Sexual Relationships
+1 y

I won't do anal and he dumped me?

I may just want to rant but a guy asked me out 6 days ago, he asked if I would do anal with him and I said no. He of course tried to persuade me but I kept rejecting it. So that's when he dumped me. Yes haha I'm 'butthurt' but does anyone even think of anything beyond sex whilst in a relationship!? I'm not heartbroken, just fed up with relationships. The first boyfriend I've had in 3 years and it ended after 5 days because I wouldn't do something for him. For the record, we didn't have sex during those 5 days.
Updates:
+1 y
Oh and when I say 'dumped' I mean he blocked and deleted me on everything I have him on without actually telling me we are through.
+1 y
Thank you all for the opinions (only directed to the ones who expressed sympathy!) He should have broke up with me BEFORE he cut me off - that pissed me off more than him dumping me for anal - I just don't do it and if he can't accept that then fuck him. If he wants anal go and find a gay man or a girl who is willing! Thank god I didn't sleep with him, I'm grateful for that! I also have an friends with benefits on call, he thinks anal is disgusting like me so he's great. I'm over him :)
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Well obv he just wanted sex. he didn't want a relationship. You cannot call him a boyfriend. I mean I am 46 and I have my first ever girlfriend. I dated 5 women before meeting my ex wife. I knew her 1 month before going into the military, then came home 3 months later and proposed. So she was never really a girlfriend. And fiance and girlfriend are very different levels of emotional commitment.
    I have dated 8 women in the last year (and 4 other "meet for drinks" that never went further so I don't count those). the most lasted 3-7 dates and 1 lasted 4 weeks but that was mostly me pushing to try and make something be that just wasn't. I never felt any connection with any of them. Until the one I am with now. I told her I love her yesterday.
    so you might have these kind of guys.. I mean I had sex with 5 of the 8. But still it was just sex.
    Sex is a very important part of an adult relationship. But I never bring up sex until the woman does. We are at very different places as the rules for sex at my age is very different then at yours.
    so if a guy drops you after 5 days and is already asking for anal, he is doing you a huge favor. did you really want to waste any more time on a pig? A gentleman is willing to wait. Unless you bring it up first he will at least wait until your having normal sex before going for the hard stuff.
    so don't get frustrated. You cannot find the right person unless you get out there. You cannot always weed out these kind of guy over text or online. so until you meet and start talking, you just never know. Just think of it as saving you emotional time by showing his true colors quickly.

    • Sometimes you can't tell even when you're talking face to face, so there's that as well.

  • He's obviously very particular about anal. Some guys are very particular about other acts, we call them fetishists. It was a bad fit from the get-go.

    Now, are you saying this was premature, or if most guys would do this? No to both. He made his needs known almost immediately and aborted when he realized you wouldn't satisfy them. What did you hope for, a long relationship that would eventually end for the same reason?

    Most guys wouldn't do this, because most guys aren't anal fetishists like he is. I know there are a few things I particularly enjoy about the female body, but I wouldn't be courageous enough to bring it up so soon. In that regard, he made the right move. It saves the both of you. Rejection does however, leave a bad aftertaste.

    • Have you read the update? In all truth, if he respected me enough he would have given me an explanation and actually said the words "I don't think this will work" before cutting me off completely but nope! I don't expect a long term relationship right off the bat and I could say "why didn't he ask if I like anal before he asked me out?" seems more feasible but then again why would you ask the girl you like what she likes in bed? Would seem inappropriate I suppose but would have saved wasting my time on him.

    • As I eluded to in my response, sexuality is taboo. There's no easy way to bring it up, and in my opinion he brought it up sooner than most guys would. Does he owe you an explanation? Well, seeing as you know why he left, technically not. However, he could have been a little more courteous. Then again, people generally aren't when it comes to the ugly side of business.

    • To me he's just a cowardly asshole, nothing anyone can say on this post will make me change that opinion of him.

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girls

  • It's not personal. You're just sexually incompatible. It's good you found that out at the start rather than wasting bunches of time and only finding out later. Just keep looking until you find a guy who doesn't need or want anal sex. Over here we both like oral and we get along very well. :)

  • Good for you for keeping your self respect and sticking to your guns. No one should be made to do anything sexual that they really don't want to do. You'll surely find someone special who'll vibe with you.

    • Thank you, he did me a favour like so many others have told me :) jokes on him :p

  • Fuck him. if he wants anal tell him to hit up a dude or some other girl. You're better out without the creeper. At least he was honest and broke up.

    • Read the update.

    • Well, then you have the pleasure of officially calling it off.

    • How can I do that when he's blocked me on everything? Either way, I just wanted to rant and get the anger of what happened off my chest to move on :)

  • Wow what an ass. I know one anal job you shouldve let him do. I wouldve been like "Aye Kiss My Ass On Your Way Out the Door"

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What Girls & Guys Said

10 30

  • The thing that has me perplexed here is why you have placed so much emphasis on the anal sex angle when it wasn't essential for the question.

    More accurate to say:

    "Former boyfriend claims sexual incompatibility to be the reason for break up but how could I know for sure, he didn't have the stones to tell me to my face."

    If the problem is the breakup, focus on that. The anal sex seems to be a red herring.

    I agree with another poster, there is no question to answer here. A myTake would have been more appropriate.

    Sucks that it happened. Good that he's gone.
    Not sure what the modern correct approach to breaking up is.

  • You deserve better anyways, it's good that he cut off the ties with you.
    Believe me, that shit helps to move on faster than anything.

    • Already moved on. It was 5 days, not 5 years.

    • That's my girl ^_^

  • Well that was pretty shitty of him, no pun intended haha, what an asshole! (again no pun intended) seriously if that was a deal breaker for him than you didn't need to be with him anyway. I like a woman's ass but it's hers so if she doesn't want to that's her choice, and I would still get satisfaction from regular sex. So screw him.

  • What an ass (no pun intended). I think he just wanted you for sex.

  • He's a jack - funnily enough - a*s...

  • You are actually, very lucky. Eventually, he is going to ditch you after using you but he did it already.
    You sound nice. You'll surely find the one, believe :)

  • If it mattered to him to have anal and to you not to, you were incompatible.

    Sexual compatibility is not everything in a relationship, but along with similar goals, communication, emotional closeness and generally enjoying each other's company, it's a deal breaker of it's not there.

    • He also seems like an immature ass. But breaking up was right if it was a deal breaker. But he could have stayed friendly and just said you're not a good match.

  • Umm, he sounds like a fucking douchebag, you should be happy you got out early. What a loser...

  • Your looking for the wrong type of guy. I hope you end up with someone who actually cares about you. All I want is someone to love and I'm willing to wait. Maybe you should wait too.

  • You can find better... a lot better.

  • Can I say, am that sounds like s pain in the ass!!' 😝

    However, it's good you said no. It shows exactly the type of person he is. Guys like that unfortunately exist. They give the good guys a bad name! Those jerkwads!!

  • I am afraid me bf will do that to me because I don't give bj or anal or head to my bf

    • If you don't feel comfortable doing it and he can't accept that and leaves, it's probably for the best. Although I don't understand girls who don't like giving bjs, I personally love it. By the way, head is the same as blowjobs.

    • See i don't know anything about it and don't like it

    • A woman that doesn't allow bj or anal is so useless...

  • That's not a very mature way of handling it, although I'm not THAT surprised that's what he did. I'm surprised someone is that devoted to putting their penis in someone's bum.

  • whether or not you think sex is the only thing you're good for, its certainly the only thing he needs you for. men have a way of fulfilling almost all of their needs on their own. trust me, if we could all suck our own dicks, no girl anywhere would ever have a boyfriend. so, when you skimp on the one thing he actually needs from you, he looks elsewhere. i'm not sure it 100% has to do with the anal thing, but in my opinion, any girl who withholds sex as a weapon doesn't actually deserve to get laid

    • Really? Because I actually asked an friends with benefits if he could suck his own dick would I be around and he was like "wtf? why would I want to suck my own dick? That's just gay." Speak for yourself not the whole male gender.

    • well, its like this
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wq11vdt50BQ

    • Not even going to click on that link. I just know that even if all men could do that, girls will still be involved. Besides that that's just plain wrong. Just speak for yourself, suck on your own dick then and never know intimacy if that's how you want your sex life to be!

    • Show All

  • What a loser. He was just using you.

    • I think you meant that he was going to use me, not that had used me.

    • Yes, sorry. Auto correct trying to guess what I am trying to say. Hmu if you wanna chat sometime.

  • Ah well lol don't sweat it... We live and we learn right... just be happy it didn't actually and now you get move on in life happy and keep your dignity. He actually did you a favour he just doesn't know it

  • Yeah, I'm sorry, but ya can't just show up to someone's door and expect to shove it in their pooper. Can't rush these things.

  • Well, at least he didn't waste your time.

  • Well it was rude for him to push it so soon but if that's something he really enjoys and feels like he needs to be sexually satisfied it's good that he ended things rather than waste both of your time
    He didn't cheat on you or mislead you or anything.

    • Read the update.

    • Oh well that's a bit extreme. He does seem like an ass.

    • He is an ass, that's why he wants to fuck an ass. The pun was intended.

  • No, this is good because him breaking up with you over something so petty is indicative of what a shitty partner he would be lol.

    • Read the update.

    • Oh, well... dump him then?

    • Can't really do that when he's blocked me on everything lol either way I just wanted to rant and get the anger off my chest so I can move on. Thanks for the opinion.

    • Show All
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