Sexual Relationships
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My bf was secretly recording us having sex. Why?

I needed to write a paper so I didn't want to go over to his place. He said I could borrow his laptop so I said okay and went over. I finished it and looked through his pictures bc he said he kept all of the selfies I had sent him on his laptop. (There were no pictures of me but there were a lot of pictures of his female friends from facebook) Then I looked at his videos and there were dozens of videos of us. (Why did he think that was a good idea?) I confronted him IMMEDIATELY. BF: wth why would you look? It's an invasion of MY privacy Me: You're the one that recorded me w/o asking. He kept blaming me and calling me names and bringing up previous arguments. I tried to keep him focused on this argument. He called me a cunt, a bitch etc. At one point he started smoking and blew it in my face. He felt no guilt over what he did bc it was his house and I had no say in th e matter. I apologized for snooping but I tried to make him see that recording us was wrong. I had to fight him to delete them (not even sure he deleted them) (BTW he's 30 years old. 6 years older than me) I begged him to just talk to me like an adult but he silken and pouted and demanded I get the fuck out of his house. I asked him to stop cursing. He said he could do whatever he fucking wanted bc it was his place. After he "deleted" it I left and told him to never call me again. "Why do people get angry when you snoop and find something? Why couldn't he just explain his behavior to me? Is it a guy thing? (He has threatened me before so that's another reason I looked to see how much he had on me.)
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Most Helpful Guys

  • you can be happy you didn't find his serial killer collection of pictures he took of his victims before killing them, you would probably be in a hole right now XD hahahahaha ok serious, this guy is a weirdo. he has no right to film you, without your approval. thereby he could use it to frame you, or put it on the internet, on some p*rn website under the amateur topics. but i sure as hell wished i took some pictures of my ex, so i could frame her. she acts like this sweet innocent girl, who just happens to look hot and is a single mom, but she is a serial cheater. im just wishing for karma to hit her hard, in the end im just happy she didn't give me a STD. A STD, that would be real karma. back to you, you sure seem to attract weird guys. will you go back to him? i never trust woman when they say, ooh i won't go back to him bla di bla bla. week ago i started seeing a girl, lasted 2 days, we kissed several times etc.. than her cheating and lying ex bf got jealous she took him back. wish i had some pictures of her 2, to make her pay for using me. back to you, why would you date someone 6 years older, sure wanna see what you look like, if the thought it was worth the effort of filming you. i would never film my own sex sessions, its private. i got really angry on a guy, asking me if i had sex with my ex gf. i went back to him and told him, thats the first and last time he asks me something like that. show some respect you disgusting piece of sh. t. talk to your parents and ask what they think, i couldnt sleep if i knew someone had something to frame me with. gl

  • That's dumb. Like, really dumb. But I guess some guys are into that. He probably was only telling at you because you caught him and he didn't know how to defend himself. But yeah, he just sounds like a cow pie 🐄💩

    • Yeah, telling is supposed to be yelling. But you get the idea

    • Thank you^_^ you're comment made me laugh a bit. He was a cow pie

    • Didn't really answer the question at hand though

Most Helpful Girls

  • It's not a guy thing, it's a matter of being controlling and a dangerous lack of respect. He feels he has the right to tape you because you're his. For the record, what he did is illegal. Like, really illegal. He got defensive because he knows he did something wrong and if he can turn it around on you and say it's your fault, he intimidates you so he doesn't lose control of you, the relationship, or the situation. It's emotional manipulation.

    I would get the hell out ASAP.

    • I broke up with him last night. I'm hoping he doesn't try to get in a last word

    • Good call - I'm sorry you had to deal with him and hopefully he'll know when to collect his losses and leave.

  • Wow! Fuck that I would have dumped his ass on the spot!! That is so disrespectful recording your intimacy, without your consent. Also it's a bit creepy if you ask me. he's really immature, honestly I don't know why you apologized after what he did. Are you still with him?

    • No I broke up with him. He was napping. I woke him up and he smiledbecause he had no idea. Then I said "interesting videos you have of me. I'm going to go don't call me."

  • You should break his laptop. I think he wants to use that video in a bad way.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 9

  • This is a 90-10 deal. Loaning someone a laptop is not issuing them a search warrant to peruse the entire device. That's you and that's the 10%.

    He knew the videos were on there so in my mind he was a fool to loan it to you without rolling them off to a thumb drive. You were right to be outraged. He's at fault here but the lesson for you is SO NOT SNOOP! I don't think you were maliciously snooping and that's different. I'm sorry that happened to you

    • Should I not have snooped? If I didn't is still be with him and he'd still be recording me :( plus the freaking cherry on top of the worst sundae he had videos of other girls from previous relationships. A little relieved he didn't cheat on me but god damn he has a problem

    • His only problem was not getting our consent for the recordings. Many, many of us love making sex tapes but it has to be wit mutual consent. That you took huge exception is not inappropriate but before you go around in a public forum accusing him of perversion, think about it.

    • If he asked I would've said yes. :(

    • Show All

  • Totally not OK to record you without your prior consent. by the way, even if he "deleted" them, he can get them back. If he just moved to the recycle bin then they are just there. Even if he supposedly deleted and not just moved to the recycle bin, there are programs which can recover it. He sounds like a jerk to me. It is a total violation of you to do that and now someone who clearly doesn't understand this has something he can post/share with anyone.

    It wasn't entirely cool to snoop but also it sounds like you had some reasons to be concerned too so in my book you get a pass on that one, especially because of what you found. If you'd looked and there was nothing but emails to his mom singing your praises then you might have something to feel a little guilty about.

  • He sounds like the type of guy that eats a lot of beef jerky and mayonnaise.

    Sounds like you handled the situation well. No need antagonizing an unstable immature person like that, when there was clearly nothing good to come out of the situation. Follow through with your decision to completely cut off contact with him, and chalk it up to learning experience.

    • I'm hoping he doesn't contact me to get in a last word. He says the most hurtful things... would you ever get angry if a girl snooped and found secret recordings?

    • I've had a girlfriend that would snoop through my phone in the past, and it was annoying but also not a huge deal. I just didn't like the fact she either felt there was a reason she should snoop, or that if it was just curiosity that she didn't have more self control. But that is all sort of beside the point because secretly recording someone is weird, whether it's your neighbor mowing the lawn or your girlfriend during sexy time. I think it's especially creepy within the context of a relationship because it's violating a more intimate trust that you would hope/expect to exist. He felt stupid getting caught, and his response was to try to point the blame back on you.

    • Thank you got your input. I wasn't sure if I handled it well because he kept yelling and cursing. He blamed me for everything at the end. . .

  • Holy shit. Idc about the recording stuff, why would you wanna be with someone like him? He is a downright asshole! How could you even stand to be with him.

    But i you really need an amswer as to why he did it well... maybe he was afraid of being accused of rape. I mean, some poeple are paranoid like that, and can you blame them? I mean, women ALWAYS get their way in court these days, so if you accused him of rape, he would get arrested and you wouldn't even have to show them evidence or anything. All you would have to do is bump your arm on something and show the judge the bruise *cell door slams shut*. If he had evidence of you giving consent (aka the video) he wouldn't be able to get arrested if you accuse him of rape. So either he is just super paranoid, he uploaded them to a site for money, or he is just a creep who jacks off to the vids when you aren't around.

    • I would never do that! !! Rape is serious and shouldn't be used as an excuse to act out. He recorded them to use later. . . He had other videos to of other girls he's been with :/

    • What did you mean by "use later"?

    • He recorded them to jerk off to when I'm not around. .. he's one step away from being an abuser. He was sweet when we wanted to be. . . the ugly didn't start to come out until recently. ..

  • This guy is not worth your time. I'd have broken his laptop or delete the videos. :-o

  • What has he threatened you with previously? Sounds like he kept the recordings as trophies...

    • He threatened me with photos I'd sent him previously. Would you get upset if your gf snooped and found secret recordings?

    • I suppose if I had kept them secret, I would be upset... at myself for not hiding them better. He should have got your consent before recording you, so you would have a choice as to whether you were going to perform or not. As for as your 'snooping', considering the prior threat you had reasonable grounds to have a look at his library...

  • If my girlfriend does such thing, I will break up.

  • My boyfriend let me have sex w a black guy at the hotel and he took a couple of pics and no I'm not ashamed of bein w a black guy and plus he was hell of lot bigger than my boyfriend. That's why I still see him w out my boyfriend knowin. Lol every girl wants a big black dick.

    My bf was secretly recording us having sex. Why?My bf was secretly recording us having sex. Why?

  • One of two reasons. He either was recording you as kind of a trophy/porn sort of thing, or recording to prove there was never a rape incident between you two. Sounds like a complete asshole, so leaving him was absolutely the right call.

  • as much as I would love the video my wife and me I would never do it without her knowing. he got caught and he absolutely had no excuse that is why he got the way he did. at the age of 30 he seems very immature I we suggest that you move on

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