Sexual Relationships
+1 y

My girlfriends threesome mesing me up?

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a while now. she's an amazing person and has her whole life in order. She has stated that she can't imagine her life without me. Her and I planned on getting married one day. Once at a party when we were playing Kings with all of our friends, they started the never have I ever. Most of the questions were normal (I have never worked here or I have neevr skydived). But the one guy stated that he had never had a threesome before. Thats when shit went down hill. She put her finger down and I instantlly felt sick. Her and I talked about it and she states that now she wishes she never did it. She pulled the whole past is in the past card, But its not. She works with the girl (not in the same area but same building) and they have a bunch of the same friends. Plus little things like her bringing it into the game make it not the past. I dont know what to do. I mean she's Perfect other wise, but I dont want someone whos been with two other people that way. This is a lose lose. Either we loose each other or I lose my mind to this bulls***. By the way, I am not saying she's did anything wrong, nor am I judging her. I just dont want another couple to have that with my one day wife, and I dont want her having that with another couple. Please dont be rude. If you are going to be then dont bother answering. Im already coming down pretty hard on myself.
Updates:
+1 y
Ok people dont seem to understand what I am asking. No I wish she didn't have one.
+1 y
So I guess I should have asked this a little better. Anyone have any advice on how to get this out of my head? Because the just get over it doesn't help.
1 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • I get where you're coming from. These other people saying "the past is the past" or just move on" aren't really helping. You're not chosing to be bothered by this just to be a jerk, it's just something that bothers you.

    You had this image of your girlfriend and it was shattered during a cheesy game. Her friends knew about it the entire time and you didn't find out until the game. Had you known before you probably would have dated her in the first place. You don't like having that image in your mind of your girl being involved in a threeway. They see her as that girl that they just used for a night of fun and you saw her as your future wife. And now you don't really see her in the same light and probably won't enjoy having sex with her like you did. It won't feel as meaningful now that this has come out.

    You need to talk to her aND try to see if there's anyway you can feel better about it. Maybe move or don't hang out with those people. Maybe try couples therapy. I don't think it's something you can force yourself to get over unless you change your perception of it and I really don't know how to do that.

    You might have to break up because if you aren't happy with her anymore, if you don't enjoy sleeping with her anymore then the relationship is dead and trying to force it to drag on would be a waste of both of your time.

    When it comes to revelations about wild pasts it's best to find out BEFORE you get seriously involved or NOT AT ALL

  • I share evenlift's opinion about her bringing it up publicly before discussing it with you. I would absolutely not intentionally bring anything up publicly in front of my girlfriend that I thought could make her feel inadequate or uncomfortable. I think that's immature and disrespectful.

    As far as being bothered about her having a threesome (irrespective of how it came up), I think everybody has their own level of comfort when it comes to what's acceptable for their partner's sexual history. When it bothers you so much that it begins negatively affecting your relationship, then it's either time to seek counseling or time to go your separate ways. Okay, so it's lose-lose. Life is often like that.

    • Yeah, you have a few good points.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I understand your hurt and disgust. It hurts that you have to find out that way. And any man who truly loves a woman does want to imagine her in that light. I know it sounds so cliché but time does heal all wounds. Recently I found out at a party that my husband got A Blow job from a girl I never liked (not while we were together but still hurt) . It hurt even more that I deleted her off his Facebook and he went and added her back. But after talking with him and expressing my feelings about it and how not only I found that out but he announced it while we were drinking with friends and I felt hurt and embarrassed he felt bad. He deleted her again. And now we're better because it's one less secret out of the way. This unpleasant information will soon fade and hurt less. Until then you can just try to still show her you love her the same as you did before.

    • I liked that thank you.

  • I think she thought it wouldn't change anything , your love for her, but no it was a big NO because nobody want to imagine thier partner doing things out of the norm when its not just you two. I suggest you get to the bottom of it if you really love her, and assure she is not that person anymore, and also something that happened in her past shouldn't affect your future, i just say yu should let go

    • Good answer. But its not like something that we can just forget and not have to worry about it. These people are still around and friends with friends and work place.

    • They should know that what between you and her won't break you two, other people are just extra, they should know thier limits.

  • DUMP THAT HOOOO!!! Why would you want to marry a so called "woman" who does not respect herself? You will find someone else (: who knows, she may even do it again. No real woman does things like that. She gives her body to a man that cares about her instead of throwing herself out there. She probrally has a very bad past you don't even know about.

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What Girls & Guys Said

7 12

  • Get over yourself. Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill.

    • Its not a molehill. Its a pretty big thing.

    • Not really? It's just something she did once in the past. I don't think you love her that much if you're really considering breaking up with her over this.

    • Or maybe we have different wants. To me, its pretty big. Just like you will have thing you want in your partner that I won't. doesn't mean they are small. So like I had said, If you plan on being a dick, You didn't have to leave a message.

    • Show All

  • So she joined another couple for a threesome?

    • Yes.

    • I kind of get where you're coming from then, I guess it would be easier to accept if she was dating someone and they had a threesome with another girl, it's a little difficult when she just randomly joined another couple for one. I don't know I couldn't be with someone who I thought slept with people randomly, I know you think she did nothing wrong and that's true, she can do what she wants to do but it doesn't mean you have to like it. Everyone is different and we all have different standards for who we want to be with. I would just be honest about it and honest about your feelings towards it and if you can't accept it then you may just have to move on :(

    • Thank you.

    • Show All

  • Other than for this indiscretion you describe her as amazing and perfect. I suggest you deeply study the concept of forgiveness and I mean spend HOURS on it.
    Then if you still can't forgive her admit that she deserves a better forgiving guy than you.

    • There is nothing to forgive. She did nothing wrong. And she really did nothing wrong to me. I just dont know if I can live with this thing in my mind. I wish it just didn't happpen.

    • What I am saying is you have not forgiven her in the sense that your knowledge of her past holds some unreasonable power over you. None of us is the same person we once were. Study forgiveness.

  • Okay... I'm confused. In your original question, it sounds like she had said threesome before you knew her.

    But in the comments you seem to be saying she had the threesome in front of you?

    Which one is it?

    • Thats one comment that is saying it was infornt of me. That would be a no brainer. I would be done at that point. No it was before me and with another couple.

  • I fail to see the problem. What do you find unappealing about her having been in a threesome. I want to help but I seriously do not understand.

    • I dont like the idea of someone that I could spend the rest of my life with being that way with another couple.

    • I'm having trouble understanding this too, it's just normal sex but with another girl involved. If you can accept that she had sex with others before you, then how does adding 1 other girl make it so bad? I'm not understanding sorry lol

    • Why? What is so unattractive about it?

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  • It IS the past. Don't fault her for participating truthfully in a game by admitting it. You've got something gone wrong in your noggin' if you're letting her past become your present, because it's very much still her past.

    • Nope, nothing wrong with me. I just have things I would like in my life partner as I am sure you do also. Now just because something I want is different doesn't mean I have issues. Now if you would like to be helpful then you are more then welcome to try again.

  • What's done has been done, sadly... What is it you want to do now?
    "Either we loose each other or I lose my mind to this bulls***. "
    You've already figured it out. The past is in the past but she hasn't let it go if she keeps bringing it up. I think that's what's bothering you. Are you worried that she would do something like that again?

    • No its no that I fear her. My mind is just eating me up. Just getting over it doesn't work. So I guess I was just looking for advice.

    • OH GOD. She did that shiz in front of you? Were you guys together at the time? That's ballsy. Hiw the hell could anyone forget that? ;_;

    • I didn't realize that till I read the comments below

    • Show All

  • So you didn't want her to have one? I just need to get this straight so that I can be helpful.

    • Exactly.

    • ... Why did she even do it infront of you? That is disrespectful. Anyways.. I think you should tell her about this and maybe go to therapy. If she doesn't want to go and you two get into a fight then break up.

    • She said she was tryikng to seem cool.

    • Show All

  • What ever it is. It already happend, if really love her, you need to support her what ever situation it is. She may be doing thing that you don't like in her past or present, give her a sence of feeling that how important she's in your life. If she also likes you, even she will avoid such situations to make you feel happy. Hope everything will be fine between you two...

  • The past is the past and you can't change it. While it would have been nice for her to have told you first, just gotta talk these things out. She says she wishes she hadn't done it, so at least you have that.

    • Yeah and that is why I am trying. In all honesty I would have dumpped another for the same thing. But she is amazing. That is the problem. I have no problem looking past it if it wasn't eating me up inside.

    • You probably just need to express all this to her and get it out.

  • Regardless of other factors, I think it was rude of her to reveal that truth in the game, especially without having told you first. It's as if she didn't mind embarrassing you. She was being pretty disrespectful to you there.

  • Ok a couple of things here. First and foremost it is her past. If you can’t accept her for who she is then you need to look inside yourself and decide if it’s fair to you are her to have these feelings locked up inside you. Secondly you need to express your feelings to her if you want to stay with her. Are you perfect what if something about you maybe in your so called closet would disturb her if she found out. Thirdly maybe she did that as a way of telling you that she did this so you would not find out by some other means. Lastly maybe she is into that kind of stuff and she is repressing her real self to be with you. Maybe she is a little bit of a wild person? You need to talk to her.

  • Forget about it, it's only a problem if you make it a problem.

  • Look, dude it's tough. If you can't move on from it then break up because it will drag both of you down and that isn't right.

  • What are you? 18? From the sound of your approach your not ready for marriage in any way shape or form. Not saying what she did was right or wrong but if something she's done in the past is preventing you from saying I do, it's you that's not ready...

    • Duh, I didn't say I was ready. And no, I'm 25 and she's 23. Keep your insults to yourself. And it makes me question what I want.

    • Sorry for being insulting on my last comment but you should be more grateful that she is comfortable enough to come clean with you and talk about it with you. The ones you should worry about are the ones that lie threw their teeth while looking you strait in the eyes. Relationships are ALL about communication and compromise. Tell her how you feel and work threw it, or kick her to the curve and move on. You obviously have the charisma to attract the opposite sex so don't beat yourself up so much if it doesn't work out.

    • Side Note: It gives her character, be thankful she did her curiosity shenanigans before you came along. (Food for thought) you'll be fine :o)

  • Hey bro, I'm in a similar boat as you. However, we've only been dating for 3 months.
    When we first started "sexting" she told me she had a threesome when she was younger and other things such as she loves being dominated and hair pulled etc. When we get our freak on, for some reason i can't get the picture of her threesomes outta my head.
    It then stays in my head and I look down on her.
    When i bring up topics of the past she always says she doesn't regret anything.. so i ask myself am i maybe "not". enough for her?
    To be honest, i dont have the biggest penis.
    Furthermore, now that we're both older in life (she's 34yo) she now says love is more important and she's not the person she was in the past.

    I don't know if i or us (you, and i) for that mattet will truly get over it.
    I suppose our partners will need to proactively prove to us that we as male individuals are enough for them...
    GOOD LUCK THOUGH BRO!

    • See I have no problem with anything Other then that. And I want to forget it or get past it. I don't know how to though. I refuse to live forever this way though.

  • so you can't live with her past? But doesn't that mean you can t live with her? You said she is amazing and the perfect girl, but is she really if you feel this way about her? Why do you even want to be with someone who has a past like that?

    • Because I didn't know at that time. And now I am torn. I love her and like I said above, I dont judge her or think she did anything wrong. I just can't get this out of my mind. I dont know what to do.

    • Her past is in the past, but doesn't mean it doesn't matter. But her past is not your present, as in your present relationship. What has she done to wrong you in the relationship, make a stupid decision to reveal something in a game? does she cause other issues like how she treats you, or cares for you? Ultimately if she isn't the girl you want then why be with her? sounds like she isn't the right girl for you if she doesn't have what you're looking for

    • That is half true. She has not caused any other issues with us. In fact she's very good to me. She is damn near perfect. But if I can not lose his thought, or imaging, then what am I to do? Normally I would break up for this, but she isn't a normal case.

  • People shoukd think of the ramifications before they do something like that. "Its in the past" just doesn't cut it as it impacts loved ones in th future.

  • dude, the past is the past. let it go

    • Not always.

    • I don't think you caught my reference so I am laughing really hard right now. but on a serious note, It happened and u can't change it so deal with it. It doesn't effect her personality or how she looks does it?

    • No I dont. Sorry. And I understand what you are saying, but I dont want todeal with it. So I dont know.

    • Show All

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