should still take the duties of being a father it should never be the childs fault that the mother one day decided she wanted children..

    • Women are confusing. They want one thing and suddenly, want another. I guess it was the "clock was ticking."

    • You can't force someone to be a father and trying to do that will only end up hurting your child. What this woman did is a HUGE betrayal of trust and on top of that she has put the well being of her child at SERIOUS risk all because she is a selfish deceptive cunt who will take what she wants for her self everyone else be damned.

    • Exactly but why should the child have no father figure in its life because he mother as you put it is a selfish deceptive cunt? Yes SHE is in the wrong for this but why should the child suffer because of that? The situation isn't perfect and no-one is forcing him to be the father so i dont know where you got that from? The decent thing to do is to step up to the mark and understand that SHE has betrayed his trust and SHE should be held responsible not the child.